SRS My life is fucked up right now...

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Kerberos, Sep 26, 2006.

  1. Kerberos

    Kerberos New Member

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    Ok, here's the cliffs notes: I'm working full-time while studying full-time in Software Engineering. I can't quit because the full-time job is a course and if I drop it I fail. Also, I'm now the team leader at my workplace because the team leader is on vacation and my other coworker is quitting. Which means I'm pretty much in charge of my department and must teach some new coop student at teh same time and must also lead the software development projects while doing the job that was provided for me to do during this time. In the meantime, I'm also taking 4 courses, one of which is a team project course and although my teammates are all pretty cool about me working full-time, the professor in charge has made it clear that he won't take working full-time as an excuse. I've been working full-time all summer and I've started the full-time work + full-time studies at the beginning of this month and I'm totally cracking. I get like 4 hours max of sleep every night, I only manage to stay not far behind in school work by doing it at work. I also work out at least 3 times a week. I feel like I'm not only on the verge of a huge burn out, but have been past that point a long time ago and am only trying to minimize the impact right now. At the same time, I feel extremely lonely and need to meet someone soon or I fear I might lose it.:ugh:
     
  2. infinite loop

    infinite loop Statistically speaking, the Yankees do indeed suck

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    think of it this way, you're going to be in great position to deal iwth high pressure jobs when you do graduate. your team leader should be back in a few weeks max, hang in there.

    sleeping 4 hours a night would be my biggest concern. is there anything you can do to bump that up to 6-8? :hs:
     
  3. Evaka

    Evaka New Member

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    As bad as it sounds. I think you should cut out the working out for some sleep/extra homework time.
     
  4. Kerberos

    Kerberos New Member

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    What I learned in life is that appearance and social skills are more important than actual skills. I used to have like a 4.10/4.30 GPA and people would never want to hire me. Then one time I got in a big burn out where I was unable to do much mental work and instead I started going to the gym and just smiling a lot to people and suddenly they didn't care how much work I actually did, they actually thought I was competent. Lately, I get this even more reinforced since some of my coworkers keep talking with me against those guys that are so great and have no social skills. The average coworker sees you more often than he sees his wife and kids that's why they want to be with pleasant people that are easy to work with even if they don't do much of anything. Yep, I've got upper management written all over me :p.
     
  5. Los

    Los Active Member

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    Upper management is developing a trend... better productivity for a better leader. :dunno: I think you'll be better off with the degree.
     
  6. bimmer318

    bimmer318 I'm out of applesauce

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    That is crazy man, im sure everyone has their cracking point but I think some people here would even be envious of your position and your motivation...
     
  7. Kev07

    Kev07 New Member

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    you must be in some great position after all this is over.
     
  8. Kerberos

    Kerberos New Member

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    If I don't crack and become insane or do something incredibly stupid which I have a tendency to do when under such extreme stress.
     
  9. Kev07

    Kev07 New Member

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    how much longer is this going to last?
     
  10. Kerberos

    Kerberos New Member

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    Until Christmas: this date is circled in red on my calendar with marks such as "do not go crazy until that date".
     
  11. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    The rule is this. Don't put too much hay on your fork,because if it becomes to heavy you will fall. Don't carry the world upon your shoulders, you do what you can do.
     
  12. Kerberos

    Kerberos New Member

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    I am aware that I fucked up and shouldn't have done this, however, I currently have no way out.:ugh:

    Except for calling in sick.:naughty:
     
  13. Fate13

    Fate13 New Member

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    If u keep up your lack of sleep and physicle exertion u really will burn out, u need to sleep more and reduce your physicle activity...
     
  14. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    If you can't handle it, drop a class.
     
  15. Dodger Blue

    Dodger Blue OT Supporter

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    Try cutting back working out to two days a week or once a week.
     
  16. Kerberos

    Kerberos New Member

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    Can't: I drop a class and my college will force me to drop a 1 year course that can only be taken starting in fall. Which means that I'd have to stay an extra year in school just for 1 course.
     
  17. Kerberos

    Kerberos New Member

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    I can't, my employer won't allow me to take any days off or reduce my weekly hours. I know, I tried. Also, if I drop the job, I fail my coop workterm which is really bad on my school record.
     
  18. Kerberos

    Kerberos New Member

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    BTW, I also forgot to add that I'm usually a lazy mofo so this is driving me more mad than usual. lol
     
  19. Kerberos

    Kerberos New Member

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    I'm already burnt out, but thanks for trying :noes:
     
  20. Kerberos

    Kerberos New Member

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    Update: I asked my boss to leave my work in the middle of november instead of the end of december. He told me it depends on human resources. I told him it was because I needed time to study for finals and school work. Before I was scared that quitting early would ruin my chances of getting a job there later, however, I don't really care anymore and I think that I'm the most important person right now and that I should take care of myself.

