My girl messed around with another girl... dunno what to think :(

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by 2000GT, Feb 17, 2006.

  1. 2000GT

    2000GT Active Member

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    My girl is bi and has had past girlfriends. She and I have been togethor 9 months now and a new girl she met (2 months they have known each other) went out to dinner with her. They have hung out lots before, but never done anything. They had several drinks and were drunk last night - ended up making out and touching each other in the bathroom of the resteraunt.
    I have known since day one that they were attracted to each other, and my girl has alluded to hooking up with her. I told her I dont feel comfortable with it. She said she wouldnt, though she joked about it.

    Now I am stuck with this aftermath and I dont know what to do. We live togethor which makes things really tough. I don't feel cheated on, though I should, but I feel like she has lost her accountability which is all a person really has when it comes down to it.

    She told me right away in a crying haste, she said she realized in a drunken state on the cab ride home what she did and we havent spoken since.

    I really dunno what to do.
     
  2. Vailripper

    Vailripper Daywalkers have feelings too.

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    **Cough** Threesome **Cough**
     
  3. 2000GT

    2000GT Active Member

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    I am trying to have less drama in my life. Thats the last thing I need.
     
  4. GrnEggsNHam

    GrnEggsNHam sometimes I think I am good at stuff

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    *insert obvious 3some comment*

    No but seriously if you aren't comfortable with it and she knew that then you should feel betrayed. Now it is up to you to decide if she is actually regretting her actions.

    On a sidenote I hate it when people don't take responsibility for their actions while under the influence. Blaming the alcohol is the oldest trick in the book and it is one of my pet peeves since I love alcohol so much :wiggle:
     
  5. 2000GT

    2000GT Active Member

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    Yeah, thats the page I am on.

    She regrets it and is very sorry. Doesnt really work for me though, as she knew what she was getting into, and if she couldnt control herself she shouldn't have drunk.

    She is 20 and I am 24, but for the first time yesterday it felt like she was 16 and that I had to scold her... I was like fuck that and left.

    I don't know if its cheating or what, but I just feel so mislead.
     
  6. EmiB

    EmiB New Member

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    "Couldn't control herself" is not an excuse... its no different if that was another guy... but would surely spped up your decision.

    You have to evaluate all the pros and cons of the relationship and see whats the end resoult

    Good Luck
     
  7. jonno

    jonno New Member

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    damn dude. if i was you she'd be gone

    easier said than done though..
     
  8. 2000GT

    2000GT Active Member

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    Yeah, I always told myself that.

    Girl or guy, you fuck around, you fuck around.
     
  9. jonno

    jonno New Member

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    how long have you guys been together?
     
  10. 2000GT

    2000GT Active Member

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    9 months. we live togethor too now. (she moved into my place, though I dont charge her a cent in rent or bills. she helps out with house chores and groceries and usually takes me for dinners and stuff)
     
  11. jonno

    jonno New Member

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    kick her out man. seriously. you know you can get another woman who would respect you and wouldnt even THINK about cheating on you.
     
  12. 2000GT

    2000GT Active Member

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    yeah, easier said than done I guess. I care about her and want her to be ok. Ahhh, who knows...
     
  13. jonno

    jonno New Member

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    :squint: :nono:
     
  14. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    I gotta agree with this. She is testing your limits as the man in the relationship. If you let her get away with this, then it tells her that you have no backbone and she'll start doing more stuff like this in the future until everything falls apart. If you don't let her get away with this, the punishment needs to be severe enough that she knows you're serious, but not so severe that you ruin the relationship.

    I might give her one chance, but with a VERY stern warning that if ANYthing like that EVER happens, or even almost happens, again that she will be dumped with no questions asked. She also now has to prove to you that she is serious about being with you in the relationship. That means she's on best behavior, treats you well (dinner, backrub, BJ's?) as a sign of her high interest level in you, and understands that you cannot trust her until she rebuilds things.

    You do have to take some sort of action, though, and not let it go as some small thing.

    Imagine if you were to go make out with some other chick - would she be pissed? A person is a person, gender means nothing.

    For the record, my ex-wife was Bi. This was a very real issue for me, and after numerous threesomes, etc., I finally came to the conclusion that all I wanted was a good woman who loved me and only me. I'd never do another threesome with anyone I cared about. If *I* were you, I would dump her. She clearly put herself in a situation with a person who she liked, introduced alcohol, and then made a move. This was planned as far as I am concerned. Maybe not purposely, but no attempt to avoid an accidental meeting was made. I'd kick her to the curb, because you can bet this will happen again.

    Good luck.
     
  15. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    For the record, she cheated on you. That means she lied. She is a liar and a cheater. She will not make a good long term partner, so just keep that in mind... she'll do it again.
     
