My crazy relationship and one big problem

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by DubbyDoo, Oct 17, 2008.

  1. DubbyDoo

    DubbyDoo New Member

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    OK.. ill start from the beginning...about 2 and a half years ago i met a girl through an online game. We talked a lot on the phone she eventually camp up to see me for a weekend. everything went well i ended up seeing her at least once a month for a year you could say we were going out long distence relationship wise. Later in the relationship i had trust issues with her at the time she was living with her ex (I know that seems like a bad idea to try to date someone in that situation.) he ended up moving out after a while things were ok.

    around last december i went up there for a week everything was good i met her parents i had already met her friends and they knew who i was. one day out of the blue she called me and said it wasnt working out and we both had agreed to call if off cause it was hard to keep it going. the next 4 months i had a hard time gettin over her but did. last may she calls me out of the blue saying shes moving up here for work. i felt alot of diffrent feelings, i kinda felt like maybe theres a chance to make this work. last june she moved up her and i moved in with her. things were goin great for the first two months but then we found out that she was pregnate. we were both not ready for that, but im the type of person not to back out and thought to myself im gonna do what i can to make this work. i talked to her about marriage, im a tradition guys and believe that if to people are having children its good enough reason to marry for the kids sake. she thought that was a cop out and said she only wanted to get married if she was truely deepy in love with someone.

    starting this month we had a trip planned for vacation we went and i kinda felt some tesion between us and i figured it was her be preggo. i did pretty much anything she asked me to do. well just 3 days ago she tells me shes gonna move back home cause she hates everything about it here where we live she misses her friends and parents. so thinking to myself shes gonna have my kid i need to a. move with her b. get her to stay.

    (A little bit about me I work for a family business ive been doing this since I got out of highschool. my plans were to take it over and run it. ive never had any over training or school in anything else)

    so im sitting her thinking if I move what am I gonna do for a job how will I support her and my kid. I went and talked to my mom about the situation and she told me if I truely love her then I know what to do and she wont feel bad if I leave the company. we get to talking and we start thinking of ways to maybe start a branch off the current company where she lives. we come up with a good plan.

    later that night I come home and ask her how much she loves me and if I she wanted me to move with her and start this business me and my mom have talked about. she preceeds to tell me she doesnt know if she would love me after we moves cause its a diffrent area...that blows my mind cause no matter what happens to her I always know im going to love her wheather we move to a diffrent place or not. she tells me that shes pretty much had her mind made up on moving for a month or so and shes been tryin to phase me out love wise of her life so it wont be that hard for her.

    that was such a shock to me i was speechless and decided I need to get away for the night and left. next day she acts like nothing is wrong wants to go about things like normal. meanwhile ive been a nervious wreck for the last 3 days gotten maybe 5 hours of sleep between that time and have called into work sick. i've got so much goin through my mind right now my main priority is the kid at this point I dont want to be 9 hours away from my kid if and when shes takes it with her and i dont want my kid to be raised with only one parent

    I guess im just ranting and getting this off my mind and seeing what other peoples opinions are about the situatuion and if you have anything that might help me
     
  2. MarshyTheKid

    MarshyTheKid New Member

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    She doesn't know if she would love you in a different area?
    She sounds to me like she is bored.
     
  3. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    Is it too late for an abortion? Or any chance to give this kid up for adoption?
     
  4. bad situation man.

    you have very little control of it and you will have to realize it.

    she no longer sounds interested in you so let her move and take care of your child the best you can.

    to each their own but getting married for the kid is not a good idea. you will both be miserable and he/she will be able to pick up on it.
     
  5. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    It is hard to say what her true feelings are right now because she is pregnant. Pregnant women are CRAZY! :hsd: because of all the hormones...

    But regardless of the hormones, this girl seems flighty and impossible to please... are you sure the baby is yours? Maybe she is pulling away from you because she doesn't have the guts to tell you that you're not the father...

    I'm not trying to give you more things to be anxious about, but I'm just trying to help you stay real and focused.
     
  6. DubbyDoo

    DubbyDoo New Member

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    well letting her go would be a lot easier if the child wasn't involved. i know for a fact shes gonna take the child with her. i almost feel used in a sense i don't want to be deadbeat father but being 9 hours away is gonna be tough to be anything really. she wont get an abortion unless something is wrong with it and adoption is out she wouldn't do that
     
  7. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    Well at least you wont have to worry about being a deadbeat father because you'll have to opportunity to pay child support for the next 18 years.

    If she doesn't want to be with you, you can't control that. The only thing you can control is for partial custody and/or visiting rights if the kid is truly yours.
     
  8. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    I'm sorry, man. Truly I am. Although mostly I'm sorry for the kid. This woman does not sound like she has her unborn child's best interest at heart. She doesn't sound ready for a relationship, let alone a child.

    Best you can do is focus on taking care of yourself and your child. Your relationship with her should be below those two things on your list of priorities, but I think you know that. Whatever you do, do not let her keep your child out of your life (unless you're an abusive asshole, which you don't sound like). Some people will take off with kids and it's hard for the other parent to build a relationship, which really just hurts the kids long term. So make sure whatever happens that you do what you have to in order to be that child's father. If she gets in your way, fight her.
     
  9. fray

    fray New Member

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    you've already got some good advice here as far as the kid goes, so I'm just going to say this - this is a problem you could have easily avoided. You had many warning signs and made some terrible decisions along along the way. Learn from this and don't be so naive next time.
     
  10. rubberjenny

    rubberjenny New Member

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    You really sound like you want to make this work, the way I make decisions is ask my self would I have regrets if I did not do something. This relationship may work or not in the end. but you can't have regrets what do you really want. Don't worry about a family business that will always be there.

