Men: do you find yourself succeeding w/a cold approach?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Aquakittie, Dec 9, 2009.

  1. Aquakittie

    Aquakittie Active Member

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    backstory: was out with some friends last night and despite being with a mixed group of people (men, women, singles, and couples and a few married folk) and this having been my first night out in a bar in a LOOOOOONG time, I was observing the approach tactics of men in the establishment (there weren't any women doing the approaching to men so hence the thread being geared towards men).

    So what I observed:
    1. a handful of men stare....I mean constantly. To the point of it being obvious to the GROUP. They do NOT approach. (thankfully)
    2. Then there's the random strangler who makes the smarmy "come here often?" or "are you here with anyone?" kind of approach even when its obvious you're wtih the group and/or not open to approach. :ugh:
    3. And then lastly, the ballsy approacher(s) who don't give a shit if you're there with anyone or if you've never even glanced their way, that blatantly approach and comment awkwardly about the women in the group having a good time (enjoying the live music) and then try to weasel their way into the group after repeated failed attempts at openings.

    My objective: to meet up with friends and enjoy the music and go home safe and sound and ALONE. So this is what my body language said. All the women in the group were dressed conservatively and bundled for the cold as well.

    It seems that there were plenty of people that, if given the "ok" via eye contact and body language would have gone thru the appropriate channels to approach. But the ones that got the proverbial red light STILL approached and got poor results.

    So my question: Do you guys find you're successful with this kind of cold approach? Because personally I found the approach annoying and unwanted as did the other females in the group. This was NOT a club, nor was it a dive bar and nor was it crowded (It WAS a Tuesday night after all). It was a cocktail lounge geared for live music in a smallish intimate setting.
     
  2. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    Even on the very rare occasions that I do go to a bar, I don't try and pick up women there.
     
  3. kopetzki

    kopetzki Banned

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    this is the reason why i don't approach women at the bar. If they want to talk they can come to me, i think most women have this attitude when they go out. I have a sister and she always talks to me about how annoying guys are when she goes out as well.
     
  4. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    Because its tuesday night and not crowded means that if I want any chance of success I have to pretty much hit on every decent looking woman I see since on a lame tuesday I might only see a few attractive women. On a crowded weekend, I can pick my targets.

    And yes, sometimes it works great.


    Women are a game of chance. Obviously, chance favors the prepared, but there are no sure things or impossibilities. Its Just as likely that the girl giving you the "come here look" is going to have a jealous controlling friend that gives you no chance of success as it is that there is an odd women out in the mixed group that is sick of being the third wheel and would love some attention. There just is no way to know who is receptive without trying no matter what kind of signals you think you are giving out.

    edit: this proverbial "red light" you speak of is not nearly as clear as you think it is. and as JJJ said below, waiting for the green light = sad sad penis.
     
    Last edited: Dec 9, 2009
  5. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    The red light?

    Man, if I had ever waited for the green light I'd be a virgin.

    Try being male :mamoru: It's a different world.
     
  6. dumb_end_user

    dumb_end_user Sad Gus

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    You can't "win" if you never play the game.


    edit: but approaching women in a group (especially ones who are bundled up drinking their chardonnay) is foolhardy.
     
  7. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    A few points:

    1. There are tons of people who aren't experienced enough to understand the subtleties of bodylanguage and the nuances of being politely turned down in casual conversation.
    2. Even those who do understand said methods of rejection know that with persistance there are some women who will eventually fold.
    3. Just because you and your friends didn't go there to meet men, doesn't mean all women that go there feel the same. Whether or not it's a "club" or a "dive bar", when you go somewhere with a social atmosphere that serves alcohol, there are going to be a percentage of people there looking for action.
     
  8. dumb_end_user

    dumb_end_user Sad Gus

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    .
     
  9. Aquakittie

    Aquakittie Active Member

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    This is interesting.

    The one moment that clearly stands out for me was early in the evening. There were very few people there at this point....I was only 1 of 3 in the group as well.

