SRS my boyfriend wants to get married after 5 months....

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by beautiful disaster, Oct 15, 2005.

  1. beautiful disaster

    beautiful disaster OT Supporter

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    so my boyfriend and i have been dating for a while and things were good -- til 2 months ago when he was injured in a bull riding accident. he broke his arm in three places and was out of work for two months. he lived at the local fire house, paying his rent by working full time and running fire calls. but when he got injured he couldn't run calls so they pretty much kicked him out. so i told him he could stay at my place for a couple days which turned into 2 months. and being around him every waking moment when i'm not working is driving me insane. now i'm getting an apartment, and he wants to move with me. and i don't know what to do because he has no where else to go if i tell him that he can't because his dad's a drunk and his mom lives in another city 3 hours away.

    i dunno what to do...some helpful advice please!!!!!! :bowdown:
     
  2. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    And you say you two want to get married :sad2: lol, i don't think that's a good idea. let him stay until he goes back to work, Then find an apartment for him , break up with him, and kick him out. And enjoy the peace of single life. Because your clearly not ready for a long term relationship yet. You still want to enjoy your freedom. Admit it.
     
  3. beautiful disaster

    beautiful disaster OT Supporter

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    i don't want to get married -- he wants to!!
     
  4. Yes have some!

    Yes have some! Active Member

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    if you don't want to get married then don't...he is an asshole for forcing it on you
     
  5. beautiful disaster

    beautiful disaster OT Supporter

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    he's not really forcing it -- just saying that he wants to. i just feel like i'm in a situation because i don't really want to kick him out because he has nowhere to go.
     
  6. dave steel

    dave steel My Kung Fu is the best.

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    You don't want to marry this guy. Set him up in a room for rent for 2 months, then set him free...

    [​IMG]
     
  7. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    Isn't that your answer right there?
    Don't marry him (obviously!)
    Talk with him seriously about how you're feeling and give him some time to find a new place to live.
    Do you want to stay dating him?
     
  8. beautiful disaster

    beautiful disaster OT Supporter

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    see that's the whole thing -- like he's a great guy and all that, i guess you can say that i'm feeling a bit rushed with the whole living together already and him talking about marriage. i mean, i'm sure once he goes back to work it will be okay. i don't know. sometimes he's just so stiffling. he watches over me like a hawk when we're around other guys, i'm surprised he hasn't been reading my email or going through my cell phone. i just don't know what the do.
     
  9. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    Please don't make a huge mistake and marry him then.
    Your relationship doesn't sound... 'healthy' right now. Why is he in so much of a hurry?
    How much longer will he be out of work?

    edit: why can't he go live with his mom? If he's not working right now, what difference does it make if he's there or 3 hours away?
     
  10. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    I said this on purpose to make you shout your decision NO or YES , your clear NO to me states that you should throw him out. once he's got a job and his own apartment that is.
     
  11. beautiful disaster

    beautiful disaster OT Supporter

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    oh believe me, there is no way in hell i'm ready for marriage. he's actually going back to work on monday. i don't know why he's in such a hurry -- that's what i want to know.

    i just feel like i'm the only thing he has. his mom really has nothing to do with him, he dad ignores the fact that he even exists, he doesn't have many friends...it's almost as if he's scared to let me out of his site for fear of losing me.

    he's severely depressed and everytime i even make even so much as a hint at leaving him he practically breaks down into tears... it's so complicated...
     
  12. Yes have some!

    Yes have some! Active Member

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    if he panics and can't live his life w/o you holding his hand...that is a big fucking red flag!!!!!:run: :run: I don't know how old you are but if he wants to marry you after only 5 months...something is seriously wrong there. And it sounds like you don't want to be with him anyway.
     
  13. beautiful disaster

    beautiful disaster OT Supporter

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    i dunno, i think i will prolly just wait for him to get back on his feet and then discuss his options
     
  14. johan

    johan Active Member

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    It will take him YEARS to get back on his feet if you simply sit back and wait for him to do it. It will only happen when he's finally tired of you and wrung you dry.

    And then you will feel thoroughly used (which you have been) and will hate him, hate yourself and hate your life and everything it contains.

    The other common scenario is while he is using you for room and board, he eventually finds another woman, and starts messing around with her.

    Then comes the shocked "and after all I've done for you!" speech.

    You are right to not want to marry him. Some part of you knows his marriage proposal, though undoubtedly heartfelt on his part, is simply him trying to lock in his meal ticket.
     
  15. beautiful disaster

    beautiful disaster OT Supporter

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    do you honestly think that will happen? because he just seems so attached to me -- and the whole marriage thing....
     
  16. Yes have some!

    Yes have some! Active Member

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    how old are you btw?
     
  17. beautiful disaster

    beautiful disaster OT Supporter

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    old enough
     
  18. Yes have some!

    Yes have some! Active Member

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    teh lack of details is disturbing. if you are like 30, then marry him. if you are like 18, then don't, its way too young
     
  19. beautiful disaster

    beautiful disaster OT Supporter

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    well i'm not 30, and i'm not 18 lol :hsughno:
     
  20. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Amity listen up here. The reason he wants to marry you is because he doesn't want to lose you. Red flag, those other people don't want to have nothing to do with him for no reason, its because he has no life and he clinging on to you asif you are the last straw. Even if he had zero people in his life, he should be able to show that he is capable of living his own life on his own. I also think he lives a reckless life (the whole bullriding thing) , he sounds immature in many ways. If he shows he is a man who can love you unconditionally and financially independently then you may take him back if you desire so. But as the male he should be the one be protecting you , and not the other way around.
     
  21. beautiful disaster

    beautiful disaster OT Supporter

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    he was til he got hurt. and i don't think it's his fault that his parents are like that. he's been on his own since he was 16, which is sad. he was the bread winner til he got hurt. he can support himself for the most part (paying his own bills such as car insurance, cell phone, food, etc. with money he has saved) but just can't afford a place of his own right now. he has friends, but i believe he thinks i'm the only person that truely cares about him -- which isn't true. there are other people besides me that do care, he just refuses to see it. and i think because of that, and because of his bad experiences in life, he believes that i am the sole good thing in his life.

    bull riding for him was a hobby like some people go sky diving or engage in other dangerous sports. he rode for two years without getting hurt, and won a lot of money doing so. he has a stable job that he will be going back to and he will be back on his feet soon enough. i just think that his injury set him back into his depression of feeling worthless with his already low self esteem issue. i've been trying to help him rebuild that but it is a slow grueling process as of late. and i feel that it won't get better until he returns to work and is bringing home a paycheck.
     
  22. Yes have some!

    Yes have some! Active Member

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    so once he gets back on his feet will he stop clinging to you. Most women I know are extremely put off by clingy men.
     
  23. beautiful disaster

    beautiful disaster OT Supporter

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    i think he's just scared i'm going to leave him. which i don't plan on doing if he turns his ways around. but i guess only time will tell at this point.
     
  24. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    Be careful with a guy like that. You might not ever really know who he is or what he is capable of until something bad happens and he snaps.
     
  25. beautiful disaster

    beautiful disaster OT Supporter

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    i've talked to him about that -- he says that's not a trust issue, dispite what i think -- and the only reason he's like that is because he's been screwed over so many times in the past. i've reassured him i don't know how many times that i'm not like the other girls and that i would break up with him before i would cheat on him (as most people know how the pain of being cheated on feels like) he has gotten better about it since we had a little chat, but it's still there reguardless.
     

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