SRS My: A Man's Ultimate Guide for Successful Dating:

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by DiggityDogg, Dec 19, 2007.

  1. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    In this thread I will go over the basics of Successful Dating for Men. I will cover as many areas as I can, and if you have any questions, please, feel free to ask.

    Am I Ready For A Relationship?

    Let’s start out right here. Are you ready for a relationship? A lot of guys are so desperate to be in a relationship, but aren’t ready for it. They usually aren’t aware that they aren’t ready for a relationship, and usually believe within their heart that they are ready… but they aren’t.

    In order to be ready for someone else to enter your life, you need to be content with your own. If you feel desperate to have someone, or if you are depressed because you do not have someone… then you are not ready. Having another person should not be the solution to your unhappiness. If you are trying to cure your unhappiness by latching onto someone else then you are not facing some deep seeded issues that must be addressed. Besides, what partner wants to shoulder the burden of your happiness? That’s a large load to drop on someone and it’s unfair to both her and yourself.

    You typically see this from couples after they split. You’ll see the guy completely destroyed… beyond anything you’d normally expect. Sure, a break up can be very difficult, but you will often see the extreme effects from someone whom wasn’t ready for a relationship due to them not addressing these deep seeded issues. They will sometimes take it as far as hurting themselves or others. That’s why these issues need to be addressed before a person is ready to get involved with someone.

    A healthy person shouldn’t-and doesn’t-need a partner to have a good life. Certainly it can be lonely without someone to join you on life’s journey, but a partner should be an enhancement to your already good life, not the sole thing you have got going for you. Again, that puts an unfair burden on the other person.

    If you have great faith and confidence in yourself, if you believe you deserve a good life, if you know you will be okay on your own and can still focus on your life, then you will find dating to be so much easier. You’ll be ready for it.

    What Attracts Women?

    A lot of things are involved in this, too many to completely cover. If you are ready for a relationship then that means you are content with yourself. If you are happy and content with yourself, you will exude confidence and value. This will make you more attractive.

    Now, just as with guys, women are all different. What one woman may find attractive another women may find unattractive. So the answer to the question of What Attracts Women cannot be answered with something as simple as: Good looks, good personality, etc. Those things may mean something different to someone else. One girl may think you’re average, another unattractive, and yet another may find you attractive… all within the same hour. So let’s talk Value.

    This may be the most confusing and difficult part to understand. A woman is attracted to a man she feels is her equal, or sometimes even a man she feels carries a greater value than her. Women are attracted to men with value. Value means a lot of different things to different women, but if you have traits that she values, she’s more likely to be attracted to you.

    Some things you cannot help. If she likes Asian men and you are white, that’s not something you can help. If she likes tall men and you are short, that’s not something you can help. It’s just not meant to be. But there will always be other women out there whom value a trait that the previous girl did not.

    There are things you can help. Most women-and all sane ones I have ever met-value guys who value their selves. In order for a woman to see a man as having value, he needs to know his own value, to value himself. This is where Self Confidence comes into play. A man whom has confidence in himself displays this by caring about himself, standing up for his self (especially to her), making sure his needs are met, etc. A self confident man does not seek the approval of others, he does not cater to others in order to be accepted, etc. If a guy demonstrates Self Confidence, he will be sending her signals that he has value. Even if he isn’t the best looking guy in the room, if he is walking around the room carrying Self Respect and Self Confidence, people pick up on that and it will do wonders for improving people’s opinion of you. It’s attractive. It tells people you are someone. If you respect you, then others will follow suit.

    How Do I Gain Self Confidence?

    It doesn’t happen overnight. This is something that is going to take initiative and work. If you think of yourself as the dork that no one likes, then it’s going to take a motivated effort on your behalf to break that negative attitude and respect yourself again. If you ever hope to find a successful healthy adult relationship, then you need to begin to like yourself again.

    A good way to do that is to find a hobby. Everyone has something they love to do. Find a hobby that you enjoy that you are good at, something you take pride in. It could be weight lifting, it could be art, it could be swimming, it could be martial arts, it could be poker, it could be anything. Just something that allows you to get out there and compete. Competition is healthy. When you see how well you are doing, you tend to feel better about yourself.

    For me, it was weightlifting. I always thought I was naturally strong, so I got my rear in the gym and busted my tail, put on lots of muscle. Once I started seeing a muscular figure in the mirror, I started feeling more attractive. The point is that you need to start taking pride in your accomplishments.

    Set small goals for yourself. Not leaping goals that seem unattainable, but smaller goals that you can easily strive for. As you reach your goals you are accomplishing something, and accomplishing something does wonders for your Self Esteem.
     
