SRS Marriage Problems?!? v.notsurewhattothink

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Alter Egoist, Oct 27, 2005.

  1. Alter Egoist

    Alter Egoist New Member

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    Please bear with me. Cliffs at bottom of post.

    I've only been married for about 6 months. About a month ago, the wife caught me looking at another woman at the grocery store. She started to cry because she caught me, and I really couldn't say anything at the time. I wound up going to a baseball game with a friend since she didn't feel like going anymore. So later on that night, she starts snooping around my PC and finds some random porn links on my history. Of course, some of the links originate from here... She goes ballistic, saying that she can't trust me and wants a divorce, because me looking at another woman leads to cheating. After a week or so of living on thin ice, I finally let her have it that I can't be perfect to her... and she seems to accept it, but says she still can't trust me. She goes out of town a lot, and always is at work. Not once do I question her motive when she does this.

    Cut to tuesday.
    I got invited to go to the World Series game by a friend of mine, for free. Can't go wrong with that, right? Well, the invite occurred at the last minute (5pm CST, game started at 7). So I had to finish what I was doing at work, go home and pick up after myself from changing out the spark plugs on my car that same morning, and make sure everything was fine. Once I got to the ballpark, I tried to call her to tell her I was actually going to a World Series game! Bad signal... so I tried to call someone else to see if things were working right - no go. I guess something was up - Cingular sucks, btw. So I attempt to call her later... no go. Keep doing this between innings, then finally reached her at 10pm. I tell her where I am at, and she says, "What the fuck are you doing at the game?"

    Huh?!?! I told her that my friend invited me at the last minute, and she's like, how come you didn't call me? I told her I couldn't reach her, so she said call her when I'm at home. Well, as most of you may know, the game went 14 innings and I didn't leave the ballpark until like 1am. Apparently, I had to tell her BEFOREHAND... but I couldn't do that because everything was so last minute, but tried to call her the first chance I got. She calls me once the ballgame is over, and starts ripping into me. Like huh? I don't quite understand, as I didn't get to eat dinner, I'm tired, the home team lost, it's cold, and I'm trying to find my car while avoiding traffic. I try calling her again when I get home, but she's hanging up on me. Didn't reach her yesterday because I went to the hospital to spend the night with my Grandmother, who's going through chemo.

    So this morning, I get an e-mail - she's considering filing for divorce.

    Now she's a type of person who thinks negatively from the getgo... and tends to overreact badly to things. But I'm tired of this fucking talk. While I do love her to death, she doesn't seem that way - I guess she seems that me going to the game signifies me having fun without her - while she's in another town doing work. It may go back to the trust issue. But I'm tired of the divorce threats... I don't know what to do anymore. Advice would be helpful.

    Cliffs: Wife caught me looking at another woman, then found porn later that night. Hilarity ensues, situation defused. A few days ago - Went to World Series game, didn't call her until extra innings, she's mad - threatens divorce.
     
  2. Alter Egoist

    Alter Egoist New Member

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    I forgot to mention - she's out of town a lot, due to work. Gone at least 55% of the time. I knew this coming into the marriage, and accept it as she's the main breadwinner. (I'm not too far behind)
     
  3. johan

    johan Active Member

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    The fact that her reaction is so disproportionate to the "offence" suggests there's a lot more to the backstory that in contributing to this.

    How old is she?

    You're due in at the marriage counselor. Several months overdue, in fact.

    She threatens divorce because she caught you LOOKING at another woman?
    And then found some random porn links on your computer? I just have to shake my head at the immense immaturity being displayed here.

    I mean, no one's going to mistake you for Sir Walter Raleigh, but then that's not the point. There was nothing terribly wrong or aberrant in your behaviour.

    So...... Again, how old is she?

    Any abuse in her personal history? Strong religious views?
    Something doesn't add up, at least not in the history that's been presented thus far.

    What is sounds like is that she's really regretting getting married, probably 1 second after saying "I do" and now is jumping on any opportunity to split up this union.

    And she's not being particularly honest about her feelings or intentions, by using YOUR behaviours (which are not particularly bad or wrong) as the "reason" to precipitate her request for divorce.

    (This is a classic diversion technique, it's not my problem, you MADE me do xyz... Child abusers are also like this. No, I don't have a problem, you made me angry, that's why I beat you till the wooden spoon broke...)


    So... I'd ask her "What's up baby doll? Why're you trying to shovel this onto your man?"
    Since you're the one here, not her, why do YOU think she's trying this well-worn approach?

    Why is she trying so hard to dump you?

    And it's not the fact that you (gasp!) looked at a woman, or clicked on a few porn links. I presume you didn't actually HIT ON that woman, and you're not some massive pornhound with multigigs of porn. Right?
     
  4. Alter Egoist

    Alter Egoist New Member

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    Didn't expect a reply so soon. Here we go.

    She's 27, going to be 28 soon.

    A little backstory - her dad's a diagnosed Schizo - she calls him psycho. He really is that way. A goofball, but apparently he's always on medication. She's one to speak her mind, but that got her in trouble one day since her dad went off on her (physically) one day. She blames her mom for not leaving him once they all found out. She had a brother, autistic, killed in a car crash. She blames it on her father. She's an atheist, from what I gather... she never lets me know otherwise, nor do I question it. She still talks to her parents, but loathes them both based on their actions (or lack thereof).

