SRS my gf of 3 years and i broke up yesterday

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Q-Ball, Jun 4, 2006.

  1. Q-Ball

    Q-Ball Insert Creative Text Here

    Joined:
    May 8, 2001
    Messages:
    6,535
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NYC
    Just wanted to type out my feelings and what happened, hopefully someone will take the time to read it.

    So things haven't been the greatest lately, no arguments or anything like that but I just didn't feel like we were as "close" as we used to be, just subtle little things started to bother me and i finally had to bring it up. In the end she said that she isn't happy with me like she used to be and that its nothing i've done and that there is no one else, she just feels like she needs to be alone. She told me that she thought the only reason we were staying together was because we have been together for so long. The part that is the hardest for me to understand though is she can't give me any type of reason of why she isn't as happy anymore.

    My feelings are that if we talked through things that we could both forth some effort and be able to work through the hard time. To me three years is a long time to just walk away from and not try and fix things. Her response though is there is nothing to be fixed.

    So now, I'm trying my hardest not to contact her and to give her the space that she needs to be alone and think. Hopefully, things will end up working out in the end but at the same time I feel like she just wants to give up.

    Anyway, I just wanted to get that out of my system, I've lost a lot of my friends around the area since I went away to college and never really gained contact back with many of them since I've graduated. I feel like I don't have anyone to help me through this since my best friend is her. In the end I know I can make it through this but this week is going to be extra hard for me since I have to come home by myself every night. I've finally gotten used to living by myself but I feel like this event is going to make it that much harder on me again since I won't have anyone to talk to.

    Anyway I just wanted to get all that off my chest. :sadwavey:
     
  2. beanolo

    beanolo It does a body good!!!1

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2003
    Messages:
    7,347
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Bay Area
    Dude. I know EXACTLY how you feel. I've been put in a similar situation, but instead of 3 years for you, it was more like 8 years for me. I was a mess.

    Thing is that you both let things just get boring, you obviously didn't do anything to keep her happy, and things just got stale and ended. Technically neither of you did anything wrong, but neither of you did anything at all.

    It's hard when someone who you feel is so close to you is completely out of the picture one day, but just take things one day at a time, and focus on what you used to do before you even knew her.

    Focus on what used to make you happy, I'm sure there were things you had to give up to pursue a relationship, go back to them, focus on yourself for now. You both need the space to reevaluate if the relationship is worth it.... I had to take the hard advice from the asylum awhile back to cut off contact COMPLETELY. It was hard not to call someone you are so used to seeing and talking to on a daily basis for years... but you HAVE TO DO THIS... give her time to resort things out, and if it really was meant to be, she will contact you when the time is right. If you continue to contact her consistently and regularly, basically she is just gonna be reminded each time you call on why she doesn't want you. Give her her space.

    For me it wasn't just days... weeks... it was months. Stay up man, and just live life for yourself for once. It's a big world man, enjoy it.
     
  3. ZeeMox

    ZeeMox Opinions are like assholes. Fuck em. OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Feb 6, 2003
    Messages:
    24,635
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    PNW
    I've been on the other end of this one, somewhat. It's interesting to hear it from your perspective. I'll elaborate if you'd like me to, but right now it seemed like you just wanted someone to listen. Good luck.
     
  4. Q-Ball

    Q-Ball Insert Creative Text Here

    Joined:
    May 8, 2001
    Messages:
    6,535
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NYC
    Thanks guys, we did talk a bit today but just as friends. This week is extra hard on me because tomorrow I'm about to quit my first job out of college to go work elsewhere and its just adds to the million things racing through my head. I just sent her an email while as work to ask if she would be willing to talk to me about my whole job thing. I know moving on is the right thing for me to do in my career but its always nice to hear someone encourage you along the way. Thats mainly what our conversation has revolved around for the day.

