Misinterpreting Signals?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by EPD Hater, Oct 12, 2006.

  1. EPD Hater

    EPD Hater New Member

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    This is in follow-up to my previous thread from a month back. http://forums.offtopic.com/showthread.php?t=2749855

    *BTW sorry for the long post*

    Basically what happened is I continued to talk to her off-and-on in September and she asked if I wanted to take Ballroom Dancing lessons with her. I always wanted a formal instruction on how the whole thing works, and plus it was like a chance to get to see her more. After I accepted, she was all "I would so love to be your dancing partner" and was pretty excited about the whole thing. So, two Fridays ago, our first night in class, we made it a point to go out after class for dinner, and I believe she called it a date. She touched me, my hands, arms, and sat next to me for dessert. She even said that she liked me because I didn't once try to look at her chest that night. (In the previous thread I was contemplating on when to kiss her for the first time. I was planning on doing it this night.) After dinner, it was late, we took a drive and then ended up talking in the parking lot from where we left dance class for about 2 hours! I finally kissed her, and she kissed back. It was a very sweet experience :o.

    Next week, after our 2nd class, we go out to dinner again at a more casual place, and she grabs my hand a few times, calls me "honey" to get my attention (she also calles me honey, sweetie, and babe in emails), and we have great conversation. We then went to see a cover band at a club with a few people she knows from work (the band was nice, but I just couldn't socialize with the people she knew). She went up to the floor to dance with a few other girls. Anyway, afterwards, we left, and while she was driving back to my house to drop me off (I was car-less last week) she tells me that she may have severe depression, as her doctor said. She pretty much opened up to me at that point about what goes on her head, but she's only human...I have had some of the thoughts that she had during her rough times. She's a fairly fast girl and I think she may stress out too easily.

    At the end of that night, I told her to park on the street when she was dropping me off, and we just chatted for a while, I kissed her again and in the midst she said "you're sweet", and I just tried to make the moment last :). After I got out of her car, I remembered I had her Drivers License in my pocket. I gave it to her through her window, and gave her another kiss.

    The next morning, she sends me a text message saying "Hey I just wana thank u 4 listening last nite. Sumtimes thats all it takes 2make me feel better. If I didn't feel sick 2day, then I would feel happy." This made me feel good that I was there last night for her.

    Now, I'm just trying to figure out what is going on. I know she's a busy woman, she has to take care of her mom who had a stroke several months ago and I think she has a pretty social life, and she might not have any time for a relationship. I've texted her on Sunday about how she was feeling, with no response, and I sent her an email Tuesday, with no response. I tend to get a little attached when I start to feel things, but I know I shouldn't get too needy or desperate. So I will just wait for her to contact me. Am I coming on too strong?

    I know many people would tell me to steer clear of this drama and let her do her own thing on her own time, but I am very curious what could come out of this. I really do enjoy being around her. Also, what would be the best way for bringing up what could be happening between us? Or should I even bring it up at all?
     
  2. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    friendzoned, plain and simple.
     
  3. OoOlAlA

    OoOlAlA New Member

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    while in the friendzone you dont sit and make out. Well from the movie I watched anyway. She could possible just feel stupid for spilling those feelings to you. After having a talk like that she could feel uncomfortable and think you think she is crazy or something. Dont worry, she will come around.
     
  4. Toda Party

    Toda Party .....

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    I didn't read the other thread... but why didn't you have her come into your place? Do you plan on just kissing her in the car and leave it at that after your "dates"? Don't discuss whats going on between you two... that part should be figured out with non-verbal communication.
     
  5. EPD Hater

    EPD Hater New Member

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    I still live at home!!! :hsd: (but saving for my own place)

    I guess two people will know when something has reached the next level?
     
  6. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    I didn't read the other thread, but here's some highlights to pay attention to:

    All signs of interest. Going good here.

    And you made a move. Still going smooth.

    I'm mixed on this. If she really liked you, she would have spent time with you alone, not with friends.

    Nor would she have left you.

    Men generally lose points for not having a car this day and age. Yes, it sounds stupid, but I've found it to be true. You may have sent her the impression that you are going to be a burden, and not a leader, provider, protector. Just a thought, as I don't know the entire circumstances.

