SRS My friends are dragging me down

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by ubre, Jan 26, 2010.

  1. ubre

    ubre New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2010
    Messages:
    7
    Likes Received:
    0
    I have 3 friends in my life (for reasons of privacy I will only say the first letter of their names): L, J and D. Since L is almost normal, I won´t write about him.

    J is teh classic Otaku loser, he spends most of his time watching pirated anime, listening to anime music and playing Disgaea on his PS2. His interests include playing IRL RPGs (D&D) to be exact, and going to a friend´s bar. He has 0 social skills, it´s rude, stupid and a lot of times offensive to my beliefs. He even talked me into going to have a drink with him: the trip to the bar was short and EXTREMELY awkard, and since it was far too early to drink we had to repeat the little trip 3 times. 3. FUCKING. TIMES. And you know his topic? Creation Asylum, a forum about creating Role Playing Games... man, that place is full of equally stupid people. Oh, and let´s talk about his love life, right? He declared his love to a girl when he was 13, and since "his heart was broken", he hasn´t matured since then. I shit you not, he is 19 and he only likes lolis! Also, he spent 2 months in college studying History, a career he chose because, I shit you not, that was the first thing that went through his mind when her mother asked him what to study. He is going to distance study, in only 2 years, videogame designing.

    D is a girl, and what´s more, he was my girlfriend. She is also very quiet and aggressivly akward to talk to in real life (for some reason, she is above-average in texts and on MSN). She likes to reference 4chan memes whenever she cans, and also likes to draw. She is awesome drawing, and because of that she decided to study that. Thing is, since her mother is probably going to jail because she send a hitman to kill his husband (which is D´s step-father), she doesn´t have the money to go to college. I wanted to help her financially, but since my dad thinks that D is in a pretty fucked up situation, he doesn´t want me to help her (he thinks she might use that money for her moms lawyer, and my dad thinks that might make us look suspicious).

    I´m NOT making this up. Those two have a pretty horrible future, and i can´t help them. Whenever I think about those two hopeless freaks I get sad, since I don´t have any friends that are "normal", and I think they are trying to drag me with them.

    What should I do to make this allright?
     
  2. SolidRanger

    SolidRanger New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 16, 2009
    Messages:
    408
    Likes Received:
    0
    Wow, D sounds exactly like an ex girlfriend of mine (aside form the hitman thing).

    I've been in a similar situation before OP. Up until the time I was about 16 I was a huge stoner. I hung out with stoners. We were the typical rebellious for no reason punk kids. The ones who sat at the back of the class and goofed off. Well I started noticing how much success some of my classmates were having (clubs, AP classes, etc etc) and I realized that I was basically heading nowhere, so I distanced myself from my friends, signed up for clubs and AP classes, and spend alot of my last 2 years of high school with more of the "A crowd" types. I didn't refuse to hang out with those old friends, but I didn't let them drag me down either.

    I haven't seen them in a long time. Last I heard one of them was hanging drywall, and I'm about to graduate from college.
     
  3. ubre

    ubre New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2010
    Messages:
    7
    Likes Received:
    0
    That´s a fine story, I´ll keep it in mind :)
     
  4. VA197

    VA197 New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2009
    Messages:
    1,856
    Likes Received:
    0
    I'm going to give you some advice I gave my daughter when she was in a similar situation. You have simply outgrown these friends. Your maturity level is above theirs, your goals in life have changed, and you are no longer and isolated child who prefers to wallow inimmature behaviors that will no longer further your education or social skills. Begin your life anew, be kind to them of course, but find activities with those you find interesting and who are like minded and have the same goals in their lives.

    If you are lucky, you will somethow bring your friends up, instead of letting them bring you down. they may not like it or you at first, but it will be good for you all around.

    God bless
     
  5. RibeyeAndScotch

    RibeyeAndScotch OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2004
    Messages:
    6,176
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Earth
    :rofl::rofl::rofl:
     
  6. RibeyeAndScotch

    RibeyeAndScotch OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2004
    Messages:
    6,176
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Earth
    o shit wrong forum. how did i get here?
     
  7. Socrates

    Socrates New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2005
    Messages:
    7,356
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Springfield, MO
    You've just got to accept them. There is nothing you can do to change them.

    My best friend since Kindergarten is 23, has been married and divorced twice now, and met his current girlfriend off of craigslist about 3 weeks ago. All 3 women have been very overweight. My best friend is a decent looking guy. I have finally learned that it is competely futile to try to talk sense into him. He thinks these women are so great at first until their (and his) low self-esteem takes over and the jealousy begins.

    I still hang out with him, but I don't take him to bars and I don't bring girls around him. If he asks me for my opinion, I'll tell him, but when he acts against my opinion, I just say "Well, I hope it works out for the best buddy. Maybe she'll be different."