  2. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    What If I Am Shy?

    Being shy is not who you are, it’s not a personality disorder, etc. Being shy is merely a condition influenced by fear and anxiety. It can be overcome. You need to desensitize yourself to it.

    Just as someone can learn to ignore the noise a nearby train makes when it runs by the house over the years, you can desensitize yourself to feelings of fear or anxiety. It’s not going to be easy, you’re going to have to actively put yourself in situations where you are experiencing this fear or anxiety over and over again.

    There was a poster on enotalone.com whom shared his story of how he overcame his shyness. He became employed as a waiter. This job forced him to interact with others in a manner he normally would not. Over time through repetitions this guy became used to approaching strangers and talking to them. He conditioned himself through experience to not fear meeting new people and talking to them.
    Once he overcame the first hurdle, he then focused on telling a joke or teasing a customer at least once a day, or more as it became easier. By forcing himself to experience this, he faced his fears and defeated them.
    I do not know what became of that poster, and he admitted he still had a lot of work to do, but I have faith that he is in a much better place in terms of his shyness due to his diligent efforts to defeat it.

    People like to say the politically correct thing of, “Oh, it’s okay to be shy”, but if being shy is preventing you from reaching your goals or being happy, then something is wrong with it. Change it.

    I Don’t Feel I Look Good. How Do I Improve My Looks?

    This is the easiest thing. All it takes is an open mind, and money. For a hairstyle, go to a popular beauty saloon and ask a cute hairstylist what types of hairstyles she recommends and tell her you’re doing a makeover. Pick which suggestion sounds the best and just risk it. Go for it. Don’t trust your own opinion if you don’t think you look good.

    For stylish clothing go to a couple popular and trendy clothing stores at the mall. If you don’t know what is trendy, ask a attractive guy whom seems to have style. When you go to these stores, find a cute girl working there and tell her that you’re doing a makeover and ask her to put together several outfits for you. Even if you’re uncertain, just go for it. She’s there to help, and she probably has a better taste for style than your self.

    As I mentioned above, the gym and working out will go a long ways as well.

    Are You Ready?

    Hopefully, you’re ready to date. If you are you will be dressed sharp, you will be groomed, you will believe in yourself, and you will have confidence that no matter what, you have a lot of great qualities. It’s time to get out there and go meet some women!

    Why Do Guys Have To Do The Approaching?

    I don’t like this question. It’s a defeatist attitude. This is not the question of a guy who is ready to date. But I will address it because a lot of guys don’t understand.

    If you don’t approach, someone else will. That’s just the way it is. An attractive woman of value does not have to actively put themselves or their feelings at risk by approaching random men, because random men are doing the work for them. Until all men decide to stop approaching women (never) then women will sit back and let men do the approaching.

    You see, why should a woman approach you? She doesn’t know you. She doesn’t know what you have to offer. So why should she get up, walk up to you, risk being labeled something derogatory, and make a pass on you when other perfectly healthy and attractive men will spare her that risk by doing the work for her? She’s not likely to.

    Is it fair? That’s not the right question. This is just how it is and no amount of complaining will change it. So focus your energy on something you can influence. Besides, shouldn’t you want to overcome social inhibitions? Isn’t that a part of growing?

    Where Do I Meet Women?

    Everywhere. The typical place to meet women varies with age. This article is more focused-but not exclusive to-the younger generation so the natural starting place will be a Club or a Bar. A lot of single people go here to meet, a lot of single people go just to have fun and not meet guys, and sometimes taken women go here too. It’s a big mix. And there is competition as well. A bar or club can be pretty daunting for a lot of people, so if you’d rather try something else, you have endless options.

    The best place of all in my opinion is to meet single people through friends… although sometimes there could be added pressure. Picking up a co-ed hobby such as volleyball is a great way to not only remain active, but also to meet women. Yoga is another co-ed activity. Taking a college course that allows males and females to chat regularly is another great place. You can even go out and make new male friends and thus tap into their female friends. At least you will have increased your social circle, which also makes you look more appealing and popular.
     
  3. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    Online Dating?

    This is another game entirely. Online Dating is almost 100% based upon looks. Unless you’re an attractive guy, it’s best to focus primarily on meeting people in person where your personality can assist you in making a strong impression.

    Why Is It That Most Women Like Jerk’s & Not Nice Guys?

    This is one of the most common complaints you hear from frustrated lonely guys. It is also the most overrated and untrue explanations out there.

