My First Love

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by heartbroken, Mar 2, 2010.

  1. heartbroken

    heartbroken New Member

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    This is my story, I am currently in this situation and need advice. I know it's pretty long, but I put a lot into it, so if you have the time please read and chime in. Thanks.




    There comes a time in life when you have to ask yourself, “What do I want most, more than anything else in the world?” After much debate and reminiscence I would have to say the thing I want most is to feel the way I did when I came to Vietnam at the age of fourteen and met the only girl I’ve ever truly loved. In the neighborhood they called her “Hot Nhan” because she had the biggest prettiest eyes that reminded people of the seed inside the nhan fruit. That was a name I would not soon forget, because it was the name of the girl I loved. I’ve tried and failed at trying to have relationships, none were ever as simple and satisfying as the one I shared with her.


    I remember taking her to school on a 50cc 2-stroke motorbike every morning and picking her up in the early afternoon while I was here in Saigon. I remember waiting every moment for the time to go pick her up and the joy I felt when I got the chance to spend just minutes with her. That was thirteen years ago… now, that I’m back in same place again, I wonder. I wonder what would have happened had I made the effort to write her or call her, I wonder if it would’ve made any difference if I would’ve tried to come see her. All these thoughts rush through my mind as I see her for the first time in thirteen long years. I remember what I felt like when I first saw her beautiful smile, those big beautiful eyes that told me that we would be friends forever.


    She’s as beautiful as she’s ever been and she smiles to me as if I never left her, all these feelings rush through my head like the floodgates had just been opened. I remember exactly what I loved most about this place and why I desire to be back here so much. As she speaks to me I feel my knees start to give and look for a place to sit, just the sight of her renders me speechless. I have missed her so much all of these years and now I revisit my first love once again, I feel so helpless because I don’t know anything. I don’t know anything about her life… is she married? Is she in love? Did she forget me? I am overcome with emotion as I’ve never had a second chance at something so important in life. I’ve made many mistakes in my life, I’ve never done anything worthy of her love and I’m afraid that I never will. I feel my heart sink as I realize that nothing I could ever do will ever make up for the years we missed. I learn that she isn’t married and that she earns an honest living working in Saigon. She’s as sweet as she’s ever been, and I hang on every word she says and wait for the next time I can be with her.


    Is this how love feels, an emotional rollercoaster which leads you nowhere but wanting more? I can’t stand having his feeling anymore. Just the thought of losing her again is too much to bear. As I sit alone I think about all of the wonderful things we couldn’t share, all of the memories we didn’t make together and all of the ones we never will. I still love her as much as I did the first day I saw her. I always will. Some say it’s never too late for love, but I am afraid it’s far too late for us. We’ve missed way too much to make it up in three short weeks time and there’s nothing I can do to fix that. I just hope that she knows how much she’s loved and how much I care for her. I still want her more than anything in the world, but know in my heart that she’s the one thing I cannot have. So I sit here still waiting for the next time we can meet and spend a moment in time together. The time I spend with her is bittersweet, much like getting honey from the hive, you risk the chance of getting stung, but the reward is definitely worth the effort.


    I want and need what I cannot have, c’est la vie. Such is the way things are… now I am forced to dream of what could have been if I could have been closer to my love. Who knows what could have been if I could have been there for her when she went through tough times, if I could have been her shoulder to cry on, the one to run to? I sit here as alone as I was the day I left this wonderful place so long ago, alone in contemplation. All I can hope for is that she shares the same fond memories that I do and that every once in a while she looks up at the stars and remembers when we did the same as children. I love her so much, but cannot do anything about it… it’s a feeling I would never wish on anyone.
     
  2. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    Is this for real or are you writing a romance novel? I can't remember the last time I read something so disconnected from logic and rational thought.
     
  3. XaPU!M

    XaPU!M Active Member

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    Did I read this right... you are in love with a girl you dated 13 years ago? I think it's time to get over it
     
  4. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

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    Didnt read TS's post after reading above responses.
     
  5. THoC

    THoC New Member

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    i skimmed through it bc it was long and written like a romance novel.

    did you even actually date 13 yrs ago?

    have you ever told her how you feel?

    does she feel the same for you?

    am i missing why you cannot have her? if you love her so much couldnt you move? ask her to move with you?
     
  6. heartbroken

    heartbroken New Member

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    it's real, we dated but we were only like 14. i can't have her because she lives in Vietnam and I live stateside.
     
  7. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    So move. Problem solved. Or marry her and have her move here. Problem solved. What the fuck is with all this "can't have her" bullshit? You're living in this romantic tragedy fantasy.
     
  8. XaPU!M

    XaPU!M Active Member

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    Seriously time to move on man :hs:
     
  9. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    Hopeless romantic posting 101...
     
  10. Decease

    Decease New Member

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    AE? This person has to be trolling.
     
  11. radfad88

    radfad88 The Batman-O-Lantern

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    i call bullshit on this.

    your trolling cost me precious moments of my life reading this crap.
     
  12. _A_

    _A_ New Member

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    ae check isle 5
     
  13. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Done. Got nothing :dunno:
     
  14. 2397

    2397 OT Supporter

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    I thought it was sweet




    Are you not even going to try to reconnect with her?
     
  15. Boosh Dag

    Boosh Dag Guest

    so your in your late 20s and still romanticize life like this?
     
  16. Nuhlinga

    Nuhlinga Whaa gwaaan papcaann?

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    AE check
     
  17. Kyoko

    Kyoko New Member

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    Find her in Vietnam and ask her to marry you. Chances are that she will. Vietnamese bitches are all about marrying an American and living the life up in the US.

    Then again, you're a fucking Danielle Steele loser and she might smell it on you and mock you. I hope she does the latter.
     
  18. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    :rofl:

    no shit it was simple and sweet back then.
     
  19. giz

    giz Active Member

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    look for a post like this from me in 12 years
     
  20. JBunni

    JBunni New Member

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    I would suggest reading some of the other threads to see how they are written before posting. Your post does sound very 'story-ish'. Are you just venting, or do you intend to do something about this girl?
     
  21. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    You know when you see two people who are obviously in love with each other, being affectionate on the subway, or wherever, and it makes you smile, even if you're in the worst mood in the world, because the way they feel is strong and resonates with you viscerally? For that moment you're happy regardless of your current circumstance, just from that one glimpse of passion between two complete strangers, so strong and so apparent was that passion. You grin involuntarily. You know that feeling?

    That is exactly what I do not feel when reading your post.

    I think you want love to be a form of martyrdom. :hsugh:

    You also seem to have turned it into a plot device.

    Or perhaps you are merely trolling :x: :x: :x: :x:
     
  22. giz

    giz Active Member

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    sounds familiar ^^ at one point I actually prided in knowing I would go through life alone, holding onto some distant memories of a distant, "perfect" time, as if I was some literary character :hsugh:
     
  23. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    huh. interesting. that was never a phase i went through
     
  24. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :squint:
     
  25. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    I did go through the, "I hate myself so much that I'm going to make ugly faces in the mirror for ten minutes" phase, however. :hsugh:
     

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