SRS Men, women, nest-exits

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by JohnJohnJohnson, Apr 28, 2008.

  1. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    did you drop out of contact with your mother when you when to college?

    I was just feeling bad for the first time recently because I guess I have a sense I neglected her while I was away at school. Basically I would talk to her once in a blue moon but it went from seeing her every day (living in the same home) to phone conversations once every two months, and only seeing her in person on the off vacation.

    Now that I'm out of school I'm seeing more of her, of course.

    Is this about typical? Is there a difference for girls and guys? I ask the last question because I noticed my little sister stayed in contact with my mom a lot more than I did. My mom told my sister, "I guess boys are just different from girls in that way," which was relayed to me. So I was wondering if that was true.
     
  2. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Nope, my mom and I have a ridiculously strong bond that can never be broken. She's pretty much my best friend. Even when I went away for college we talked probably once a day.

    I think it's usually easier to say that girls bond with their mothers more or it's more "understandable" that they would keep in contact with them more often...but if you just flat out lose touch and/or don't want to speak with her that's a whole different story.

    My bf never calls his mom. He only talks to her when she calls, which is probably once every 3 weeks. Even then he'll make it quick and he'll visit her maybe once a month. It's like pulling teeth to get him to bond with her and it's not even an issue of him not loving her or anything like that, he just doesn't care; he's not very close to his parents.
     
  3. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    :werd:

    I just didn't care. Now I'm losing my father, and I'm in love with someone whose mother passed away. I see the effects that her mom's death had on her, and continue to have on her. After all of that I think it just hit home how much I took for granted.
     
  4. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Yep. Having a lot of death in my life myself it always upsets me how much people take their family for granted.

    Now of course I've heard of some horrible families so I can understand when some people just don't get along with their parents...but when they refuse to even be civil or try to make things right it just saddens me. But nothing is worse IMO than people who have perfectly great parents and they just blow them off. They rebel for no reason and don't appreciate everything their 'rents have possibly done for them.

    I admit I don't love my father even an 1/8 as much as I love my mother, and yes he angers me with his actions from time to time...but I still love him and I still stay completely civil with him because I know one day when he's gone I will be upset.
     
  5. justkristen

    justkristen New Member

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    I guess it depends on how the relationship with your parents is before you leave home, male or female.
    I'm one that has called my mom at least once a week religiously, usually email every day . My husband talks to his parents usually every day now that we're more *mature* (aka 30something), but used to go months without any contact. He and his parents weren't very close before we had our son, now we can't get rid of them.:eek3:
     
  6. stormywaters

    stormywaters Tornadoes are just wind...

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    I really don't talk to my parents while I'm at the University. I still live at home over breaks so I see them every few months. I don't have a strong relationship with my parents though, especially my mother. But this is normal in my family, my mom doesn't speak with her mother more than once every few months or at holidays.
     
  7. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    what gender are you?
     
  8. Elphaba

    Elphaba New Member

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    I'm female, and I talk to my parents (mostly my mom) every few days usually by email and sometimes by phone. We (the bf and I) also go over to their house for dinner every other sunday. We see his parents/family on the alternating sundays.
    When I was away at school/living out of town I talked to my parents about once a week, on sundays (see a pattern? :)) for about 45 min or so, and maybe once during the week if something exciting had happend or they wanted to tell me something or vice virsa.
    My brother, on the other hand (who lives out of town now), ONLY talks to my parents on sundays for about 10 min and rarely, if ever, talks to them other than that (only in emergencies). When he was living closer he would join us on sundays for dinner, but even then rarely talked to them on the phone/emailed during the week.
    I'm pretty close to my parents, neither one in particular though, but my mom is more of a "talker" than my dad so I guess thats why I end up talking to her more, though I often get "Daddy said to tell you..." from her and relay messages back. Obviously in my family we have this talk(or visit)-on-sundays habit, I guess thats from my dads family who still to this day still calls my grandma every sunday. My uncles (his brothers) do the same thing...
     
  9. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Sometimes in college I would go a week or two without talking to my parents. We would email each other, tho.

    Then toward the end of college and after I graduated and started working I would call my parents a lot more. My parents are smart and I had questions about stuff. I lived about an hour away and I would come visit at least once a month.

