My girl is back in the club again...

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Sybian, Dec 24, 2006.

  1. Sybian

    Sybian She's with me...

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    So a few months ago I told you all about my girlfriend. She was studying abroad in London and went to a few dance clubs. Turns out she was grinding on guys and shit. If you were paying attention back then you'd know that this did not fly with me at all and I completely chewed her head off about it.

    (Before all the women chime in, please, take the time to imagine your man in some club grinding on a bunch of sweaty horny women.)

    Anyway. We split up for a few weeks due to a lot of problems, not just this one. (I was able to get her to see the error of her ways and to agree that this was unacceptable behavior for a woman in a committed relationship.)

    Well, here it is, months later and she's back in Colorado (I'm in LA) visiting her family for the holidays. Tonight she and her best girlfriend go to some techno club with a bunch of her friend's friends. I have no idea what this group consisted of. Males or females. Whatever.

    To make a long story short, prior to her leaving she asks me if its okay for her to go. I tell her that she doesn't need to ask my permission to do anything and as long as she isn't out grinding on guys and shit I'm okay with it.

    Anyhow, she stays out at this place until like 3:30AM and sends me a text message on my phone that she's going to IHOP and then going back to her friend's house to sleep over. She sends me another text at 5:45 to tell me she's going to bed. I bite my tongue, simply text back "goodnight" and turn my phone off.

    I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around this. Is this okay? I mean I said that I didn't care if she went out at around 9PM. Didn't really expect her to stay out until 5-6AM. Call me uptight and old-fashioned but I wouldn't do that and I feel kind of disrespected. I'm not saying shit because I really don't want to cause WW3 on Christmas Eve, but I'm not liking this at all.

    What do you all think?
     
    Last edited: Dec 24, 2006
  2. SRT910

    SRT910 New Member

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    To me this could be taken two different ways (obviostly):

    She was out grinding away with guys to the wee hours of the morning
    -or-
    she was just out having fun and not doing anything wrong.

    The problem I see here is that you already doubting that she is being a good girl when she is out, and for good reason as its happened before. Unless this issue of trust can be resolved I don't see there being fun times for you. The shame of it is when you say "I tell her that she doesn't need to ask my permission to do anything" that i think you sound like a legitermate nice/normal guy.
     
  3. Carpet Liquor

    Carpet Liquor New Member

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    QFT!
     
  4. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Just wht I was going to say, but considering she asked your permission I'm pretty positive she did what is in bold. AND, it's even a better sign that she texted you, even if it was just a text and telling you she was going to IHOP and then to sleep....I'd say that was pretty nice. She was giving you tabs which means she cares. Imagine how much more pissed you would've been not hearing from her at all.
     
  5. OoOlAlA

    OoOlAlA New Member

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    I get mad when my boyfriend stays out that late. He ususally come home around 2-3. So usually I keep waking up a million times until he gets back. One time he decided he would stay out without telling me, so I called worried. It was 4am and I couldnt sleep, he was suppose to be back from the bar. I called him and he told me he was lost and was being a drunk idiot. After awhile his phone wasnt being answered and he pulled in the drive way. I was still pissed that he came back so late and very pissed that he didnt call so I wouldnt have sat up and stared at the window all night. So if she doesnt normally stay out that late I think its fine to be "worried". I dont know what type of girl she is so I cannot say what I think she was doing. It could really go either way with that one, I dont want to worry you or anything. I guess you will have to base it on what you know of her.
     
  6. lauren

    lauren Active Member

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    doesnt matter what we think. you need to define your relationship in a manner in which you are comfortable.




    personally, i hate clubs and wouldnt be ok with said situation.
     
  7. quamen

    quamen New Member

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    i dont trust that shit at all man, and obviously u dont have trust in her. If you did trust her, u know how she would behave at these clubs. Im not down for that shit at all, because you know what was happening. I dont care what people say, she was grinding with guys no matter what.
     
  8. tropic of carnage

    tropic of carnage New Member

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    Bars are to meet people. I dont care what anyone says, yes you can dance, and drink and have fun, but it seems to me that about 98% of the people there are looking for more then just dancing. I would never go to a bar without my boyfriend, mainly cause I would get hit on and I would be uncomfertable, when we go its fun, but other wise it is just not right. And not coming home to you is defiantly not ok!!!!
     
  9. TomBrady

    TomBrady New Member

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    REALLY,
    i would not worry about this AT ALL simply because
    1) she has the decentcy to text you twice
    2) she has the " " to ask for your permission

    obviously she cares about you and had you in her mind the whole night when she couldve had the best time of her life and didnt give a shit about you. so atleast you know she has a conscience and is not like other girls out there.

    so bite your tongue and make her give you vagina points. otherwise, be thankful she cares for you
     
  10. Sybian

    Sybian She's with me...

