FRK my first attempt at erotica

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by suhrim21, Sep 11, 2009.

  1. suhrim21

    suhrim21 New Member

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    As the title says this is my first attempt at erotica. what I am posting is just the last 15 min of work I came up with off the top of my head. I will keep developing the story. Im off work now but wanted to leave what I did today. Please let me know what you think of the beginning of the story. And please be honest.





    Today started out like any other hot summer Friday. I woke up at 6 to get in the shower, as I do every day. I was always happy on Fridays since I would be able to sleep in the next day. I undressed myself and got into the warm shower. I love the way warm water hits my skin. As I am lathering up my body, making sure to clean my dick after last night pleasure, my wife comes in the bathroom.

    “Good morning honey. When you get home I have a surprise for you. I hope you have a good day at work.” Then she leaves.

    This puzzled me as she never gets up in the morning with me. I finish washing my body and turn off the water. I reach out of the shower and grab the towel. As I am drying off I think about what my surprise will be.

    I put on my black boxer briefs and adjust myself before putting on my pants. I select my blue polo shirt and finish dressing. I kiss my wife and tell her I am leaving, then head off to work.

    All day long I think about what is waiting for me when I get home. I must have been day dreaming because I didn’t even see my boss come in my office. The rest of the morning is pretty normal, until after lunch, I get a text. I open up the text and it is from my wife.

    “I have been thinking about last night all day. I love how the warmth of your breath feels against my wet pussy. The feel of your tounge as you softly flick it back and fourth against my clit. But I didn’t know I could cum as much as I did when you slid the tip of your hard cock past my muscles and slowly inside of my tight ass. I know we have never done that before but when I felt your breath quicken and your muscles tighten and felt you pulsing as you filled me up with your hot cum, that sensation sent me over the edge and I came again”.
     
  2. FairyTat

    FairyTat Anticipation, the taste of things to cum

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    Very nice start! :x:
     
  3. freckleface

    freckleface expose the raw nerve and get on with our lives...

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    Oh hell yeah! sound good
     
  4. CorpseStreet

    CorpseStreet New Member

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    Good job for a first try! In terms of things I think you can work on the whole thing sounded a little bit stiff to me. That may be because most of your sentences began with "I" but for me it just didn't flow. I'm no writing expert but those are just my thoughts.
     
  5. suhrim21

    suhrim21 New Member

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    thank you fairytat, freckleface, and corpsestreet. I will rephrase my sentences, to try to make them flow better. thank you for your input.

    To everyone please critique me. I cannot get better unless people tell me what i can do to be better. now not only is this my first erotica this is my first attempt at writting a story. so I need all the suggestions i can get.
     
  6. suhrim21

    suhrim21 New Member

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    here is the next part. I use a word I call my wife and wanted to say what it means incase someone doesnt know. I call my wife MI CIELO which is spanish. My wife is a latina woman. the way I use it it means MY EVERYTHING. so here it the next part let me know what you think. I greatly appreciate all honesty. nothing is too harsh I want to become better and can only do that with honesty.




    Reading this I could feel a buldge starting to grow in my jeans. The pain starting to become noticeable as my now fully erect cock is in an akward position constricting against my jeans. I couldn’t take it any more and knew something had to be done. I left my desk and headed to one of the private restrooms in our office. As my jeans and underwear drop to the floor my cock becomes freed from its confinement. It is now standing at full attention pulsing needing a release. I wrap my hand around the tip and slowly start to stroke. As I am slowly running my hand from the base all the way up to the tip I increase speed. It wont be long I already feel the orgasm building, feel all my muscles tightening getting ready for the release of cum that is inevitable. A few more strokes and I start shooting warm cum into the toilette. I make sure to get every drop out and clean myself up and head back to my office.

    The rest of the day goes as usual. I get all of my weekly reports done and head home. On my way I start to think about my surprise. The closer I get to home the more excited I get. Finally about I mile away and now the excitement is overwhelming.

    The car stops in the driveway and I open the front door. On my right there is a small table where we put our keys. Nothing fancy just a plain round walnut table with a vase with flowers in it. I set my keys down and notice a note on the table.

    “Your surprise is upstairs. I want you to lock the door and take off your clothes then head into the bedroom. When you get there you will find your surprise.

    Your Cielo”

    As any guy I know I am thinking “I’m getting some”. So I get out of my clothes faster than I ever have. I am standing there completely naked my cock once again starting to get hard. The hard wood floors feel cool on my bare feet as I head up the stairs into the hallway on the second floor. At the top I turn right and head down the short hall to the closed door of our master bedroom. Once the door opens My wife is standing there in a black corset pulled tight against her slender frame. Her breasts lifted and the top of her nipples barely showing over the top of the corset. She is also wearing black lace boy short panties with a garter belt holding up long black fishnet stockings. She has on a pair of black knee high boots with six inch heels, and holding a small flogger in her right hand. Her long brown hair is pulled back into a pony tail and she is wearing a very dark red lipstick.
     
