Marriage v. no kids/religion

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Dio Seijuro, May 23, 2008.

  1. Dio Seijuro

    Dio Seijuro New Member

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    I've been with my girlfriend for a long time now and we talk about getting married every now and then. It's pretty important for her, both because of the symbolic nature and because she wants her parents/family to see it. But for me, it's a little embarrassing to say yet very true: marriage just doesn't seem very important in a relationship where both people are not religious and are dead set on never having kids. So I can never get excited about planning it.

    It's not like I want to cling on to bachelorhood or anything. I just don't feel it makes any difference (other than legally) to me whether there is an official formal wedding/marriage. There would be absolutely no change in my lifestyle nor attitude. And yet there's all this stuff to plan if I don't want to appear like a weird person and get into arguments, it's a hassle.

    Does this make sense?
     
  2. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    Do you want to get married?
     
  3. Dio Seijuro

    Dio Seijuro New Member

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    I have no problem with it. But I don't see what difference that makes. It seems like my attitude towards the relationship wouldn't change one bit after a marriage, nor would hers. Mainly because, like I said, we are both not religious and don't want kids.
     
  4. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    but it makes a difference to her?

    i guess you have to decide if you are willing to do something for her because you love her and want her to be happy, even if you dont feel excited about it. if you arent against it, i dont see the problem with doing it if she wants to. if you were against it, however, i would say you both need to talk about it and figure out what a solution would be to keep you both happy
     
  5. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    Your relationship will be different the day after you get married than the day it was before.

    I guarantee it.
     
  6. Dio Seijuro

    Dio Seijuro New Member

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    Well I'd like some elaborations on this. The only difference is legal that I can see (which is a big difference sure), but I don't understand in terms of attitude. I don't think we'd love each other any more than we do now just because of a ceremony. That's my take.
     
  7. Dio Seijuro

    Dio Seijuro New Member

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    I would do it for her. I just find it annoying to have to plan for this and spend money for this. And a lot of people obviously enjoy this part, which makes me feel very different.
     
  8. yankeeschick14

    yankeeschick14 New Member

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    well you dont really have to have an elaborate ceremony, especially if you're not religious. Go to the justice of the peace, or get married in a field by a judge. It wont cost you much, and you'll get your piece of paper.

    Maybe its important to her for financial and legal reasons. Married people get many more benefits than unwed. Also, if she were to die, you wouldn't be her next of kin. And if its important to her, talk to her about why it is, and find out if you can be flexible enough to give her that.
     
  9. Dio Seijuro

    Dio Seijuro New Member

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    Yeah I think a small wedding ceremony is fine with me. And all the legal differences are obviously important.

    I just don't think emotionally getting married does much for a non-religious, kids-unwanting couple. :dunno:

    Good advices though. Thanks.
     
  10. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    i want to get married and i find this part annoying as well.

    my fiance and i are going to mandalay bay in las vegas and getting married in a chapel there. it took 30 mins to plan the ceremony and its not costing us that much. people are able to come and watch us get married if they want since there is room in the chapel. my point being, you dont HAVE to do the big elaborate expensive ceremony if you dont want to

    then again, what does she want to do for a ceremony?
     
  11. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    The main difference will be in how she views the relationship, as well as your role in it.
     
  12. fray

    fray New Member

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    Are you turned off by the thought of marriage, or worrying about a wedding. They are separate things.
     
  13. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    If you don't give a shit either way about getting married or not then why not just do it for her?

    If you are both not religious you can cut ALL the religious stuff out (that's what I plan on doing) and just have a super short ceremony followed by a fun reception with all your family and friends to show you are in love :dunno:
     
  14. Dio Seijuro

    Dio Seijuro New Member

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    Just a small ceremony. She wants good quality and taste over some extravaganza, with only close friends invited. It's perfectly fine with me. I am not even annoyed. I just don't get excited or pumped up about this whole process like some people do, so I thought I'd throw it out there. :)
     
  15. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Don't stress over it. Shit, there are plenty of guys who could care less about a wedding :mamoru:
     
  16. fray

    fray New Member

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    don't feel bad. I'm not excited about having a wedding either. I'm dreading having to plan anything.

    I am quite excited about the prospect of a honeymoon vacation however!!
     
  17. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    I don't care about marriage either, but I'd have a blast planning it. You're the ones up on stage. The show is for your family and friends. And I like to put on a good show.
     
  18. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    same here. the honeymoon is awesome to plan!
     
  19. lauren

    lauren Active Member

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    isn't the ceremony the religious part? :hsugh:
     
  20. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :ugh: If you want it to be. My friend just had a wedding devoid of all religious tone, they even had a judge marry them. They read their own vows to one another and then 3 minutes later after the giving of the ring and "you may now kiss the bride they were done :dunno:

    No verses from the bible, etc. :mb:
     
  21. SpectraRedZ

    SpectraRedZ New Member

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    My husband and I aren't religious, and we don't want kids. We had a plain, non-religious ceremony (which was actually the standard ceremony by the officiant we used). Basically the ceremony is just to celebrate the joining of you two in marriage - it doesn't necessarily have to have religious tones to it. You can write your own vows, or have the justice of peace/officiant/whatever use their non-religious ones. We had a small ceremony at a local historic park. None of that churchy stuff. It was $150 for the officiant, and $90 for the park permit. A friend of mine spent $25k on her wedding, which is ridiculous, IMO. $7k on the dress alone, to wear it once!)

    If you dont care either way and she wants it, why not?
     
  22. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    Its all a matter of perspective.

    I personally know an Indian couple whose total wedding cost was $250,000
     
  23. Amanda Ann

    Amanda Ann New Member

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    I want to get married and I'm neither religious nor do I foresee kids anytime in the distant future. :dunno:
     
  24. Amanda Ann

    Amanda Ann New Member

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    Yup. My mother and step father were married in a ceremony that lasted all of 5 minutes.
     
  25. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    As a guest I thought it was the greatest thing ever. Hurry up and point me to the open bar at the reception!
     

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