    I've been reading up on burnout and here is what I've found:
    There are many different situations that could lead to burning out. Common burnout causes include: ​
    • An overwhelming workload. Could be due to insufficient time management skills, especially lack of planning, prioritizing, or delegation skills. CHECK. Full-time work with full-time school
    • Hard work with no clear goals. You work hard and hard, but no matter how long you keep at it, you cannot see any progress. But how could you see that you have got closer if you don't know your destination?
    • Powerlessness to change something important to you. Something that you are very much emotionally attached too, but that is at the same time beyond your control. CHECK, I feel lonely and emotional etc, won't bore you with the details
    • Forcing yourself to make the impossible happen. For example, solving problems without having the necessary resources. CHECK.
    • A conflict between your personal values and the values of the company your working for. You don't believe in or disagree with what your are doing, but you feel the circumstances force you to keep doing it anyway.
    • Hitting the invisible ceiling. No matter how good or competent you become, there is hardly any chance of recognition or promotional opportunities. CHECK. Coop student = third rate employee
    Symptoms
    • Fatigue - CHECK
    • irritability - CHECK
    • weight gain - CHECK, gained 20 pounds
    • increased alcohol use - CHECK, just check the Jack Daniels bottles in my apartment
    • insomnia - CHECK, I'm on this website at 1:30 in the morning when I have work tomorrow morning and a midterm tomorrow night
    • nightmares - CHECK, mostly about work
    • forgetfulness - CHECK,
    • low productivity - HELL YEAH, I spend most of my time at work lately rearranging my desktop
    • inability to concentrate - my biggest strength is now my biggest weakness
    Things to do:

    1. STOP DENYING. Listen to the wisdom of your body. Begin to freely admit the stresses and pressures which have manifested physically, mentally, or emotionally. CHECK
      • MIT VIEW: Work until the physical pain forces you into unconsciousness. (What I used to do)
    2. AVOID ISOLATION. Don't do everything alone! Develop or renew intimacies with friends and loved ones. Closeness not only brings new insights, but also is anathema to agitation and depression. CHECK
      • MIT VIEW: Shut your office door and lock it from the inside so no one will distract you. They're just trying to hurt your productivity. (What I used to do)
    3. CHANGE YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES. If your job, your relationship, a situation, or a person is dragging you under, try to alter your circumstance, or if necessary, leave. CHECK
      • MIT VIEW: If you feel something is dragging you down, suppress these thoughts. This is a weakness. Drink more coffee.(What I used to do)
    4. DIMINISH INTENSITY IN YOUR LIFE. Pinpoint those areas or aspects which summon up the most concentrated intensity and work toward alleviating that pressure.CHECK
      • MIT VIEW: Increase intensity. Maximum intensity = maximum productivity. If you find yourself relaxed and with your mind wandering, you are probably having a detrimental effect on the recovery rate.(What I used to do)
    5. STOP OVERNURTURING. If you routinely take on other people's problems and responsibilities, learn to gracefully disengage. Try to get some nurturing for yourself. CHECK
      • MIT VIEW: Always attempt to do everything. You ARE responsible for it all. Perhaps you haven't thoroughly read your job description.(What I used to do)
    6. LEARN TO SAY "NO". You'll help diminish intensity by speaking up for yourself. This means refusing additional requests or demands on your time or emotions.CHECK
      • MIT VIEW: Never say no to anything. It shows weakness, and lowers the research volume. Never put off until tomorrow what you can do at midnight.(What I used to do)
    7. BEGIN TO BACK OFF AND DETACH. Learn to delegate, not only at work, but also at home and with friends. In this case, detachment means rescuing yourself for yourself. I can't delegate, I'm the one everyone delegates to
      • MIT VIEW: Delegating is a sign of weakness. If you want it done right, do it yourself (see #5). That's me
    8. REASSESS YOUR VALUES. Try to sort out the meaningful values from the temporary and fleeting, the essential from the nonessential. You'll conserve energy and time, and begin to feel more centered. CHECK
      • MIT VIEW: Stop thinking about your own problems. This is selfish. If your values change, we will make an announcement at the Corporation meeting. Until then, if someone calls you and questions your priorities, tell them that you are unable to comment on this and give them the number for Community and Government Relations. It will be taken care of.(What I used to do)
    9. LEARN TO PACE YOURSELF. Try to take life in moderation. You only have so much energy available. Ascertain what is wanted and needed in your life, then begin to balance work with love, pleasure, and relaxation. NEED TO WORK ON THAT
      • MIT VIEW: A balanced life is a myth perpetuated by liberal arts schools. Don't be a fool: the only thing that matters is work and productivity.
    10. TAKE CARE OF YOUR BODY. Don't skip meals, abuse yourself with rigid diets, disregard your need for sleep, or break the doctor appointments. Take care of yourself nutritionally. NEED TO WORK ON THAT
      • MIT VIEW: Your body serves your mind, your mind serves the Institute. Push the mind and the body will follow. Drink Mountain Dew.
    11. DIMINISH WORRY AND ANXIETY. Try to keep superstitious worrying to a minimum - it changes nothing. You'll have a better grip on your situation if you spend less time worrying and more time taking care of your real needs. MUST WORK ON THAT
      • MIT VIEW: If you're not worrying about work, you must not be very committed to it. We'll find someone who is.
    12. KEEP YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR. Begin to bring job and happy moments into your life. Very few people suffer burnout when they're having fun. MUST WORK ON THAT
      • MIT VIEW: So, you think you work is funny? We'll discuss this with your director on Friday, at 7:00 P.M.!
     
  21. pixing

    pixing New Member

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    You know for a fact that your situtation is changing as of 12/25 ish (and it will because of the semester change) tough it out. The paragraphs above look to me like you are talking yourself into accepting failure, self fulfilling prophesy whatever, don't do it.

    You are clearly a brilliant, highly motivated person - people have dumped a lot on you since they *can* but it's going to be over in about 10 weeks, don't risk all the work you've done to date because you're frazzled.

    THis will be the hardest deadline for you ever. It kind of sounds like the mentality that start-ups had 10 years ago where all of engineering was working round the clock for the next release, that has mostly changed but rising to the occasion shows that you can be a leader.

    Continue to work out, plan a real mental break for January and keep in touch with family (maybe have mom send you a care package with some good food.) You can do it.
     

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