SRS my dad is abusive...

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by DynamiteHaxor, Apr 19, 2005.

  1. DynamiteHaxor

    DynamiteHaxor New Member

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    my dad's abusive, i have a restraining order against him but he still lives with us and continues what he does...i guess you coudl say...help on getting him out of the house? if i go to the cops he'd flip... :hsd:
     
  2. Bush77

    Bush77 New Member

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    what does he do? VENT
     
  3. DynamiteHaxor

    DynamiteHaxor New Member

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    he's been drinking forever and was always wasted every night...basically since like i was 12 or so i noticed that he was an alcoholic and i'd tell him to stop but then he'd just get more pissed off and drink away all night...if i even said anything during the night he'd get pissed off and push me around and shit. he's bruised my throat and arms by pushing me against the wall and he has punched me countless times...i'm sick of his shit but i'm not big enough to do anything about it.
     
  4. DynamiteHaxor

    DynamiteHaxor New Member

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    i'm a guy. 15.
     
  5. The Scientist

    The Scientist New Member

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    :hug:

    Wow, this must be very stressful on you. What is your mother saying about all of this? Does he beat on her as well? I've never understood how a woman/man will stand by and watch their mate beat the child in this sense. If he's beating on her as well then sit down and try to reason with her. Assure her that you two are on this journey together and that you two need to think of ways to stick together and protect yourselves against him. If not, I think you should remove yourself from the environment entirely because neither one of them have their priorities straight. Is there not grandparents, uncle/aunt, older siblings or whoever that you could take some time away staying with? You should NOT have to live like this. This experience will harden you to life and mess you up in the end. It's not worth it. Please, try to find someone who can help. I can't see your father changing his ways anytime soon and if your mom is just allowing this behavior to continue knowing it's causing you pain and distress then you honestly don't need to be worried about being around her either. Do not let this ruin you. Find help. Talk to the police if you must. Be sure to tell them however that you do NOT want to pursue anything out of your fear (I'm sure they will keep it anonymous and move at the pace YOU set them to move at). Surely, you don't have to be forced to continue to live with this. Please, try to take care. :hs:
     
  6. DynamiteHaxor

    DynamiteHaxor New Member

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    he is at work before i wake up to go to school. then he gets home at 7 PM, mad as fuck and drinks away his problems...:hsd: even if i were to see him sober, he would still treat me like shit.

    raye: he usually doesn't do stuff to my mom...like it usually happens after dinner, i'll come into the room and he'll be drinking and i used to tell him to stop, learned my lesson from that...he'd flip out and start throwing shit then yell at me. I have a brother but we're both living at home, :down: so there's nothing we can really do. my mom obviously doesn't think this shit is serious when its ruining me. most of the people i know don't know about it because i stopped having friends over so they wouldn't know about it. i wish i could just end this shit...i hate living with all this crap in my life. tonight he yelled at me for not being home on time. by yelled i dont mean some pussy ass "oh be home earlier next time sweetie." it was more like me getting yelled at...me attempting to respond...then a nice "fuck off ____ you piece of shit".

    help?
     
  7. DynamiteHaxor

    DynamiteHaxor New Member

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    yay for no one helping. :(
     
  8. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Eh?
    No one can help you if you won't help yourself.

    You need to get out of there. Two people have already said that, one of whom was yourself. Unlike some situations, your choices here are pretty clear: you can stay and endure the abuse, or you can leave. So, start making plans to leave. Have you talked to CPS about this?

    Your mom's a part of the problem, too. Next time she says that it's not abuse, or that she doesn't think it's important enough to worry about, tell her that his behaviour was bad enough to get a restraining order so at least ONE impartial person thinks he's out of hand. If you have a restraining order against him, you shouldn't have any problems getting placed with another family member (assuming they're willing and able to take you in).

    In the meantime, try not to set your dad off. Come home on time, do your homework, and help out around the house. Your dad is at fault for his behaviour, but do your best to eradicate the fault from your own. Contributing to the behaviour by sinking to his level won't make anything better.

    Most importantly, LEARN from this, so that the cycle of abuse can be stopped.
     
    Last edited: Apr 19, 2005
  9. johan

    johan Active Member

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    So...why not wake up early one day? Or is the problem not serious enough to wake up a couple hours earlier...?

    Ya ya, I understand you're probably not eager to get into a discussion which may lead to a confrontation, so you're probably "sleeping" in order to avoid the whole thing.

    But you've gotta start somewhere.
     
  10. I suggest you attend Alateen meetings and discuss what's going on there. You'll find they are local in your area. I would advise you make time to discuss his alcoholism, as well as the abuse and how it makes you feel.
     
  11. DynamiteHaxor

    DynamiteHaxor New Member

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    That's why, even if he's sober (weekends) he's still mean and doesn't get a long with anyone. I TRY not to piss him off but like he flips on every little thing.


