SRS My Dad's a Pothead (Long, but Cliffnotes)

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Mmass28, May 20, 2003.

  1. Mmass28

    Mmass28 Guest

    yep... my dad is a pothead... i dunno, i stumbled across his stash this weekend and like it depressed me more than i thought it would. I was never sure because like sometimes i smelled it on him or like our bathroom would smell faintly of it, but i always denied the fact. When i finally did come across his stash, it took me by surprise.. he had well over $60 worth, about 20 empty dimebags, another 20-25 butts of blunts, 5 or 6 empty lighters, homemade pipe... it was fucked up.

    What really gets me is that my dad is a carpenter and for the most part depends mainly on his physical well being to provide for the family. To think that hed just abuse himself like that and put his whole family in risk really killed me. im going away to college in a year so really i could care less about how itll affect me, but i have a 2 year old brother and if this continues and gets worse, i dunno how well off hes gonna be. Im also really pissed cuz like my dad has been pushing me to attend a state school mainly because of money issues. Where the fuck are his priorities? god dammit! and its not like hes a family man either, he works late, comes home and falls asleep... i go weeks at a time without even talking to him.

    Next to being pissed, im also torn because i feel responsible for it in a way. Just a little back story: my mom was a single parent, and my dad took us both in when i was 4 and i know ive been more than a burden to him, especially since his job never payed as well as he had hoped and whatnot. He has outwardly expressed how much he hates his job but he refuses to go and get an education or do anything about it because he doesnt think the family could afford a break from that steady income.

    Is it my place to confront him about it and make him stop? who am i to stop a man who has given completely of himself so that i can have the best. this is his only release, his only enjoyment.

    Should i say something? i have my brother and mother to think about. Whats gonna stop him from burning out and screwing both of them over. but i guess i could always cover for him once i get myself settled in life... i dont know... this is a huge change for me and my view of my family... it sucks ass.

    CliffNotes: My Dad is a major pothead, i came across his stash, im kinda pissed at him as well as depressed... i dunno if i should confront him or let him enjoy himself for once
     
  2. wuwu3

    wuwu3 Guest

    let him enjoy himself for once but let him know how you feel?
     
  3. Mmass28

    Mmass28 Guest

    i dont know if letting him know that im aware of it will allow him to still enjoy himself, its looking a hell of a lot like im rather letting him do it, or im complete confronting him... i cant see a plausible middle ground
     
  4. |(<>|\|

    |(<>|\| The more man smoke herb, the more Babylon fall.

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    hes working a job he hates so that he can provide for your family. if he gets home tired and sleeps, then just leave him alone, let him smoke out to relax if he wants, it doesnt sound like he has much else that he can do
     
  5. morphine

    morphine New Member

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    leave the poor man alone
     
  6. Jefferson Darcy

    Jefferson Darcy Ol' shit chest

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    :rofl:

    It's just weed. It's not like you found a crack stem and empty vials. Or hypo needles and empty heroin decks.

    "Abusing himself"? This is no different than if the guy came home from work and had a few beers.

    "Putting your family at risk?" Where I live, the penalty for possession of the amount you're talking about is a violation, you get a ticket like like a traffic infraction, punishable by a maximum $100 fine for a first time offender.

    be easy, its not a big deal. Let the guy have his fun.

    Maybe you should go smoke a blunt yourself? :dunno:
     
  7. itchypony

    itchypony Guest

    My uncle is in his 40's and is a pothead as well. He's divorced with 2 kids, both out of HS. One is fawked up -- no job, lives with mom, gangster friends, going nowhere. The other is in good shape, by some grace of god. My uncle has a live-in girlfriend who looks like a fawking barfly -- smoker's hack, fatass, whatnot -- nasty.

    It is my opinion that if you're still smoking weed at 40, you are fawked. Grow up. Move on to crack and rid this world of your useless self. I feel the same way about younger weed-whackers, except I see little difference between smoking pot and underage drinking. Being teh alcoholic seems more acceptable somehow. :dunno:

    There is nothing you can do or say to your father that will make him hang up his weed. Just don't follow in his footsteps, and be a good influence on your brother.
     
  8. Mmass28

    Mmass28 Guest

    yeah i know it sounds like im over-reacting, its just that ive got friends who are already burned out on that shit, and like i dunno, i dont want that happening to him... im assuming worst case scenario...
     
  9. Jefferson Darcy

    Jefferson Darcy Ol' shit chest

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    You act like he just started smoking yesterday or something. He's probably been doing it since well before you were born. Any effect it would have had on him, it has already (and I don't believe weed really "burns you out" ).
     
