No one probably remembers my many past threads... [I'm just another social anxiety case] Well, I hated being a drain by living with my brother with no job, especially while he is in financial trouble. After living with him for 4 months and no job, I looked in the newspaper and found a telemarketing job, places which generally hire so easily. Sadly, I drunk a couple beers in order to go to the interview, and luckily I got accepted and went to training. I'm sure if I hadn't drunken anything I would of bombed that interview. Well training day, I didn't drink anything, I know depending on alcohol is a bad road to take. The anxiety was just killing me the whole time and making me feel like shit. Jesus, I kept wondering how I even had the bravery to go to training. Luckily during like some of the test sessions, I am generally a good speaker, and have an easy time flowing through paragraphs and pronouncing words, and even with the obvious nervousness, I think I did okay Well we aren't really telemarketers, we ask for donations on behalf of political organizations. The last hour of training was real calls, and well I didn't do so well. I hate talking to people. The people that seemed shyer than me were getting donations I didn't get jack shit. Most people seem pissed when you call them, and the only nice sweet people were either old, retired, poor, on social security, etc. etc. Bleh and when I got home I shit my guts out from all that nervous energy. To say the least I don't think I'm gonna go to the second training day today. And well, my brother just got jury duty, and its a more serious case so he is on for a 2 month trial. As you know when you are on jury duty, your work can't fire you, but they don't have to pay for the hours you miss. So he won't be able to afford to pay for my lame ass living expenses. I don't want to move back with my parents. I'm not very fond of them to say the least. Plus many other things. I moved before my senior year, and basically didn't keep communications with my hometown friends. After I graduated, I basically stayed home all day and played on the computer. I definitely wasn't gonna talk to my friends ever again, I was too ashamed, what was I supposed to tell them, while they are all going to college and the military and working and moving up with their lives, I just live with my parents and stay home all day. Well, my brother invited me to move in with him and plus he said he could get me a job at his workplace. The part I was most excited about was that the city my brother lives in was very close to my hometown. I thought I will get that job, and be able to go see my old pals. [although I don't know how I could explain cutting off all communication.] I went into the interview and bombed it, his boss saying "I'm too shy and have no personality." Well that just killed any last strand of confidence I had left. I basically just did the same thing over again. Play on the computer all day while living with my brother. I always look for jobs on the internet but can't get the courage to go apply or whatever. I also constantly look at stuff on social anxiety, but maybe I guess I didn't try hard enough. Bleh, I also ended up going on myspace and finding a few friends and I guess they realize I'm here. But now I'm gonna end up dissappearing again. I can't stay here anymore. Plus my parents are about to move again, to hawaii. Which just means even way way further away from home. I don't think I can accept that. I really don't know what to do. I was thinking about leaving today and just try my luck at vagabonding. I don't think that will go to well though, I'll probably end up starving to death cause I'm probably to shy to beg for money. Plus being homeless...... well death sounds better. All I've thinking about today are ways to end it. I'm on the edge. The only reason I posted this because I have one small last strand of hope... I'm not looking for attention, but maybe something I just didn't see.