    Already have, I don't drink and never plan on it because alcoholism (sp?) runs in the family some times so I'd rather just not start...and when I have kids I wouldn't lay a finger on them because I know what it would be like to be in their shoes.


    I never understood that place, you just talk about your parents? How do they go about FIXING the problem after they know about it? Is there like diff age groups or what? I'd rather be with people my own age rather than some like 13 or 19 year old.
     
  12. Then attend Alanon meetings instead. Do a search online to find out more if you wish to know more about Alateen or Alanon.
     
  13. DynamiteHaxor

    DynamiteHaxor New Member

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    There isn't really a place near me, unless I took like a million busses.
     
  14. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Im sorry to say it , but from this point you will have to be the adult who take measures for the kid(your dad). He needs to get into a kick-off center and join AA, really living with an alcohol abuser is terrible. He won't mind ruining his own life and taking you two along with him. He has to leave the house period. Either you and your mom leave, or he leaves. And i suggest that he leaves from the house. Your mom should file a divorce against him. And i am sorry that you have had such a bad father example in your life. Most dads are loving individuals who care and work for their families. At least its a good example of how you do NOT want to live. Booze destroys more then you love. I advice you to also post this in road to recovery. Most folks there now there way with addictive behaviour, and you could get some good advice there as most of them know their way around the clinic, and have experienced relatives who used/or suffered from addiction.
     
  15. JustinH

    JustinH New Member

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    If you have any close family like a grandma, or aunt/uncle call them and go over there and tell them you need to stay with them, and explain the situation.

    Then maybe your father will wise up and hopefully get some help for himself.
     
  16. DynamiteHaxor

    DynamiteHaxor New Member

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    Eh, no family really lives around here...I would rather just leave him and let him do whatever the fuck he wants than me baby his lazy ass...don't really know how to tell my mom my ideas though. Suggestions?
     
  17. CBBaller

    CBBaller keira is below.

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    I say go to the cops.
     
  18. DynamiteHaxor

    DynamiteHaxor New Member

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    And do what? I'm a one man team... and don't really have anyone to help me explain etc.
     
  19. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    if you have a restraining order against him, what's he doing in the house?

    if it restricts him from being in the same house as you, call the cops, they'll arrest him
     
  20. DynamiteHaxor

    DynamiteHaxor New Member

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    he wasn't living with us because the cops kicked him out but now he came back thats why he's here...i don't want to call the cops because when he does come back he'll kick my ass.
     
  21. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Eh?
    That's what a restraining order is for. :nono: If he's kicking your ass, then cops should know about it.

    Honestly, if you're getting the shit beat of of you, doesn't it offend you that your mother doesn't seem to care? That she tacitly condones his bevaviour through inaction? Why bother with what she thinks when your self-preservation is at stake? Maybe she's all you've known but she certainly isn't all you've got.

    Get the hell out of that house. NOW. Call the non-emergency line and ask what happens if he's in violation of his restraining order. If it means a night in the slammer, do it - then use that night to get you and your stuff out of the house.

    Nothing will happen unless YOU do it.

    ps- Talk to your school counselor - they have resources on housing, coping, etc. for situations like this. That's what they're there for, and they're free. Use them.
     
  22. DynamiteHaxor

    DynamiteHaxor New Member

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    Where would I go if I left?
     
  23. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Let the counselor help you figure that out.

    That's what counselling is for. To help you see things you can't by yourself.
    And there is always another way. Just not one that's apparent to you at the moment.
     
  24. DynamiteHaxor

    DynamiteHaxor New Member

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    True...but who in their right mind would want two 15 year old boys living with them? :confused:
     
  25. DynamiteHaxor

    DynamiteHaxor New Member

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    Eh, I'm thinking of asking my best friend, he has a gigantic house with like this extra part thats detatched for guests, it has a bed, mini kitchen, bathroom and like a TV and shit...his parents think I am like amazing and they never use it...hmm. Only problem is I wouldn't know how to go about talking to him about actually LIVING with him...that would be ackward.

    How long would it take a hardcore alcoholic to detox if they set their minds to it?

    (trying to see how long I would have to live there.)

    Tonight for example, my mom made this shitty ass food and it was cold and I already felt sick so I didn't eat it and my dad got all pissed when I tried to leave the dinner table...he told me to sit my ass down and eat the "wonderful dinner your mother has made."

    Thing is...she's not my mother...just a mom...there's a difference...sometimes I don't know why my life exists...my biological parents were just stupid ass teens that wanted to bone and don't give a shit about me or anything about my life and have moved on and my adoptive parents are dumbass drunks that I have to care for. It makes me sick to here some of these pussies at my school complaining about not getting this or not getting that...jesus fucking christ. Why?
     

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