mas·och·ism 1.Psychiatry. the condition in which sexual gratification depends on suffering, physical pain, and humiliation. 2.gratification gained from pain, deprivation, degradation, etc., inflicted or imposed on oneself, either as a result of one's own actions or the actions of others, esp. the tendency to seek this form of gratification. 3.the act of turning one's destructive tendencies inward or upon oneself. 4.the tendency to find pleasure in self-denial, submissiveness, etc. I was sitting down with my friend who's known me for a good part of my life. When we were kids, I never could be happy. But back then, I was having family problems, I didn't have that many friends, and I was just unstable. Fast forward 5 years later, and everything's perfect in my life. My family's great, I have good friends, I have a job I love, and I'm going to school and getting my college education. After so many years of being depressed, I feel like I can't be happy. I've tried many things, I'm not gonna say that I've tried everything. I've been to therapy, psychatrists, depression medication, hobbies, focusing my interests elsewheres, and even on the destructive path. I'm not suicidal. I went through a suicidal phaze during my teenage years, and learned from the experience. I know I have a perfect life, and I feel like I can't appreciate life for what it is. I'm recently having a problem where I like to be miserable. I like putting myself in pain. I like hurting myself. I've been cutting myself up like a fish. Sometimes I feel like other people don't understand .. but I don't know what to do anymore. I know being miserable and cutting myself is stupid ... but I can't help it .. I think I'm going nutts ..