SRS My Biological father and I don't talk...

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Schadenfreude1, Aug 5, 2009.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Schadenfreude1

    Schadenfreude1 New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 9, 2006
    Messages:
    16,393
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New Orleans
    We're not angry with each other or anything... we just don't talk. My mother divorced him when i was six, and it's been a rough ride since. My step father has basically been my father.

    I have a one year old daughter. She treats my Step dad as her grandfather. My question is, when do i introduce the fact that my step dad is not my "real" dad? I don't want to hide it, but i don't want to confuse her.
     
  2. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2002
    Messages:
    10,498
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    My guess would be 'when she asks about it', herself. Because that will be the moment when she's open minded enough and give it a place within the structure of her mind. But you sorta have to soft tone it, in a way that she doesn't get confused and let her innocent mind get caught up in a 'messed up' reality , so make sure it doesn't mess up her mind you see.

    A kid needs to have a 'correct view' on how life is 'functional' like mom marries dad, grandpa and grandma are married, everyone loving and caring for eachother, sounds simple enough but steer away from 'dysfunctional' images, like alcoholism,drugs,cheating,divorces and all what is messed up. You want to propagate a functional life for your daughter, and make sure she copies a good image of on how the world is supposed to function.
     
  3. deusexaethera

    deusexaethera OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2005
    Messages:
    19,712
    Likes Received:
    0
    Just tell her you're going to take her to meet her "other grandpa", and answer the questions she asks when she's old enough to think of them.

    Dark, I agree with most of what you said, but it's equally important to make it clear (when the time comes) that the TS' mother and father are not bad people because they failed to live up to the ideal of staying married for life -- they're just making the best of a bad situation, which is what most people do most of their lives.

    EDIT: Before you take your daughter to meet your father, get on speaking terms with him first -- she's going to pick up on how you get along with him, and her own ability to form a relationship with him will be affected by that. If you two have lots of awkward silences, she's going to notice, even if not on a conscious level.
     
  4. Thomas Crenshaw

    Thomas Crenshaw New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 27, 2009
    Messages:
    7,614
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    SOFLA
    i havent spoken to my biological father since i was about 11. im 22 now and my mom remarried shortly after and my stepfather legally adopted me and my brother.

    my grandchildren will never know my biological father, that redneck faggot.
     
  5. Schadenfreude1

    Schadenfreude1 New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 9, 2006
    Messages:
    16,393
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New Orleans
    Thanks for the replies. Good advice.
     
  6. MissKitty

    MissKitty If squats were easy they'd be called 'Your Mum' OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2004
    Messages:
    50,618
    Likes Received:
    179
    Location:
    Dingoland
    I think if the issues of grandparents come up you can say 'You're lucky, you have TWO grandpas' :)
     
  7. BadKat

    BadKat GIVE ME WINE!!

    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2008
    Messages:
    34,479
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Emerald City
    I think the advice here is great. I agree, just tell her it's her "other" Grandpa. kids get more then one even if their parents stay together (Mom's and Dad's), so it won't be too confusing. And then just answer her questions as she asks them, but always make sure they're age appropriate. And like deus said, try and stay away from terms like alcoholism/divorce/cheating, etc.

    My poor kid is sooo confused. She has 3 living Great-Grandma's, 2 living Great-Grandpa's, 2 Grandpa's and 3 - yes THREE - Grandma's :uh: And all but one or two have individual "names" they're called to differentiate between. So consider yourself lucky that you're simply introducing her to another Grandpa and not trying to explain why her 2 Grandma's live together and sleep in the same bed :hsugh:
     
  8. MissKitty

    MissKitty If squats were easy they'd be called 'Your Mum' OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2004
    Messages:
    50,618
    Likes Received:
    179
    Location:
    Dingoland
    My kids have three grandmothers as well (one has 4). Two of which have the same name :rofl: However all three have different names they get called by the kids
     
  9. BadKat

    BadKat GIVE ME WINE!!

    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2008
    Messages:
    34,479
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Emerald City
    :bowrofl: Yeah, 2 of the grandma's (both my StepMom's) have the same name as well! SOOOO confusing, but they have different "grandma" names. It's the SO's side that had to be difficult and both his parents and his Grandparents want to use just Grandma/Grandpa. My side is awesome in that, they ALL have different names to be called.
     
  10. Spiritus

    Spiritus Active Member

    Joined:
    Oct 15, 2002
    Messages:
    19,344
    Likes Received:
    12
    I think you're probably going to regret not talking to your real father once he's dead. It's better that it has an ending...

    As for your daughter, tell her when she's like 8-10, so she can understand yet not feel she was missing an important fact her whole life.
     
  11. LongDongWong

    LongDongWong U can call me Mr.Wong

    Joined:
    Oct 24, 2001
    Messages:
    2,293
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Bay Area
    I've never met my father, but i know where he lives....have no real urge to meet him either....i'm 30yrs old...mother remarried when i was 5yrs old so my step dad has been the go to guy.
     
  12. James Deanely

    James Deanely Active Member

    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2001
    Messages:
    1,394
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    The Woods
    Did you dad used to spend time with you before they split up when you were 5?
     
  13. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2002
    Messages:
    10,498
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    R.I.P , zombie thread. :rolleyes:
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.

Share This Page