FRK My GF doesn't want to be my dirty slut

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by JohnJohnJohnson, Mar 22, 2006.

  1. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    At all. Explicitly, she would chop my dick off if I used those words.

    Which is good, because I need to ease into this. It is an insecurity of mine that I may be too vanilla. Read: not aggressive enough. I've never been one to look at a girl and think to myself, "I wanna fuck that bitch," in bold red font. When I was younger I remember thinking that such people were simply confusing anger with erections, but now I worry I may not be "angry" enough. "No, you're pretty aggressive," my gf informed me, so, my concerns are somewhat alleviated. However, I've never taken that further than some biting and spanking.

    While she finds namecalling repellant, she does contrastingly desire to be made vulnerable. Like a deer in the headlights? Maybe not to that extent. At any rate, I'm going to buy some cuffs. I've never experienced an explicit situation where I had that much control. My hope is that I'm a dominant enough personality to find the situation hot. I fear my own limits in finding dominance erotic.

    In light of that hope/fear, I am examining my desires and the things that appeal to me. Here's a couple things I have found. The idea of smacking her and calling her my whore is essentially a turn-off. The idea of a power trip is not hot, and somewhat embarrassing. The idea of saying "You like that? Yeah? You like that?" in a dominating/humiliating way is unappealing. The idea of her saying "fuck me, John, fuck me, John" is slightly hot (with my real name, of course, not "John"). The idea of doing things to her that turn her on while she's cuffed and blindfolded is hot. The idea of making her want it really badly before I actual get to fucking her is hot.

    I am making all of this a lot more important than it actually is. My gf has, overall, been very impressed and very pleased with me in bed (her previous boyfriends did only what they needed to do in order to make themselves cum). The last time we had sex with her on top, it was electric and passionate.

    But I can't help it. I am not someone who can handle the thought that, great though I may be with what I've done thus far, my gf, whom I love, has fantasies and needs, even if only on occasion, that I might be unable to satisfy. This is why it remains on my mind. The trickiest part is that it won't turn her on if I'm not into it: if, when I make myself master, it sounds forced, an act, and only for her benefit. I have to feel it. The whole thing gives me a panic attack if I get too worked up about it. Seriously.

    I think you guys who have been doing this for years tend to take it for granted that your partners "have it in them." I'm a novice, and nothing is certain.
     
  2. kronik85

    kronik85 New Member

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    from my experience, it's a combination of you and your comfort in bed as well as how you act in life. are you the outgoing social semi-alpha dominant male? or the passive, less charismatic follower?

    if i'm ever trying to ease a girl into "the dark side" of her desires there are generally a few things i start off light with. one thing i absolutely love, and sounds like it could fill your needs (her wanting the feel vulnerable/powerless, and you wanting to feel in control of the pleasure and tease her).

    while she's on top riding you, pull her chest against yours (so she's fairly flat), then smoothly grab her arms and pin them behind her back. you can bite/lick/nip her ears/neck/lips from this position. she's in complete control. you can grind into her clit to help make her cum. and my favorite part, you control all the thrusting and penetration. i love to keep my cock at the lips of her pussy lightly pushing at it, but never quite getting in while she begs for me to fuck her. and the when i finaly do feel like penetrating her, i can do it in one long smooth stroke, or pound into her as hard as possible. she's also wrapped up in your naked embrace and given up all power to you. many girls love this in my experience.

    hand cuffs are nice, but i've found this is a lil less intimidating than handcuffs and more sensual than cold steel (not that it doesn't have it's benefits).




    i hope this is what you were looking for, your post was a lil.. confusing.
     
  3. rhetto

    rhetto OT Supporter

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    I related pretty much everything in this post to myself. I'm the same way.
     
  4. Improvolone

    Improvolone New Member

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    I'm still on the younger side, but any person I've hooked up with more than once and/or dated, has enjoyed biting and scratching.
    Those who didn't, nothing ever happend.
    Biting and scracthing is just something that I do. There is no real though or planning that is required for some of the heavier freakier activities, really.
     
  5. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    Ok.
     
  6. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    Fairly outgoing, but will only lead if I'm annoyed at the current direction people are taking, otherwise I let things roll. Some people find me charismatic. A lot of folks think I come on a bit strong, not in the sense of, "Hey, baby, nice tits! Let's fuck," but in that I tend to skip small talk. I attack people who try to attack other people.

    Awesome. When did you first try this out? When you first tried it out, was it a spur of the moment idea, and was it exactly as described above?
    She likes metal but I could always get soft cuffs, made for bondage. They sell them at a sex shop nearby.
    It was confessional. I am looking for people's reactions and thoughts. Thank you.
     
