SRS My life is fucked up the ass

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by kill podiatry, Aug 28, 2008.

  1. I'm 25.

    I'm unemployed and have not worked in three years.

    I'm disabled with whole-body osteoarthritis, getting more crippled every day, and expect to be either confined to an electric wheelchair or bedridden in five years.

    I live with my parents in a corrupt household dominated by my meth addict brother.

    My social life has pretty much totally evaporated.

    I started an internet business with the goal of making enough money to move the fuck out of my parents' house, but so far I'm $300 down.

    I have a DUI case pending.

    I ordered a stash of drugs from India to end it... I have no intention of going through with it anytime soon but things are fucked up enough that I feel the need to have an escape hatch ready to go at any time. The mental health faggots already took my gun away.

    I just got the results from my neck MRI and it shows degenerative disc disease at three levels, and I believe the scan missed the worst of the shit. This may be the deal breaker.

    All I have done for the last two years is sit in my room on the brink of suicide and escape into a world of hardcore internet trolling.

    I'll be shocked if I'm still alive in 10 years. Then again, if you had told me two years ago that I'd still be alive today, I'd have been shocked then too. Which is what scares the fuck out of me because I know that shit is only gonna get a fuck of a lot worse from here.
     
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  2. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    I'll just give you the advice what a handicapped person gave to me.

    Never look at the things you can't do, always look at the things you can do in life

    First off all , your feelings are aknowledged as it is completely natural and understandable why you feel this way, what's more is what are we gonna do about it?

    The answer is: LIFESTYLE.

    All of your time should be used into changing your lifestyle

    Please bear while i explain something important.

    I have a brother with a severe case of Diabetes, (it is relevant trust me)
    This disease crushed his life, and halted his growth considerably. My brother ended up with a severe depression, wanting to kill himself, and dropping out of school.

    The ONLY thing that worked for him was changing his lifestyle. Now i went from sceptical into having to aknowledge that this really worked.

    Before, my brothes life had no direction at all he would eat chocolates, fast foods, chips and all kinds of bad stuff, yes he was diseased, but without realising the 'added bad factors' where bringing his life down the drain even more.

    So, my brother started practising Bhuddism/Yoga, only eating healthy vegetables, which brought stability in his life ,enabling him to study again ,despite that his disease constantly breaks his concentration ,which made everyone believe my brother couldn't achieve anything, managed to get a diploma in bookkeeping.


    Now on one hand i can see you say' there's no way in hell im gonna do that' , and on the other hand i can see you say ' there's no way im gonna stay in this horrible situation' , i mean the gun in your AV really indicates that you are basically ready to shoot yourself, its again understandable but its the 'seemingly' easy way out, its not a 'good' way to deal with your problems. Why not?

    In a previous life i killed myself, and you just get send back to live your entire life once again with all the misery you already encountered and more up till the point that you commited suicide, and you have to jump over that problem that killed you in your last attempt once again in order to progress with your soul. Now you wouldn't want to go thru your life twice, now would you? So i suggest you take my advice.

    Life is about pushing the negatives out of your life, and reeling the positives in. Its like throwing the bad fish away, and keeping the good fishes in stock.

    Your family is a big mess, (and i want you to write something more about your dad, and your mom on why they are so disfunctional)

    The worst problem however is your brother,

    http://www.thebeehive.org/Templates...px?PageId=1.2.28.490.8884.8896&Local=1&Lang=1

    Everytime your brother is in the house, you should suggest him to get help for his meth addiction, and maby even leave folders in his room, if he complains just say you want to try to help him , and say that you don't recognize your own brother anymore from the person he used to be. Just tell him to have a good look in the mirror. Tell him you are the only one who cares for him, and that he should go with you to the rehab clinic. Your brother needs a LOT of help, and the same counts for you.