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    When she's here with me or at her dorm 30 minutes away everything is all good. She doesn't really party and hang out all night, but whenever she's back in Colorado she's out all night damn near every weekend. And a lot of weeknights.

    I slept on it and I'm still not okay with the situation. Again like I said, I'm not going to bring it up. At least not today. To me however, I feel like I've been given a free ticket to do whatever I want without much contact. So when my boys want to stay out all night or whatever, I'm gonna go ahead and do that.
     
  11. swenjj

    swenjj New Member

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    you arent ok with her doing it but fine with doing it yourself?
     
  12. Sybian

    Sybian She's with me...

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    If she's going to do it why can't I?

    Typically I don't stay out all night. Me and my friends hang out and play video games and get drunk here in my home. We don't really go out clubbing and shit.

    I'm saying if and when the time comes I might flip the situation so that she can see how it feels.
     
  13. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    and that's a mature response?

    Here's the thing. If you have a problem/issue/concern, confront and talk to her about it. Don't go out and do it yourself, and expect that to somehow magically fix things.

    Say you do go out all night. What will happen if she gets upset? Will she come talk to you about it?

    Don't play the childish "I'll get you back" game. Be proactive. Confront the situation, before it makes you feel worse or goes downhill.
     
  14. Sybian

    Sybian She's with me...

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    Talking about it in any way shape or form will lead to a disaster. The reason she feels like she can do whatever she wants is because the shoe has never been on the other foot. It would be "childish" if I did it and then came home bragging and throwing it in her face.

    I'm not saying I'm going to plan an event next weekend just to spite my girlfriend. But as I said, if and when the time comes I'd like her to know how that feels.
     
  15. swenjj

    swenjj New Member

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    yep, because after that its fair game for her to go out whenever with no guilt,no calling,nothing, and if she knows you did it just because you are mad that she did it then all hell will break loose
     
  16. swenjj

    swenjj New Member

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    you said this before my last reply, but the main thing is dont do it just to spite her (like you said)
     
  17. Sybian

    Sybian She's with me...

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    Isn't that what she's already doing?

    The 2 text messages I recieved last night don't really count as checking in. She could have sent those texts from anywhere. Or just to keep me at bay.
     
  18. Sybian

    Sybian She's with me...

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    Yeah. Its not like I'd go out tonight or tomorrow just to piss her off. That would be extremely childish.
     
  19. lauren

    lauren Active Member

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    isnt she really young?


    seems like shes splitting her personality. how independant in thought is she (is she just a crowd follower, or can she objectively analyze a situation)?
     
  20. Sybian

    Sybian She's with me...

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    21.

    She's the most intelligent person I know. She doesn't follow a crowd, but I think she's just in that phase where she needs to go out and experience clubbing and shit. I think that's fine and I allow her to do it. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place however because I don't want to rob her of that experience and make her resent me for it, and at the same time, it really isn't the place for a woman in a 2 year, comitted relationship.

    I don't really feel the need to hit the club or bar because I'm not "looking".
     
  21. Sybian

    Sybian She's with me...

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    I trust her and that's why I haven't approached her with this yet however the staying out all night seems over the top. I can understand 1-2 hours with your friends dancing or whatever but 6 hours? and then another 2-3 before I heard from her again?

    Seems like she took my trust/understanding and ran with it.
     
  22. Toda Party

    Toda Party .....

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    Do you honestly expect her to only stay out for 1-2 hours with her friends? Personally, I hate clubs and wouldn't date a girl who is into the club scene, but you have to allow her to have a life of her own.
     
  23. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    I'm suprised you are shocked about how long it was really before she went to sleep. I mean I go out all the time with friends and do exact shit like this. Hit up an IHOP after whateer we do, then relax at their place and sit around chatting til 5am. In fact last night my bf was out with a bunch of guys and texted me at 4am that he was finally going to sleep even though earlier he said he thought he'd be in by 2. Did I care? No at all, cause I trust him and he had the decency to even text me. So think about it.
     
  24. Sybian

    Sybian She's with me...

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    Do you know his friends? Key phrase is in bold up there. A bunch of guys. I mentioned earlier that I had no idea what this group of people consisted of.

    Would your feelings change if some females were thrown into that mix?
     
  25. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Hah, coincidentally I only knew of one person that was there. It was said to be "old friends from high school" (since he's home for the holidays right now. There very well might have been girls, but I still don't really care because I trust him completely. I think there enlies your prob though. You said you haven't really talked about it with her and I think you definitely should. She obviously knows it bugged you before because this time she asked you how you felt about it; and seeing as how she did that I don't think she's a bitch enough to be like "he said I could go! I can't wait to get all up on some guys!"
     
    Last edited: Dec 24, 2006

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