    Women don’t feel an attraction to a guy because he cheats on her, takes advantage of her, lies to her, humiliates her, or any other number of extremely disrespectful actions. One look at how upset and hurt she is should tell you that. So why is it that you often hear a woman say, “I just want to find a guy who knows how to treat women,” and then turn around and accept a date with Steve Stifler? It all goes back to Displaying Value.

    Earlier in the article I discussed how women are attracted to men whom have value, and that the best way to display that you have value is to exude Self Confidence and treat yourself with respect. To treat yourself with respect you have to place your own needs and wants on a pedestal. When you do this, you show that you care about yourself, that you will make sure you are being taken care of, that you believe you deserve good things and won’t settle for less, etc.

    This is all good when taken to a healthy level, and it’s an attractive quality. You can still do all of that and be a gentleman, a considerate person. Unfortunately, those above qualities are just as much a prerequisite of a healthy strong man as it is a Jerk. So Jerks also display value. This causes women to take notice of these guys and feel attracted to them just as they would a strong healthy guy. Unfortunately they usually won’t realize that he wasn’t a strong healthy guy after all, but a guy who took it too far and is a low life jerk.

    The other guys, the ones frustrated and complaining that women like jerks are almost always the opposite. They are too nice. They tend to be so nice that they display Low Value. If a guy is being too nice, always being available to meet up, hang out, etc. If he is always offering free favors, being a shoulder to cry on, etc. If he is always hanging out as “friends”, offering free compliments, being a taxicab, or any other number of ways to go overboard with nice things, then he is a People Pleaser.

    People Pleasers display low value and are almost always the self described “Nice Guy”. They see themselves as guys who know how to treat a woman and thus would make a wonderful boyfriend, making her happy. This is not true. She cannot remain attracted to a People Pleasing Nice Guy because he demonstrates low value. Unlike the gentleman or the jerk, this nice guy doesn’t respect himself. She cannot see him as her equal or her superior as he puts her on a pedestal. If a guy is putting a woman up on a pedestal then his actions of all of those free favors and attention are telling her that she is better than him. He constantly is putting her first, before himself even. If he is doing this then he is telling her that she is better than him, and thus she will not remain or even likely begin to be attracted to him. She will feel that she can do better.

    You see, this nice guy isn’t treating her as if she were his equal, he’s treating her as his superior. When he offers all of these free favors, free attention, free validation, etc he’s sending her signals that he’s got nothing more important going on than to do all of this for her. Why should she be getting all of this attention for free? Does he give this attention to everyone? When does he show that he has his own life to take care of?

    Not only that, but if all of that attention is free, then how great of a guy can he be? We are in a world where the best rewards come from hard work and accomplishment. This nice guy has given her everything for free. If he was that easy to achieve, then how great can he be?

    So he’s an easily conquered, no challenge, people pleasing, doormat, nice guy. Sure, he’s friendly, and we like him, but what is attractive about this guy? What about him says, “I am your equal, I will make a good partner”? Nothing. You have to be able to respect your partner in order to have an adult healthy relationship, and you cannot respect someone who doesn’t even respect their selves.

    When it comes to building attraction, there needs to be that excitement and challenge that comes from seeing someone as a person of value, as a person who is your equal, as a person who has Self Confidence, etc. So when it comes to first impressions-which are important in attraction-the jerk will appear far more attractive than the doormat nice guy. This does not mean that your only choice is the jerk or the nice guy, there is also the gentleman. A strong and healthy individual who respects himself, puts his own needs and goals on a pedestal, and also respects others. That is the man we should all strive to be.

    Why Do Women Say One Thing, And Do Another?

    Women can be confusing creatures. But so are us men to them. Basically, saying what sounds good and how you actually respond to the situation are often two different things. Just because a woman says, “I want a man who treats me good” does not mean that she will date every man that treats her good, nor does it mean she won’t date a man that doesn’t treat her good. Attraction is so much more complicated than asking a question and having her explain what works for her. If you try to look at it like this, you will get lost.

    There is a rule that I go by that helps me figure out the truth behind nearly every interaction with women:

    Actions Speak Louder Than Words.

    If a girl says that she really likes you but is too busy for a relationship right now, she’s offering you an excuse. Her actions are that she is avoiding going out with you. If a woman has a High Interest Level in you, she will make time. If she is avoiding it, she is not interested. If a girl isn’t returning calls on time, her actions are telling you that calling you back is not a high priority for her. This is not the action of a girl with a High Interest Level. If she really liked you she wouldn’t want to offend you and risk making you mad at her. She’d call you back. If you ask her out and she avoids answering, she’s not interested. If she plans a date with you but cancels, she is not interested.