    Instead of ordering a stash of drugs from india grab yourself a few dollars and goto the drug store, get yourself the following vitamins. Glucosamine with Chondroitine and MSM.(see if it includes devils claw) get that additionally if its not included. Get yourself Iron + Lime pills that also contain Vitamine D3.

    My friend it is time to go swimming. If you take the Vitamine pills everyday(just before sleeping(because absorbtion takes place at night)), and combine that with exersises. My idea is this, 1 time swimming in the week. 3 times cycling , 3 times jogging.

    No more trash foods, i don't know what you have been eating in the past, but start eating vegetables and fruit only.

    http://www.quintcareers.com/disabled_career_resources.html
    http://www.federaljobs.net/disabled.htm
    http://www.teamamericatech.com/OurMission.html

    Some websites that offer to help disabled people with jobs,

    Your lifestyle of staying in the house has got to go as wel, i think its best to restrict yourself from not staying in the house more then 4 hours a day (besides sleeping) , although im just saying that ideally as a statement to get more outside. I think that even tho you are disabled its better to have your daily rounds which makes you going to places where you can meet people.

    The mall would be an ideal place, you meet people, and you sort of have an idea of participating with life, although you shouldn't meet any people who use drugs, id avoid those people like the plague if i where you, but in retrospect its better then being put into isolation behind your computer, you need to drag yourself away from that machine from hell.

    So if i where you id focus on getting a real job, for the time being shut down that website of yours until you find a way to sell a product that can become profitable.

    http://www.dui.com/

    This website has some good information on DUI, i would definitly have a good look into that and get yourself a good lawyer for your case. (just shut out the annoying noise on that website tho)

    Being diseased is one thing, but how you live your life is another, it can create a difference as big as day and night, making your life worthwhile to live.

    My advice: Don't kneel to a bad situation. Don't just sit and let it overwelm you, its hard but you need to hold on and fight it to the bitter end.
     
  3. My arthritis isn't caused by a poor lifestyle as I have been a health freak since long before I developed the condition. I've already tried glucosamine and chondroitin without success. Fish oil helps a lot.

    I'd rather rather not talk about my family... suffice to say that there is absolutely nothing I can do to change the situation. You can't change the thinking of fools. I just need to get away from them.

    As for the rest of what you said, I have no idea, you lost me when you started talking about previous lives.
     
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  4. loWerd

    loWerd OT Supporter

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    why the hell would you buy a sub if you are out of money :dunno:
     
  5. Didn't say I was out of money... I said I was $300 down on my business
     
  6. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    From the point of life seen in your position everything is bad, but you must not underestimate how much of a difference a change can cause for your enviroment. For instance,

    My dad was a totally addicted hardcore smoker , no one would ever believe he would quit. I did all the effort i could, day after day i kept telling him to quit, his health went into a poorer condition , up to the point where i said look at yourself and what those horrible sigarettes are doing to you, he finally saw the light and he 'quitted', so im disproving you right here and now that you can change a fools thinking.

    The only thing that is wrong with you is doomthinking. If you say 'no it can never happen and won't ever work against everything in life that you encounter ,then nothing will ever change. Its natural tho that you think in that way, because in such a corrupt household with everyone being negative. There sure is very little energy to spare into thinking different or even positive.

    But that's the whole point, if no effort is made , nothing will ever change. Which is exactly the reason why you need to make an effort.

    Look at this example.

    Two people have to climb over an enormous mountain.

    One person says, there's no way i can do that, and he quits.
    The other person says, easy as pie, and starts climbing.

    Its a little bit extreme but even if both people would not succeed climbing the mountain, the second person will be able to move on further then the first.

    Because for everything in life that you do, a positive attitude is required.

    Stop being the 'cause' of making things impossible for yourself. you need to give yourself a chance at life, as many as you need to make things improve for yourself and for your family. Im not wanting to force these things on you, but it really hurts to see you in such a bad situation. I don't want this situation to be prolonged for you nor your family. And i can understand that you want to go away from this situation.