  7. suhrim21

    suhrim21 New Member

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    “What are you looking at”? she scorned. “did I say you can look at me”.

    “I-um-but..” I tried to get something out.

    “get your ass on the bed, and don’t look at me. I want you on all fours with your ass facing me, legs spread open.”

    Before I could move I felt the flogger bite into my flesh. I didn’t even have time to react before it made contact with my right cheeck.

    “I said get your ass on the bed.” This time her voice was cold and shallow.

    The pain was now starting to hit me. I could feel the welts swelling up on both of my cheecks. The tender flesh felt as if it were on fire. Before long it seamed as if my ass was on fire and throbbing. I didn’t know if I could take much more of this, but I did as I was told.

    I quickly jumped on the bed on my hands and knees, legs spread, showing my tight puckered ass hole to my wife. Crack!! Another blow to my ass. This unexpected hit dropped me to the bed. Just as my body hit the matteress another blow struck me. This time the pain was excruciating and tears swealled up in my eyes.

    “Did I say you could lay down.” She yelled.

    “No you didn’t, but…” That was all I could get out before she hit me again. This time she was able to get both cheecks in one strike. I started to squirm away from her trying to wiggle like a snake across the bed.

    “You better not do that again.” Yet another stike found its mark on my bare red and welted ass as she finished her sentence. “If you move again there will be consequences.”

    “You told me you wanted to be dominated, and now you are. Now I want you to lick my pussy. Roll over and lay on your back.”

    I hurried to please her and rolled over. She then took off her panties and climbed up on the bed.

    “You are not to touch me or stop until I tell you to. Do you understand?”

    I shook my head and she lowered body until she was sitting on my face forcing my mouth to be buried in her now dripping wet pussy.

    I worked her clit as fast as I could with my tounge, Flicking it back and forth against her clit, and every so often sliding it in her as deep as I could. Her moans was letting me know she was happy with what I was doing. I started to lightly suck on her clit and running my tounge back and forth against it. I could feel her body tensing up and twitching every ten seconds or so and I knew she was getting ready to cum.

    Suddenly she exploded, and for the first time ever squirted all over my face. I was trying to lick ever last drop up as she was shaking violently ridding out wave after wave of her orgasm. As each wave passed she would shake and burry my face deeper into her drenched pussy. I kept sucking on her clit, making her scream with pleasure, and getting her closer to her second orgasm.

    She is now screaming and shaking, grinding her pussy and clit up and down my face, ready to cum again. Thirty seconds later her body tenses and she explodes a second time sending a river of her sweet salty juices over my face, my body and over the bed.
     
  8. suhrim21

    suhrim21 New Member

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    I really need your guys input. so I can make the story better. unless you all feel I shouldnt continue it.
     
  9. RougeOgre

    RougeOgre FS Librarian and MOD

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    Good story, your choice of words evoke imagery.
    Flows well, no action that seems unrealistic.
    Good spacing for readability.
    Spelling makes me a little crazy (yes, this from the person married to their electronic dictionary <lol>)
     
  10. suhrim21

    suhrim21 New Member

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    i will do my best to fix spelling just for you. :)
     
  11. freckleface

    freckleface expose the raw nerve and get on with our lives...

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    OMG ...I know you are looking for input but that was hot. It got my pussy jumping.;)

    MORE please.
     
  12. suhrim21

    suhrim21 New Member

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    Thank you freckleface. I am glad you guys are enjoying it. The responses I am getting from you guys are the main force driving me to make it a better story and to keep it going.
     
  13. CorpseStreet

    CorpseStreet New Member

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    The writing is much better in the last few posts. There was one thing that really got to me but it would definitely be more a matter of my personal preferences than any problems with your writing.
     
  14. suhrim21

    suhrim21 New Member

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    whats that corpse. Like I said you guys feel free to give me your input even if it is your personal preference.
     
  15. CorpseStreet

    CorpseStreet New Member

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    "tight puckered asshole" that line just really bugs me, it makes me feel kind of sick lol. You don't have to worry though, that's just one of my personal hang ups and I'm sure there are people out there that might like it.
     
  16. suhrim21

    suhrim21 New Member

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    here is the next part



    “Now get in the shower I have to pee, and I am going to pee on you”.

    I scurry to the shower ready for the next part of my surprise. As I sit ready to feel her warm piss she stands in front of me with her pussy lips spread open and her body leaning back so she can make contact with her target. As she lets out a stream of golden yellow liquid, I could feel the warmth of her urine on my face and taste the salty bitterness of my golden shower. I could hear the pee hitting my face and listen to it splash against the shower floor.

