SRS my bf wants to breakup every time hes stressed.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by flowers, Apr 5, 2008.

  1. flowers

    flowers New Member

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    i have been dating this guy for 2 months and we both are really into eachothe. the problem is that when my boy friend gets stressed or annoyed with me he suggests to end the relationship. hes done it twice in a span of two months. the first time he reacted this way he was drunk. i cried and he said it said it out of frustration and wants to get back.

    the second time was yesterday and he said how hes sorry and said it out of frustration and cannot even imagine ending it.

    we both like eachother a lot and his impluses are leaving me stressed. i dont know what is the right way to react .

    i spoke to him about his behaviour and he says he does it out of frustration and will not do it again.......should i believe him..i just dont know how to handle the situtation and not be a doormat.
     
  2. dymondboy2f

    dymondboy2f Second place is the first loser.

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    How old are you?
     
  3. flowers

    flowers New Member

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    18 and hes 22
     
  4. Esby

    Esby New Member

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    Call his bluff and don't talk to him for a month... If you end up getting back together, he will think twice about acting so childish again.

    The fact that you took him back so easily justifies that this is ok to do in his mind. Personally, I wouldn't put up with this... I'd just drop the relationship - especially after only 2 months.
     
  5. Redbeard

    Redbeard OT Supporter

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    He is throwing a tantrum because he doesnt get his way. Confront him on it or get rid of him.
     
  6. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Things are making him stressed you need to find out by asking him what is stressing him, and make sure those factors leave out of the relationship. Don't give in to the blackmail, say he needs to talk about the things that bother him, instead of running away each and every time as a coward from everything that stresses him.
     
  7. 1bad-eg

    1bad-eg New Member

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    I agree....2 months and you've been through that crap twice all ready? IMO, the relationship could get uglier, I would move on if I were you.
     
  8. eWRXshun

    eWRXshun hai

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    i was kinda like that with someone.

    whenever i got a little drunk, i didn't want the relationship.

    i figure people's true feelings come out when they're drunk anyway.

    i'm sure you can do better. you're 18, pretty much the whole world wants you.
     
  9. Ivan

    Ivan New Member

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    The relationship is not going to work if he keeps doing this.

    If he does it again, talk to him, if he doesn't want to listen or tell you what the hell is with him, then YOU break up. You're no puppet for him to play with your feelings.
     
  10. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    When someone says something like this, expect it to happen. It's a major red flag and a sign of severe cracks in the foundation of the relationship.

    The relationship will fail, but you don't have to lose your self-respect in the process.

    1: Never Go Back
    2: He hasn't changed.
    3: You're going to get hurt somemore.

    I'm not sure you'll understand what I'm saying, but for your sake I hope you take this wisdom to heart.
     
  11. deusexaethera

    deusexaethera OT Supporter

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    My guess is he's doing it because he's projecting his frustrations about other stuff onto the relationship itself. Maybe he expects you to help him deal with his frustration, or maybe he doesn't want to deal with the real cause so he's finding something else to blame. Neither reason is promising; he needs to spill his guts and explain exactly what he's frustrated about and why he keeps bringing it home to you. Until then, no progress can be made.
     
  12. flowers

    flowers New Member

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    well he came to see me the other day and tried to explain himself. he says hes having family issues .well he does not really have a family and said when hes frustrated he deals with me as he would with his family...
     
  13. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :rofl: I'm not trying to laugh at you, just laughing at the bullshit people spew and those who are willing to believe it.

    Sweetie, whenever someone threatens to break up more than once this early in a relationship it's their conscience screaming out "I DON'T LOVE YOU AND DON'T CARE ENOUGH TO WORK ON THINGS!"

    Simple as that. When someone loves you they are willing to work through differences and persevere...not call it quits over bullshit petty issues.

    Get some respect for yourself. I know you are young and you lost your virginity to this guy recently, but chalk it up to experience and find a guy who won't make you feel like you are walking on eggshells around him to keep your relationship together.
     
