SRS Married Boyfriend(anonymous thread)

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Darketernal, Apr 23, 2009.

  1. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    Two months ago, I met this guy. We both had a level of mutual attraction, and we decided to hook up casually. His marriage had ended about 5 months prior (wife moved out and moved to the other side of the country), and I had just gotten out of a 6 year relationship (about 7 months prior) and am about to graduate college and just took a job about an hour away. We were honest about these things from the get go. We both just wanted a 1 or two time hit it and quit it, and we both talked about how the "fuck buddy" dynamic would be open-- that is, we would continue to hook up with other people.

    Well we hooked up twice and were completely smitten. We both completely lost all urge to hook up with anyone else, and we've been in a monogamous relationship for just over two months. What's surprising is that it doesn't feel like a rebound on either end. We are so happy together and care about each other genuinely. We don't have any weird pressures on each other, but we genuinely want the other person to be happy. This guy is a dream come true for me-- incredibly smart, sweet, intelligent, successful, driven...

    I have trouble with men because they tend to not be as smart, successful, and driven as I am, and I decided very early on that I need to be in a "power couple"-- so to speak,

    We've both tried to be careful that this isn't a rebound. He doesn't bring up wife drama unless I ask about what's going on/unless it's really pertinent, and he fully intends on divorcing her as soon as he is able to. We have also been careful about being an "escape" for one another. Neither of us is a rebound to the other, and neither of us is an escape. I am 100% sure.

    We are both very overwhelmed and taken aback by all of this. We didn't expect to find these genuine, amazing feelings so soon after breaking up with our significant others (both of us were very emotionally shut off, but somehow, we became so attracted to each other). We're being rational about everything and have agreed that none of this is rational-- but we both agree that it feels incredibly right and perfect to be together. We have discussed that we need to be extra careful about our emotions especially since he is about to go through a divorce.

    He is open and honest with me about everything-- that he cares about me but that he has a lot of feelings to sort through and that he is worried about hurting me. I'm starting to freak out because I think I am starting to care more than I should about a guy who is married who things were supposed to be casual with. Like way much more. Like I'm on my way to being in love.

    We are so good for each other, and we bring out so much happiness in one another, and I don't know if the wife stuff should be more relevant than it should be (they split before we even met).

    It's an incredibly healthy, and honest relationship, and I'm worried that I'm going to make myself irrationally unhappy because I am so surprised, overwhelmed, and caught off guard.

    The timing for meeting was just so weird and bad. I don't know if I should just end things or just keep going with it. Why would I end things? Fear? I'm 22? He's married? I don't know?

    What do I want?-- I want to be with him. Is it right? I don't know.... my whole world has sort of been turned upside down. I never in a million years imagined that something like this could and would happen.
     
  2. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    Limerence.
     
  3. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    My advice: Slow down. I can't tell you what is right or wrong, but I can tell you that based on experience, the odds are against you.

    Knowing that fact, you may wish to slow down, detach a little bit -- avoid merging emotionally into "one" with him for right now.

    I don't see why the relationship can't continue, but I think you need to understand the consequences -- which it appears you do.

    Take a step back, let him know you're doing so to protect yourself until this process has been clarified (The divorce, especially).
     
  4. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    SO...is he divorced? In the process of divorce? If the answer to either of these questions is yes, you should be fine.

    If he's NOT divorced, or not in the process of divorce, put some distance from him.
     
  5. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    He "intends" on divorcing her. Whether you can consider that technically "in process" -- that's skating on thin ice. I'm with you on this one, I would put a little distance inbetween, because the road to hell is paved with good intentions (or...intended divorces).
     
  6. chainsawbarbie

    chainsawbarbie New Member

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    Was re-reading old OT posts of mine and came across this one. Just an update -- we are still together and love each other very much. In February, we'll have been together for five years. Everything was natural and right. We've been living together since September/October 2009 and haven't looked back. I never knew that it was possible to be so happy with someone/love somebody so much. It seems as though everything we experienced was real.
     
  7. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    Glad to see things worked out well for you. That's great news.
     
  8. Deadhead9150

    Deadhead9150 Banned

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  9. B4 I FU R U 18

    B4 I FU R U 18 Active Member

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    i didn't really get this thread. i assumed its just the common tip to not get in a serious relationship right after a serious one.

    if your rational, then you should be able to tell if this person is actually good for you.
    if your irrational, and just looking for comfort well then yeah probably a bad idea.


    not surprised you are still together the way you described it tho. congrats
     
  10. Meat Popsicle

    Meat Popsicle What's that smell? OT Supporter

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    When I met my wife she was in a relationship (although it wasn't a good one and on death's door anyway). I had gotten out of a terrible 6 year relationship about 10 months prior..she went straight from her ex to me with really no break, and it's the best relationship either of us has ever been in.

    When you know, you know. :wavey:
     
  11. Mithrandir

    Mithrandir OT Supporter

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    Haha, you're 22 and you think you can be part of a power couple.

    LMFAO

    Stupid girl.
     
  12. Ichinichi

    Ichinichi take dat blue pill

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    wo. success.
     
  13. DouggieJ

    DouggieJ OT Supporter

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    Congrats.
     
  14. [lolz]

    [lolz] OT Supporter

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    I'm glad when one of these threads is positive.

    There isn't much of that going on in this world.

    :h5:
     

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