  16. Pringles

    Pringles New Member

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    I had the same situation. Looking back on this one Im glad I didnt lose my gf. Though I know exactly what you felt. You dont feel cheated on, you just feel very betrayed as if your word means nothing. To tell you what I did is that I took mine back. That was after A LOT of hard work on her part. If your's cant step up and work her ass of to get your trust/love again then F it. Mine just acted like she was on a short lease and called a lot and said what/where she was. Amazingly she did it on her own. However I'm in HS and am not living with her.

    If I was in your shoes, I'd be her do the moving. Let her rebuild your relationship. Treat her as a person, and let her make all the moves. If shes doing what you like then maybe help her. If shes a changed person and you dont like what she is trying to do to fix you two then sadly you got to move on. But I know how you feel.

    EDIT: I just say poco's point and I personally agree with him. In my situation I have a very unstable gf that was contemplating life a lot. So I figured to help her out of the hole it wouldnt help for me to leave. She has also changed the most in the couple mounths with me for a better her. I've showed her, the bad friends, and her bad abusing bf. So I had a feeling this was part of the change and that was her old self acting out. What did really piss me off is she said "I did it because I was missing you and wanted to kiss something." Personally I just imaged myself saying that her later and how unsuccesful it would've been for me to say it to her. She did say though that is ment nothing to kiss this other chick and that kissing me meant something to her how. That helped me reinforce what I thought she meant she wouldnt do it again. I'm also in HS so I can let things like this slide because I have many more chances to fuck up :).

    Good Luck on your situation
     
    Last edited: Feb 17, 2006
  17. BATMANs

    BATMANs New Member

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    DUMP HER.

    Bi girls are halfway to full lesbo.

    Just a matter of time before she finds an eye-candy that eats her feline like no tomorrow.
     
  18. 2000GT

    2000GT Active Member

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    Thanks for the responses guys. Poco, you brought up some good points, I think in her mind she was so excited about it that she didnt think of the consequences. This shows me great immaturity.
    However, we had been having some problems previous because we have different lifestyles and barely see each other.
    I work all day, train at the gym, box, wrestle and play football all days except for Saturday. I am tired at night and usually just rent a movie on the nights I am home before 8pm, as I work from 7-4:30.
    She has felt neglected and perhaps this was her way of illustrating it to me. Stupid move on her part, but I can see now she is serious about feeling neglected.

    I think it all really goes to show, we either buck up and make it work by sacrificing things to spend time togethor, or we end it and go our seperate paths.
     
  19. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    You make a very valid point. I would absolutely agree that she is feeling neglected. In that case, this is what I call a "red flag" that a woman will do something that would normally make you want to dump her. So, in essence, she is trying to passively break up with you, but cannot do it.

    She is bored, plain and simple. You MUST take a woman out at least once a week, even if she complains about it. Weird rule, I know, but it makes a big difference in my experience. Yeah, if she's sick, don't be stupid about forcing her, but you get the idea.

    Sounds like YOU need to sacrifice boxing or something at a time when then two of you can be together. I would say you need at least two days together where you have energy to do something outside the house. If you can't, then ... maybe it's just not your time.
     
  20. DreamDemon

    DreamDemon New Member

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    Feeling neglected can do crazy things to a girl's head. I've been there... I've done what she did...
    And my boyfriend has forgiven me ... more than once. However, I didn't post that to hear anyone's opinion on how stupid MY relationship/boyfriend is, I just want to say this:

    1. Work on the neglect thing. I felt neglected, like I didn't matter, and when he shut me out or refused to acknowledge that I was feeling that way, I kind of ... Looked elsewhere for what I was missing. Really REALLY work on it, especially if you really care about her.
    2. Maybe she just doesn't understand how bad it hurts to be betrayed in such a way (cheated on, whether that's what you feel is was or not). I personally KNOW that I will NEVER cheat again. And here's why: I know what it feels like now knowing that my boyfriend has been with someone other than me. I guess what I'm trying to say, is that she might not truly be sorry until she experiences that kind of betrayal from the other side of the situation.

    Just something to think about.
     
  21. Neo22

    Neo22 OT Supporter

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    kick her to the curb. She will do it again
     
  22. lazarus

    lazarus New Member

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    Of course it's cheating. Who says cheating only applies when it's the opposite sex? If she couldn't control herself once, you have no reason to believe that she'll contol herself next time, whether it be with a boy or a girl.
     
  23. SeeVinceRun

    SeeVinceRun Currently In Prison OT Supporter

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    .

    Even if she doesn't, the trust is shot to shit.

    Find a new girl that doesnt have the self control of a 5 year old.
     
  24. RedVsBlue

    RedVsBlue Penguins > *

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    i know its been said but...

    cheating is cheating, male or female, if you aren't faithful there is no excuse.

    Throw her out, and thank god this didnt happen 10 years later when you have more to lose. ( I say this cause a guyI know just had this happen to him...wife left him for another woman :rofl: , then he still lost 50% of everything he owned due to the no-fault laws in this state.)
     
  25. Epiphany

    Epiphany 78% of all statistics are made up on the spot

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    what would you do if it were a guy?

    cheating is cheating. there are no grey areas. it just is.
     

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