My friend's situation

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Drifter87, Jan 11, 2010.

  1. Drifter87

    Drifter87 Yippi-kay-ay, Motherfucker

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    My buddy is in an odd situation and he was asking me for help, so I figured I see what the Vaginarium has to say about it...

    He has been dating this girl for about 2 years now and graduated from different school that were in the same area (they met in college). She is from the area were they went to school and his home town is about 8 hours away.

    Anyways, to keep the relationship going after college he got a job in her home town. He moved 8 hours away from his family and the majority of his friends.

    The issue is she is not reciprocating. Her parents told her that if she lived with a man before marriage they would disown her. She works crazy hours, so during the week when she comes over, she pretty much walks in the door, eats and goes to bed. Then on the weekends they see each other for maybe 4-5 hours total.

    She is telling him that she does not want to move in since her parents will disown her, and that she feels she is choosing him over her parents. Yet he moved 8 hours away from his parents to be with her. Then with the few hours a week they spend together, she tends to blow him off to hangout with her friends. Yet he gave up the majority of his friends for her. From what he was telling me the other day, if he makes plans, he has to drop them otherwise he might not get to see her at all that week.



    I told him that if she does not make the same compromises within 3 months, to leave her.

    What do you guys think?
     
  2. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    She damned well better pick him over her parents or he should dump her. And he shouldn't have to push her to do it either because then she'll just resent him. So what does she expect? To get married? Sounds to me like the two aren't a good match. Either she gets over her parents or he marries her before they move in together. If neither of those is an option then they should break up.
     
  3. Amanda Ann

    Amanda Ann New Member

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    Relationships are give and take, and it sounds to me like she's just taking and giving nothing.

    2 years is a long time to be with someone, but if after 2 years she still isn't willing to make compromises, he should re-evaluate the situation.

    Now, I understand the whole living with parents thing. It's a lot different from a female's viewpoint. I've known a lot of friends who have been in a similar situation. That part sucks, because no matter what she chooses, she essentially loses in some way.

    But, she can manage her time better to spend more time with him, especially given he relocated for her. There's no reason she can't stay up an extra hour or two after work to watch a movie. Or make longer weekend plans. It doesn't have to be him and her alone time 24/7 with all her free time - but they need to communicate with each other what's expected, and what's not. If she wants friend time, no one's saying she can't have it, but there's a right way and wrong way to do it.

    Bottom line, if they cannot communicate through this hurdle, I would say it's time to end it.
     
  4. Drifter87

    Drifter87 Yippi-kay-ay, Motherfucker

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    /\ Sounding like good advice, I will relay this information to him.

    I just feel bad for him if it does not work out.
     
  5. Amanda Ann

    Amanda Ann New Member

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    Yeah, totally. I had a gf who moved for her college boyfriend. She ended up breaking up with him a year later. It worked out for her because she LOVES the city and loves her job and was doing awesome. It sucked though, because basically her social circle there was him and a handful of others. It took her time to go out and meet new people, but she did. Thankfully for her, it was a big move that worked out despite her relationship not working out.

    Edit: Probably didn't hurt that we're talking about NYC. A lot easier to adjust to life and meet new people than a smaller town.
     

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