    As hard as it is I'm trying to forget about things, but at the same time its so hard for me to watch her walk away with out me giving up a fight to try to keep her. I think I got that all out of my system now or at least I hope. As much as I want to do it I know it will only make things worse.
    Last night after my post I decided it would be best for me to come back to my parent's house at least for a few days. I have a lot of old friends around here and although the commute to my current job is pretty far I think its better for me to be here where at least i have people to keep my mind off things rather than to sit at my apt lonesome staring at the wall being miserable.

    If anyone has any words of encouragement or anything I could really use them. :)

    I really do appreciate the comments that have been made and the pm I have received. Its nice to be able to just get everything out there and not worry about what people think. Too many of my friends I've been talking to have been offering their advice on what to do rather than just sitting back and listening which is what I think I need more of than anything right now.

    At the very least this will be a great learning experience for me.
     
  5. Clix

    Clix New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 8, 2004
    Messages:
    1,993
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Fornication, Tx
    Good luck to you on how things turn out.


    We are all here for you. :hug:
     
  6. beanolo

    beanolo It does a body good!!!1

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2003
    Messages:
    7,347
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Bay Area
    The continued contact "just as friends" is what is gonna be hard man. Hard to just switch to friend mode right off the bat like that. I really think you should consider taking a break for awhile. You can even flat out tell her your not giving up or ignoring her, but just need some time to work out your feelings.

    Whatever you decide to do, good luck to ya.
     
  7. Eris

    Eris Yes please

    Joined:
    Jul 5, 2005
    Messages:
    815
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Hell on Earth, Az
    I can relate except mine was 6 yrs. Wasn't as mutual as it could have been, but our relationship had became a thing of convenience. It was over long before it actually ended. I don't think either of us really had the heart to be the one to bring it up. It wasn't until after we were apart for about 3 months (he was away visiting family in the midwest) that it finally ended.

    Honestly, the best thing he ever did for me, was let me go. This was 2 years ago, I am happy that it happened. It was extremely hard at first, we were all either of us had. He'd call a lot, which made it hard. Finally we stopped talking for a while. He and I are now very good friends and share no romantic feelings for one and other. Just the love of friends and that of past lovers.

    Hopefully one day you'll say/feel the same!
     
  8. Q-Ball

    Q-Ball Insert Creative Text Here

    Joined:
    May 8, 2001
    Messages:
    6,535
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NYC
    I know it is, basically we just talked to say that we hope things can work out and we are going to stay out of each other's lives for a bit. But at the same time if either of us need anything to not feel like we can't call. Like I said before the hardest part for both of us is losing out best friend. We made it a point to not want to call just to chit chat, but more like if we are having a bad day for other reasons or things like that. With that said I'll leave her be for awhile.

    I've been talking to a few of my friends and everyone is there for me and more than willing to get me out of the house whenever I need it. So hopefully only time will tell, if what we had and both hoped for the future really should be come true. Either way thats not for either of us to decide right now...
     
  9. UNvisible

    UNvisible New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 14, 2003
    Messages:
    77,435
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    texas/colorado
    I'm there man. After being together for about two years, it's over for me too. :wtc: Only because I'm an idiot. I wish I could take everything back and fix it. I know what you're feeling like, trying so hard to give her space. It's the hardest thing I have ever done, keeping your self from talking to someone you love so much. Life will go on.. I hope!
     
  10. Q-Ball

    Q-Ball Insert Creative Text Here

    Joined:
    May 8, 2001
    Messages:
    6,535
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NYC
    Well I've made it through the day so far without contacting her...as much as I want to I refrain. Tomorrow would have been 3 years and man would i give everything up to have the day as i planned it :wtc:

    At least one of my friends is taking me out after work so hopefully I'll be able to keep my mind on other things
     
  11. Pringles

    Pringles New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 29, 2005
    Messages:
    4,692
    Likes Received:
    0
    even if you can't keep your mind on other things which is completely understandable stand your ground and refrain from calling, it's for a better you and right now all that matters is you. YOUR #1.
     