    It sounds familiar to what I did, when I was pregnant, my hormones when off the chart, evan the smell of my OH annoyed me, I just was not happy, so when we had a bit argument, I left to be a single mother. I did not see him again until two week before I gave birth, then we got back together, but it only lasted two years.

    He always regretted not being there during the pregnancy, and I was angry that he did not follow me and find me. The problem was we did not communicate our true feelings, maybe because we could not, perhaps we could have got some counseling or something to help at the time.
    It is such a traumatic experience your first time, especially if your relationship is not one that has strong foundations.
     
  11. IsayHELLA

    IsayHELLA CBS cares

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    edit. sorry, left the page open and friend typed nonsense
     
    Last edited: Oct 17, 2008
  12. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    This is just a wild crazy theory, but I'm just curious if I'm the only one who had this thought or not....

    But did you ever entertain the idea that she used you to get pregnant? Maybe she's looking for a golden paycheck from the kid. :dunno:

    That's just an off the wall theory though, but it DID run through my mind.

    This girl isn't in love with you. If anything, I'm willing to bet that they she was really in love with your mind but when she met you in real life it just wasn't the same. That sort of thing happens all the time wiht online dating. Even if you went up once a month. :dunno:

    At the very base level, this girl has low interest in you and it's time to end the relationship before it makes you crazy. Figure out a visitation plan for the kid, or consider the option of adoption.
     
  13. demosnat

    demosnat New Member

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    Paternity test.
     
  14. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    this
     
  15. damiand

    damiand Proceed

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    Jesus, word! She sounds like shes been unintersted for longer then a night or two.
     
  16. DubbyDoo

    DubbyDoo New Member

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    just a little update i had decided to stay with her and had most of the issues worked out. we had went down to her old home over Halloween and it seemed to spark the match and she had rolled back over and decided she must move again. i pretty much broke down in front of her and told her im tried of trying to make stuff work and that im leaving. its a hard choice but its the best at this point i haven't been getting much sleep the last month, my overall health has been poor. so here i am leaving her and letting her take my kid. i feel like a failure and its something that i will have to live with for the rest of my life. as for the kid im not sure how to go about things i want to be there but at the same time i dont want to be around her or see her ever. what are my options at this point with my kid i will be 11 hours away its gonna be hard for me to visit much, i feel like im gonna be another dead beat dad in the world
     
  17. Toroweedeater99

    Toroweedeater99 Registered E-thug

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    here is what you can do.The situation is what it is and you can't do much about it. The only thing you can control is your actions. Yeah it is messy situation but it all can work out. You are not the first and definitely not the last person to go through this.The kid ain't even born and you are already beating yourself up. The only thing different about you both living in the same town is convenience/travel time. You have made this child now your going to have to suck the convenience/travel time up. But as far as stressing the only thing you should be stressing/fretting about at this time is making sure the the baby momma has the right medical attention and your baby is going to be healthy. Situations change all the time and it with her state of mind it is a good possibility. But i would suggest NOT getting married and if you can branch off the family business to be closer to your kid once born would be prime. The relationship is over. Just love the child once the baby is born and go from there.
     
  18. yankeeschick14

    yankeeschick14 New Member

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    you moved in with a girl that you were broken up with to try and work things out? you went from a shaky long distance relationship to a live-in cohabitation? should have seen the writing on the wall from there. That being said, we can't go back to the past, so there's nothing you can do about that now.

    If you dont want to be another deadbeat dad, don't. My bfs dad lives in North Carolina and he lives in New Jersey. You think that's not hard? It is. They make it work and are still close. He never lived with his father, even when they lived closer, but they made a point to be together at half the holidays/birthdays. There may come a time when you choose to move closer to be close to your child, in which case your involvement in his/her life can be even greater. You're going to have to get over your own personal feelings for the girl and get along amicably enough to pass the kid off between you for visits. The best situation, of course, would be if you could somehow be civil.
     
  19. Emfuser

    Emfuser Nuclear Moderator Super Moderator

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    Do not get married.

    DO get a paternity test.
     
  20. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    Let's not focus on all the little details, let's just focus on STEP FUCKING ONE and get that out of the way. And step one is:

    GET. A. PATERNITY. TEST.
     
  21. DubbyDoo

    DubbyDoo New Member

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    theres no dout its mine theres no other way for it to be someone else's im pretty sure i know when the seed planting was
     
  22. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    God damn, dude, stop being so fucking thick. We, who are on a message board and are reading mere words, can see through your posts that there's a possibility enough that it's not yours to get a paternity test. Just trust us and do it.

    I know, I know, you TRUST this girl...you LOVE this girl...and in a lot of ways you WANT it to be yours.

    Get. the. test.

    I know , I know, it costs money. But that money is well worth the peace of mind of KNOWING they are yours.

    Get. the. test.

    YOU ARE AND WERE IN A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP.

    GET. THE. TEST.

    Or, don't get the test. Whatever. Spend the rest of your life trying to play father over an 11 hour distance with a kid that is likely not even yours.
     
  23. coldstone

    coldstone New Member

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    Bro... you might not be the father.
     
  24. coldstone

    coldstone New Member

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    Some states have a statute of limitations in regards to paternity tests. So let's say you don't get one done after the child is born and ten years later, she tells you it's not your baby. The court might throw your case out the window even if you have proof that it's not your kid. You will be stuck paying till the kid is 18.

    Seriously, get the test done. You guys are done anyway, right? So who cares if her "feelings" are hurt when you demand a test. Her "feelings" wouldn't be hurt when she keeps getting those child support checks from you, would they?
     
  25. djshotglass

    djshotglass New Member

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    :rofl: it never ceases to amaze me how pussy whipped and blind some guys are
     

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