more help please with the new guy to vag

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by the_tinman, Aug 28, 2007.

  1. the_tinman

    the_tinman New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 25, 2006
    Messages:
    92
    Likes Received:
    0
    kinda long sorry for the run on

    i had a previous thread where i asked what dose it mean when a girl says i love you but im not in love with you.

    im 23 today been married 3 years and been together about 4 .1 child little girl 2.5 yr old
    Her complaints
    My wife says i made some bad decisions ie i decided to buy a toy instead of paying a bill and i went to buy a motorcycle without her which i didnt get after all. im paying off my bills instead. We "talked" it out i followed the 123yenxtc way and all is well with her.

    MY problems
    #1She talks to guys @ work i don't like that i don't think that its necessary to do so i ask her to stop she throws a fit for the most part (mostly at work she works overnight mostly guys)

    #2 I'm tired of competing with her text messaging habit's good example we went to Houston yesterday to the downtown aquarium all the way there texting get in again texting halfway through texting go to dinner texting on the way home texting we get home i got to sleep she lays with me for a bit goes to the living room and texts some more wake up to go to gym shes laying next to me texting

    #3 i thought she was cheating on me and she says shes not and swears up and down on my daughters love .
    reasons
    #1 i asked her if she was seeing anyone and she said no but someone is talking to me but I'm not talking to them she wont give up on the name hes been through the problems were having and hes helping me out we all talk about things as a group (her and 3 chick friends and 1 guy friend) about 10 min go by and i tell her if that's whats really happening then why wont you tell me his name she then give up the name cautiously and tells me its not what you think. she says she didn't want to tell me the name cause i would get mad that's right she talking to someone besides me
    #2 looking a her texts yesterday yeah it s a bad habit but like i said suspicion of infidelity talk back a forth to a girl friend about her friend talking to a guy and her TAKING HIM TO THEIR SPOT she he can eat out her friend.
    #3 to all the girls that read this post might find this last one bullshit but MY GUT FEELINGS tell me she is or was

    she say it all changed after we had a big fight and i told her to go with her mom she says she felt like i didn't want her anymore. i love her always have just wanted her to be happy and if shes not happy here with me then she should go stay with her mom.and we have had fights like this constantly

    only serious comments please
    so OT what do you say and she will read this post
     
    Last edited: Aug 29, 2007
  2. katatat

    katatat you're outta your league Donnie

    Joined:
    Nov 30, 2006
    Messages:
    3,142
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Texas
    well first off, how old is she.

    second, you got married too young.
     
  3. NCS

    NCS Active Member

    Joined:
    Apr 2, 2002
    Messages:
    5,777
    Likes Received:
    0
    this is the first time i've ever said this but get relationship counseling.

    you have a ton of issues because you started off so young and still have some immature habits mixed with mature ones. your relationship has a certain momentum that you can't fix now.

    if you both agree to this, a 3rd party will be able to level the playing field the right way in that changes brought about won't be your fault or hers and maybe you can grow together.

    PS. paragraphs are nice.
     
  4. MP525i

    MP525i New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 28, 2005
    Messages:
    740
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    nj
    so she has the nerve to say you've made bad decisions and she's going around doing this?? :ugh:

    sorry to hear man..
     
  5. KindlyCuddly

    KindlyCuddly Irina Lazareanu

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2007
    Messages:
    1,057
    Likes Received:
    0
    Wait, her text message said that her friend and some guy were going to hook up somewhere and that means she's cheating? Am I missing something?
     
  6. verdiocchi

    verdiocchi Oh snap!

    Joined:
    May 30, 2007
    Messages:
    1,015
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    FL
    Ok, this is a serious comment, not a dig at you in any way. You really need to use better punctuation in your posts so people can understand you better. This is pretty confusing to read and I'm guessing that people come to read it, start to and then give up so you're losing valuable feedback. Just a thought.

    Have you talked to her about how her excessive texting has been pretty inconsiderate? How does she feel about it when you talk to her? Do you know who she's constantly sending messages to?

