I see there is already a thread in this forum similair to my situation, but Id like a new one. Before I begin Id like to ask that you not rip me apart too much until you read all of this. My ex-wife and I married 5 years ago after she became pregnant. At the time there was much confusion over who the father really was. It was either me or another guy that she had been seeing before she cheated with me. At any rate I made a decision at the time to support her and the child. After several months I found out it wasnt mine, but I stayed anyway. The problem was that I wasnt really wanting to be a father, only doing what I thought was the responsable thing. 2 years later she became pregnant with our daughter. It was another unplanned child. now here we are 3 years later, and I have come to see that I wasnt really the father I should have been. Matter of fact I wasnt really a father at all. Dont get me wrong, I protected my kids, and provided for them, but beyond that.... I guess I was just a guy hanging around the house they called Dad. We did a few things together but never really bonded. I mean I could count the things we did together on both hands. Not a great showing for 5 years. Well my wife and I are now seperated and waiting on the divorce process to start. Its on hold since I am out of the country right now. I have been for the last few months. During that time she has met what appears to be a stand up man (we will call him Bob) that the kids have taken to very well. I mean they are actually bonding with him and taking him as the male role model I should have been. So this is where I am hung up. Im torn between what I think my be the selfish desire to be their dad, and my concern over what will really make them happy. If you ask me I will tell you that I love my children, would die for them and give the last dollar I have to see them safe. However I dont know that I have that conviction to be there every day and be the father that they deserve. Now I think that Bob may very well be capable (and is already showing it) of being the parent and father that they need. Here are the choices that I see (not saying this is all of them, but they are what I see) Either I stay in their lives, and still possibly be the non-father that I am. Or I can step out of their lives and let Bob be their father. I would still continue paying child support, but would not interfer in their lives at all. I would essentially be none existant. After much though about what I want, and how that may impact my attitude toward this whole situation, Im heavely leaning towards stepping out of their life. I think I can deal with other people hating me for my choice (everyone here included) but I wonder just how much my daughter will hate me if/when she finds out. As for the boy that I have supported, I still consider him my son and will not waiver from anyother support in that regard, I wonder how much he will hate me aswell. His bio dad has made very little (if any effort) to be a part of his life. I just wonder which will be more damaging to them, for me to continue half assing the job of father (and no, I have no faith that I could do any better) or for me to just not exist in their life anymore. I would be grateful if you could keep the responses constructive, but understand if you just have the need to call me a bastard. Thank you for your time.