    I'm sitting facing the other 2 ppl with my back completely away from the next vacant seat. Guy asks if seat is taken. I barely glance at him and say "nah, go ahead." and quickly turn back around. A short while later, he asks to no one in particular if there'd be live music there that evening. I glance back at him and say yes. And return my attention to my group. He then asks if the music is any good, I said yes. Again, turning back around. He then asks if I'm there alone. I point to the people I'm with and the band setting up and state the seemingly obvious "I'm here with all of them" and turn back around.

    And perhaps you're right, what seemed obvious to me (my lack of positive reception) was not so obvious to him. :dunno:
     
  10. Aquakittie

    Aquakittie Active Member

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    I realize this is very true, I was just wondering how successful people actually ARE at this kind of cold approach....because it seems pretty destined for failure under the conditions I've stated.
     
  11. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    Being nice and responding is all the green light some guys need.
     
  12. Aquakittie

    Aquakittie Active Member

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    In my defense I was the only one in the vicinity of the guy asking about the music...the bartender was away and there wasn't anyone on the other side of him....so it became clear quickly he was speaking directly to me after the first question.
     
  13. dumb_end_user

    dumb_end_user Sad Gus

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    If it didn't work (at least some of the time) do you think men would still use this approach?
     
  14. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    Well it's certainly not a 95% affective approach. I would go so far as to say the cold approaches will get shot down the majority of the time with the majority of guys (there are some guys that have the skill to do better). I've known guys who went up to women in grocery stores and other random places. Hell, I've gone up to a girl at a convention who was with friends and ended up taking her home. And none of those situations are ones where people went specifically for the purpose of meeting someone. So take into consideration the fact that you're in a social atmosphere that is somewhat sexually charged and the simple answer is: Yes. Men succeed with a cold approach.
     
  15. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    If success is defined on a per-approach basis (did you get that hot girl?) I'm guessing the average rate is very, very low.

    If success is defined on a per-night basis (did you get a hot girl?) then it varies wildly from man to man.
     
  16. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    I think they would.
     
  17. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    Oh I understand that. Still doesn't require you to reply though. You could have very easily pretended to not hear him and be engaged in the conversation with your friends. The fact that you separated your attention from your friends long enough to engage him, demonstrated to him that he at least had part of your attention.
     
  18. Aquakittie

    Aquakittie Active Member

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    good point
     
  19. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    Wow.

    Actually I can see from your perspective why that should be "enough."

    But do you think the cold shoulder should stop a guy, from a guy's perspective? I don't think so.

    The rule - if you're a guy - *should* be closer to, "Make the ho say no," or equivalent.

    If you want a surefire way to stop a guy tell him you're not interested. The way I do it is I apologize in advance for being presumptuous and then express my DISinterest.
     
  20. Aquakittie

    Aquakittie Active Member

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    True although, the other two ppl I'd just met...they were friends of friends I was meeting there..so it was slow conversation...

    But alas, that's my problem, I'm chatty with folks and sometimes my chattiness get misinterpreted as being receptive to approach. :dunno:

    But in this case, he got up quickly and actually just left the establishment entirely.:hsugh:
     
  21. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    :rofl: @ him running away.

    Yeah, being friendly with strangers can easily be interpreted as interest by most men, I'd say. I think guys tend to assume the girl is interested until proven otherwise. :mamoru:
     
  22. Cobra Commander

    Cobra Commander OT Supporter

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    I used to approach women at bars when I was younger (18-21) but now I find myself understanding why women are so annoyed with men when you approach them. I halted all acts of approach and just chill on my own with my boys now.
     
  23. Aquakittie

    Aquakittie Active Member

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    Well it was a peculiar thing really. The security guy approached him after he spoke to me and said something to the effect "its time to go now" which seemed strange since the guy only just got there and wasn't causing any disruption from my vantage point.
     
  24. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    Hmm. Maybe he'd caused trouble before there? That is strange.
     
  25. Aquakittie

    Aquakittie Active Member

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    well it was casual enough that the guy finished his drink before leaving...:mamoru:
     

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