    I know you don't like that's she talking to another guy, but if it's a friend and she needs advice, it could work out in your favor. Girls can only offer advice from a female perspective but a guy could see your point and side with you. I've got a few guy friends that I bounce ideas off of when I've got a relationship issue. They make it easier to see my bf's side because they can offer an outside/unbiased perspective that's not the same as my girlfriends.

    I do think you need to trust your instincts though. People who have nothing to hide hide nothing. If you feel like there's something going on, try to talk to her or go to counseling. I lot of places will have you each go separately and then together so you'll both be able to get your feelings out.

    My last bit of advice, don't stay together just because you have a child. I personally come from a broken home and I'm so glad. My childhood until my parents separated was very unhealthy. They fought all the time and their unhappiness with each other made them crappy parents. When they separated, they were each able to parent better. If you're only trying to work things out for the sake of your daughter, you might want to consider what it's like for her growing up around constant fighting. If you guys really can't figure things out (and it will take both of you actively trying to fix it, not just you), you really need to do what's best for your daughter which might be taking some time apart.
     
  7. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2002
    Messages:
    14,236
    Likes Received:
    10
    Location:
    NYC
    If my wife ever refuses to give me the name of a man she has been spending time with, I will know on the spot that its already over.
     
  8. ptwiggens

    ptwiggens New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2006
    Messages:
    317
    Likes Received:
    0
    From what I've seen... relationship counseling is a death sentence for a marriage. Every marriage that I've seen go to relationship counseling has QUICKLY unraveled into divorce. IMO, I would avoid relationship counseling at ALL costs... that is if you want to save your marriage.
     
  9. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2002
    Messages:
    14,236
    Likes Received:
    10
    Location:
    NYC
    seems kinda like saying that chemo therapy or aids medacine is a death sentance. people don't go to marraige counselling until they have serious marital problems in the first place.

    I think you would benefit from a third party as well.
     
  10. the_tinman

    the_tinman New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 25, 2006
    Messages:
    92
    Likes Received:
    0
    kindlycuddly (friends text) the text said im going to take insert guys name________ to our spot tonight (as in my wifes and her spot)maybe im reading to much into it

    katatat she is 24

    verdiocchi i do need to get better with the paragraphs thing . i have talked to her about the texting i told her i dont want to compete with her friends or the phone.last time i told her about the extreme texting she said i just wont text anyone anymore and for the people wondering about the texting 1800 text sent 1900 recived looked on the bill,maybe 4 or 5 to me and the rest to her friends 4 girls.(what she has told me)

    she says the reason she didnt tell me is because she knew i would get mad and want to kick his ass (which is true to a point) but the thing that made it worst of all "its not what you think" and hes talking to me but im not talking to him with holding the name and basicly the whole way it was presented to me .

    im not staying with her because of my daughter i want to stay with her because i love her. but i always have the feeling that something is going on
    she swears on the love for her daughter that there is nothing happening.
     
    Last edited: Aug 29, 2007
  11. ptwiggens

    ptwiggens New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2006
    Messages:
    317
    Likes Received:
    0
    or she could have said "i'm going to take x to our spot tonight" meaning her and that guys spot.

    however... I would venture to say that about 90% of the time your intuition is correct.
     
  12. JustaMeThang

    JustaMeThang New Member

    Joined:
    May 3, 2002
    Messages:
    1,677
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Long Island, NY
    What does your gut say?



    That is what is happening.



    Act accordingly.
     
  13. alo816

    alo816 New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 22, 2007
    Messages:
    252
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Rochester
    Sounds exactly like what happened with my ex and I. She was always texting people and she swore it was her girlfriends. She was always making excuses as to things she was doing and who she was hanging out with. After we broke up I found out she was actually cheating on me and lieing to me about all kinds of shit she did and she also swore on everything. Swearing doesn't mean shit if the person doesn't have a conscience and wants to keep you as a safety blanket.
     

Share This Page