More questions than answers....

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Nomad, Apr 14, 2009.

  1. Nomad

    Nomad Active Member

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    so as one of my most previous threads on Vag stated, i was dumped after an 11month long relationship.

    i recently bumped into my ex and wanted to talk, i've been running it through my mind why she left me and what i did to cause it and i couldn't come up with one solid answer.

    so she finally just said that she "wasn't happy" (when literally a week before we broke up she was telling me that she was looking forward to living together).

    what the hell does that mean? i'm really confused/perplexed by this. was she not happy with me physically? emotionally? i'm just drawing a blank on this one...:hs:


    edit - also 2 days after we broke up she already had a new bf, i don't want to get back with her, i just want some sort of closure on this
     
  2. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    stop over-thinking it. It means exactly what she said. for whatever reason she wasnt happy. It could be anything and only she knows. you didnt give us nearly enough info to even guess.

    when you plan to do something and expect it to be happy you see it that way "by default" thats why she said she wanted to move in. she was on autopilot

    short end is you can't even know if you did something wrong or if she just wasnt at a point in her life to be in a relationship. Its cliche, but sometimes its really "not you, its me" other then that you might have failed to provide what keeps women happy. they are all a little different but the basics are the same.... sorry, too late for me to tell you what women want as thats a long post.
     
  3. Nomad

    Nomad Active Member

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    thanks for the advice/insight :wavey:
     
  4. Nomad

    Nomad Active Member

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    ok well here's what transpired the day before we broke up


    she said that she was going to hang out with this guy she knew from HS (we're both in college) alone at her apartment the next night, i asked her if it was cool if i could hang out also to which she gave me this "wtf, are you kidding me" look and said no.

    i told her that i was a little uncomfortable about her alone in her apartment with some guy i never met before. she said i was overreacting and didn't let her have any friends/didn't let her hang out with her friends without my permission. i then pointed out that she had been hanging out with her friends routinely and that i didn't care if i was there or not but that i was uncomfortable about her being with this guy whom she had mentioned was single.

    well things get more heated up, and she ends up slapping me and crying saying i was controlling her and after about 8 slaps to the face i naturally got annoyed/had a little temper starting. we eventually both calm down and i spend the night with her.

    the next day we're out and she's on her cell nonstop and i asked whom she was texting and she said it was the guy she wanted to hang out with and if she could still hang out with him. i said sure fine, not wanting to start another fight. she then told me "he'll be gone by 8 o'clock ok?" i again said fine. well the rest of the night i was a little nervous but did my best not to interfere with her. she apparently sent me a text saying "we're going to watch another movie is that ok?" which i never got. well then after some texting back and forth of me asking when she was going to be done since she said she was going to spend the night at my place, she then tells me "i can't do this anymore" which then leads to the whole break up thing.....

    Cliffs

    1) she tells me about a guy she's hanging out with who's single at her apartment
    2) somehow an argument starts and i get called controlling
    3) we make up
    4) she then hangs out with him
    5) i supposedly was sent a text saying he was staying later than they had planned
    6) i get broken up with
     
  5. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

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    Yes, she was unhappy. The fact that she started inviting another guy over to her place before the breakup shows she was interested in someone else.

    Stop digging so deep. After time, people change. You single handedly cannot control how one persons heart/mind feel. You could have the most amazing relationship for 10 years, and just one day when you look at your SO, it just isn't their anymore.

    She just lost interest in you. It may not be your fault directly, but it may not technically be hers either. As people grow, their minds grow. She grew into her own individual and that person just wasn't clicking with you, and she realized it. I wouldnt sit here and wonder 'why' she broke up with me, I wouldnt sit here and make a list of questions I need answered to feel justified in this relationship, instead, I would be moving forward on bettering my life and the things in it.

    She probably met him while you two were dating and took a liking to. I've dated girls and while dating after meeting someone else just totally be intrigued and interested in 'girl b' as opposed to the girl I was dating. If the love/want/spark is there, it's very easy for someone to turn down 'girl b', but if someone is starting to drift away from a relationship, the temptations of 'girl b' are much more apprehensive
     
  6. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    Jesus Christ. What breaks my heart here is that you don't even realize that you are better off without this girl.