    I don't know if there's a possibility to move in with an aunt, or maby grandparents (at least not a household with drugs in it) , or maby you have a friend that wouldn't mind having you around.

    You know sometimes you just need to get away from it all so you can recover and improve your life before you can solve the bad situation.

    Anyway im sorry that some of the advices given (glucosamine and chondroitin) haven't worked out for you, have you tried creatine yet?
     
  7. Stilgar1973

    Stilgar1973 New Member

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    I want to say something....
    but I can't really relate.

    I mean, I have had my own struggles with depression, God knows I struggled with suicide. I have had a plan... I have had several plans. I stole razor blades from work once.

    I had a friend come across them and she was puzzled, she was like, 'why do you have a box of razor blades?', talk about your awkward moments.

    But the problems you are facing.... mine just don't compare. Not for a second.

    All I am going to say is this, for me the turn around really was finding a shrink that was right for me.
    In order to find that single person I could identify with I have had to go to a bunch of shrinks over the years.
    It isn't that any one of them was an idiot, or overworked or didn't know what he/she was doing.

    It is that I had to find someone I could trust and identify with.
    It wasn't until I found that person that I could open up to him enough that we could make some sort of progress on my own inner demons.

    So I say to you what I have said to others.
    I know that you have seen some shrinks, I know that most of them seemed like waisted time and money to you.
    But when the day comes that you are sitting across from someone, you are comfortable and you are thinking, 'I like this person, I can trust this person...' you will find it can be a very valuable tool.
     
  8. No shrinks. I am immovably opposed to taking psychiatric drugs of any kind. I took SSRIs for several years before I developed arthritis and it is the single biggest regret of my life. In fact, I believe I wouldn't be in this situation today had I not been coked out on 'meds' during my early 20s. That shit is FUCKED up.
     
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  9. Stilgar1973

    Stilgar1973 New Member

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    A shrink doesn't prescribe meds.
    I am talking about seeing a talk doctor.
     
  10. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Ok so what positive optimistic constructive options do you see for your life?
    I mean if you say no against everything then there's not gonna be a lot left in terms of things to do and options to take, and you are probably in your full right to say no against a lot of things, but in order to survive you've got to keep making decisions and creating possibilities on what you consider is best for you in order to climb and conquer this mountain of problems.
     
  11. Stilgar1973

    Stilgar1973 New Member

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    You can say no to whatever you want...
    Something that pisses me off about society in general is this bad attitude we have to the mental health field.

    Let me put this in perspective.

    Lets say I started up a thread and I titled it, 'Had my 3rd heart attack last night.'.
    I went up to sum up my harrowing experience of going to the ER, I talk about the previous two and I just simply end it with, 'I have no idea what to do with this problem. Whoa is me. I wish it would just go away.'.

    Someone comes back and says the bloody obvious to me, 'What does your cardiologist have to say about this?'.
    I respond, 'I don't believe in them. I went to one some years ago, he put me on medicine to prevent a heart attack and I had one anyways. I did some research and I found out that fucking medicine probably caused it. Fuck cardiologists.'.

    What would you say to that? Would you agree that that would be pretty fucked up?

    Now, I need to get out the clue stick.

    You said to us that not only have you contemplated suicide, not only do you have a plan - but you have ordered drugs off the net from some far off country to do the job.

    Know what you just had?
    A mental health heart attack.

    Look, I completely understand your apprehension to drugs.
    I couldn't possibly have a better understanding.

    A shrink, (is it a psychologist or a psychiatrist that does not prescribe medication? I get them confused) can not prescribe drugs. Period.
    Contrary to popular belief a shrink WILL NOT force you to do anything. No one is going to put you away.
    Know what that involves? Commitment involuntary or otherwise? My wife works with people in the mental needs community (well she used to, she is a stay at home now), she has told me all kinds of stories about people that desperately needed and wanted to be committed. Know what happens to them? Oh they get committed. But within 72 hours the insurance company (or the state) has put them out on the streets.
    No one wants to pay for people to stay.