    Once she finished I was instructed to rinse off in the shower and get back on the edge of the bed on my hands and knees. I was also instructed to put on the blindfold that was lying on the bed. So I hurry and do as I am told.

    It seamed like 10 minutes I was on the bed before I felt fingernails lightly running across my ass and onto my scrotum. Now my wife does not have fingernails so I start to remove the blindfold when suddenly from across the room a familiar voice says

    “Did I say you can remove the blindfold”?

    My hand instantly drops back to the bed just in time to feel something wet running down my exposed ass. I feel the stranger’s finger start to rub the outside of my puckered hole. Then she slowly slide one finger just to the inside muscles that keep my hole tight. I feel more lube running down and once again feel the finger barely inside me. This time a slight moan escapes my mouth as I loosen the muscle keeping the finger from fully entering.

    Slowly she slides her finger inside me before pulling it all the way out. On one of the out strokes, I feel a second finger slowly entering me, my muscles rejecting the invasion at first. Again, I let out a louder moan and loosen so she can get both fingers inside of me. While she has both fingers just past the muscle she spreads them open as far as she can, and drips what felt like quite a lot of lube into my open hole.

    While this unknown woman is sliding her fingers into my tight ass I start to smell her musky scent as she is getting excited hearing me moan with pleasure and watching her fingers spread my ass hole open every time she buries them deep inside of me.
     
  17. suhrim21

    suhrim21 New Member

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    I will refrain from using that terminology though I posted the next part which has it in it. I do want this to be enjoyable for everyone.
     
  18. suhrim21

    suhrim21 New Member

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    My body is now loosened up to allow her to move her fingers in and out with no restrictions. Suddenly she stops and I think she might be finished playing with my ass when I feel something hard and smooth pressing against me. She reaches around my hips and starts to stroke my hard throbbing cock. I start to feel a mouth sucking on my testicles and her hand moves away. The mouth is now engulfing the tip of my cock and I can feel the tip of the object trying to push inside of me, though it is too big to fit in.

    The object is moved from my ass and I feel more lube being applied, then the object is placed back pushing a little harder this time forcing its way inside of me. It is starting to hurt, but I do not dare speak. It is starting to make its way inside of me and the pain is intense. It feels like it is going to rip me open, and a tear forms in my eye.

    It is inched inside of me, being removed to put more lube in my ass so that it can go in further. By this time, the pain is overwhelming and tears are dripping off my face. A little more and I can feel that it is a strap-on and it is all the way inside of me.

    I still have the mouth sucking on my hard cock, tongue teasing the tip before it is taken inside of the warm wet mouth, and I have a strap-on buried inside of my ass. The pain is going away from this mammoth dildo being forced inside of me and now, whoever is wearing it is starting to move it slowly in and out until it moves with no resistance from my muscles.
    I am ready to cum and my wife knew. She stopped sucking on my cock and tells me I am not allowed to cum until she says I can.

    The pain in my ass is now replaced with pleasure as the unknown woman is fucking my ass. I again begin to moan with pleasure when I feel my wife’s pussy being pressed against my lips.

    “I want you to suck my pussy and make me cum again”.

    She lays down on the bed and I shift position so that I am directly on top of her pussy while I still have my ass up for the woman to fuck it how she wants. I just get my tongue to her clit when the dildo is rammed hard into my ass slamming my tongue into my wife’s pussy. I let out another moan and the woman starts fucking me faster, causing me to moan more intensely.

    It did not take long for my wife to reach the edge of her climax. A couple more flicks of my tongue and she started screaming.

    “Fuck yes. Right there. Oh god. Don’t you dare fucking stop.”

    Her body is shaking violently under me as if she is having a seizure as I continue to lick her pussy and suck on her clit. Her body is starting to relax and only one shake here and there. I feel the dildo removed from my ass, and hear a voice I do not recognize say

    “I have got to see if he is really that good. It’s my turn”.

    A Strange new woman is pressing her pussy into my mouth and I can tell it is completely waxed. I start to slowly slide my tongue in and out of her pussy until she starts to moan. Then I start to lightly flick my tongue back and forth across her clit. This woman tasted very good, not a strong musky taste, but a nice taste nonetheless. As her breathing quickens I too quicken my tongue, flicking it back and forth and lightly sucking on her clit. Before long, I can feel her body starting to twitch and I know she is ready to cum. A couple more times running my tongue across her clit and she explodes sending streams of warm sweet liquid down my face and onto the bed. As the shaking slows and ceases she moves from me.
     
