Move out together then get married or vice versa?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by ariesgirl, Jul 28, 2005.

  1. ariesgirl

    ariesgirl New Member

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    So I've been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years, and we are both interested in moving out together within the next year or so. My question is... Is it smarter to live with him first then get married? Or is it morally wrong and more appropriate to move in after getting married or at least engaged? This may be a really dumb question, Im just wondering what everyones opinions are. I was hoping to get a little feedback from people that have been in this position and what came out of it.
     
  2. Bella

    Bella New Member

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    Where do you want me baby?!
    Yes live with him first and if you can tollerate each other then get married. Not the other way around
     
  3. themacstallion

    themacstallion The electric sheep are dreaming up your fate

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    It depends on your morals, if you think that its wrong to live together before marriage then don't do it.
     
  4. ariesgirl

    ariesgirl New Member

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    Ive never been really religious, but my family is. I guess I would rather move in together first to make sure I can handle that. It would be pointless to get married only to find out his annoying habits are unbearable. I guess Im more worried about how my family will look at me.
     
  5. audrey

    audrey New Member

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    A close friend of mine has been with her SO for about 5 years and they have just recently gotten engaged. He has bought a house for them and is living in it now. She isn't moving in until they get married. Not for religious or moral reasons, but because she thinks it will be more special once they have tied the knot.
     
  6. themacstallion

    themacstallion The electric sheep are dreaming up your fate

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    I agree, I have sex with my SO regularly but I absolutely WILL NOT move in with her before I marry her because it will be so much more special to wait, since we didn't wait for anything else that's the one thing we have left to wait for.
     
  7. ariesgirl

    ariesgirl New Member

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    that actually does make more sense. We will probably end up waiting. It also depends what we can afford(which is a WHOLE other issue because CA is not cheap), but thank you for your replies.
     
  8. RedVsBlue

    RedVsBlue Penguins > *

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    Me and my SO moved in together a little over 2 months together. In that time we have learned more about each other than we had in the past years. Luckily we knew we were right together, and the more we learned about each other the more we fell in love.

    This can go both ways. I have friends that have been together for many years, when they moved in together it just all fell apart. They tried to make it work, but there were just to many little things to get by.

    Alot of people will say its wrong to live together before marriage, and if you are married you will be more willing to work through things. Not true, if you are IN LOVE you will be more likely to work through things, marriage is just a certificate that gets you cheaper car insurance these days, its too easy to get a divorce for it to mean anything. I'd rather make sure I know everything possible about someone before I marry them, and there is ABSOLUTELY NO POSSIBLE WAY that can be done without seeing them 24/7 everyday.
     
  9. RedVsBlue

    RedVsBlue Penguins > *

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    Any proof of said statistics? I heard that alot in church, but have never seen it. Not saying it doesnt exist, but personal observations have shown me different. If you need a paper to make living together special, your relationship needs...well something else :rofl:
     
  10. AstroGirl

    AstroGirl If I don't respond it's because I have severe ADD

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    Her mosa? ITS MY MOSA!!!
    I think you should live with someone before you marry them. I lived with one guy I actually did marry for about 2 years, and the relationship fell to shit. I lived with another guy that I had every intention of marrying, and it fell to shit. Neither of the two happened BECAUSE we were living together, but I think it gives you a better perspective on things.

    Things past SO's did while living with me to piss me off; being rude to roomies (starting problems), leaving shave stubble in the sink and not rinsing it, leaving dirty footprints in the shower, leaving the toilet seat up, scattering clothes all over the place, and not helping with house work.

    Just know that he is a man, and men are often helpless when it comes to these things.
     
  11. skitcy

    skitcy uhm title! ok

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    I totally agree, I always hear of marrages that didn't work because they didn't live together BEFORE but never Vice Versa.

    Marrige is just a certificate it does not strengthen either parties love for eachother and if it does then something is wrong. Marrige is there to finally show to not just you two but your family and friends that you've made the commitment to be with eachother for the REST OF YOUR LIVES.

    Take the time to make sure that commitment is right before you make it and live together without marrige.
     
  12. ariesgirl

    ariesgirl New Member

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    we have always talked about getting married, so its not like i cant see myself with him for the rest of my life. I believe he is my soulmate. I just want to make sure that our relationship truly is what i believe it to be. And Im hoping that living together first will help me realize that.
     