    She slapped you? Repeatedly? I cannot even fathom what my reaction would be if a girl slapped me once.

    You need to learn to respect yourself more. She is chaotic and you're taking on too much of her insanity.
     
  7. Dahlia

    Dahlia Active Member

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    All her actions show that she was lying about what she was doing anyways.

    She hit you over this? Thats clearly overreacting and I think she knew you had a valid reason not for them to be together, and her little fit made you feel like the bad one.
     
  8. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

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    Yeah bro, if any girl is hitting you I wouldn't be to worried as to 'why' it didnt work. I'd be thankful it didnt go any further.
     
  9. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    :ugh: you are a fool for not ditching this crazy bitch on the spot. Good riddance
     
  10. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    i do not think it means what you think it means
     
  11. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

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    ...

    Antihero, you love to just troll.

    How doesn't it fit in that situation? When someone meets someone, and things are 'rocky' im sure people are anxious of some sort to move on/meet new people.

    Just keep it on topic, dude.
     
  12. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    really wasnt trying to be a jerk. thats just not what the word means or how you use it. i figured youd rather find that out hanging out on ot then at work/school/whatever.

    apprehensive means uneasy or fearful about something. the temptations are probably not afraid. Even accepting that was a typo with the subject of the sentence, the word doesn't mean what you clearly meant. anxious to move on (what you meant) and fearful or uneasy to move on are very different.
     
  13. THoC

    THoC New Member

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    she had a bf two days after. meaning she was probably already talking to him and decided she was more intrigued by him then your current relationship.

    edit: didnt read the rest of the thread..... uhhh.... why do you even need closure w. this crazy bitch?
     
  14. Nomad

    Nomad Active Member

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    so i talked to her today, i told her that she hurt me but i was over it, it just hurt because i did care for her and that she seemed so shallow at the end to dump me and be with a new guy 2 days later.

    she then sent me a text after she left saying "I did kiss him. Now you can hate me and get over me"

    to which i replied "I don't hate you. I never hate you. That's why it hurts. And I'm over it already, I just wanted to let you know that you got rid of the best thing you'll ever have and let you know that you can't change that."

    honestly i feel better, i just wish it didn't come down to this at the end but whatever, i'll move on like i always do.
     
  15. jonno

    jonno New Member

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    dude FUCKKKK this girl. wow
     
  16. Nomad

    Nomad Active Member

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    i know. i was in love with her, but since the break up i don't find myself attracted to her. i just wanted her to know how badly she hurt someone she "loved" feelings and that she had to live with that sort of b.s. for the rest of her life.

    i don't wish any ill will towards her but i could care less about her and her shitty bf. hope she does the same thing to him and the next guy and so on. she did it once before to a BF (but he was like legit beating her too at the time)
     
  17. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

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    Good move on

    stop thinking about it, forget this thread.

    /thread.
     
  18. SPACECATAZ

    SPACECATAZ New Member

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    She slapped you 8 times? wtf?

    She wanted to hang out with some guy and you thought that was OK? wtf?

    She probably cheated on you man, so that's one thing to think about.

    Good thing you got out of that situation. It might've gotten a lot worse.
     
  19. PcH

    PcH Guest

    Reading each post in chronological order, this is exactly what I was going to post.
     
  20. ldaggerl

    ldaggerl New Member

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    Yeah dude, this girl is an idiot. You cared, and she KNEW she was doing something bad. She knew everything the whole time and hid it from you. Think no more of her, you will care about her and in some way or another you love her. You always will, I love my ex in some manner. Maybe not as it was before but I still do. I'll never fall out of love with her as she has with me. I don't think I'm capabile of it. But I do understand how much of a bitch and whore she was. I too just like you were blamed for thing in the relationship when it wasn't my fault. I was called controlling and not trusting enough, in turn got cheated on (I have no proof per say but enough to convince everyone around me) and left alone while two weeks later she had a new guy. To the best and worst for her. Her family hates her, she lives at a friends house. Has to work 2 jobs and her health is shit. Doesn't make me happy but doesn't make me sad at the same time.

    Good luck with future relationships and I'm sure your going to grow from this.
     

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