MMA mayhem's newest post on blog

Discussion in 'OT Bar' started by brolli, Dec 19, 2005.

  1. brolli

    brolli OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Apr 21, 2005
    Messages:
    12,802
    Likes Received:
    8
    Location:
    CHERRY HILL, NJ
    not about his arrest... but seems like hes not in jail?


    Sunday, December 18, 2005

    Late Registration

    I was asked by the good people at Fokai to write a blog before my fight with Falaniko Vitale- training for it and all the aspects of the fight. But, as difficult and as focused as you have to be to train for a fight for a fight of that caliber, I never completed the damn thing nor did I deal with some of the MOST IMPORTANT THINGS IN MY LIFE. To ask me about fighting Niko, or Lawler, or anyone begs the asking of a bigger question. "Why do you do this sport at all?" The reason is simple to me, but warrants a complex explanation to the people on the outside looking in. The average passerby cannot quite understand the complexities of choking, kicking and punching a fellow human being, especially not someone that you are friends with, and actually talk to in a civil manner. Luckily I'm not the average passerby. Actually I'm not the average anything. I'm the Yogi bear of the fightworld, stealing picnic baskets from everyone out there, and sharing them with my Boo Boo's, YOU, the fans.
    This is a hard job. It's a fun job, but it's still a job (cue "Rock Superstar") I wake up beat up, I drive to training wrecked worse than the first truck I ever bought, after my drunk ex totaled it, and I smile when I get blasted. I have some sick desperation in my life that equates this pain for pleasure. As long as I'm getting closer to this goal, I feel a sense of happiness that some would call being "close to god". Now this is probably a hallucination brought on by getting clocked accross my nugget, but it feels real to me at the time. Which brings me to my point about my humble occupation- Fighting in the ring is simply ametaphor for living.


    What gives our exsistence meaning? Is it what kind of car you have?How big your rims are? How hot your girlfriend is? Maybe. But really, life is about the struggle. How much effort you put in while you arebeing beaten to a bloody pulp. How you come back from being down. How you are gracious when you are victorious. Not to get all biblical on you, but all I am doing in the ring is playing out a metaphor of what we all go through in our daily lives. Sure you have responsibilites and deadlines and paperwork and fries to drop while you make a McFlurry, but its just another part of the struggle. It's all about the challenge. It's about creating a beautiful dance out of something wretched and violent. When I step into that ring, I feel something beautiful that can't yet be described in words. The screams and the boo's, the hate and the love- all mixed into on heaping mass of energy. The people that support me can identify with me, and the people that hate me are on the opposite end of the spectrum, but everyone feels the meaning of the fight by the time it is over. We hug, we laugh, we say "Damn, you are tough." or "Damn, you kicked my ass." but it is so much more than a simple brawl between savages. In the fifteen or twenty-five or less, we, the fighters, play out anentire life's worth of catching that yellow light, missing the school bus, getting stood up at the prom, spending the night in jail, singing together with friends, snowball fights, throwing the touchdown pass,eating shit on your skateboard, seeing your first child born, getting shot at in the desert, all thrown into one. Is the fight as importantas ANY on these events? No, not in the slightest. But for that moment,we are putting everything on the line, the sacrifice of food, water,and anything pleasurable to play out a show for the emotions of the masses in attendance and the viewer watching at home. If it came to it, I would die in the ring, a happy man.


    I've never felt at home anywhere- Hawaii is the closest to it, but there is somewhere intangible that is my real home. I was an army brat. We moved every 8 months, which may explain why I can't keep a girlfriend for any longer than that. But when I hear that crowd roar,when I smell the sweat and blood drying on the canvas, I go to this magical place. It's not exactly a land of leprachauns and unicorns, but it doesn't exactly exist here on earth either. It's not where I hang my hat, or my heart, but it is home. I guess everyone would havetheir own way to describe it. Some would call it god, some allah, some would describe it as the unexplainable mathematical equation. Why do you think that pro athletes always thank god after a great preformance? They felt something that they can only describe through words that someone else has already used, and passed down to them. Ipersonally haven't been exposed to these words like the other athleteshave, and because of the hellfire and brimstone sermons of the south, avoided church and what I viewed as hipocracy, even at a young age.With the lack of that type of spiritual guidance that most people take for granted I have been forced to analyze it on my own, and have cometo the determination that we are governed by the complex laws ofmathematics. Every day is a lottery, and you only have control ofyour attitude while the ping pong balls are bouncing around crazily,and what to do with the numbers as they come up. Sometimes you make the best of them, while other times you "screw the pooch", so to speak.

    Recently I got lost in the woods. I had always wanted to see the beautiful jungles of hawaii, but had only until then seen the city atmosphere of the island. During this vision quest in the woods Ithought about a lot of things. I thought of my family heritage. Along line of warriors, who just happened to have the "bad luck of being born in the wrong goddamn century". Just like many many people. Either that or they are a victim of their own brains' chemicals. Iguess there are a lot of people who struggle with this. Some justdrink it away. Some drug it, some eat it away, some fight it, smoke it, cut it, clean it, or fuck it all away. Some just take it into their hands quickly and throw it all away at once. I've considered it. Walking through a waist high swamp, I came to a bridge.Over the top of a waterfall. I thought more about it. Sometimes I wish I was laying next to you Sean. Shawn. They always got it wrong on the posters.

    "Success will test a man more than the trials and tribulations of war." I think the mythological character Conan the Barbarian said that. I know it wasn't Conan Obrien who said it. Whoever said it was a man of great genius. I have to reevalute and rethink everything that I think about life, helping people, my own personal responsibilities, love, life and the meaning of all of those things. There are many places that I havenever seen, and plan on seeing. Than there are other place I have seenand never want to see again. There are feelings I've felt and would love to feel again, and there are those that I could do without.