  13. ariesgirl

    ariesgirl New Member

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    My mom says its irresponsible and disrespectful to live together before getting married, but thats the Christian in her talking. If I felt like getting slapped in the mouth, I would ask her why then did she get engaged to man 11 years older than her when she was 17? Im convinced she was pregnant. Hmm How responsible is that?
     
  14. D

    D A guiltless state of self awareness.. The process

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    Cheaper car insurance? Not if they get tickets all the time like my ex. He had terrible credit too. All marriage did was cost me money.
    Personally, I would never marry again. Not to be negative, just stating my preference.
    If you aren't religious...*shrug*
    There isn't any reason to rush things. You never know someone until you live with them....For awhile, really, get the full experience before you bring serious paperwork into it.
     
  15. dumb_end_user

    dumb_end_user Sad Gus

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    Two words: "Test Drive"
     
  16. RedVsBlue

    RedVsBlue Penguins > *

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    had the same problem in my family till i found out almost my entire lineage had been together before marriage, had kids before marriage, and yet no divorce...when I brought that up in conversation..I won.

    Basically parents arent going to want to
    1) give up parental control...moving out and into a place with someone you love not only takes away thier control, but also thier overall sayso in your life now that its proven you can rely on someone else...
    2) they dont want you to get hurt. If you live together before marriage (or even after) and thigns fall apart...well its going to be alot of hurt...not only mental anguish but financial hell.
     
  17. ariesgirl

    ariesgirl New Member

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    Yeah. That makes sense to me. My parents have always been really proactive in my life. For that Im lucky. Its just that Im all grown up now and they are having a really hard time accepting that.
     
  18. _BaByGirL_

    _BaByGirL_ New Member

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    :werd: You really don't want to spend the rest of your life with someone you can even stand to live with....
     
  19. Amanda Renee

    Amanda Renee New Member

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    ill never do it again... if it doesnt work out.. there is nothing worse ...let alone breaking up but splitting up your stuff and moving your shit out.. i do agree though that you learn more about that person and its a great way to find out if your made for each other.. but if it doesnt work out.. its worse than anything
     
  20. audrey

    audrey New Member

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    But just because you love each other doesn’t mean it will work.



    As I grow older my fragile view on love and forever crumbles. The older I get and the more I learn, the more I see how naive and stupid I am. You need so much more than love to keep it together. Love isn't this magic thing that I thought it was. Love isn't what holds marriages and relationships together. People who love each other break up everyday.
     
    Last edited: Jul 29, 2005
  21. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

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    If you don't have your own set of morals and beliefs by this point, I have little hope for you. Nobody can dictate to you what YOU feel is right.

    Personally, I am of the belief that a couple should know eachother well enough before marriage that moving in beforehand isn't necessary to know it will work. However for some people that's not the case since they are so set in their routines for daily activities. You have to make the call on that for yourself.
     
  22. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    Just because it's a little bit more special to wait doesn't mean that is going to be the deciding factor on whether or not you two will be happy.

    The reason that the divorce rate is so high with couples who live together first is because they think that marriage is going to change things for the better. The reality is that the problems that they had before do not go away due to marriage. Many people jump into big decisions (marriage, kids, house) to save their relationships.

    When they realize that marriage wasn't the solution to the problems, they can more readily accept that they simply were not meant to be together. Couples who don't live together are far more likely to stay in an unhappy marriage.
     
  23. ariesgirl

    ariesgirl New Member

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    Thank you all for your replies and maturity. Its just one of those things that Ive never really thought about until this moment. And it is something that needs to be taken into consideration. What will happen in the next year or so, I cant say. I just have to let this play out. Whatever is meant to happen, will.
     
  24. gibhunter

    gibhunter New Member

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    If I and my wife moved in together before marriage, we would've split a long time ago. We probably would've split even after your regular state marriage. Having a church marriage though makes it that much more special, sacred. You're willing to work much harder to keep the marriage together. Now we couldn't be happier. The hard part was the first two years, getting used to living together, me liking things a certain way, her doing things in a completely different manner.

    I used to think move in together, then get married, but now experience tells me that the way people did it for centuries works better. Get married, commit for better or for worse, then move in together.

    Too many people now marry for the better, then split the first moment things go sour. If you're serious about it and are willing to work on it, the rewards are all worth it.
     
  25. RedVsBlue

    RedVsBlue Penguins > *

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    :bowdown: :bowdown: :bowdown: :bowdown: :bowdown: :bowdown: :bowdown: :bowdown:
    This should be quoted into its own thread and then stickied for everyone to see.
     

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