  7. giapia

    giapia Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you re

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    it's all about stepping stones. you can't just unleash all this kinky shit at once. so you said you started with spanking and such...cuffs is the next step. i know buying this book of sexual ideas helped...me and my SO did something new each time...there are also dice and cards, etc. just take it easy
     
  8. bandwagon

    bandwagon Copy/Paste

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    Suggested reading: David Shade Masterful Lover Foundations.

    It discusses a lot of the psychology behind dirty talk, dominant behavior, etc.

    Cliffs: It creates an extreme polarization between the masculine and the feminine, which creates sexual tension.
     
  9. 2L Bunny

    2L Bunny "It's only a Rabbit"

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    Be carefull with the names. My ex got really upset about me talking dirty to her one night. It bothered her enough she'd bring it up jokingly for over a year.

    We were both drunk, doing doggystyle anal, and I said "Are you my dirty little slut?" I was just in the mood, she found it derogatory.

    Heed my lesson, work into it slow.
     
  10. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    I don't want to call her names. I would only do that if she wanted it. Compatibly, she dislikes names.
     
  11. BrokenHalo

    BrokenHalo New Member

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    different strokes for different folks.

    some people like to be spit on beaten senseless.
    some of us get off on namecalling and complete humiliation.
    some of us like a mild mix of both.
    soem of us like roleplaying... you get the idea.

    personally, i like namecalling to an extent. i don't like to be yelled at, but rather firmly commanded, then rewarded with soothing voice. i liked to be smacked around, but not beaten. used, but not abused.
     
  12. Jinx

    Jinx Active Member

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    I was sleeping with a guy for awhile, and he got on a powertrip, calling me names, slapping my ass, etc.. It was enough to turn me off of sex for a good few months. I do NOT want to hear "You're such a dirty little slut..You want this cock, don't you?..Yeah, you like to get fucked like this."

    My ex had a few little things that he would do that would drive me nuts. Gentle hairpulling can be really hot. Slide your hand up the back of her neck and get a fistfull of hair near the roots (make sure it's close to the scalp, otherwise it pulls too much). Gently tug back on it. If you're doing it doggystyle, pull her back enough and lean down to kiss her.

    Another way to be slightly dominant (without coming on too strong) is using your hands. I know that sounds dumb, but when my boyfriend and I are having sex, he'll hold on to certain parts of my body (shoulder and hip are two of the popular places) firmly but not roughly. The touch of his strong hands sends chills down my spine.
     
  13. contactone

    contactone OT Supporter

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    Thank god my fiancee's a freak and loves the dirty talk.:bowdown:
     
  14. Improvolone

    Improvolone New Member

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    And I would say to make sure to grab the hair on the neck rather than the scalp for the same reason.
    Diff'rent Strokes.
     
  15. naughtie

    naughtie New Member

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    Your post confused me, too. The title said your girlfriend doesn't want do be your dirty slut, then your post was mostly about how you are uncomfortable with it.

    When you said that she would like it, but she won't be into the domination thing if you aren't... here's my advice to you... learn how to act. If you look like you are having a good time, she can feel free to release her inhibitions. And when you see the looks on her face, and the sounds that come out of her throat... maybe you will start to enjoy it after all :bigthumb:
     
  16. NCS

    NCS Active Member

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    believe in yourself then act.

    unless she suffers from something trauma or near-trauma like, namecalling is ALWAYS a good thing.
     
  17. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    i hope that's not true
     
  18. supraMKIV

    supraMKIV New Member

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    Well I love name calling and all that aggresive stuff, and yes if you dont like doing it and she know you are fakin it, it does turn us off.. my ex was very mellow and it just killed the whole mood for me, i guess is something you both have to work together :hsugh:
     
  19. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    Yes, it was a general discussion of dominance, what qualifies as disrespect, the desire for humiliation and my own insecurities about these matters. What were you expecting instead?
    She's not inhibited. She has a tendency on occasion to moan "please" or "I'm sorry." If something more extreme than that turned her on, she's the kind of person who would do it without feeling shame. :love:
     
  20. Kinks

    Kinks Sup. OT Supporter

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    good post.

    There's a difference between calling them a dirty slut (blunt, confronting) and subtly treating them like a dirty slut (grabbing their hip/shoulder/hair, biting, etc). The latter option still allows it to be sensual in some respects, and it works a lot better than being crass about it :)
     
  21. TheBigChu

    TheBigChu OT Supporter

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    You were pounding her in the ass and she had a problem with "dirty little slut"? :mamoru:
     

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