    As a cult leader I've taken on responsiblilties beyond my wildest dreams. I need you as much as you love to see me. (If you don't moveyour feet/ then I don't eat, so we like neck and neck- Outkast) I always think back to the shit jobs that I was terrible at and why I could never make it in a job unless I completely was in love with it. Why do I obsess on the things I love, and then neglect them when they might be the most important- at times ignoring the long term in lieu of the immediate? Why are my obsessions not apparrent to me, buteveryone else can see them as clear as day, but are usually too fearful to tell me. Do I lack this outside observer, only to get it inbreif spurts that some would epiphanies? Why did the equation add up so that I've put myself in a position that I must perform like an animal in front of the people, like "DANCE MONKEY!" and why do I love it so much? Why couldn't I not ride this rollercoaster and end up working as a pharmacutical sales representative, or a lay roofing tiles, or change semi tires, or stack bricks, or report the news. Why was I destined for this responsibility? For this job that a dog could do. Or a rooster, or a monkey for that matter.

    Have you been in real love? Has anyone? The argument has been made by scientists that love and every other emotion is just the correctcombination (equation if you will) of chemicals swishing around inyour brain, and love has alot to do with the part of your brain thatobsesses. The thing that scientist leave out is the "X factor" the"why?" in the whole thing. All these chemicals mix to cause all these different emotions, and eventually we will all be able to controlevery different emotion with the push of a button, creating a surrealworld of slaves and masters, but I don't ever think technology will beable to totally control our perception of the world. Even in a drug induced haze, addicts can see through into the real world for momentsat a time. Crazy people do it too. Alcoholics call it "a moment ofclarity". The trick is to fight off all the distractions and realize where you are when you are in the real world. To fight through towhat is right, and when the road forks, pick the high ground. This isn't always easy, and the downhill path it always easier, and atfirst way more fun, but usually you end up crashing into something.

    "And I heard em say; nothings ever promised tommorrow today." I don'tknow who says it better, Kanye or Adam. They both sound so beautiful.

    I'm famous now, at least on the level right above mimes and the guy in the newspaper suit in waikiki, but it's a box. It's a giant fishbowl and I haven't even broke into the major level yet. Isaid it before- "I dug this hole to hell" and at the time I added "I'm happy here." but I realized I'd do it differently now. I'd really throw it all away to get something back that I lost. Of all the things that I have learned over the years of being on my own, I missed some lessons, especially on priorities. I guess that's what you get when you ignore your parents and listen to the street people, pickingup lessons from what society views the lowest of the low. Do it differently than the rest of the world. Skip the whole college experience, learn from experience instead of proffesors and this isw hat you end up with. You gain a street sense that is unparalelled, but you grow so far outside of the norm of society that you are forced into a specific niche that noone else dares fit into, but finds absolutely awe-inspiring.

    Everyone in the fight scene has some type of warrior inside them. Weall are tribal people. A band of primates that group together for a common cause. I'm just the one that soaks in all the credit, and with that comes all the responsibility, that until now didn't realize the importance. The monkeys. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war... our Great Depression is our lives. I can't quit. I can't give in until they stretch me out of there, or my hand is raised.

    "They say people in your life for seasons/
    And anything that happen is for a reason"

    I hope so.
    So hard to see from the inside. If there is a big plan, I hope myinsignifigant bit of perception is part of it.
    "The devil is alive,I feel him breathin'/
    Claimin' money is the key, so keep on dreamin'"
    I don't quite believe in "the devil" but I can see that negative path appear fromtime to time, and since I wasn't exposed to the words like "devils"I'm not sure thats what it is. Perhaps just part of the sameequation, but just the negative end of it.

    Just like all of us, I'm trying to make sense of it all one round at atime, and I have to go through the entire fight to get the outcome.The only thing a man cannot take from me is my heart. Until recently,I thought it was cold and black, but I realize that it just had a thick, bitter, shell around it. It took a vision quest to break free of it, and now "nothings ever promised tommorrow today".

    I know this is not my most organized of blogs, but if it touches youand you can apply it to your life, I'm a happier man, even if just for the moment.

    "With every worthless word we get more far away
    And nothin's ever promised tomorrow, today
    And nothin lasts forever, but be honest, babe
    It hurts, but it may be the only way"

    MayheM
     
  2. DOHChi

    DOHChi New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 9, 2004
    Messages:
    1,739
    Likes Received:
    0
    [​IMG]


    fucking war mayhem
     
  3. Beepsandbuzzes

    Beepsandbuzzes New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 31, 2002
    Messages:
    5,117
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Sydney, Australia
    That entry shows mayhem to be an exceptionally good writer, to the extent that I'd question whether he wrote that entire piece himself.
     
  4. DOHChi

    DOHChi New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 9, 2004
    Messages:
    1,739
    Likes Received:
    0
    why is it so hard to believe. have you read any of his blogs??
     
  5. Titus

    Titus New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 10, 2002
    Messages:
    3,478
    Likes Received:
    0
    i'm pretty sure he wrote it himself.. he is pretty well spoken.. doesn't surprise me that he can put his thoughts down like that..
     
  6. Mejnoon

    Mejnoon Active Member

    Joined:
    May 6, 2000
    Messages:
    33,821
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    Omaha, NE
    That was very impressive:bowdown:

    You see somebody as wild as he is and its easy to assume there isn't much under the surface...big mistake:eek3:
     
  7. Sammo

    Sammo New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2005
    Messages:
    43,376
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Southern Canada
  8. Placebo

    Placebo New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2005
    Messages:
    4,166
    Likes Received:
    0
    He could have written that I'm sure, but I wouldn't be surprised if someone else did.
     

Share This Page