    Even if a shrink wanted to force you to do something, even if he could justify it no one would be willing to pay for it.

    So if that is your fear (as it is for lots of people) then forget it. It just isn't possible in this century.

    Besides a good shrink, a really good one, will hear you when you tell him about your aversion to drugs and not bring up the subject again.

    I implore you, follow my advice. If this was a heart attack we would all be wondering how you could be so goddamned stupid for not going to a cardiologist.

    Get some talk therapy.
     
  12. Stilgar1973

    Stilgar1973 New Member

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    Thing that strikes me about this thread...
    forgive me if it seems like I am stating the bloody obvious,
    is how talk of suicide really is a request for help.

    Consider something for just a brief moment.
    If dude was really wanting to do this. If this was truly his goal, if he had a plan and had a date...
    why would he share it with us?

    I mean, for one, what could be more personal then taking your own life? And besides, if this was something you really wanted to do this is the exact thing that others would go nuts trying to get involved with and stopping you from doing.
    No, if you were comfortable with the decision to end your life, if this was the solution you wanted and had made up your mind and that was that, the last thing you would do is make it a topic for discussion on any level.

    But I have dealt with demon suicide myself. Oh yes. For me personally suicide wasn't the option I wanted, it was the last available option.
    I was in pain, not physicaly like the OP, but I was in pain mentally. I had taken a decade of my life to try to resolve it. I tried ignoring it, I tried working through it, I tried working with it. I tried, and tried and tried.
    But at the end of the day I was left with no options. None at all. As much pain as I was in mentally, I was exhausted. I had no more to give. I sat and examined all my options. I prayed to God to give me something new to try. At the end of the day I felt like I was left with a single option.
    It wasn't one I liked. It wasn't one I wanted. But it felt like all I had left in the entire world. It scared the living shit out of me and I prayed to God I could come up with anything but this.
    I knew that sooner or later I would become so exhausted that I would do it.

    And that is it. That is why you talk about it. It is a way of saying to the world, 'Hey I am dead serious about this. I am exhausted, there is nothing left. Please give me something, please. Anything but this. I am begging.'.

    A lot of people that have never struggled with it think it is something that a suicidal person wants, but they are wrong. It is just all that is left.
     

  13. Cardiology is not analogous to psychiatry. The former is a legitimate field of medicine and the latter is a borderline pseudoscience fraught with rampant conflicts of interest. Mental health got its bad reputation for a reason. It is deserved.

    I deny any mental illness and I deeply resent the implication that my current condition is a reflection of such. My life has been ruined by a physical problem. That doesn't mean I'm mentally ill.

    A year and half ago I went to a psychiatrist and admitted that I was entertaining thoughts of suicide. I eventually made the decision to refuse treatment. A few days later a gang of men from the state deparment of mental health pulled me out of bed by my arm, put me in handcuffs, strapped me to a gurney and transported me to a mental health prison they call a 'residential treatment facility.' They distorted everything I said in their paperwork and embellished and lied in their testamony to get me committed. The result was 14 days of sheer terror at the hands of incompetent, malicious mental health nazis, and it was literally the most devastating experience of my life. I would sincerely rather kill myself than get mixed up with those fucking freaks again.
     
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  14. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    :hug:

    Your phsycial issues are not the end for you, they are an obstacle. I can't imagine what it's like to have a disease that is ravaging your body like that, but I do know what it's like to be at the brink of suicide.

    Regardless of what is happening with your body, you are still in control of how you let things affect you man. We all have been through some ridiculously hard shit in our lives, but the difference between us is our attitudes and how we handle it.

    What if, instead of ordering drugs from India to have on hand in case you want to off yourself, you INSTEAD began to put your mind towards how you are going to deal with the hand you've been dealt and how to be happy again.