  19. suhrim21

    suhrim21 New Member

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    this is the end of the story let me know what you guys think.


    I am then instructed to remove my blindfold. After a couple of seconds my eyes adjust to the light, and I see my wife laying on the bed and the other woman is on her hands and knees with her nice round ass facing me. The color of her skin lets me know she is Hispanic. She is licking my wife’s pussy. Without moving her head, she tells me she wants me to fuck her in her ass.

    I get on the bed and see the bottle of lube on the bed next to her, so I apply a couple of drops to her ass and slowly slide one finger inside of her. I am moving it in and out of her slowly letting her muscles relax. While I am doing this my other hand finds her pussy and I start to rub her clit. Every few strokes I slide one finger inside her, which causes her to moan softly. I apply a bit more lube to her ass since my finger glides in and out of her with ease and start to push a second finger in her. As the second finger barely gets inside of her, she pushes her ass towards me, which causes my finger to slide all the way inside of her. As I am moving my fingers in and out of her ass, I return to playing with her now drenched pussy.

    She has now relaxed enough for my fingers to glide effortlessly in and out of her. I stop playing with her clit and use my two fingers to spread her soft flesh open and pour in some lube. I also put some lube on my hard throbbing cock. As I line my cock up with her open hole, I remember the pain she put me through, so instead of penetrating her slowly I ram every inch of my cock deep in her velvety smooth ass with one quick hard motion not caring if I hurt her. I wanted to hear her cry from the pain as I did.

    As I rammed my cock in her, she let out a yell and collapsed on the bed, trying to push me away from her. I could hear that she was starting to cry. I picked her back up onto her hands and knees, pulled all the way out of her and slapped her ass as hard as I could. As soon as my hand made contact with her soft skin, she yelped again and started crying hard. I decided I would make sure she remembered the pain she caused me for a long time, so I spread her ass cheeks apart with one hand and again slammed my cock all the way inside of her. Then I begin to move in and out of her very slowly. Savoring the velvety smooth flesh inside her ass, as the tip of my cock spread the tissue apart every time I pushed in. My wife gets underneath her and starts to lick her clit and the tears turn to moans of pleasure. I start to fuck her faster and faster until you could hear my hips smacking against her ass with every thrust and my testicles clapping against my wife’s tongue and this woman’s pussy. The combination of my cock in this woman’s ass and my wife’s tongue rubbing against her clit is pushing her over the edge. Her moans have turned to screams of pleasure and every time I thrust in, she slams her ass back against me to push me deeper inside of her. She is starting to tense up and I know any second she is going to cum. I can fell myself getting ready to fill this ass up with my hot cum as well so I fuck her even faster and she explodes sending her cum all over my wife’s face.

    She is screaming in ecstasy as my wife continues to franticly lick her clit while I am ramming my cock inside of her. The constricting and contracting of her muscles as she continues to cum is more than I can take and I explode sending shot after shot of my cum deep in her ass. I feel her muscles tighten every time my cock shoots another load of cum in her ass. After three more shots, every drop is inside of her, and I pull out while she is still shaking from her orgasm.

    “Get over my wife’s face. I want you to let every drop of my cum fall into her mouth, and baby you had better not swallow it. I want you two to share it after she gets every drop out of her”.

    The woman sits up and this is the first time I can see her. She is completely nude. She is about five feet six inches thin body. She has very large breasts, which I assume were fake from the way they sat on her frame. She had a beautiful innocent face with long shinny brown hair, and amazing green eyes. Her fingernails were done with a French manicure.
    She proceeded to squat over my wife’s face and push all of my cum out of her and into my wife’s mouth. She slowly slid two fingers into her to get more of my cum out and then placed them into her mouth. Both her and my wife got up onto there knees and began kissing each other swapping my cum so that each of them could taste it. After they were done, my wife looks at me and says.

    “I hope you liked your present this is Jackie and she is going to be staying with us for a while since her house burned down”.
     
  20. CorpseStreet

    CorpseStreet New Member

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    I feel like the last part sounded a little stiff again but all in all good job! Oh and I wasn't fond of the golden shower but once again that's a matter of personal preference.
     
  21. suhrim21

    suhrim21 New Member

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    thank you I was running out of ideas at the end which is why it sounded stiff. I will say its not as easy to write erotica as I thought it would be. I did leave it open so If myself or any one else wants to continue the story please feel free. There are a lot of great writters in here that could make the story better.

    Also I have this whole thing in a word document now so if anyone wants it send me a pm and Ill get you a copy.
     
  22. freckleface

    freckleface expose the raw nerve and get on with our lives...

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    Suhrim I Loved it. My coffee is now cold because i could not stop reading. It kept me hooked all the way. I did not want it to end :). Great work let me know when you have more.
     

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