SRS My girlfriend has very strict parents

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Kojubee, Feb 7, 2009.

  1. Kojubee

    Kojubee OT Supporter

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    So I finally found a GF that I can relate and share my feelings, we've been going out since a month now. I was so excited about how we both have so much in common. We always go out to eat, play video games at my room, listen to her Cds in my sound equipment and so on. But her mom is actually one of the most strict parent I have ever met.

    I always asked my gf why she never gets along with her mother and if their was that one time they had a motherly daughter bond thing. She said never..and that she is always too strict. Knowing my gf she isnt a really bad person, she isnt into anything but she is kind of lazy. She graduated high school last year and had a job and quit after that. Then she was bumming off her parents. At least she told me the truth that she leeches of her parents but she is 18. I'm 2 years older than her by the way.

    Anyway just today we were hanging out at my place, and her laptop had wireless issues. I told her to come by and I could fix it. Then I noticed her wireless card isn't working properly and she decided that she wanted a new laptop and shes been wanting to buy a new one anyway. I told her I could use my cred card to buy her a new one and she could pay me back some other time. But she decided to go back to her house and get her cash first -- fine, so I waited near by a local store so we can meet up (we like to car pool when we go out places). She sends me a txt saying her mom blocked her car so she wont get off.

    Right now shes crying and is very upset and I am too...pissed cuz I wanted to be with her this weekend. Her mom restricts her timing every time she comes over. always before 8pm.. :ugh:

    I dont want to give up on her, she is just an awesome girl, and she always loves hanging out with me in the weekends since we both have nothing to do.
     
  2. Kojubee

    Kojubee OT Supporter

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    She just IM'd me saying her mom took her phone.

    My weekend is blown kind of.
     
  3. CorpseStreet

    CorpseStreet New Member

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    Honestly your girlfriend has it easier than me. I'm 19 and I'm not allowed to date or have any male friends. Of course this doesn't keep me from doing what I want to do since I am at college but when I go home for vacations my mother threatens to kick me out if I go out with friends even though they are female. During high school my parents also kept me from using the internet and monitored my phone calls. When I am out my mother even asks to speak with my friends and their parents. Your girlfriend is just going to have to deal with her mom until her mother is ready to let go or she goes away to school. My boyfriend deals with the crap that comes with dating me because he thinks I'm worth it. You have to decide if she is.
     
  4. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    well...granted your gf is an adult, but the short answer is, this stuff happens because she allows it to happen.

    If she lives with them, she can follow their rules, or move out.

    As far as taking her phone...if they pay for the phone, they can do that too.

    My advice? Find a new gf. You admit to her being lazy and knowing that she bums off her parents, but then you get upset when this stuff happens?

    You got yourself into this situation, you have no one to blame but yourself. And as far as your gf goes, she has no one to blame but herself, as long as she continues to stay where she is and does nothing about it.
     
  5. Kojubee

    Kojubee OT Supporter

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    Yeah that does seem harsh, but I'm glad you aren't lazy like my girlfriend. That may be the problem for her though because her mother seem to complain about her not working basically. I'm going to have to learn to deal with it and help her out. I need to find some friends I have who have spots for her or some places that are hiring. Problem is she is picky. Like she doesn't like working with food or be a waitress. I'm going to make her change that mind of hers because it's the only way we could actually do something without her mother interfering.

    Thanks for the response, I'm sorry to hear that your parents do that to you even when you're at college! :hs:
     
  6. Kojubee

    Kojubee OT Supporter

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    Reading the responses.

    Yeah I have to consider what I've said and I did brought this on myself but I don't want to dump her because I think I can try to help her with her laziness problem. She is just too passive so I'm going to have to talk with her when she gets her phone back. -- I want this relationship to work but if she fails to see that, time to move on.
     
  7. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    You won't change her.

    I know she doesn't get along well with her mother, but I would assume her father would also be getting on her about working.

    If her parents can't convince her to change her ways, why do you think you can? You've been dating her, what, a month? And you think you will mean enough to her to get her motivated?

    She's not working. She's not going to school. She's leeching off her parents, and if she can, she'll leech off of you too.

    Do what you want to try to help her out, but don't be surprised if she finds excuses to not work, or doesn't like what jobs you find for her.

    And jesus man, you're not her father. There is absolutely no reason you should have to look for a job for her. You do that, and you basically acknowledge that she is a child and unable to take responsibility for her life.

    I know you'll refute this, and probably spend another month or two trying to change her...but don't get your hopes up.

    Just do me one favor. DO NOT help her out financially. Well, advise her if you want, but do not give her money. Speaking on that note...why would you offer to loan a girl your credit card when you know she is currently unemployed and picky about jobs?

    I repeat: DO NOT GIVE HER ANY MONEY UNLESS YOU ARE WILLING TO NOT GET IT BACK!
     
  8. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    if my 18 year old kid was leeching off me and thought he could buy a laptop because his wireless card was flaky then I'd be all over his ass, too. and if he had a job and quit then I'd take his phone, and car, and anything else that cost money until he got back in school or got a job.

    you can think her mom is strict if you want. but think about it from her mom's side..........she's breeding a loser kid and is probably pissed about it.
     
  9. D7

    D7 OT Supporter

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    My mom was very strict with me when I was growing up (my dad wasn't though). She was always in my business so I moved out the first chance I got and I haven't gone back. She still thinks everything is her business and I'm a grown woman; I've even owned my own house.

    The only way this would work is if she gets a job and moves out and is willing to set boundaries with her mom. That is all up to her and you can't control it. You could tell her you like her and want your relationship to be more but this is the picture we would need to paint for it to work.
     
  10. energie

    energie I like to place an order.. the name? Situation the

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    i came in to say, dont buy her a laptop you've been going out for a month are you a moron? she could easily dump you then what? takeher to court. save the trouble ur gf's lazy and lives off her parents and her parents are getting pissed off, how is that being strict? Kids these days have it too easy and alot dont haev any drive to do anything. Im only 21 but i see anyone whose 19 and younger seem like they expect handouts like your gf does.
     
  11. NuShooz

    NuShooz OT Supporter

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    :werd:

    I think what everyone is getting at is that the issue here is not her strict parents...it's your gf's laziness you should be wary of. You're already falling into the trap by trying to be her dad. You may think you are helping her, but it's actually making it worse. Be careful because my friend has already been duped by his lazy gf. It's been 8 years and she's still the same as she was in year 1. She's nearly 30 and doesn't have a job or has any desire to get one. She also has 2 master's degrees as well. And now he's thinking of marrying. Please think this through.
     
  12. CorpseStreet

    CorpseStreet New Member

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    You really need to let her work things out on her own, you've been going out for a month so you don't owe her anything. She doesn't seem to have too much of a problem with her parents since she hasn't left home and won't get a job to support herself. She really needs to start taking responsibility of her life and you need to take a step back from things. I understand wanting to help her but you can't help her if she isn't willing to help herself.

    Plus, I think there is a problem with both of you if you are willing to buy her a computer (loan or not) and she is willing to accept it after just a month.
     
  13. sportsjunkie

    sportsjunkie OT Supporter

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    if she's leeching off her parents and they pay for her phone/car, they have every reason to do the things they're doing. she's 18, she should get a job and show some responsibility...and buying things for you gf such as a laptop this early on in the relationship and EXPECTING her to pay you back is foolish. don't do it
     

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