  10. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

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    i didn't read it all, and i know i'm gonna get flamed big time, but... i do not agree with any drug use. i would be mad if i found out that my parents were using drugs behind my back. my future career involves law and law enforcement, so one posession charge would ruin my future :wtc:

    besides... honestly, i don't see the point...

    also, to add... my friend's dad was also an extreme pothead. however, he had a good job, etc, and was thought of a decent person in the community. i don't know... i stereotype, but :sad2:

    it's illegal, it is dangerous, it is dumb...
     
  11. Jefferson Darcy

    Jefferson Darcy Ol' shit chest

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    Unles you're talking about FBI or something like that, a simple marijuana possession charge won't keep you out of a career in LE.

    I never had a possession charge, but I admitted to smoking it on my applications and it was no problem. So did the majority of cops I know (at least the ones who got on at the same time as me).


    it's illegal (but shouldnt be) and is far less dangerous than alcohol.
     
  12. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

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    no... i'm not too concerned with the fbi right now, although i would love to in the future. :big grin: heh, once i get my degree, i'll be scrounging around to even find a job, i'm sure.

    hehe... i doubt that they would hire someone to perform drug tests, if the employee had been found to have a possession charge...even of something as minute as marijuana. :dunno: i could be wrong.

    however, that's not even half of it. honestly, i really don't agree with it, and i don't like it. it's not that i won't associate with people who do it, because i do have friends that do. i just don't like to be around it all the time, and if that's the case, i won't be the person's friend. call me stereotypical, but i just don't know too many people who've got everything goin for them that smoke weed... :sad2:

    the same thing goes for smoking anything else though, cigs included. i don't like to be around it all the time. friends of mine aren't allowed to smoke in my new car. :dunno: but ya, i do have friends that smoke... although i don't agree with it.


    but, question for you darcy: i'm inferring that you're a cop. would you ever be caught using, since your job would be on the line? i'm sure they'd fire you if they knew... right? hehe, don't get me wrong, i know there are many corrupt cops and detectives out there :rolleyes:. i know there are many narcotics officers who actually use themselves. i just think that's sad :sad2:...
     
  13. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

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    yes... hehe... i decided to read the thread, and i totally agree... :bigthumb:

    i rest my case :o... :)
     
  14. Jefferson Darcy

    Jefferson Darcy Ol' shit chest

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    I am a cop, and I wouldnt be caught, because I don't do it anymore. I havent since like a year or so before I was hired. Even then I didn't do it that often. Obviously my career is more important to me than something as trivial as weed. Its just that I don't think its that big of a deal for most people.

    I'm sure I'll do it again tho, in ~19 years when I retire :wiggle: or if they legalize it.
     
  15. My dad gave me some pot a while ago. He's 57. :rofl:
    I think he used to smoke it when he was young but I'm sure he didn't for at least 20yrs. He had a new gf who obviously liked pot and when they were dating (they broke up months ago) he smoked some with her. And gave me some to take home with me when I visited him. So that was a little weird. :big grin:
     
  16. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

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    interesting...

    i just don't see the point in doing drugs. :dunno: i can find other things to do that make me happy. and damn, i sure as hell don't make enough money to pay for any drug habit...
     
  17. skifreek

    skifreek Diamond Status

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    i'd be very pissed if i found out my relatiVes were smoking mary jane...














    and didnt ask me if i wanted a toke :o
     
  18. Jefferson Darcy

    Jefferson Darcy Ol' shit chest

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    sure... so can most people who use substances like weed (generally hard drug users have problems tho).....

    Have you ever had a few beers with friends to catch a buzz just because its fun? If you have, well, weed is pretty much the same thing (the differences being that it is less harmful, but illegal).

    If you havent ever done this, then you're one of THOSE people, so you wouldnt undestand :)
     
  19. dave steel

    dave steel My Kung Fu is the best.

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    This isn't a good situation. Still, I don't see that any change would occur by confronting him about it. Besides, you would be naive to think that your mother doesn't know about this, she may smoke on occasion herself. Seeing older people still using drugs is a real snooze. but I would save myself the drama and not bring it up.
     
  20. Mmass28

    Mmass28 Guest

    I think that you're right in that its not worth it to bring it up... ive decided to stay quiet... i just got a nagging feeling that im cheating my brother cuz (again.. worst case scenario) if this causes my dad to not be able to be as good of a father in any respect as he could be. i would feel like, "damn, i could done something back then, and then maybe things wouldnt be so fucked up now." i dont want to have to spend my adult life fixing the mistakes my father made so that i can provide the best for my brother.

