SRS My GF likes another girl.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by WOMBUZZ, Feb 20, 2008.

  1. WOMBUZZ

    WOMBUZZ New Member

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    I don't expect a whole lot of help because I have no avatar, but I can't stop thinking about my problem.

    I am a guy, and my gf (2.5 years - lived together the whole time) recently realized that she is also attracted to women.

    she likes a girl that she works with and I came home to find them kissing with the lights off.

    So after getting over the shock of being cheated on, which fucking sucked, we talked and we both love each other and don't want the other to leave. We have such an awesome past and its not like she did it because she doesn't like me. It's because she was kind of bored, and also was in a position to find out more about her sexuality. She is confused about who she is and this was a really shitty way to experiment cuz i don't care that it was just kissing and with a girl - it hurts so bad to know that she feels something for someone else and went to someone else for something I couldn't give her. She said its just different, more sensual etc. with a girl.

    I love her, I believe that she loves me, but to me it's so hard to understand the desire to be with another person if she actually loves me.
    I don't know how to move forward and It's really hard to know she is at work with this chick right now. I want to tell her that obviously being with anyone else just isn't an option if she is with me, but considering this happened just two days ago I don't want to be setting ultimatums like that yet. I don't want to push her away.

    :wtc:
     
  2. RedVsBlue

    RedVsBlue Penguins > *

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    She cheated on you, why are you still trying to find ways to keep this relationship alive? You are setting yourself up for a whole lot more hurt down the road.
     
  3. tqpolo

    tqpolo ***** Platinum Member OT Supporter

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    You should react as if it was a guy she was kissing. In this situation, you have to think what's best for you. Don't hold her hands and say you'll be there for her while she's fooling around on you.
     
  4. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Man or woman, it doesn't matter. SHE CHEATED ON YOU. She doesn't love you as much as you want to believe or she says. If you truly love someone you would never cheat on them.
     
  5. Ev0lv3

    Ev0lv3 New Member

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    Tell her that you want in on the action to. If she can be shared, so can you. And you want a 3some. lol

    If she flips out, then fuck her.

    If she doesn't then fuck both of them.
     
  6. RedVsBlue

    RedVsBlue Penguins > *

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    Congrats, I could get the same response out of a 12yo
     
  7. Ev0lv3

    Ev0lv3 New Member

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    Why thank you.

    I think the actual response is quite clear, and out there in the open. I agree with you, he was cheated on no matter what.

    I was just trying to bring some humor to the situation, thats all. :)
     
  8. 2500

    2500 Guest

    Thats what happens with bisexuals when they are first coming into their sexuality. I bounced around between guys and girls for a long time. I would be dating a girl for a year, but have a craving. Then I would be with a guy for a while, and have a craving. It wasn't until I got serious about my relationships, and knew I had to make a choice. One or the other. Once I made that choice, I've been very happy with my BF and haven't had any desire for the other type, lol.

    Yes, she cheated on you, but that doesn't mean this can't work out. Alot of people on OT love misery, probably because they are miserable, and misery loves company. I cheated on my current BF, and we got past it. He cheated on me, and we got past it. It has made our relationship stronger. It made us human. We made mistakes. But we learned from them, and we now know neither of us want to be with anyone else. People make mistakes. But I'm telling you this can work out, but its going to take alot of work. But be ready for her to decide she likes women exclusively. Its happened to me before.
     
  9. KatWoman

    KatWoman •••••••••••

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    :werd: x11ty
     
  10. WOMBUZZ

    WOMBUZZ New Member

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    Thanks for your helpful response. I was about to get really depressed because everyone else thinks this is impossible to work out. How did you get past the cheating? How did you build things back up? How do you two deal with the trust issues? I am racking my brain over the fact that she is seeing this girl on a daily basis.
     
  11. WOMBUZZ

    WOMBUZZ New Member

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    That's my point of view. I can't imagine cheating on her. You think she just doesn't want to admit to me or herself that she doesn't truly love me?

    I guess I still feel people who cheat still can make the relationship stronger, I just don't know whether it will turn out like that or for the worst. I don't want to risk putting myself out there again if its gonna get me hurt, but on the other hand I'll do anything to salvage this relationship.
     
  12. WOMBUZZ

    WOMBUZZ New Member

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    damnit so hard to work. i keep checking this thread.
     
  13. stubby77

    stubby77 New Member

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    SERIOUSLY?!

    2.5 years and this chick goes and cheats on you and you feel bad for standing up for your self and saying I don't want to be cheated and won't be in a NON monogomous relationship?

    Look your feelings are going to get hurt and she'll probably cheat again. Have enough love and respect for YOURSELF and if she leaves because you stand up for yourself and define a boundary then she doesn't love you. MOVE ON if that's the case..there are so many fish in the sea and none of them are worth staying with if they will hurt you.
     
  14. GanglyGoodness

    GanglyGoodness .

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    how exactly will this make your relationship stronger? once the trust is gone, it's extremely hard to get back. And if this is just the start of her exploring her bisexuality, then I'm pretty sure you will either end up having to deal with her experimentation, or move on.
     
  15. kiri

    kiri New Member

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    it depends on how you feel about cheating. for me, i have a "zero tolerance" policy for cheating. if someone cheated on me (whether it's with a woman, man, horse, whatever) then he's gone, no questions asked. i know that i would never be able to be comfortable in a relationship with someone who had previously cheated on me. if you think you could, then try to work it out by all means. but, you have to KNOW in advance that you could be able to forgive her. to be honest though, it seems to me like this is the beginning of a long downhill in your relationship, which will probably end up with her saying that she's a lesbian.
     