    Red flag. This is a red flag in two obvious ways: One, she is trying to make herself out to be a bad person, one that is a huge burden for any normal man to take on. It was designed to test you to see if you'd dump her. Two, my NUMBER ONE RULE is to only date clinically sane women. All the advice and knowledge I can give about women goes straight out the window if she's insane. Women are tricky enough to figure out when they are normal, but add a dose of mental instability and you will likely never have a healthy, happy, fulfilling relationship.

    She turned it into a therapy session to get you to back off and stop making moves. Pretty clear she's not into you any more.

    Then if she is serious, she needs to talk to her doctor and consider trying anti-depressant meds. I'm a pshychology major and *totally* don't believe in meds, but after seeing a good friend before and after I must admit I was wrong. For some people, they can be a godsend.

    Beware - while being there for someone is good, taking part in a therapy session on a second date is BAD. VERY BAD. The mood went from light, flirty, joking, exciting, fun to depressing, sad, scary, confusing. You MUST learn to control the situation and change the topic when women do this. If you talk about the bad times, then the bad times are what she is experiencing when she is with you. You are MAKING MEMORIES, so make them fun!

    Lesson to be learned: Don't text women with whom you are dating. Call her, flirt, joke, and ask her out. Get as FAR away from texting as possible. Get as FAR away from therapy as possible. Be happy, light, fun!

    And the contents of this email were ... what? If they were "Hey, I hope you're feeling better. I am worried about you." or something to that nature, again you're going the wrong way. And, since you have been on two dates, email and texting is taking a step backwards. You must step forward to spend more time in person. The phone should be the second choice method of communication, and all other electronic forms are dead last and should be avoided at all costs.

    It sounds like you're coming on too needy, desperate, etc. This is shown in the fact that you have low standards and will be with any woman no matter how messed up she is. If anything, as cruel as it seems, if a woman has a near-nervous breakdown on your second date you should take it as a hint that she is NOT going to be quality enough for you, nor is she interested enough in you to try to be better! Shit, if I were her and really liked you, I would have called my doctor the next day and said "I've met the man of my dreams! Give me some fucking happy pills so I don't lose him, NOW!" Get it? ;)

    What needs to come out of this is that you need to recognize interest level in you - which she has none - and you need to recognize that you must stay away from crazy women. If you don't learn this, your curiosity will lead you to have unfulfilling and empty relationships for a long time. It took me 11 years with my ex-wife to learn my lesson.

    Because she feeds your ego, it would appear. The problem is that you need to set some standards. She must be mentally stable, for one, then attentive to YOU, loyal, honest, flexible, among other traits. Mentally stable is clearly already off the list, so you MUST move on. You cannot hope to grow, mature, or learn about women if you stay with her. Anything you learn about her will likely not apply to other normal, happy, healthy women, and you will have sub-par relationship skills when you come out of this, placing you at a distinct disadvantage for when you DO meet Ms. Right.

    Talking about that shit is EXACTLY what you must NEVER do. You must understand that women don't want a boyfriend who is a therapist. They want a MAN who is a leader, exciting, challenging, fun to be with.

    While all relationships have their problems, if you spend more than about 1% of your time together in "therapy" then you likely have a problem. One percent, for me, means about 2-3 hours PER MONTH. If you spent one hour talking therapy with her the other night, you're already halfway there.

    If I were you, I would move on. When she does call, keep in mind that she is now testing you. If you go out with her, you have essentially agreed to being ignored and treated like an afterthought, and willing accept this third-class citizen position. Once you do that, no woman will respect you.
     
  7. Toda Party

    Toda Party .....

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    Well she does have the depression issue, so you should watch to see if her kissing you was just her using you to try and cheer herself up. Try and progress phsically with her. If you succeed, and she seems interested in spending more time with you, then she probably wants a relationship.
     
  8. Toda Party

    Toda Party .....

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    Now that I read Poco's reply and thought more about the depression issue, he's right. Stay away- let her get her problems sorted out. You don't want to try and begin a relationship with her.
     
  9. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    No one "doesn't have time for a relationship." If you find the right person, you reorganize your schedule to accomodate a relationship. "I don't have time for a relationship" is what you tell people to let them down easily.
     
  10. Bruticus

    Bruticus half dead OT Supporter

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    Very true. I don't have time for a relationship now, I barely have time to think, but if the right chick came along I'd figure out a way.
     

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