Discussion in 'On Topic' started by hsugh knight, Apr 22, 2008.
she's been doing this forever now. is this a problem that can be cured?
excellent details. very thorough description of the situation. would read again. a+++
thread of the year
she basically talks shit about everyone behind their backs to precipitate a fight. or she'll bring up something really inconvenient at the dinner table to watch the fireworks fly. she seems to do this for entertainment.
Cut your ties man, as hard as it is. If and when you have children, she'll somehow ruin their lives too.
My mom did this shit as far as getting me kicked out of the house by telling my stepfather lies, because she was upset she didn't get enough time on the computer that I bought for the family, though she wasn't working and was on all day. Basically she had shit to hide (who doesn't that does shit like this?) and felt threatened. Maybe your mother feels threatened, even if for just a lack of attention.
Separate yourself quickly and if you need to talk to her about it, tell her that her actions have made many of the family's members extremely uncomfortable and it's not a healthy relationship to carry on. She'll probably try to toss the shit back at you, but she knows what she's doing. It's kinda like breaking up, firm and swift.
If you want to make contact occasionally or for holidays or whatever, fine, but put the ball in her court and each time she slips up, let her know that you don't appreciate it and end the conversation or visit (if convenient).
Try not to make a scene because she'll just victimize herself. Bitches are crazy.
Oh wait, you still live with her? Excuse yourself from the table. Is dad around?
If she's been doing it for a long time, it's doubtful that she could ever stop the behavior entirely.
Since you gave NO detail, that's about all I can say.
My mom does this aswell. However, my brothers and I have learned to ignore her comments and have realized she's too old to change
My ex's mom did this like it was a job of hers. It was ridiculous.
I have a sister like this and as a result our family's been broken up 3 times This last time she stirred up the shit storm and then SHE was the one who chose to estrange herself from the rest of us. I predict she may come back around again at some point, but my welcome mat will not be out. She might get a knuckle sandwich instead
I think the title explains it enough, otherwise the OP would have to write a novel. Anyone who has a family member that does this shit knows how it goes
wow. how exactly did she do this?
yeah. dad's still around, but he one of those "don't rock the boat" types and refuses to listen to anything realistic about the situation.
I think she might be codependent as well, or at least creating those conditions.
she made a deal with my 27 year old brother that he could live at home and she would provide all the food, video games, etc. as long as he kept going to college (he's still trying to 'find himself').
she calls him a worthless shithead everyday, but refuses to let him quit school and get a job.
Hm, well no doubt the situation sucks. I don't think really it's anything that can be changed unless someone/multiple family members sit her down and have a serious discussion explaining that what she is doing is causing the family to be more tense and could possibly break it apart. It would also be best if examples could be used and not just say "Yeah, you just bring up some stuff that shouldn't be mentioned in certain situations." Specific as possible would be best. I think she just needs to see that what she is doing for her entertainment is having a detrimental effect on the rest of the family.
i've done that before and she goes into straight up denial mode, and screams back things like "if it wasn't for me you'd all STARVE TO DEATH!!!"
You should mention that just because she's supporting you guys, doesn't give her an excuse to act like that and if she were to continue, soon she'll have no family to support. Because, honestly, there's only so much you can handle before it's just too much. Even if it is your mom, it's not healthy nor comfortable to be around people like that for an extended period of time.
Basically she runs her mouth and nothing but lies, bullshit and venom spews forth from it. I honestly think she has some severe chemical imbalance or other mental problem, and top it off with a firey temper. She always seemed to be ou to get our mom from day one. My mom has always done her best when raising us and in my view is as close to the perfect mom as you can get. My sister has told anyone who has an ear lies about abuse or deprivation, none of which happened...unless being told NO on occasion is considered deprivation
One example is when she was little, about 3 or 4, my mom had been using a set of her old PJs that she had outgrown for dust rags for cleaning. One day she got mad at my mom and dug out the old PJs and took them to a neighbor's and told them that this is what our mom made her sleep in I don't know about you, but when I was 4, all I could think about was the next opportunity to go out and play, not how to ruin my parents' reputation.
When she married her first husband, he had 2 kids from a previous marriage. I was 10 at the time, she's 11 years older than me. Not long after getting married she was calling my mom and accusing ME of telling his kids (6 and 4) dirty jokes and discussing sexually explicit topics with them. Interesting considering I had never even been told about sex yet when she made this accusation. Over the years she told several family members and family friends lies about us saying, or doing/not doing things etc. Everytime her husband's kids did/didn't do something, somehow in her mind it tied to me.
Her first husband died in a car wreck and 3 years later she married her second husband. He was psychotic himself and ended up moving her and her children 3 hours away. My mom, brother and I only met this guy briefly on 2 or 3 occasions and were not around him long enough to get to know him. But what I did know was that he's not a good person. She met him online and married him a few days later. I have access to police and court records and found a laundry list of problems with this guy...including assault with a deadly weapon. Anyway, we never got chance to really get to know him, but HE was always talking shit about me, my mom and my brother to her 2 sons. And my guess is she had to have told him shitty things about us because why/how else would he have any information to go on since we never talked to him? Eventually my sister cut us off, and at one point my mom did get a hold of her, and my sister told her she cut us off because she was offended we didn't like her husband Last summer he divorced her, and ran off with another woman. She still hasnt come back around yet, but give it time she probably will.
Not having children will help you to stop the cycle, other than that cut them off.