  16. Wilddog

    Wilddog OT Supporter

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    Testify sister

    Couldn't have been said better
     
  17. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    It sounds like she wanted you to catch her and was hoping that you'd be into perhaps a 3some or at the very least be very turned on by the fact that she's with another woman. If it was completely in secret in a motel somewhere that'd be different, but sharing isn't always a bad thing :dunno:
     
  18. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    We don't discriminate over avatars here. This is not the main forum. We actually "like" people here.

    Ok, so she's attracted to women. It's no different than you being attracted to another woman other than her. Just because I see another girl that I think is attractive doesn't mean I'm going to stop being exclusive with my girlfriend. If I was bisexual and also attracted to men, it would be no different.

    Red flag: She cheated on you.

    It doesn't matter whether it was a female or male that she cheated on you with. She may as well have cheated with another man because you two were in an exclusive relationship and she didn't respect the commitment.

    She is trying to manipulate you. Your feelings are telling you the truth, she violated the commitment. How would she feel if she came home to you kissing another woman, or....another man? And then to use the excuse "I was experimenting, I was bored?" - see my point chief?

    That isn't the problem. We're all attracted to other people, the issue wasn't that she desired being with someone else, but that she violated the trust in the relationship. She violated the commitment instead of saying "You know Jack, I'm attracted to women, would you have a problem if I was sexually attracted to women and wanted to experiment with them"

    Things would have been entirely different if she said that, wouldn't they? Yup, because it would have been honest, forthcoming and what she wanted. If you said "No" she could say "Ok, that's fine" or she could have said "Well I really want to do this, so I'm ending my commitment with you right now.

    She could have chosen to honor you even if she still wanted to go her separate way.

    You must honor your own feelings. Is it unacceptable to you that she did this, or can you tolerate it? Ask yourself honestly whether this is the type of person you want to be involved with. See, I've had girls who were bisexual and were honest with me. They told me they wanted to have an open relationship, they didn't lie to me and scurry around like a cockroach behind my back.

    She fucked you over, and she's making excuses, and she's preying on your emotions. Trust your feelings, you were betrayed and once it's gone, you can't get it back without some incredibly big changes, as well as a long healing process.

    Personally I would end the relationship, I don't tolerate being disrespected.
     
    Last edited: Feb 20, 2008
  19. 2500

    2500 Guest

    You have to have faith. This happened in October, and we are still working on it sometimes. Sometimes we don't even think about it, but sometimes, I get a little down, my mind starts racing, etc. Then, I just talk to him about it and things get OK again. I guess it was easier because I had cheated on him almost 2 years ago, so, we were able to compare feelings, and strategies, etc, lol.
     
  20. Nucleartiger

    Nucleartiger Clemson makes my nipples hard

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    She definitely cheated on you in your eyes, I think we can all agree on that.

    How you personally feel and respond to it is all up to you. Personally for me I wouldn't have a problem with my wife with another woman so I wouldn't feel cheated on in my eyes. Best of luck with whatever you decide.
     
  21. Punky72

    Punky72 New Member

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    :wavey: I am fairly new here too but everyone has made me feel welcome.

    There is nothing wrong with LOOKING at the menu even if you are on a diet...It's when you eat the stuff that you are "cheating"

    In other word's disrespecting you and your relationship.

    O really? It sounds like she was trying to justify her actions because she KNEW it was a violation of your commitment. My bf and I went through a rough spot recently. He thinks that cyber sex is not cheating it's "interactive masturbation"..at this point I made it VERY CLEAR to him that it WAS cheating in my eyes and even if he didn't feel the same as I did about it, I EXPECT him to RESPECT my feelings about it and not do anything remotely close to that and if he does then it proves he does not respect me. If he did do something like that then we would be finished PERIOD. I agree with Kiri...I have a zero tolerance for, not only cheating, but DISRESPECT!!!

    I know you love her, and what she did truly sucks. However, you know what you are feeling right now...you do not trust her anymore and why should you when she broke that trust in the worst possible way? You have to honestly ask yourself IF you will ever be able to trust her again (which is highly unlikely) because without trust, communication, and above all respect...well, then there is no relationship at all in my opinion. You have to find it in yourself to KNOW and FEEL like you DESERVE better. If you try to work things out, well, I wish you all the luck. I personally would have no problems kicking someone to the curb for this because I love and respect MYSELF too much to LET someone mistreat me in anyway no matter how deeply I care for them!!!!
     
  22. eljefedetonto

    eljefedetonto OT Supporter

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    cherish it, and move on. she's going to be doing some exploring, whether or not you choose to break up with her.
     
  23. deusexaethera

    deusexaethera OT Supporter

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    I'm pretty well convinced at this point that every girl goes through a period of lesbianism. I don't know a one who hasn't had a girlfriend in the past. Partly it's our society's fascination with (and implicit acceptance of) lesbianism, and partly it's that women already get certain kinds of attention from each other that men never give them, so why not build a relationship on that? Well, now she'll get to decide how much she likes it in the long run.

    If you want to give her the option to come back to you in the future, that's your business, but you absolutely must kick her ass out in the cold to get the message across that you want monogamy. It's up to you if you want to pursue other relationships in the meantime, but it would be a good idea to do so since she might well decide she really doesn't want you anymore anyway.

    And keep in mind that the present doesn't negate the past -- your "awesome past" still happened and those memories are still valid.
     
  24. Redbeard

    Redbeard OT Supporter

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    /thread
     
  25. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    Am I the only one who thinks this would be the greatest thing ever? :hs:
     

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