    IBflamesforoverreactingagain
     
  21. Spiritus

    Spiritus Active Member

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    spiritus, no flaming at the asylum, if you want to flame, take it to off-topic.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 23, 2003
  22. Mmass28

    Mmass28 Guest

    Spiritus, alright, ill admit that you bring up good points in that he's just being courteous, and respectful to the family by keeping it under wraps. But to consider me a "virgin talking about sex" is a bit presumptious. ive been an occasional pot smoker for a good year and a half and in the recent months ive been lighting up more often... im by no means a pothead but the point is i am well aware of what its like and i know its not this horrible "illegal drug" the commercials make it out to be. I really dont want to go there with this thread, but i could care less if weed was legalized. what i do know is that in the long run it can screw with you and if hes been doin it since well before i was born... i dunno... i dont want to see my father become a burnout or throw away money... we're not rich, and if he were to get to a point that he couldnt do the physical labor that his job demands... well, we're shit out of luck. oh yeah, and as a side note, since i found out, ive gotten rid of all of my shit, ive decided im not gonna turn out like him
     
  23. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    i dont understand your problem. He is a grown adult. He has a family but he is a person too. You have no right to be angry at him on the ground that he is hurting his ability to continue to work the job he hates in order to support your ungrateful self.

    Let the man do what he wants. It is NOT physically dangerous, and the risk are not significant enough to have a deep impact.

    I for the record do not smoke week, and havnt 'tried' it for well over a year and a half, but i fully support this mans right to come home and smoke a blunt if thats what he wants to do.

    I mean i understand if its wrong, and if my friends started smoking i would tell them its dumb. But my DAD? Have a little respect. this is the man that fed and clothed you. If he is doing something dangerous i would try to explain the dangers and hope i could get him to decide its not worth it, but i would never presume to judge him for something so trivial.

    Look at it from an outside perspective. He is putting in a lot more then he is taking. He doesnt enjoy "family life" if he is comming home late and just going to sleep. If he doesnt enjoy family life, then what is it, do you think that keeps him working the job he hates? love of your mother? a sense of duty?


    cliff notes/important part:

    if you think its wrong, thats one thing. if you feel the need to confront him, i understand. Have a little fucking respect though. Lose the sense of entitlement. Have a little gratitude.This man is busting his ass for you and the people you love.

    your brother is not OWED a good father. you OWE your father for being at least a good father as he is. Trying to improve him is not wrong, but you are not looking at him as a person, but as a mealticket.

    make him stop? hell no. who do you think you are?
     
  24. Mmass28

    Mmass28 Guest

    I know I have no right to be angry on the grounds that he is hurting his ability to continue to work the job he hates. Its more that im angry at the fact that he’s aware that his physical well being is important to his job (ive heard him talk to my mom about how he’s worried that already the labor is getting to him and that he isnt able to work as well as he had hoped to at his age). Even with this awareness he continues to do things that are, to whatever extent, harmful to him. It kinda insinuates that maybe he doesn’t care about the family or about himself, or maybe hes subconsciously sabotaging the life he has because he is unhappy with it and doesn’t see any other way out.

    I suppose I have judged him unfairly in this thread, and you are right that I have made it seem like I see him as a mealticket or whatnot, but I don’t feel that way. Im not ungrateful at all for what he’s done for me. He is a great person. I think that he has been a saint to me and my mom for taking us in as a family even though its really hard on him.

    I guess at the root of it, I feel like im to blame for this. Im definitely a cause for a lot of his problems and ive always seen myself as a burden. I worry about his relation to my brother because I feel like I soured him and I received the best years. Im going away to college leaving my brother a dad who’s happier years are behind him(of course, assuming that this weed addiction didn’t start before they were married, but who knows). In that way I feel a sense of duty as well and I don’t like it. Similar I guess to the sense of duty my dad may feel to the family.

    Im frustrated, angry, sad, and who knows what else… and because of that I don’t know what to do about it. Its not right to bring it up… you’ve all said that I have no right to do that. But it sucks to think that now I gotta sit quiet with the nagging feeling that I was the cause. I know its just weed, I know it really nothing, but I also know that it says a hell of a lot about him and how he feels right now… and that’s where my biggest problem lies.
     
  25. itchypony

    itchypony Guest

    It's common for children of adults with "addictions" to assume the responsibility for their parents' fuck-ups. I'm not saying your dad has an addiction -- I am saying his dope habit is not your fault, or anyone's but his own. It's sad that you see yourself as a burden -- I can tell you from experience that blaming yourself is not the answer. Your dad makes a choice to light up based on his own feelings of inadequacy/stress/insecurity -- it has nothing to do with you.

    Like I said before, do not follow in his footsteps.
     

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