SRS Meeting new people and starting conversations

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by o2, Jun 19, 2007.

  1. o2

    o2 Witty Title Here OT Supporter

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    Im 20, currently in university. Im not an ugly guy, and I got a modest amount of (self made) money. I got my own place, and getting a new car next month. I got that part of my life pretty well covered. I work with computers.

    What Im struggling with is making new friends (male and female), and keeping them. The people I know dont really find me a boring person, in fact they find my a pretty "colorful" character, since Im pretty twisted (probably too twisted....), but when it comes to "normal" conversations/small talk/flirting, Im at a loss... I dont really follow up on any sports, and I dont play them either. Im not broly or fat, but Im not skin and bones either.

    What do I do?
     
    Last edited: Jun 19, 2007
  2. daaarn

    daaarn New Member

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    I guess it depends where and who you're trying to make friends with. At least from my experience, you're probably not going to be making many actual friends clubbing. Maybe you could try getting to know your neighbors or even your coworkers and branch off from there. Or if you're really into something, and as cheesy as it sounds, you can go join some kind of an organization or common interest club. Either way, it'll probably be easier if you can have a friend or acquaintance introduce/join you to someone/thing.
     
  3. JustJeff

    JustJeff www.youtube.com/thisisjustjeff

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    I met all of my friends from college in my dorm. All the guys that are my friends were in my dorm and I hung out with them the most. The girls I met were through all of them so it made it a little bit easier. I have my handful of friends and that's really it.

    I think just find something that you like to do and join a group on campus that does that (Whether it's music, the arts, literature, scuba diving, whatever). If you're at a big school, there will be something for everything.

    Don't be afraid to talk to the guy/gal sitting next to you in class. They are usually aching to talk to someone in that boring lecture >.<
     
  4. o2

    o2 Witty Title Here OT Supporter

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    I work alone, for myself, from my house. Dont have any co-workers. I went clubbing with people I know... maybe a dozen times. Thought it was quite lame.
     
  5. daaarn

    daaarn New Member

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    Have you met anyone at school/knew anyone from before? Honestly, most of the people I meet are either from school or friends of friends. I think all you really need is to first meet some people. After that, it's all up to you to see whether or not you want to make anything out of it.
     
  6. mrj

    mrj New Member

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    Find a hobby you enjoy, meet people who enjoy said hobby.

    Us IT guys are usually fucked with meeting people post-college. If I work for salary, I typically work in a freezing room with 1-2 other guys staring at a monitor. Not conducive to small talk.

    Take advantage of the extracurricular shit your school has while you can.
     
  7. daaarn

    daaarn New Member

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    yeah. no matter how small a group might be, there's still bound to be people there that are at least somewhat relate-able to.
     
  8. o2

    o2 Witty Title Here OT Supporter

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    Well, maybe meeting new people isn't exactly my problem. Actually starting conversations, and keeping them is what seems to be my problem. Most people I know always have something to say. It might be the stupidest shit, but they always talk, girls giggle, yada yada, everyone is amused. I could have a conversation about a topic no problem... but you dont usually get around to discussing issues that truely matter in the company of friends/potential friends (within my age group anyway).

    How do I master the art of talking bullshit, and never shutting the fuck up? I know its not always the best thing, and sometimes its better to say very little rather then talk non-stop BS.... but humor me.
     
  9. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    My gosh you sound like me.
     
  10. fixedgearonly

    fixedgearonly New Member

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    Same here. I have horrible social anxiety and get nervous in conversations and never know what to say.
     
  11. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    I'm the first to admit that my small talk skills are less than adequate....unless I'm feeling good about myself and my life. I've found when my checkbook is balanced, bills paid, I've worked out and ate well, I'm much happier about life in general and often the talk flows easier than other times.

    On trick I've learned, everyone likes talking about themselves. So I encourage people to do this. I ask questions about their life and engage in what's going on with them. I have to watch myself because all too often I like to say, "You know what....I can totally relate and here's why." Then proceed to talk about me. Sometimes that's ok but I do it way too much and the conversation turns to me....I want the focus to say on them.

    Why??? Because when they go away they will hopefully feel like I was interested in them. Very often I find that I really am interested to hear about their lives and what's going on in them. Not always but most times I am.

    This helps me to develop friendships. I also try to remember at least one key point from our discussion so that I can bring it up again at a later date. It not only helps keep this other person in my mind but it makes them feel like I care....at least that's what I hope it does.

    I have actually found that by doing this on a consistent basis, I actually really do care about these people and what's going on in their lives. It doesn't always start out that way but over time, it does help to develop those feelings.
     
  12. Xtreme2k2

    Xtreme2k2 GTI Crew ಠ_ಠ OT Supporter

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    Same with me :hs:
     
  13. daaarn

    daaarn New Member

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    i'm usually pretty adequate with the small talk with new people, but those conversations tend to be pretty directed/focused on a subject and then they tend to end pretty decisively. however, when i haven't seen someone in a long time i can talk for hours, but with other people who i keep in regular contact with, like my close friends, i find myself grasping for straws since there's really not much left to talk about when we hang. but the one thing i hate the most is when the other person suddenly just stops talking and kills the flow.
     

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