SRS My Dilemma

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Clix, Apr 18, 2006.

  1. Clix

    Clix New Member

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    My Problem

    I had been dating my ex for almost 19 months. We were pretty serious and everything.

    She's 20 and i'm 19. We had been together since november of '04. The age thing didnt get in the way and stuff. About 6 months into the relationship I got arrested becuase me and my mom got into a fight. It strained us but it worked out and we were good. About a year into she got really pissed off at me and told me it was over. The next day she had one of my friends over to her place to talk and he ended up spending the night. Next day she told me about it I completly freaked out but we ended up talking all night and I spent the night she said nothing happened and I beleived her so the next day we got back together. I forgave her also. Everything was fine and then about 4 months ago i started having problems with my school. Becuase of a few things that happened I ended up having to take the year off. Ive been restless and just been overall an ass and she was there for me. Last monday we got into an argument and she didnt talk to me for 3 days. On thursday she broke up with me. We talked for about 4 hours but in the end I was alone. This is a girl who I honestly though I was going to marry.

    Her reasoning she wanted to break up is becuase she didnt love me and she needed time to herself to get herself back together.

    After the talking for 4 hours she didnt say it but she kept coming back to that I love that about you, i love you for that. She just didnt flat out say I love you. I told her maybe a break was best but I wanted to get back together and she agreed but she needed time off.

    My problem comes to I do absolutly love this girl and even though ive been a little shit for the last 4-5 months I want to make it up to her for the rest of our lives. Ive known her for 3 years. In that time ive seen her go though 2 b/fs. Between all of them leading up to me she has had 1-2 rebounds. She is a christian girl and doesnt do anything about them, its just the fact that I am totally jealous of anyone that she would think about more than a friend. This may sound shallow on my part but we have really close friends. My 2 best friends g/f and wife are close with her and I know that whatever she does ill find out about someway or the other. I just it kills me to think about her with anyone else and I dont know if I could take her back if it comes to that depending on what I find out if anything does happen beyond just a rebound.
    Is this bad?

    For anyone that cares what do you think about people taking breaks and getting back together and success of it?

    Thanks for reading.
     
    Last edited: Apr 30, 2006
  2. Replicant

    Replicant New Member

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    I read it all but the 'she didnt love me' stuck.

    To put it plainly, if she still can't tell you that she truly loves you, then I would cut it off. Being with someone that amount of time is definitely enough to tell if you do or not. Any answer other than "yes I know I love you" is not an "I love you". An "I don't know for sure" or anything around those lines is a NO.
     
  3. Clix

    Clix New Member

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    She has told me she has loved me before. I mean at one point she loved me I guess.

    I suppose im not ready to be over it and I think it has a future. :/
     
  4. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    I don't see the dilemma. You're at her mercy.
     
  5. beautiful disaster

    beautiful disaster OT Supporter

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    you can love someone but not be 'in love' with them...does that make any sense? like i will always love my ex because he was my first love but i'm not in love with him now...

    if she can't just say "i love you" then she doesn't anymore. it's hard, yeah, but take some time by youself and you will eventually get over it and sometime down the road you will find someone you will love more than her.

    other guys might be able to take her away from you but they can't take away the memories that you shared with her
     
  6. Yes have some!

    Yes have some! Active Member

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    you are young. go out and have fun.
     
  7. beautiful disaster

    beautiful disaster OT Supporter

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    stop searching my posts!!! :madfawk:
     
  8. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

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    :hsugh:
     
  9. Clix

    Clix New Member

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    One problem with that.I've been thought enough shit in my life that I no longer have a desire to go out and go the things my age group does.

    I just have this feeling of wanting to settle down and get on with the rest of my life.
     
  10. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    This relationship is a mess, and you two would never work it out. I think you are more "used" to having her around than actually in love with her. That, or you have no idea what a really good relationship is like and think that this is it. It's good that you two are split, you would have never been happy with each other, at least not her with you. She's had it, she's not in love with you. Be a man and let her go.
     
  11. johan

    johan Active Member

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    You'll be amazed at how much the world has to offer once you take your eyes off the past and look toward the future.
     
  12. Clix

    Clix New Member

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    being in love was never an issue really, I do think I became to comfortable with her though. I didnt stay at the point where I thought I would ever lose her and it has bite me in the ass and im at the point that im at.
     
  13. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    Preventing is better then healing, although it has nothing to do with it , i want you to read http://www.near-death.com/forum/nde/000/93.html this near death experience and learn how to prevent putting shit into someone elses life.
     
  14. SpectraRedZ

    SpectraRedZ New Member

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    I for one have rarely seen a relationship that takes breaks ending up lasting. Usually the longer you go on and off, the more miserable it gets.

    If she cant tell you she loves you, there may not be a point in wasting your time. Taking a break might be the easiest way of telling you that she wants to be out, and stay out. Go out and try to enjoy stuff you should be doing at 19. You cant just let it keep making you miserable - the longer you feel this way, the more time your wasting not finding something that makes you happier.
     