    It’s very simple guys. If she likes you, and you are putting forth the effort to ask her out and plan dates, this will be very easy. She’ll show up on time, she’ll dress nice and look pretty, she’ll be fun and attentive, and she will show up on the following date as well. Those are the actions of a woman with a High Interest Level. If she isn’t making it easy, then walk away. Let it go. Sticking around and beating your head against a wall that isn’t budging is only going to show her that you have a Low Value. A Self Respecting man wouldn’t tolerate wasting his time. He’d leave.
     
  4. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    How Do I Get A Girl Interested In Me?

    First impressions are huge. You are going to want her to see you as a guy of High Value. To do this you will need to look like a desirable person, a person who has Self Confidence, a person who controls their fear, a person whom is fun, and a person who knows how to flirt.

    The best way to catch a girl’s interest is described with detail in the Mystery Method. Instead of extending this article another 2 or 3 pages trying to explain it, I will simply offer you a link that describes the approach in depth:

    http://attraction-chronicles.blogspot.com/2005/10/mystery-method-2-approach.html

    How Do I Avoid The Friendzone?

    The friendzone is a terrible trap. It is most commonly sprung not by the woman, but by the man on accident. Instead of having the confidence to be obvious that he is attracted to the girl, he allows his fear of rejection to control him so much that he instead keeps his attraction secret. He then moves in closer to the girl under the disguise of just friends when he really is interested in more. This, leads to friendzone.

    You see, women decide fairly quickly whether or not they’d consider you as a romantic partner or not. Within the first few meetings they will certainly have an idea on whether or not they see you as potential. If a woman decides that quickly on whether or not she sees you as “potential” or as a “friend”, then what is the point or purpose of spending much more time with her before finding out where you stand?

    A lot of guys spend weeks, months, and sometimes years hanging out with a girl he secretly is crushing on. If her mind was made up on him 3 weeks in, then what is he doing 1 year later still crushing and still clueless as to whether or not he has a chance? What if she decided early on that she only views him as a friend? What the heck was he doing to himself sitting there developing a bigger and bigger crush over the course of a year? He’d have wasted a years worth of his time, that’s what he is doing to himself.

    It is very important to find out where you stand openly and honestly with a girl very early on. If you have a romantic attraction to her, you need to pursue her romantically, not hang out as pals until you’re comfortable or to wait for her to send a sign and make a move. That’s not how chemistry is build, that’s how it’s destroyed. This is how friendzone happens.

    It all comes back to Self Respect. If you respect yourself then you know that you deserve more than to crush on her secretly and waste time not finding out if there is a future. A man with a healthy level of Self Respect will not tolerate wasting his time, he’s got his life to worry about.

    The way to avoid friendzone is refuse to be just friends. If you make it clear early on, “I’ve got enough friends, I’m interested in seeing you.” Then you won’t be friendzoned. If she is interested and you make it clear without any doubt that you are, then you end up dating. If she isn’t interested then you move on and do not become friends. Just part ways respectfully and that’s that. If you still want her as friends, only do it if you are over it. If you will still end up wondering if there is a chance, get out. It’s done. In order to get you back she’s going to have to prove she’s had a change of heart otherwise you’re putting yourself at risk and a man with Self Respect won’t allow that to happen.

    In closing, be upfront. I’ve seen guys say, “I’ve tried hinting that I like her”. Wrong. You do not hint. You straight up ask the girl out or say something to her that tells her straight up how it is. Just remember one thing, Never Confess Your Feelings. This is important. You shouldn’t be telling a girl just how much you’re crushing on her, not at least until you’re in an exclusive relationship for a period of time, or until you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that she also has a major crush on you. If things are equal, then it would be safe to discuss that type of thing.

    How Do I Display Interest?

    We’ve already just discussed that you do not confess interest. Talking about it or wearing your heart on your sleeve is usually too overbearing and it sends signals that you are moving too fast. I cannot count the number of guys I have worked with whom chased off a girl who was initially attracted to him because he wore his heart on his sleeve and threw his self at her. This is why you never confess feelings. Keep that yapper shut until you’re firmly in the relationship.

    So how are you supposed to display interest? Through Your Actions. If you like a girl, ask her out on a date. Have something in mind already when you ask her, and invite her to go with you. Always keep a back up day in mind as well in case you inadvertently picked a day that is unavailable for her due to other obligations. Preferably pick non-weekend days. My favorite is Thursday. Take her somewhere you can talk, flirt, joke around, and have a good time hanging out and building chemistry. No movies. I prefer out for a drink, out for lunch, going miniature golfing or even go-carts. Tacky, I know, but fun. Further display interest with actions by kissing the girl at the end of the night. Nothing displays interest to a girl like moving in for the kiss.

