SRS My best friend's mom passed away yesterday...

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by ForALoafOfBread, Dec 26, 2007.

  1. ForALoafOfBread

    ForALoafOfBread mmmbop

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    she had cancer and there was nothing the hospital could do for her so she was bed resting at home in her death bed. my friend and his family basically watched her pass... when everything was okay (emotionally), someone would call him and ask about his mom, which made him emotionally unstable again.

    when is a good time for me to call him up to just hang out in order to help him get his mind off of things... or is this a bad idea?
     
  2. Dodger Blue

    Dodger Blue OT Supporter

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    until shes in the ground it will be very difficult. Once she is in the ground things will slowly get better.
     
  3. Yuppy

    Yuppy Have a seat right there....

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    its maybe not a good time to hang out. but its the best time to call

    and if its yer best friend. theres no excuse for not calling yet
     
  4. ForALoafOfBread

    ForALoafOfBread mmmbop

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    :werd:

    he said for a moment he and his family start feeling better, but then a family member or friend calls and asks about his mother's status (not knowing she passed yet); and then he starts to feel really shitty again :sad2:

    he's been sending me text messages about plans for the new years party plans we had... i don't know how to act.
     
  5. daneeyah

    daneeyah Guest

    When my best friend's dad died, it was such a horrible event.
    That day all I remember was getting a phone call from my best friend's mom (his wife) saying "my love died.. he's gone".
    And then she said to call family and friends and tell them to come to the hospital because she didn't want to be alone.
    So I think its important to not leave your best friend at this time.
    Metallic Blue is right, everyone does grieve inside, but there is plenty of time for people to grieve... and there is plenty of time that people are alone to replay the event.
    So yeah definitely call up your friend, and spend time with him.. more than you usually would.
    I wouldn't necessarily take my friend outdoors.. I would bring food or a movie to watch at her place. Something to that extent.

    O and the whole how people call and remind the family was something they had to deal with as well.
    After 1 month things started to get better, and they were able to deal with having to tell others what happened.
    And now it's been about 2 years, and they're pretty much back to normal.. emotionally speaking.

    It just takes time I guess.. at least with their case. :hs:
     
  6. Yuppy

    Yuppy Have a seat right there....

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    w/e you do dont blow off NYE party plans with him. That is his chance to re-establish normalcy in his life. But be prepared for him to get HAMMERED
     
  7. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    This is very sound advice.

    When my brother died (I was 18) then my dad (I was 20), my friends didn't know what to do or say. Shit I didn't even know how to act....I mean there's no "Handling Death" class in school. Many of my friends told me they felt awkward and strange but you know what, it didn't matter. All that mattered was they were there. That's all. They often said, "I don't know what to tell you....I'm sorry." and that's ok. When I cried, they just sat with me. When I wanted to talk, they talked and listened.

    Simply being there is enough.

    And it took me a long time before I didn't break down bawling when someone brought up my brother or my dad. But I was still able to function...it's just strange when it comes all over you, unexpectedly, and you can't stop it. It's important not to judge, just try to be understanding and compassionate....even if it feels strange to you.

    You can't imagine how powerful the simplest things can be.....both good and bad....so be careful. I would caution you to NOT tease your friend very much. Don't try to "cheer him up" unless it seems like he's enjoying it. Sometimes people in grief just need to be....not change....just be. And that's really ok and part of the process.

    It's sometimes hard to be patient but patience is really important. And I agree with the 2 year mark....that seems to be the way of it.
     

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