MIL military jokes?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Biomechanoid, Mar 2, 2008.

  1. Biomechanoid

    Biomechanoid New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 21, 2003
    Messages:
    7,265
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    In the Woodline.
    A Para rescue, SEAL and Marine are sitting at a hotel bar drinking and bragging about who's the greatest when the para rescue says "tell you what. see that blonde girl over there? I bet you $100 that I can talk her into going up stairs with me." The other two give him a "what ever flyboy, you're on." They lay their money down and the para rescue goes over, chats for a bit, and sure enough he gets the girl to go up stairs with him.

    an hour later flyboy comes back down and the SEAL gives him and the marine a new proposition: "See those two girls over there in the corner? I bet double or nothing I can get both of them to go up stairs with me." The marine and para rescue take the bet, so the SEAL walks over, starts chatting with them, lifts up his shirt to show his trident tatoo and the girls jump in his arms and he carries them both up stairs.

    After the SEAL comes back down the marine is really sweating. He tells them "tripple or nothing, I bet I can get those 3 girls upstairs with me." the other two laugh and take the bet. The marine goes over and they can see he's struggling, but eventually the 3 girls get up and follow him upstairs.

    about 5 minutes later a loud crash resounds throughout the building, walls start shaking glass and mirrors breaking, and the sound of a wild fight can be hear from the marine's room. the marine stumbles out all bloody, bruised and beat up, no sign of the three girls. the other two ask "what the hell just happened?"

    the marine says "I don't know, but as soon as I got them naked some crazy bastard stole the money, beat me up, grabbed the girls and jumped out the window shouting "One thousand, Two thousand, Three thousand, Four thousand!"



    IBonlyairbornepeepsgetit

    IBcliffs




    There's a Ranger in the middle of the gulf stuck in a canoe with a paddle, delerious to the point where all he can do is paddle while he chants "ranger.... ranger.... ranger..." over and over again.

    Satan takes notice and goes up to god and says "I bet this mans soul that I can break him down. let me do just one thing, let me take away half his brain." God, knowing that a ranger is a really tough nut to crack takes the bet.

    So Satan takes away half the ranger's brain and the ranger pauses a moment, but then he takes notice of his surroundings and begins paddling again saying "ranger... ranger... ranger... "

    Infuriated, Satan goes back up to god and says "I think I can still break him. let me take away 1/4 of his brain." God, still confident in the hardiness of the ranger accepts the new bet.

    When Satan takes away half the ranger's brain he pauses again, looks around all confused, but then he notices the paddle in his hand and begins paddling again chanting "ranger... ranger... ranger..."

    Well now satan's really pissed off since he doesn't want to lose the bet, and asks god for one more try, only this time taking away all of the ranger's brain. God accepts being amused at the whole situation.

    The ranger is rowing away, chanting "ranger... ranger... ranger..." when Satan takes away all the rest of his brain. He pauses for a moment and then begins rowing, shouting:

    "From the Halls of Montezuma
    To the Shores of Tripoli;
    We fight our country's battles
    In the air, on land and sea;
    First to fight for right and freedom
    And to keep our honor clean;
    We are proud to claim the title
    of United States Marine. "
     
  2. Immortal1

    Immortal1 New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 1, 2003
    Messages:
    2,308
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Masshole
    2nd one made me :rofl:
     
  3. fooj

    fooj OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Aug 30, 2002
    Messages:
    4,893
    Likes Received:
    29
    Location:
    Philly
  4. Ranger-AO

    Ranger-AO I'm here for the Taliban party. Moderator

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2004
    Messages:
    34,660
    Likes Received:
    150
    Location:
    the places in between
    I had heard the first one before, but the second one was hilarious! :bowrofl:
     
  5. brackac

    brackac Fuck all of this. OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jul 16, 2001
    Messages:
    105,359
    Likes Received:
    152
    Air Force.
     