    Last edited: Apr 19, 2006
  15. Clix

    Clix New Member

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    I know what you mean, I just keep being pulled back to try.

    I should put this in.

    When I was a Junior and she was a Senior we saw alot of each other, I liked her but wasnt sure. Anyways from what I got told after we had gone out and seen a movie her ex called her wanting to get back together and stuff. They ended up getting back together and I was bent on asking her out the same day. I was pretty hurt at the time but everyone kept telling me you know if its meant to be it happens, just let God deal with it and he will let it happen or not. Then we got together. Its just shit like that makes me not want to let this just go.

    Being 19 there isnt alot to do for me. alot fo my friends growing up was always older than me and I always eneded up doing stuff with them instead of my own age group. Such as my best friend that is a year and half older than me along with some other friends are already married, so to me I guess I just want to move on with me life with my friends.
     
  16. Clix

    Clix New Member

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    I talked ot my ex tonight, well more or less cried on her lap for an hour.

    She told me that she still loves me but how the relationship was going she didnt think it would last and things were spinning out of control for her and thats why she broke it off becuase she thinks it would end horribly downt he road.

    We told each other that when we got our shit straight that we would try it again down the road. I guess this brings some closure and hope for me.

    Thanks all who had anything to say about this to me.
     
  17. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    She has NO INTENTIONS of making this work down the road. That was said simply to placate you.

    She does love you, like a child-which is why she is moving on. I mean seriously bro, you were crying in her lap like a child does to his mother. I am not making fun of you, don't get me wrong, but it is just another sign of what kind of role you filled in this relationship. She obviously is looking for the alpha male, father figure provider-not the sappy lovesick puppy. I'm sorry if this comes off harsh, but I've worked with many guys in this same situation and it's always the same story. I have never ever heard of the stand up confident guy going through this. Ever.
     
  18. Clix

    Clix New Member

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    Dude last night is the first time she has ever seen me cry. Last night I just completely broke down in front of her is the only reason why.

    SO that Definatly wasnt the reason.
     
  19. SpectraRedZ

    SpectraRedZ New Member

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    I forgot a word in the end of my last post, but I see you knew what I meant.

    After she saw you break down, she probably told you that something may work out down the road to chill you out a bit. She probably felt bad she was doing this to you, but is going with what she wants/needs.

    I know what you mean about older friends - all mine that I hang out with (a big local car group) are between 20-40 yrs old. The ones who we regularly hang out with will be 21 this year, including the bf, leaving me to be the only one under 21 (I'm 19, dont turn 21 til 2/2008) so hanging out with everyone is gonna drop quite a bit for me in the next couple of months. I guess it is somewhat my fault though, since I dont really go looking for friends outside the group, but I'm also not big into being a social butterfly anymore.

    Hope everything works out for the best in the end for you, whether it be with her or not. Who knows, you may find someone 10x better without even trying.
     
  20. Clix

    Clix New Member

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    I just felt like updating this.


    It had been like a week and a half since I talked to my ex. During that time I had had so many things just click with me. So many things that I hadnt realized and now I undertand them. Anyways I wrote her an email and she IM me last night and we were talking and I asked her if she loved me and if I ever had a chance to be with her again. Her inital answer was that she wasnt sure about anything. So I just kinda told her everything I felt about her and why, things that I wanted to make amends about and everything. So she ended up asking me to call her, I did and she was crying becuase she said she was felt weak latly. We talked for a little bit and ended up that she told me that I act and speak again like I did when she first started dating me which is the time she fell in love with me.

    We talking about getting back together and she said she needed time to think about it, she told me that she has been able to go on dates since we broke up and she never thought about me becuase she has jut been so angry with me, and now that things have changed and I myself have been able to let my immaturity go that she cant decide if she wants to take a chance with me.

    I have had some things of mine at her place that I hadnt picked up yet. I was suppost to come get them this saturday. She really busy all weekend and pretty much I was gonna come and get them and leave. Then she told me that she doesnt want to just push me out when im getting me my stuff, so she said shes gonna put off all the stuff that she was gonna do monday after shes done with classes so I could come by and spend some time with her. Hopefully I can show her that im not the person I was and hopefully we can start over.

    Anyways this is just for whoever cares.
     
  21. Clix

    Clix New Member

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    Alot of crap has happened since last thursday. I talked to her best friend and had a big long drawn out conversation about my ex. She told me that I need to give her space until finals are over (which I agree I would never stand in the way of ones education). My problem now is I have nothing to do, I got a job interview which will take up some time and which is good to becuase its something I can show her that im growing up and getting my life together.

    Anyone got any suggestions to just things to do to keep my mind off her?

    Bunch of friends have told me that I need to find a new girl but I dont want to and besides becuase of how drastically things have changed and gone I feel that if I can keep up what im doing and everything I will be able to be back with her soon, just sucks cuase all I want to do is either talk about her or think about her.
     