    You don’t need to say, “I like you” to a girl for her to understand you’re interested. If ask her out on a date, take her somewhere fun, flirt, joke, tease, etc and then close the night with a kiss… I think she’s going to know you are interested without you having to ruin the mood or create drama by confessing feelings. That places a burden on the other person as they might not be as interested in you as you are to them, so why tell them exactly where you stand? Your actions display interest but they aren’t told exactly where you are. This makes it more exciting and fun.

    What Do I Talk About On A Date?

    You don’t want your date to be like an interview. You want it to be like you’re hanging with people you connect with. Stay away from serious topics. No talking about politics, the war, work, class, blood, guts, the news, murders, creepy people, or anything like that. You want the conversations to be perky and fun.

    Flirt with her. Flirting is an advanced social skill. Joke with her about some things. Learn about some of her hobbies and tease her playfully about them. When she asks you questions don’t respond with the correct answer, make her guess or even lie outright with something outrageous. If you’re very preppy you can tell her that you’re in a metal band and tease her for believing you. If you’re scrawny tell her you enter body building competitions. Stuff that she should immediately pick up on as not true but try to look serious. This kind of banter generates chemistry and allows both people to relax and have a good time.

    If things are going well, on the date, then initiate kino (touching). You can even play a game that allows you to do this, such as telling her you can read palms. Grab her hand and wing it. Make up something outrageous and tease her about it. Standing next to her you can place her arm in your arm for a moment and then tell her she’s moving to fast for you and release the hold. This is all playful banter.
     
  5. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    How Do I Keep Her Interest And Avoid Going Too Fast?

    This goes back to what I said above. You shouldn’t be discussing things all of the time. Try to stay away from discussing how much you like her and things like that. Use actions rather than words. In fact, you’re far more likely to kill the interest a girl has in you by going too fast emotionally than you would be physically. I see this all of the time.

    In all the years I’ve been working with guys in online dating forums, I cannot count the number of times a guy killed the interest a girl had for him by sending her signals telling her that he was far more emotionally involved than she was. He could have done this by telling her how much he likes her, by buying gifts too often or too soon, by being a pushover, by trying to be around too much, to talking on the phone for hours on end, etc. There are so many ways to do this. The best way to go about it is to moderate yourself and exercise self control.

    I’ve also noticed that guys seeking dating advice tend to move far too slow physically. Maybe they think they are telling her that they aren’t the usual jerk out there, maybe they think that they are telling her that they are respectful, etc, but a lot of guys are killing the interest of women because they do not make a move physically, or they try to ask before they do all of the time.

    I’ve seen a guy get invited to stay the night with a woman he just started seeing and not only that, but she asked him what he was doing when he started laying the blankets out on the coach. She took him to her room and started making out with him. However he never made a move beyond that. He wanted her to see him as respectful but she didn’t see it that way. Here she was throwing herself at this guy and he couldn’t muster the initiative to do anything on his own. It killed her interest. Maybe not overnight, but it was the start, and when the situation or something similar repeated itself, she bailed. When she is throwing herself at a guy, she expects him to take control and initiate the next level. If he cannot, he is likely sending her signals that he doesn’t know what he is doing or that he’s way too emotionally attached.

    Sex is sex. It’s not some crime that women just happen to have to do in order to procreate. Women love sex as much as men. They don’t have to be deeply in love or even dating someone for a year before wanting a hot and steamy night to end in sex. If you are presented with a situation where this is happening, chances are, she wants you to take control and go there. Don’t be afraid of it. Backing off in a moment you should go forward kills a lot of potential relationships by sending the wrong signals forward.

    How Long Should I Wait To Call And How Long Should I Stay On The Phone?

    If you meet a girl and you get her number, there really isn’t a time frame that you have to wait before it’s okay. Most of the time, if she has interest, you can call the next day. However I usually would at least wait until the day after next. You don’t want to seem like you have nothing going on besides her, yet you also want her to know that you’re interested. I personally think 2 or 3 days after getting the number is fine.

    As far as the phone, email, AIM, text, etc goes… you need to keep this contact short. Don’t chat all day like you are one of her girlfriends. What your goal should be is to get to know her in person during a date or couple hangout. You don’t want to become chat pals. When you call, keep it less than 10 minutes, and call with a purpose. You’re calling to schedule a time you can meet up next, not to share life stories. So don’t let yourself get sidetracked and get caught chatting about this or that for too long. Remember your purpose, you’re calling to set up a date.

