My girl "disappears"

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Maffy29, Feb 26, 2007.

  1. Maffy29

    Maffy29 Active Member

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    Yeah, exactly what the titles says.

    Known this girl for a while, but just within the last two months did we decide to be more than friends. Everything is great other than this. Usually she answers her phone or text messages very promptly, is always signed onto AIM and is usually home outside of her class and work schedule. Like this past weekend, she vanished. Doesn't answer her phone, not on AIM and doesn't answer the door at home. Her car will usually be there because she usually rides around with a friend (who has a more reliable car). When she finally returns my call or sends a text message, she offers no explanation as to where she's been or what she's been doing. Sometimes she even dodges the question by changing the subject. I don't think she's cheating as she is one of those girls that can't do anything mean and she was cheated on once before. She also has a very light class schedule this semester. How should I approach this to get some answers?
     
  2. tunes

    tunes OT Supporter

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    shes having sex with a big burly black man
     
  3. Jacy

    Jacy red lipstick brigade

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    maybe she just needs a lot of space :dunno:
     
  4. Lateralus

    Lateralus New Member

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    I wouldn't look into this at all, you're not married so it's not as if you need to know what she is doing at all times.
     
  5. Whew

    Whew New Member

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    its odd behavior and if shes obviously changing the subject then shes not being hjonest..even if it is simple
     
  6. Yardsale

    Yardsale OT Supporter

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    I do that. Even in relationships. Some people need more space than others. You should respect it :hs:
     
  7. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    meaning he should live with it. let's not twist our words.

    i don't disagree with your suggestion that he just live with it, btw.

    just that saying "respect it" is like ... political spin ... only applied to relationship talk, instead of politics. it's a semantic twist. i guess it's meant to imply that if he bugs her about it, then he isn't respecting her. IMO, that is some bullshit.
     
  8. vipergts24

    vipergts24 New Member

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    I agree completly. She is being dishonest in whatever she is doing and while you may or may not want to discredit the opinion that she is seeing someone else, I would think about that for a while. If this girl is going to lie to you about anything, anything at all what would it be? Do you think she would hide a guy she is seeing?
     
  9. NCS

    NCS Active Member

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    i went out with a girl who did this on a MUCH LARGER SCALE. you have to trust your instincts. is she being truthful? does she just need her own space (which includes the psychological space of not informing you of what she does on her own time).

    however these could be warning signs for cheating, or possibly drugs.
     
  10. FurryFriend

    FurryFriend New Member

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    If you've been together for only two months, don't play the "jealous boyfriend" act. She'll lose all respect for you.

    You also need to be mysterious if you want to keep her interest.
     
  11. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    Its none of your business.
     
  12. Ev0lv3

    Ev0lv3 New Member

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    WTF is wrong with you people.

    If you're seeing someone and they dissapear for a couple days , and do not contact you with no explanation, that is OK with you?

    Seriously, some of you people need to give your heads a shake.

    She could be off having campus gang bangs, coming back and giving this poor guy STD's, but thats ok.. cause it's not of his business what she's doing on the weekend.

    And if she cared at all for you, she would tell you to give you peace of mind.
     
  13. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Red flag.
     
  14. Elphaba

    Elphaba New Member

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    I think it can be a red flag but at this point, where you've only been dating two months, I dont think its that big of a deal.

    The frequency that she does it has alot to do with it too. Is she dissapearing every weekend? During the week? etc etc

    Right now I wouldnt sweat it, and it is pretty much none of your business, if she doesnt want to tell you what she's doing, that should be cool unless it starts really interfering with your relationship.
     
  15. the ground folds

    the ground folds rest your trigger on my finger

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    i have an ex that used to do this. it usually happend when she was on her rag.
     
  16. Ev0lv3

    Ev0lv3 New Member

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    Do you fail miserably at your relationships?

    I can't grasp your thinking here. It's all of his business. She's not telling him where she's going, that right there is a red flag. I wouldn't demand, an answer, that would seem quite obsessive. But I'd expect her to give me one even before I had to ask. At least he would have his peace of mind, and she wouldn't have to run around hiding stuff.

    On the other hand, can you ever really trust someone when they go away for a weekend with no explanation, even after she comes back? It's a good way to break what little trust you have in each other after only 2 months.

    None of his business my ass.
     
  17. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Why be passive aggressive?

    If it's bothering you man and happens more than once that's pretty understandable that you would be a little bit confused. I know if my SO didn't answer his phone or call me all weekend (or show up at his own door) I'd start to worry a little. And the fact that she skirts the issue is undoubtedly making you more paranoid. The only way she's going to answer you straight is if you ask her straight out. Don't be a wuss about it and skirt the issue yourself. Just say "Where were you this weekend? You worried me because you never answered my call or called me back, etc." If she still doesn't give you a straight answer....then you should be worried.

    I love having my space, but if I want it I will tell my SO-not avoid him and his calls and hope he gets that I need space.
     
  18. Elphaba

    Elphaba New Member

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    No.

    I just dont think there's any reason to think that she's doing anything "wrong" when she dissapears. He already said he doubts (of course, he could be wrong) that she's cheating, and as we all know, there's very little we can say to convince him she's cheating. Yes, she is being rather evasive of his questions, thats a little disconcerning, but why jump to conclusions? Maybe she doesnt think he'll be down what she's doing. Maybe she's really into Star Trek and is going to conventions, but thinks he'll consider her a nerd if she tells him. It could be any number of things.

    I just dont think there's anything wrong with not telling your SO where you are all the time. Even for a whole day,or two especially when they havent been dating that long.

    What does laying out your entire schedule for someone have to do with trust? Either you trust someone, and know no matter where they go that there going to be faithful to you, or you dont. If he trusts her, it doesnt matter what she did that weekend.
     
  19. Elphaba

    Elphaba New Member

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    I admire your honesty.
    People really shouldnt "dish out things they cant take" but I think you might agree that it doesn't really accomplish anything constructive. Yes, he'll feel better about it for a little while, but that fleeting feeling of justification isnt going to help the problem any.
    If he's really that concerned about where she's going and what she's doing, and if its that big of a deal to him, he needs to ask her and get an answer once and for all. If she's still evasive and doesnt tell him, he needs to be upfront and maybe lay out that if she cant admit to him what she's been doing, then he cant be in a relationship with her.
     
  20. jpolakowski

    jpolakowski New Member

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    I can't stand this shit, I'd want to know what the hell is going on. It's one thing if she's busy but if she doesn't really want to be with you it's not right for her to waste your time.
     
  21. Famous Seamus

    Famous Seamus Full of Gumption

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    I tend to do this...mostly, I just want to relax. I would never cheat on my girl, but I need to do my own thing. However, it could possibly mean she is hiding things from you. Just be up front about it and ask her :dunno:
     
  22. jpolakowski

    jpolakowski New Member

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    Yes find out before you go insane thinking about what's going on
     
  23. LBFilmGuy

    LBFilmGuy LOL why u mad tho?

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    :rofl: @ the replies

    how is it none of his business what she is doing? it doesnt matter if they have been together 2 months or 2 years, they are COMMITTED to each other, once you take that step with someone there should be no hiding anything at all.

    ridiculous
     
  24. jpolakowski

    jpolakowski New Member

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    Thank you :bowdown:
     
  25. deuceforty

    deuceforty between rupture and rapture

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    "same dude can't find his bitch, she being drilled" - lil wayne
     

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