    You may be limited in what you can do, but your situation is just an obstacle.

    My point: DO WHAT YOU CAN!

    You say you would be surprised that you only have 10 years left to live? Then figure out how to wring as much out of those 10 years as you possibly can. Your gift is that you KNOW you don't have much time left, so you can begin to live your life with the knowledge that it could all be over soon! Most people don't know how much time they have left, and as a result they WASTE their lives. Your gift is that you don't have to WASTE another minute because you know that you only have so long left to live, assuming they can't cure what you have.

    It's all about your attitude. Take Helen Keller for example. I suggest you read stuff about her and people like her who had huge physical obstacles to overcome and DID, all because they didn't allow their situation to keep them down. They did what they COULD DO, and always focused on becoming something MORE than themselves.

    Look man, if you want pity, let US, the people looking in, pity you. Don't pity yourself. The more you pity yourself, the more you allow yourself to stoop lower and lower into depravity and depression so that it feels like there is no hope.

    Climb the fuck out of the hole you are in. Decide today that you aren't going to let your limitations hold you back anymore. You can rise above all this IF YOU WANT TO.

    The human brain is an extremely powerful thing, man. If you set your mind to living your life as fully as you can with no regrets, and you REALLY believe it, there's nothing you can't do--even with your limitations.

    Stop believing the lies that you are telling yourself. You CAN have a normal life...if you want it. You CAN do so much with your life...if you work towards it. You CAN be happy again...despite all the negative influences surrounding you.

    You have to believe in yourself man. For what it's worth, I don't even know you and I believe in you...not because I am some goofy ass positive thinker, but rather because I know PEOPLE, and PEOPLE are capable of awesome shit so long as they rise above their obstacles.

    Pick yourself up off the floor. Fill your mind with positive things, read inspiring stories, and focus on what you can do, man.
     
  15. Stilgar1973

    Stilgar1973 New Member

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    Having a plan to commit suicide IS mental illness.
    You very much are mentally ill.
    Welcome to the club.

    Anyways, you are gonna do what you are gonna do.

    I gave it my best shot.

    I do stand by one point, if you are going to do this then why are you talking about it?
     
  16. False. There is a place for suicide and it's when there is no acceptable way to proceed.

    And, I didn't say I was going to do it, I just said I want to have the option...
     
  17. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    For what it's worth, I wouldn't consider you to be "mentally ill".

    But I think you should see some therapy. I don't buy into the whole mental illness stuff for suicide (not in most cases).

    I just think you are down on your luck and feel like there is no hope and that a therapist could help you see past your limitations and find hope.
     
  18. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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  19. borazhasleftthebuilding

    borazhasleftthebuilding Lets Party OT Supporter

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    i always come into these type of threads goin, aw cmon...

    not this one :o
     
  20. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    He might be back in lets say two weeks :hsd:
     
  21. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    Ha ha, whose AE was he?
     
  22. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Some say his AE was The humungus or something :hsd:
     
  23. glass

    glass New Member

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    just wanted you to know that this post made my fucking day.

    i was about to reply to this topic last night, until i realized i'd probably kill myself too if i was severely limited by some physical ailment. so i put that on the backburner. now all i can say is this: you seem to have some pretty admirable qualities. just going by what you've posted, you've demonstrated intelligence well above the average, an ability to think independently and critically, sincerity, and a healthy defiance. it would sadden me for such a person to leave this world when it's already full of idiots and liars.

    do you have any qualifications? i think you should make finding a job your first priority. not everyone loves a desk job, but you might have to settle for one.
     
  24. bellyfoo

    bellyfoo New Member

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    mod edit: this is a serious forum i know your new n all but keep that stuff in the main forum.
     
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  25. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    seriously and in now way kidding.

    if i was in that boat I would just be leader of a wow guild or some other such thing. wow was actually pretty fun. If i had all the time in the world id be a badass at it.
     

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