    The same rule applies with texting or instant messengers. You’re not to establish or rely on electronic communication more than is necessary. Doing it a little here or there, great, but if you’re using it as a crutch… that’s bad. When you do text, try to be interesting as well. You can send messages like, “Guess what I’m doing?” and wait for a reply, even if it ends up being the next day. Be interesting. Of course she’s going to be wondering what you’re doing. She’ll eventually respond unless she absolutely does not want to talk to you.

    Do Not Try To Make It Work. It Either Does Or It Doesn’t.

    What I mean by that is that I see a lot of guys continue to beat a dead horse or ram their head into a brick wall. The idea of dating is to find someone you are compatible with, because quite frankly, it’s not easy. You’re not going to be compatible with most people you meet. Most of them will not be right for you, or you won’t be right for them. If this is the case, you have to be able to walk away. When the effort isn’t being returned, her actions show that she isn’t that into you and isn’t making much of an effort. It’s time to walk away, don’t keep trying to make it better or make it work. That’s what causes a lot of the issues out there. People don’t know when it’s time to let go.

    When you find the right relationship, chances are that it will not be much of a chore. If both parties are interested, then finding time to do something together isn’t going to be that big of an issue. Even George Bush could find time for a lady if he weren’t married.

    Be strong enough to be able to end the relationship if it isn’t meeting your goals. This rings especially true with “dealbreakers”. A dealbreaker is an act that the other person can make that would cause you to end the relationship, such as cheating. A lot of weak people out there keep letting their significant other come back after committing dealbreakers. All this does is teach the partner that they can do the worst and that you will still take them back. You will be handing them a free pass to walk all over you time and time again. Have dealbreakers, and if they occur, stand true to yourself and end it.

    Beware Of “One-Itus”.

    This is very bad when it comes to daing. One-itus is when a person zones in on just one person. Sometimes it is a secret crush, sometimes it is a person whom was turned down but thinks there is a chance, and sometimes it is something else.

    One-itus is when you are only after one person and you don’t even have them yet. You should never narrow your focus down to one person when you are single. You’re unattached and there is more than one person out there that you may be compatible with. To focus on just one is unfair to you. In addition to that, it only serves to build that person up in your mind even more, which makes it harder to move on, to maintain equality between you, etc. If you’ve got “One-itus” you’re pretty much doomed sooner of later. You’ll either be sending signals of low value that cause her to not have any interest in you at all, or even if you do get her, she will quickly realize that she has the power and it will be taken advantage of. She will either eventually leave you or she will cheat on you with someone who sends her signals of high value… as she will see him as more of a catch than you are.

    It’s healthy to have options. It also helps you demonstrate high value. If you have more than one option you are less likely to be desperate, you are less likely to cling, you are less likely to feel helpless or down, etc. Always have other avenue’s open until you are in an exclusive relationship… and even then remember that you do have alternatives if this relationship isn’t holding up to your standards of how it should be.

    This article has gone on long enough and yet is only 1/10 of what I would like to cover. We’ll end it here but if you ever have any questions, please, IM me.
     
  6. jmezz

    jmezz layin in bed stretchin my pumped quads for hours

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    You should cross-post this in the vag as well. Maybe push for a sticky.
     
  7. polishillusion

    polishillusion New Member

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    No, I disagree with your opinion on shyness. It seems pretty good otherwise
     
  8. Socrates

    Socrates New Member

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    Although I agree with most of what you say, why should anyone read it?

    Establish some credibility! Show some pictures! Share a lot of personal success stories!

    As far as I know, you could have just finished reading The Game, Double Your Dating, or The Mystery Method (or venutian arts, whatever its called), it made sense to you, and you're just summarizing and paraphrasing everything you read.

    I'm not disrespecting what you wrote, namely before I agree with it, but I could find the same ideas, more professionally written, in Double Your Dating or a combination of other popular books. Normally I would not criticize how well something is written on a message board, but it looks like you put effort into it and this isn't exactly an "informal" post.

    As an English Major, it's important to me to recognize when a person with good ideas and a passion to write about it is not able to effectively get the desired message across.

    Initially, aside from the suggestions I mentioned above, I would attempt to explain your ideas through stories. If you can't relate personally, then make up stories. Stories always seem to sink in a lot better than a "how-to" guide.
     
  9. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    polishillusion, what exactly do you disagree with? Please ellaborate.

    Socrates, I've been on these forums for some time with the Dating Advice. My cred has already been established. Besides, the stuff speaks for itself. Challenge the point not the poster.
     
  10. Titan King

    Titan King New Member

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    This thread should be STUCK.
     