  22. EuroTuner

    EuroTuner Wire Ninja Wizard

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    move on, get a new girl. your too young to worry about settling down. i dont know your history, but judging by the way your clinging on to her *i.e. asking if you'll get back together* i assume that you havent been in many relationships. the problem is that teenagers in general dont know how to end or are afraid to end relationships because they think its the end of the world or they think something is wrong with them. being so young, and with a semi troubled past leaves me to give you this advice. worry about getting your job and keeping it. schooling or whatever else your doing, strive to better yourself in other areas before stressing so much about a girlfriend who's ready to move on. typically when either party says "i want to take a break" its basically a nice way of breaking up. the fucked up thing is it leaves somebody with a false sense of hope of "oh maybe i can get him/her back". yes sometimes it does work out, but the majority of the time it just leads to heartbreak and lots of stress. do yourself a favor and move on, you'll find a better girl later in life, maybe in a month, maybe in a few months, dont matter. get the rest of your shit together and then worry about a lady friend.
     
  23. GaveUp

    GaveUp New Member

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    No offense, but I am willing to bet this girl already has someone she is interested in, and your constant heckling and bothering is going to push her away a lot more than you can imagine.

    I've been thru this before and know what you are going through. You're young and so is she, experience life. Learn from this. Girls will and can always up and leave (and thank darketernal for that bit of advice) at the drop of a hat and forget about you.

    It's hard to stop talking to her, but I promise if you eliminate her (the problem) in your life, down the road you will be much happier.
     
  24. Clix

    Clix New Member

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    Just so everyone knows.

    Ive gotten alot of shit together. We talked and we decided to keep in touch. She doesnt want to get into another serious relationship. Her best friend, the wife of my best friend told me that shhas feelings for me but is scared and just right now doesnt want to be with me atm. I know that all the crap I pulled in the past has pushed her away, but we talk some mostly though email and we are working things out. Im not saying we are going to be together soon becuase we both need our space right now. I never realized it but I need my space from her as much as she needs from me.

    Things could and could not work out. Right now its all on me. She pretty much told me that. If I want her back I have to show her that im in charge of my life and im not going to lay down and depend on her again.

    Ive been on probation for the last year (ends in mid sept.) and until recently I havent been able to pay off my fine/probation officer but I just recently did. This one thing alone was scaring the shit out of her. She didnt want to be with me if I was going to go to jail. I didnt know this and im stupid for not knowing it but I am now and like I just said, I fixed part ofthe problem. The only thing Ihave left concering my probation to not have to worry about anything is te community service. Which I plan on having finished by the end of july so things are working out for me.

    My ex doesnt have anyone. Yes she has gone out on a date with someone else but afterwards I was the one she came and talked to. Not about her date but what about she misses of me when we went on dates.

    I have learned alot about myself. I know that the last year I grew apart from her and stuff becuase of my own doing and I told myself lies up lies that I told myself enough I believed (nothing about her just things about my life and the way I saw myself heading) So right now things are a work in progress.

    I am going to see my mother for a couple weeks here in a day or so and it will give me time and her time where we arent a drive away. Shes told she gets weak sometimes at night laying in bed thinking about me. Personally I think this is making our relationship stronger. Her by being able to go do some things she has been wanting to do, cuase yes we are young. Its giving me time to get back to somethings I had gotten away from. Like ive gotten back with God. May not seem like much but my beliefs and such, God plays a very big part of my life.

    Anyways I know yall are just trying to help me and I really appriciate it becuase I need all the advice and wisdom I can get. I just right now becuase I am the only one to really know what is going on and it would take forever to write things out see this heading into a direction that is the best for both of us if we are serious about marriage and beyound.
     
  25. Clix

    Clix New Member

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    Another update sorta.


    So I have community service to finish up for my probation. My ex has been wanting to get back into the community and volunteer and stuff. (In like 2 years when she was 16-17 she racked up close to 1500 hours or something) and hasnt done much sense. Anyways ive never done anything like that so I wrote her an email asking for her help. I wont start this until next month sometime. So I asked if maybe she would want to do it with me. I told her that if she thought it as a possibility that she would have a month to think about it and it would be perfectly fine with me if she didnt. So she IMed me asked me to call her (cell phone broke, dorm phone cant call my cell) and we chatted for like 20 minutes and she told me it would be a big step for us. That it was something she wanted to think about, which I was totally expecting and completely fine with. It was like 2am ish so she asked if it was cool if I let her go (which was a definate yes, I dont want to push her or nothin) but she would call me tomarrow to talk to me and discuss some stuff.

    So I see this as something very positive if it works out. I honestly think that with time acourse we can be together and its nothing thats gonna happen overnight. I want to do more than my 40 hours. I was never someone who joined clubs and crap in school, but now I want to be active and join a frat at my college (im doing architecture so the frat I want to join is architecture based I guess you would call it) and just be involved in crap. So if things work out this will be a good thing for me and her. If not I still see it as something im doing in my life thats positive regardless.

    Just updating for who cares...
     

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