Married friend looking to me for advice

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Jabbermewmew, Feb 13, 2010.

  1. Jabbermewmew

    Jabbermewmew OT Supporter

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    I'm 21 with a married friend who happens to be a chick, she's 23. She has a one year old boy and for some reason, I'm the only one she trusts enough to tell anything to. We were just hanging out one day and all of a sudden she broke down and started telling me all sorts of things about her and her husband.

    He threatened to leave her when she was pregnant more that once, stopped wearing his wedding band on more than one occasion. Called her a bad mother. Moved out on one occasion. He's in the army and missed the first year of his child's life due to deployment (the child's whole life thus far basically). While she was pregnant and almost due, he volunteered for a stateside deployment for flood relief and left her alone. He flirted with another girl on the very night of their wedding. She says the only reasone she is still with him is because of the child and she thinks it wouldn't be fair to him and the kid if she wanted a divorce. Countless other little things that I can't think of right now.

    I was over at their house for a super bowl party and witnessed first hand how much he treats her like shit.

    I've told her multiple times that I'm in no situation to give her advice but she just keeps coming to me to vent and I feel like I need to tell her something.

    I guess I'm just lost and turning to you all for advice on what to do. I'd feel like an ass if I just stopped talking to her, because I get the sense she really needs someone atm.

    If you were in her situation, what would you do? I'm a little drunk right now and I'll answer any questions in the morning.
     
  2. lauren

    lauren Active Member

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    sounds like she's looking for someone to cosign her rational to cheat/emotionally check out of the relationship.

    was he in the army when they got married?
     
  3. Jabbermewmew

    Jabbermewmew OT Supporter

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    Yes he was, and still is
     
  4. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    i'm pretty sure the consensus is that staying together "for the kid" is retarded.

    Won't she get child support/alimony or something if they get divorced?
     
  5. Jabbermewmew

    Jabbermewmew OT Supporter

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    That's what I'm thinking, but I dont want to just tell her that. She wants the father to still be a part of the kid's life... but from what I've seen, he wont exactly want that
     
  6. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    She wants the kid to have a loser as a role model? :dunno:
     
  7. MissKitty

    MissKitty If squats were easy they'd be called 'Your Mum' OT Supporter

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    I guess you can ask her if she wants help to leave him or if she just wants an ear to listen
     
  8. VA197

    VA197 New Member

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    Here's a bit of advice, women sometimes don't want you to 'fix' things for them, they just want you to listen. They don't want advice, or really anything more than a big strong shoulder to lean on. Just be there for her, be her friend, and she will eventually figure out what she wants to do. You don't need to be anything more than her friend. That is sometimes the best thing a woman can really have.
     
  9. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    Seconded. Its one of those big differences between men and women. The sooner a guy figures this out the better off he is.

    Chances are shes not looking for advice. More often then noy when a woman complains she just wants someone to listen and sympathize
     
  10. djshotglass

    djshotglass New Member

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    sounds like divorce time

    she probably wont listen though
     
  11. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    Seconded. Its one of those big differences between men and women. The sooner a guy figures this out the better off he is.

    Chances are shes not looking for advice. More often then noy when a woman complains she just wants someone to listen and sympathize
     
  12. C.W.

    C.W. OT Supporter

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    Werd

    Yes. When in the military there is no fucking around with that. He decides to be a dick to her she can go to his commanding officer and he will be in deep shit.
     
  13. radfad88

    radfad88 The Batman-O-Lantern

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    This is true, they will pretty much immediately start garnishing his wages and taking out the CS before he even gets his check in the bank.
     
  14. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    women typically wait for the man to do the breaking up

    that way she gets to play the victim and get sympathy
     
  15. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    I have missed your posts. Glad you're back :bigthumb:
     
  16. CorpseStreet

    CorpseStreet New Member

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    She probably isn't looking for advice but I think you should offer it up anyways. Staying together for the kids is a horrible idea especially when the father doesn't even care. She should just cut her losses and move on that way both she and her child have a chance at being happy. No matter how much she thinks she is doing her kid a favor by staying with the father her unhappiness will ultimately lead to it's unhappiness.
     

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