  12. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    Taken from www.friendzoned.com

    My gf said she wants a break. Is it really over?

     
  13. Q-Ball

    Q-Ball Insert Creative Text Here

    Joined:
    May 8, 2001
    Messages:
    6,535
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NYC
    well i'm doing fine now but listen to this....
    I forgot a shirt at her house that I wanted back so I asked her to give it to her friend who is dating one of my good friends. well she convienently forgot it last night and at the same time remembered she had a dress I paid for as a gift to her at my apartment, which still has the tags on it. now she tells me i can't have my shirt back until I give her the dress...how childish is that to hold a stupid shirt for ransom
     
  14. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    Just shows you what type of girl she is. Be glad to be rid of her.
     
  15. Gladiator

    Gladiator Guest

    hmm how old is she, seems that she is playing childish games, perhaps she just doesnt want to be in the relationship. i was once friends with a girl who was in a very serious relationship and became interested in another guy. she too ended her 3 year relationship giving the same reasons. she left her bf and is now seeing this new guy. previous to her breakup she often flirted with several guys, and did a few things her bf would probably not be too fond of hearing. maybe its best you left her behind. but if you really feel shes someone who is good at heart and would never do anything like this, than give her some space and see what happens. :)
     
  16. Q-Ball

    Q-Ball Insert Creative Text Here

    Joined:
    May 8, 2001
    Messages:
    6,535
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NYC
    she is 21, i'm about a year and a half older. I really don't feel like having to deal with stupid stuff like this again so I'm just putting her in the past and enjoying myself now. I did take a minute to write her mom an email yesterday thanking her for everything they did for me and all...I figured she never did anything to wrong me and I did want her to know that I appreciated everything, might as well take the high road about it.
     
  17. kackel champion

    kackel champion faces always are changing lies and disguise for th

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2006
    Messages:
    79,467
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    home of the goon swagger
    she wants to party...plain and simple

    be a bar ho...something of that variety...

    i bet most of her friends are single and they want to go tramping around at bars and make guys fawn over them; use them, abuse them, and throw them out.

    cliffs: dude, she probably realized that she can get better than you and launched you
     
  18. Pringles

    Pringles New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 29, 2005
    Messages:
    4,692
    Likes Received:
    0
    return the dress and make money and then burn the shirt and have profit?
     
  19. formul8

    formul8 New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2006
    Messages:
    138
    Likes Received:
    0
    I dated a girl for 3 1/2 years from 18 to 21 (we were born 3 days apart). She said she needed a week to think aout things. They were just not going too well and we both knew it but she found someone else and ended it. She told me she went out with the guy she eventually married that following night!

    She was engaged to him 5 months later and has been with him for almost 10 years now.

    All I can say after wasting alot of time agonizing over this, move on. That is the best thing you can do for yourself. If ain't gonna work, then it ain't gonna work. Sometimes it takes a while for people to change and not always for the better of the relationship eventhough it is better for yourself.
     
  20. Q-Ball

    Q-Ball Insert Creative Text Here

    Joined:
    May 8, 2001
    Messages:
    6,535
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NYC
    no worries I already did move on...i was hurting for a few days but now everything seems like it is so much better without her.
     
  21. Q-Ball

    Q-Ball Insert Creative Text Here

    Joined:
    May 8, 2001
    Messages:
    6,535
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NYC
    My last bump, just because I wanted to thank everyone for reading through my rants and offering me suggestions.

    I couldn't been happier since everything happened, after the first few rough days I've had my head up and am enjoying life more now than I was before. Got out and saw a bunch of my friends that I hadn't seen in awhile because of her age difference...my friends would be going out to the bar and since she was with me I couldn't go etc. Made me realize how much I really didn't enjoy hanging out with her friends all the time since they were pretty much the exact opposite of my friends. Moving on has been the best thing for me.

    Thanks again for everyone's help and I'll be sure to return the favor to anyone else in the same situation here in the future!

    :wavey:
     

Share This Page