    Either accept them as-is or stop having them so close to you.
     
  8. deusexaethera

    deusexaethera OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2005
    Messages:
    19,712
    Likes Received:
    0
    I have a friend, a year younger than me (he's 26), who lives at home in a run-down house with an alcoholic father and a psychotically-depressed mother. He doesn't have a job (never held one for longer than two days!), he's going to one class a week at community college, and in the summer he has to alternate between running his computer and running his air conditioner because his house's wiring can't support both at once. The dogs have the run of the house, they never get bathed, and I sat down on his bed once and discovered FLEAS jumping around on the mattress. The guy basically has no ambition at all, and when I say no ambition, I mean he sometimes pisses in a bottle so he doesn't have to motivate himself to go to the bathroom right then. It's unbelievable.

    I enjoy the memories of the fun we used to have, but I don't talk to him or see him anymore. I can't. It's a waste of my time. The problems he has are not ones I can help him solve. So I've moved on, so I can make the most of the one life I have to live. Everyone has to do that eventually, or else die blaming others for keeping you from achieving what you wanted to achieve. It's your call what you want to do, but remember you can spend your entire life hanging around with those guys and there's no guarantee it will ever pay off for you or for them.
     
  9. The Great Deceiver

    The Great Deceiver 21st Century Schizoid Man

    Joined:
    May 27, 2006
    Messages:
    59,204
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Can you give us an idea which country you're in, to give us a cultural background on the situation? Korea or Phillipines?
     
  10. johan

    johan Active Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2003
    Messages:
    5,123
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Sahasrara; magnetic violet infinite
    Why do you continue to associate with them? You've clearly outgrown them.

    Time to move on. Wave & be pleasant when you run into them at the market. Like how adults do.

    Simple. End of story.
     
  11. VA197

    VA197 New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2009
    Messages:
    1,856
    Likes Received:
    0
    This guy sounds like he needs some real mental help. It may be advisable to encourage him to seek counseling of some sort, if he will even do that. His situation sounds truly frightening!:noes:
     
  12. Rory Breaker

    Rory Breaker OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Feb 16, 2010
    Messages:
    16,932
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    South of the Steel City
    I had a similar situation (mine were skaters and did drugs and were going nowhere). I just said fuck them and knew that if I was going to be that way I'd end up being some shit cook at a hole in the wall restaurant. I am about tog graduate with a Business Degree in Finance and you know where my friends from high school are? Serving drinks at some shit bar downtown, dropped out of school and going nowhere in life.

    My good friend also shot a 30 on his ACT, and he dropped out of community college because he thinks he is too smart for school. What a waste.

    My advice would be to find a crowd of people similar to yourself and start from there. Find clubs or places where people have similar interests and work from there. You can still have the friends that you have now, but when they start to drag you down or make you feel guilty for wanting to live the life you want. Tell them to jog on.
     
  13. deusexaethera

    deusexaethera OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2005
    Messages:
    19,712
    Likes Received:
    0
    When I jumped up and swatted the fleas off me, he looked at me and said "they're just bugs dude, what's your problem?" Therapy only helps people who realize there's something wrong -- and who will actually attend the sessions.

    He's been committed a couple of times for what basically amounts to acting out his daydreams, which are never violent, but he's doing absofuckinglutely nothing to get those daydreams out of his head and into something productive. He recently told me about one and I suggested to him he should do up a manga about it, but I know he won't, because that would require effort and the potential to fall short of his vision. His life is a complete waste.
     
  14. blav7

    blav7 New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 16, 2009
    Messages:
    51
    Likes Received:
    0
    I'm 29 years old and have started to break off from the same type of people that have been mentioned. It dawned on me when I saw others who used to be tight with our group break off and become successful in a mumber of areas. I've always been successful, but my problem is motivation to go even further. I work for a cell phone company, have been in the industry as a whole for over 10 years. I make around 50k or so a year b/c of commissions, not bad for not having a degree, but I hate what I do b/c i'm sick of it, but fear of the unknown keeps me grounded. I used to be worse though, but then I noticed that some of my friends who still wait tables or do security have no goals, no ambitions, still live at home, and look to others like myself for guidance. As such, where I used to go out everynight, party, wake up late, lather, rinse, and repeat, now I go out maybe once a week. I live on my own and truth be told, I'd much rather be by myself most of the time rather than potentially falling back into the same tendencies. I still hang out with my friends sometimes, but not nearly as much, if anything b/c I'm a loyalist and try to see past their faults as they do for me. Now I hang out mostly with co-workers b/c we all have that same level ground, we all have goals, fears, and we all can relate to one another. So I suggest to follow other people's advice that I've seen on here and not totally disown them, but just to move on and find a group of people you can relate to.
     
  15. BoomBoomBoy

    BoomBoomBoy Guest

    You choose shitty friends.
     

Share This Page