    Now I'm 27 and I talk to my parents a lot. At least a few times a week. Sometimes I'll call and ask them stuff, and sometimes we'll just email each other.
     
  10. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    imo there is a slight gender difference
     
  11. durka x 3

    durka x 3 New Member

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    I'm male and I talk to my mom everyday.
     
  12. stormywaters

    stormywaters Tornadoes are just wind...

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    20 year old female
     
  13. Socrates

    Socrates New Member

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    When I was away in the Marines, I would only talk to my Mom if she called, which wasn't often. I never put out the effort to call her first.

    Like others have said, it didn't have any meaning behind it, I just really didn't care. It became a problem whenever I came home and she started lashing out at me for not coming around much. Now, I come around even less. When I do, it's almost unbearable. I still don't care. :dunno:
     
  14. Elphaba

    Elphaba New Member

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    And perhaps an age difference too? I've gone through different where I've talked to them a lot, a little, and back and forth. I also think it might have something to do with your proximity to your parents - like if you live in the same city as them or not.
     
  15. digitalbs

    digitalbs Active Member

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    I spoke to my mom and dad every other week or so while I was at college. I speak to them more now that I'm half-way across the country (1-2x a week). I'm a bit closer to my mom than my dad due to events that have happened over the last few years.

    24/m.
     
  16. kristaliah

    kristaliah New Member

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    My boyfriend is going through something similar.. The first year of college his parents basically ignored him but now they are trying to bring him back home.. it's really weird. It's like they saw that he was becoming his own person and pulling away (either consciously or not) and didn't like it so now they are trying to change things.

    I make no sense, but I think it's kinda normal. :dunno:
     
  17. Amanda Ann

    Amanda Ann New Member

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    When I was in college, I called my mother every day, but her and I have a really strong best friend type of relationship. I still call her pretty much every day now, and see her every weekend just about. My brother rarely calls my mother, it's usually a blue moon when he does.
     
  18. liralita

    liralita New Member

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    I got along much better with my mother after I left home. We stopped fighting as much when we got out of each other's space, and we sorta started building a relationship. I ended that when I moved suddenly out of state with no warning in the middle of the night, but hey. What can you do.
     
  19. Victoriono

    Victoriono New Member

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    I'm a male and i almost never talk to anyone in my family. My sister and brother do it every week thought, my sister abit more often than my brother.

    I agree. I think you are entitled however to not stay in touch if that's what you want for whatever reason.
     
  20. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Even if it is a "gender thing," is that any excuse?
     
  21. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    :confused: In which direction are you asking that question?

    "Is that an excuse to cling to your parents?", or

    "Is that an excuse to be detached from your parents?"

    At any rate the answer is, "No," to either question.

    You need an excuse for coming to class late. You don't need an excuse for leading your life a certain way.
     
  22. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Sorry, I meant even if it is a "gender thing" does that make it a valid excuse that guys use so they don't have to stay close to their parents?

    And you answered it, but I'd like to see if others feel that way as well.
     
  23. Elphaba

    Elphaba New Member

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    I dont think not staying close to your parents is a bad thing, so I dont think someone needs an "excuse" not to - its just something some people do and some people dont.

    You dont have to talk to your parents all the time to "show them you appreciate them" - there are lots of other ways to do this and I'd bet that many people who do think they have great parents show it in different ways.

    Just because you and your parents show your concern/appreciation for each other by talking/keeping in close contact doesnt mean that everyone does, or those that dont are "bad".
     
  24. Victoriono

    Victoriono New Member

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    .

    I don't see there being anything wrong with not staying in contact with your parents.
    May be abit ungrateful and impolite in lack of better words but there is nothing wrong with it so i don't see why you need an excuse for it.
     
    Last edited: Apr 29, 2008
  25. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    I was only close to my parents when I was a kid. When I went to college, I went home once a month and other than that, we didn't talk much on the phone or in emails. And then I only came home once every 6 months after school was finished, until an opportunity brought me back home. Now I live with them again and we still don't talk. Everytime I see my mom she nags me about something, so I try not to see her at all during the day. She just can't have a conversation with me without nagging. She obviously knows that it's wrong because she doesn't do it when I have friends over. So I don't understand why she can't just stfu.
     

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