SRS My friend has a psychotic ex boyfriend and needs separation

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by GlassUser, Aug 3, 2009.

  1. GlassUser

    GlassUser send an email not a pm OT Supporter

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    My friend met this guy and dated for a couple of years. She'd wanted to break up with him for the last half of it, but never could do it. She became increasingly convinced of what all her friends knew, that he was crazy. I made an amateur diagnosis of manifest paranoid schizophrenia. Another smart friend did too. And we later found out that he'd been discharged from the marines for it - he managed to pay his way into an honorable discharge by shopping for private shrinks long enough for his term to expire.

    She dumped him, then immediately started dating another friend (yeah, that's her problem). He refuses to recognize that they're not dating. He was finally kicked out of the house she lives in (it's my house, but my involvement with this situation is tangential), but he still comes by regularly, calls her daily, and makes plans that he expects her to share in. For example, he bought concert tickets for her, and assumed they would be spending her birthday together.

    I think she's leading him on more than she understands, simply by having any sort of communication with him. She says she feels sorry for him, and that he has no friends (which is true, he's alienated everyone in his life - not even his family cares for him). I have a sneaking suspicion that she's not telling the whole story to her current boyfriend and I, and that he's getting more encouragement than she lets on to.

    What I would really like is some advice in how to convince her to cut off all contact with him. He's made threats, and I really don't want to see her kidnapped, killed, or whatever. She's convinced that he wasn't serious. I don't even sleep without a gun within reach.
     
  2. Spats

    Spats Guest

    you can only lead the horse to water...


    if you're pleading with her that she should get serious about the situation and she isn't, well there isn't much more you can do.

    I think your friend likes the attention.
     
  3. GlassUser

    GlassUser send an email not a pm OT Supporter

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    I think you're right.

    I think she also realizes that there's a good chance her unmedicated psychotic ex boyfriend with nothing to lose might kill her and her current boyfriend.
     
  4. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    you're right, she's leading him on. as soon as she said she feels sorry for him it should have been clear that she's still talking with him, seeing him in some way (maybe for coffee, maybe just to talk, whatever).


    before he was my brother in law, my brother in law bought a house with his friend. his friend got a g/f and they got serious, so my b-in-law moved out and his friend paid rent. friend and his g/f got married, they lived there for a while, then she moved out and wanted a divorce.

    Anyway, long story short, one day she leaves for work, he grabs her and shoves her in the car, high speed chase from her mother's house to "their" house, and then murder/suicide on their front porch. turns out she wanted a divorce because he went nuts and was kind of holding her hostage in her own home. when she finally *really* broke it off he couldn't handle it and decided to kill her and then himself.

    she needs to get away, but it's not going to be as easy as just leaving.
     
  5. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    wrote my post above before I read this.

    yes, there is.
     
  6. Pepe

    Pepe New Member

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    tell her to stop talking to him, even possibly get a PPO, or else she can't live in your house anymore. it is not your responsibility to protect her, nor is it good to have someone living with you whose actions could potentially endanger your life.
     
  7. GregFarz78

    GregFarz78 New Member

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    Kindly ask her to find another place to live and find new roomates with less drama
     
  8. Spats

    Spats Guest

    I don't know much about mental conditions in which you and your friends "diagnosed" him with, but has there been any pattern or indication of violence with this guy?

    Murder/suicide is an extreme case, but can obviously happen. If your friend cuts off ALL communication with him, it can still happen. Crazy thought, but what if your friend believes that leading him on slightly will in a sense protect her from anything drastic.
     
  9. GlassUser

    GlassUser send an email not a pm OT Supporter

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    No, but the non-violent ones are the ones you have to watch out for. Regular moderate violence is like a relief valve. While murders do happen, it's usually accidental. The quiet ones that wouldn't hurt a fly are the ones that plan it out and do it decisively.

    You should look up manifest paranoid schizophrenia. And keep in mind that while I wouldn't give too much credit to my own amateur diagnosis, an actual practicing medical professional previously made the same diagnosis.
     
  10. GlassUser

    GlassUser send an email not a pm OT Supporter

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    Good illustration, though. I just need to get her to take the idea seriously. She's still in the "oh she's lonely and he'd never hurt anyone" stage. I've told her straight up that I don't want to come home and find her body on the living room floor, but I'm afraid it will happen.
     
  11. Crawling Dead

    Crawling Dead Gz-TeRRoR

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    You said it was your house didnt you? Then simply force her hand. Next time he come to YOUR house YOU tell HIM he needs to leave and nopt come back. Tell him if you see him around YOUR property again, you're calling the cops and getting a restraining order.

    It will most likely drive him to hate you, and if this guy is dangerous, it may put you in danger. But if its worth the risk it will also force him to stay away or go to jail. It will also help your friend break contact. Its harder than some may think to shake a ex who hasnt gotten it through their skull that shits over.
     
  12. GlassUser

    GlassUser send an email not a pm OT Supporter

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    I already did that. I thought he'd left. He'd come back a couple of times to give her letters and stuff while I was gone - I just found that out yesterday evening. I'd have taken appropriate legal action earlier if I'd known he was still coming around.
     
  13. no lol today

    no lol today Soy la bailarina de la muerta. OT Supporter

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    Sounds like her poor judgment is putting the safety of your household in jeopardy.

    Perhaps you should call attention to that possibility, stress your concern over the matter and explain how will imminently effect her privilege to reside there.
     

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