  6. Jyokker

    Jyokker The trouser snake is very aggressive. It will corn

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2004
    Messages:
    12,760
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Panama City, FL
    The math in the second one doesn't add up.
     
  7. nolecdt

    nolecdt New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 16, 2006
    Messages:
    3,416
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Tally/Miami, FL
    :bowrofl: at the second joke
     
  8. Ranger-AO

    Ranger-AO I'm here for the Taliban party. Moderator

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2004
    Messages:
    34,660
    Likes Received:
    150
    Location:
    the places in between
    This doesn't count as extended inter-service bashing. It's a few jokes, and you may feel free to contribute your own jokes if you like. If anyone gets pussyhurt or if the thread takes on a mean slant, it'll be shut down.

    here's my joke: marines :greddy:
     
  9. Jyokker

    Jyokker The trouser snake is very aggressive. It will corn

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2004
    Messages:
    12,760
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Panama City, FL
    5th sentance of second joke...
     
  10. Ranger-AO

    Ranger-AO I'm here for the Taliban party. Moderator

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2004
    Messages:
    34,660
    Likes Received:
    150
    Location:
    the places in between
    it was worded poorly. satan had already removed half of the brain. therefore, if he removed half of what was left, he would have been removing 1/4 of the original brain - leaving the guy with only 1/4 of a brain.
     
  11. tubachris85x

    tubachris85x New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 24, 2006
    Messages:
    6,624
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Tallahassee, Fl
    I got one that I made up cause my brother drinks too much and is in the army..


    Why does the army prefer light beer's?
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .Because it's easier for them to carry into the battle field..

    IBcheesyjoketeller
     
  12. Kazzander

    Kazzander I only got this for the search.

    Joined:
    Aug 27, 2005
    Messages:
    641
    Likes Received:
    0
    A female sailor and a female soldier are standing on top of a chow hall. Which one falls first?





    The chow hall.
     
  13. scottiemac

    scottiemac It's time to shoot some hot dogs!

    Joined:
    Apr 25, 2005
    Messages:
    8,889
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NWPA
    It's a joke about the Army and Marines. Doesn't have to add up.

    ibhate
     
  14. Jyokker

    Jyokker The trouser snake is very aggressive. It will corn

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2004
    Messages:
    12,760
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Panama City, FL
    I was wondering who would get it. :h5:
     
  15. LTJfan513

    LTJfan513 New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2005
    Messages:
    7,104
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Whale's Vagina
    thats just sad...
     
  16. nolecdt

    nolecdt New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 16, 2006
    Messages:
    3,416
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Tally/Miami, FL
    Once every few weeks is too much? :ugh::ugh::ugh: On that token, you work out too much
     
  17. dura

    dura Guest

    A PFC and a SSG see each other in the hallway. The SSG is completely fucked up uniform wise. The PFC is like "Hey sarnt, you're fucked up." What happens?

    The PFC does pushups and power jumps HAWHAHWAHAHWA.

    but srsly, this is fucking :rofl:
     
  18. spook

    spook OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Feb 14, 2006
    Messages:
    3,370
    Likes Received:
    0
    .
     
  19. willijdub

    willijdub New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 24, 2007
    Messages:
    3,096
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Seattle, WA :Commercial Dive School
    How many war vets does it take to change a light bulb?

    YOU DONT KNOW MAN, YOU WERN'T THERE!
     
  20. SweetDaddyO

    SweetDaddyO we need a montage!!

    Joined:
    May 19, 2000
    Messages:
    9,488
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Rapid City, SD
    an air traffic controller is working his airspace when a flight calls in and asks what time it is. the controller says "well that depends if you're a military flight and if so, what service". the aircraft responds "what does that matter, i just want to know what time it is." the controller says "well, if you're a commercial flight, it's 3:30PM. if you're an air force flight, it's 1530. if you're a navy flight, the little hand is on the three and the big hand is on the six. and if you're a marine corps aircraft, it's thursday afternoon."
     
  21. NPH

    NPH Guest

    second joke = :greddy:
     

Share This Page