SRS My cousin's dog just passed away... :sad2:

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Madness, Jun 9, 2005.

  1. Madness

    Madness Do not let Dr. Mario touch your genitals. He is no

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    Aparantly she passed about an hour ago, and my Mom says my cousin is pretty histerical about it and that I should call her.. :sad2:. I hate using the phone on any occasion.. what am I supposed to say to get her to calm down?


    Edit: Correction, what exactly should I say when I call her?
     
  2. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Let's pretend her name is Michelle.

    Ring ring.

    "Hi Michelle, it's Madness.
    <sobbing> "yeah"
    "I just heard about your dog, I'm sorry. I know how much he/she meant to you"
    <sobbing> "yeah"
    "Are you ok, I feel bad for ya. You know I'm here for you"
    <sobbing> "yeah"
    ...

    It's important to express something to those grieving, even though usually we don't know what to say.

    But you know what? It's just the act of calling and talking with them, that's what's important.

    You don't need to say anything special, you don't need to invent something clever to say, you don't need to "fix" anything or come up with a solution for anything.

    You just need to call up and express some caring for that person (as shown above) and express that you're sorry they're hurting.

    Honest. It's as simple as that. That's all you need to do.

    Don't just do nothing because you couldn't think of anything "special" to say. Just call and say the above words. That'll get you started.

    After that, just talk nicely to her for about 5-10 mins and then say, "I have to go, but I'll give you a quick call tomorrow to see how you're doing. OK?"

    That's it. There's no magic (and yet, there is... it's so subtle, it's obvious).

    Good luck.
     
  3. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    If possible i would visit her, and sit down with her and have a conversation with her, in which you try to show your compassion, and love, along with a lot of understanding and time.
     
  4. Listen to her, even in the awkward silence. Let her know you're supportive, and tell her you wanted to call to see if you could provide comfort. Offer yourself and pray for her. She'll remember that a lone, and that's all you need.

    When people know someone is there available for them, it's enough.

    You really can't 'calm' someone down who is experiencing intense grief,...in-fact it's best if you don't. Only if they are a danger to another or themself is it wise to forcefully impose your will on the grieving.
     
  5. Madness

    Madness Do not let Dr. Mario touch your genitals. He is no

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    i would but she's about 10 states away..


    Thanks for the advice johan, I went with pretty much what you said eventhough the convo didnt last that long, but I could tell she appreciated it.
     
  6. Madness

    Madness Do not let Dr. Mario touch your genitals. He is no

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    I understand, I just don't feel comfortable knowing that someone I consider a sister is in so much grief right now, and theres nothing I can really do about it. Even when she answered the phone she was choked up and didn't make it 10 seconds before breaking down agian.. :sad2:
     
  7. It's not going to be comfortable, regardless of what you do. You know that. You've done the right thing though.
     
  8. johan

    johan Active Member

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    That's to be expected. Just sit quietly and listen for a bit, say a few nice words, and then listen for a bit.

    Call her again tomorrow (like you said at the end of the convo, right?) and do the same thing.

    Nothing fancy. Just the following:

    "Hi Michelle, just checking in with you to see how you are."
    <sniffle> "yeah. ok I guess"
    "that's great, things are gonna be alright"
    <sniffle> "yeah. ok. I guess so."
    "yeah. they will. just hang in there, K?"
    <sniffle> "yeah. ok. I guess."
    "ok, hey Mish, I gotta run now, but I'll talk to you soon. call me if you need to talk, K?"
    <sniffle> "yeah. ok. thanks"
    "K. see ya later"

    This followup conversation shouldn't take more than 5 minutes, but it means a lot to someone who is floundering and grieving.
    Actually less is more, she probably doesn't want to stay on the phone for too long anyway.

    Just keep it to about 3-5 mins.

    Do it. Call her again. And that should just about do it.
     

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