  14. Xin

    Xin OT Supporter

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    ^^ I don't know why you are mentioning love when they have been dating for 2 months. That's a bit fast for that don't ya think? :ugh:
     
  15. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    I'm assuming you are talking to me. And yes, 2 months (IMO) is way too fast to be saying those kinds of feelings. My point in clarifying he's not in love is because I'm willing to bet you anything even though she didn't mention it she's already thinking she's in love and/or they've said it.
     
  16. flowers

    flowers New Member

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    ok to clarify. i am not in love nor is he. we have been officially dating since jan but were involved since last august. he and i spend a lot of time together since we both live on campus. him and i very good friends and wish to continue that along with the benefits of dating.
     
    Last edited: Apr 6, 2008
  17. Paulie Walnuts

    Paulie Walnuts Im an agent of chaos

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    I did not read everyones responses but sadly I have done this with my wife on numerous occasions and now it has finally bit me because she left.
     
  18. flowers

    flowers New Member

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    did you really mean it when you did it?
     
  19. 2500

    2500 Guest

    Sounds like his childhood sucked, and he wasn't appreciated or respected by his family, and he had to resort to doing the "worst thing" to get "his way." Ya know, when your mom won't buy you the new toy everyone wants, you threaten to run away, or kill yourself. You don't mean it, but, you don't know how to either A) not get your way, or B) get your way using adult means. i'd talk with him about you being an understanding person, and if things are bothering him, make him know you'll do your best to work on things, or help him get through rough times, but he has to trust that you care about him and will help him without him threatening to leave. tell him its not needed.
     
  20. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    even if he doesnt really mean to hurt you when he says or does those things, is that fair to you?

    everyone gets stressed, and he may be taking his frustrations with life out on you because you are the closest person to him. every so often, it would be understandable and forgivable. but a couple times in 2 months sounds a little too extreme, and stressful for you in return.

    as far as how you should react to him when he does this, if you decide to stay with him, i would just leave and give him space. if he is going to be a jerk, take yourself out of the situation so he cant do it towards you. dont see him or talk to him until he has cooled down. maybe then he will understand how much it is hurting and bothering you and he will work on improving his attitude
     
  21. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    That's his problem. He should see a therpaist if he's that fucked up that he's turning his GF into mommy, and using you as his emotional trash bin.
     
  22. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    .
     
  23. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    Usually, when someone brings up breaking up every time they have a fight, but not ever actually do it, it means they are trying to get the other person to break up with them.

    My response would be: "Listen, if you're not adult enough to handle conflicts in a mature fashion, and think breaking up is the only option, we're done. I'm not going to be with someone who jumps to extremes that quickly".

    You've only been with this guy two months. It's the honeymoon phase, the fact that you are having lots of fights and him jumping to "we should break up" is NOT a good sign.
     
  24. Paulie Walnuts

    Paulie Walnuts Im an agent of chaos

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    No, it was meant as a scare tactic. But cry wolf one too many times and its not believed.

    After reflecting on myself and my actions I did it because I was / am insecure and had problems of my own that I took out on her. Talk through it if he means anything to you because before you know it its gone.
     
  25. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    You may think that you are good friends but I don't think that he sees your relationship the same way. In fact, I don't think he likes you much at all.

    Oh I know....I'm an idiot and I don't know "the real him" or that I'm not able to see you together and if I could only see how you are around each other, then I would understand.

    Wrong.

    I don't put much faith in what people say - I put my faith in their actions. Why? Because talk is cheap. It's easy to be friendly when times are good....hell even an enemy can be somewhat friendly when times are good. So fucking what.....that's easy. I want friends to be my friends when it's difficult to be my friend....that's how I know I have a real friend.

    It seems like you really like this guy. I don't think he feels the same, even if he says he does. I would suggest you move on and find someone that will like you for you.
     

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