  11. polishillusion

    polishillusion New Member

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    I just do not see "shyness as a condition influenced by fear and anxiety".
     
  12. daneeyah

    daneeyah Guest


    :ugh:


    you hit a lot of good points diggity... a lot.
     
  13. R.Kelly

    R.Kelly OT Supporter

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    :ugh::ugh::ugh: what else could it be from then?
     
  14. polishillusion

    polishillusion New Member

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    LOL double your dating = try a lot and you'll get more dates then not trying at all.

    the majority of guys that get it do not date and them he makes them ask a lot of girls out and they start dating.....
     
  15. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    I didn't read his posts yet, but some people are naturally introverted. :dunno:
     
  16. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    Could you elaborate more? I think I would understand where you are coming much more if you took some time to go into details regarding your opinion on the matter. Are you relating your opinion to yourself? What kind of situations have you found yourself in?
     
  17. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    :rofl:

    Since you brought it up.

    1. As an English Major

    This should be, "English major."

    2. "As an English Major, it..."

    This is semantically incorrect. The adjective phrase preceding a sentence modifies the subject of that sentence. You mean to say, "As an English major, I..."

    "As an English Major, it..." tells the reader that "it" is an English major.

    3. "it's important to me to recognize" is awkward. "I find it important to recognize..." is preferable.

    4. "a person with good ideas and a passion to write about it"

    This is the most egregious error in the sentence. What part of the sentence does "it" refer to here? Think about that for a moment.

    5. "to effectively get" splits an infinitive when there are palatable alternatives.
     
  18. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    thanks dd... long time no see. i remember your posts from way back, before you disappeared.

    "deep seeded" should be "deep-seated," btw.
     
  19. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    This is like putting a band aid on a broken leg. I know, because I've tried it. I joined up softball earlier in the year and played and it was wonderful for building self-confidence....until the season ended. It's just a boost for you. Like a shot of whiskey or a joint. It's a high. And I urge you to do this for those highs in the beginning when you are the lowest. BUT it's only a START.

    The most surefire and permanent way to build true self-confidence is to be honest with yourself. Painfully honest with yourself. Be so honest that it hurts and ADMIT YOUR PROBLEMS AND ISSUES AND YOUR FAILURES TO YOURSELF. Admit to yourself that you are wrong and FACE those issues head on instead of trying to forget about them. You'll discover that in time it gets easier to do and soon you don't even CARE if someone rags on you about something because you've removed the doubt of "is this person right?" by facing your own issues and what you know is true about yourself and came out of denial. So if someone challenges you, you are equipped to know that whether that challenge is founded or unfounded. Soon you get to a place when you love it when people are brutally honest with you because you use that honesty to grow and become a better person. You don't fear your faults and insecurities anymore, but you face them head on. And NOTHING absolutely nothing builds self-confidence like facing your biggest insecurities and fears.

    Blah blah blah blah blah. THIS IS WHAT WOMEN DO. You are a man. Dress the way you WANT to dress and stop trying to be trendy. Girls don't WANT guys with a fashion sense. You know why? BECAUSE GUYS WITH FASHION SENSES TEND TO BE GAY. That's why. You are a man, be a man. Wear what YOU like and stop trying to fit some mold just to make the "cover" look nice to a woman.

    Learn to attract women using your personality, your wit, and your charm and fuck trying to make yourself look "pretty" for her.

    I've always said that all a man needs is the three C's and he can get virtually any woman he desires. Confidence, Character, and Charisma.


    I really, really liked these sections and the way you worded them. Good job.

    This only applies to the beginning of a relationship (perhaps the first 2 or 3 moths).

    In fact, I encourage you guys to actually use these tools to your advantage. Most of us are on message boards because we have a little "writer" in us. We write and articulate how we feel and think better through writing than we do through words (at least that's the case for me). And being able to do that with a woman is HUGE if you want to build a long term relationship with her.

    Don't be so quick to discount IM convos and text messaging. Women LOVE this shit and if you do it right you can really use this to your advantage.
     
  20. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    Viper,

    Guys who peacock well make girls' breasts stick up. So I would disagree
     
  21. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    Peacocking works. I never said it didn't.

    But you don't HAVE to do it. I can be just as successful with my wit and charm in a pair of blue jeans and a t-shirt from a yard sale or something as a man wearing trendy shit.
     
  22. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    that's true but if you have a goal you should do what you can to get there. if it helps then it speaks for itself.

    so, no, wearing shitty clothing won't preclude you getting any.

    otoh, wearing good clothing will help.
     
  23. polishillusion

    polishillusion New Member

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    Myself, no. I have known 3 guys who purchased Deangelo's tapes. All 3 were introverted "nerds" and the second they got the tapes and realized that they could "talk" to women, they started dating. They tried being "cocky and funny" and failed horribly since it was the exact opposite of who they are as people, and they started being successful after numerous dates and experience with multiple women.

    The best way to summarize Deangelo is - date more to date more. His entire "cocky and funny" concept is something that I feel comes naturally with time, patience and experience with talking to people. He is basically telling people to become more interesting and successful to become more interesting and successful, but this is not for themselves but for others, so I can not see how authentic or powerful this could ultimately be.

    I prefer the Tom Leykis philosophy to the Deangelo one - just do not give a shit about women. To me, this leaves people open to growth and development, since they are able to authentically work on themselves for themselves and not for that "moment you create attraction".

    Multiple people online have blasted Denangelo's work, since there is a female he has been seen on tape with that writes the EXACT same book for women, just with their "rules". I hate seeing these rule games. I prefer for myself and others to fully connect with what they want to get in a situation and to find their own way to get it.

    I have said before on the forum "A "man" does what a "man" wants to do, and thats what makes him a "man". The same concept works here - confidently and powerfully approach any situation, regardless if it is dating, or work, or school , etc etc, and you will be fine. The entire point is to live through it for the next time, and then the next time, and the next. Thats how you develop into a powerful person.

    Experience and emotional development is of supreme importance, not a person telling you specific rules or regulations who is actually just giving out very veiled inspirational videos. Thats all this man is doing - reminding you that one day, somewhere, for some reason, a "woman" will find what you do attractive, and will initiate the relationship and you will not be able to control it, and you will not be able to get her OFF of you. Thats how it is.

    A good real life example would be - if you ever had a little child get a crush on you. You were sitting there, and out of no where, the kid gets a crush on you, for what you think is no reason. Did you try? No. (Unless you are a Pedo, to which I say fuck you.) You just were doing your thing and it happens, and you can not get them to leave you alone.

    This is what is happening when you "create attraction" with females. You can not control it, you can only wait around and catch it. You yourself can not emotionally trigger a person, they allow themselves to be triggered emotionally as a attempt to meet an unmet need or to express a met one.

    I remember when I turned 22, all of these 17-19 year old girls started to get interested in me, for NO reason. Basically, I did not give a shit about them, and they started begging me for dates. Life is weird in this way.


    The ultimate question is - How do I get chicks? The answer is - You just do.

    I can not give you an authentically better answer then that.
     
  24. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    I never read Deangelo but I have heard about him. I disagree that "cocky and funny" is the opposite of who those guys are. Being "cocky and funny" isn't who you are, it's how you express yourself. If they aren't comfortable with expressing themselves that way then they will fail. That doesn't mean if they try to express themselves in a different way and eventually like it and become more proficient with it, that they won't be able to do it. They can, if they really want to and are willing to put in the work to become comfortable with it.

    I am not saying that this is the way to go, nor am I saying it's the only way to go. I am just saying in response to your point that acting "Cocky and Funny" isn't who a person is at their core, it's just a manner of expressing themselves. A guy who isn't funny to most people still has a sense of humor, he might just not have the social skills to deliver his sense of humor in a way that other people appreciate. That does not mean that he cannot learn to do this through practice and experience.

    If a person doesn't want to learn it, then they won't.

    Agreed.

    I guess you're going off an Deangelo again here?

    I sort of disagree here. Yes, you cannot make someone do anything, but your actions can have a powerful influence on attractions. If you are chatting with a girl and acting completely desperate or sending any other number of unattractive signals, she could turn you down whereas if you were doing things that sent much more positive signals about your self as a strong independant and healthy person, you are in a much more powerful position to influence that attraction in a positive direction.

    I don't think it was so weird, I just think you were displaying a Higher Value. When you were in High School you may not have stood out as much with your peers, but once you were older and out of High School you probably seemed much more "cool". In addition, if you didn't give a shit, this also aids you in displaying a Higher Value. They didn't have any hold over you. This tells them that you're at least their equal, or they may even see you as a "superior" as you were older and such.
     
  25. polishillusion

    polishillusion New Member

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    It is true that women are more likely to be attracted to "better guys" with "higher value". The truth is that many "hot guys" still can not get laid. Do figure, they have the same problems as the "nerds", and in individual situations if the girl does not like the guy, he is hard pressed to change that.

    There are so many factors to if a girl likes you or not, such as if she has meet other likable people lately, is in a good mood or not, ate food that morning, etc etc, that I can not see it as anyones fault that she has or has not felt attracted to someone.
     

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