    Well, when she caught me looking at another woman, she stated it like this - "I've seen you look at other women before, but that was the first time I saw you have a look like that." She stated I then took a double take on that woman (she was attractive no doubt - nice body, abs)... but thought nothing of it. She put it this way - "Looked like you were like 'DAMN! I want to hit that'!"

    Which is not what I thought. Just attractive body came to mind. I did tell her she's away a lot, and I do get lonely from not seeing her - but it equates (to her) as more reason to think about cheating. To put it in her words, she wants to nip the problem at the bud. Which is not what I do BTW. I play WoW or watch sports on a nightly basis at home...

    Now the incident at the World Series, I guess that can be attributed to her still not trusting me. In addition, I told her how my parents split up (because of my dad cheating on my mom). She doesn't think too highly of my dad, and says "The apple doesn't fall far from the tree." Mind you, I've never cheated in my life.
     
  5. Alter Egoist

    Alter Egoist New Member

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    Why is she trying so hard? I don't really know. She's the one who pushed for marriage, not me. We dated for 3 years before we got married. She sometimes says I don't show that I love her, and only got married for the benefits (married, live in a good neighborhood and house, she works, etc.). But I do my part, and more. I am very accomodating when it comes to her, I put up with all her stuff. I cook, I clean, take her of her (our) animals.

    I'm not trying to defend her, but she's a hothead. Gets angry easily.

    The woman was 30-50 feet away. Didn't speak to her. And I don't really collect porn.

    I did tell her we need counseling - but in my mind, when I mean "we", I really mean "her".

    To tell you the truth, do I think she does take after her father more than she lets on, about being a bit on the pyschotic side.
     
    Last edited: Oct 27, 2005
  6. Alter Egoist

    Alter Egoist New Member

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    No replies?

    Well, I'll just vent a bit more. I remembered in the past where she does go overboard. She destroys stuff, throws things, just mean in general. I'm the one always calming her down, etc.

    It also seems like I'm the one fighting for this relationship. It's funny, really. Somehow it seems that I'm always at fault for something, and she can do no wrong. Or is it that I'm a laid back type of person, and she's not?

    Well, she comes home today or tomorrow. Not sure what to think. Not sure if I can even save this marriage. I'm not even sure if I want to. I don't want to waste this marriage, but at the same time, I don't want to be unhappy, either.
     
  7. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    Okay, personally I think there is no big issue here - and what I mean by that is that you an easily solved issue IF you take action. Take it from me, that's my ex-wife who I divorced that you are talking about - at least it sounds just like her! ;)

    So here is the thing: You're acting like a child. You are acting like her SON. You are the man of the house, and you need to start acting like it ASAP. You said it yourself...

    That was the FATHERLY thing to do - the GENTLEMAN thing to do - the TRUE thing to do. And she RESPECTED it and REACTED to it correctly. I don't know what "Let her have it" entails, but believe me when I tell you that you can be firm and polite at the same time. You do not need to be rude, just stubborn! :big grin:

    Why are you hiding the truth? All men look at women. ALL men. You know it, and most importantly, SHE knows it too. When you start to deny it you are acting like a child - like her son. You are lying to her. THAT is why she does not trust you!!! So how does that make you a man to her? It doesn't. It makes her lose respect for you because you cannot stand up for yourself. You have to cover for yourself. Why? What are you hiding? (Nothing if you're anything like I was!)

    You need to tell her the TRUTH. Something like "Sweetie, I have two eyes and I am going to look at everything on this planet. But you know who I always turn back to look at, right?" That's it - stop there. Don't gush on about how much you love her, don't compliment her like crazy, just leave it hanging like that... If she continues, ask her again "RIGHT?" If she does not pick up on it, do NOT reward her for her bad behavior. Then step it up a notch and tell her something like "Look, I'm sorry that you feel that way, but that's a fact of life. If you can tell me that you have not looked at one single male today, please do. Until then, you need to drop it. We're done with this conversation. You are disrespecting over nothing and I do not appreciate it."

    Baseball game. Okay, she's gone 55% of the time but you can't slip out once for a game? And you have to explain that? I'm not saying that you should in *any* way be mean, rude, or threatening about it, but you do need to tell her "Hey, babe, I am a man. I am going to go to a baseball game every now and again. If the phone doesn't work then I'll look into changing providers to resolve the issue, but you have to *respect* the fact that I *will* go out with my friends. I apologize for not getting in contact with you better, or leaving you a note, though, so next time it happens I'll make a better effort. Okay?" Notice that you are not apologizing for going to the game - you are apologizing for not keeping her up to date. That's fair.

    Cheating. She accuses you of cheating. This DISGUSTS me because I heard that for years. And I heard the divorce line, too. Simple solution:

    You can do the same thing for the divorce line. Something like "If you bring it up again, you better have papers in your hand, and you can bet I won't be signing them. You are MY wife and you WILL stand by me and support me. You took a vow to be with me forever, and I fully expect you to get your act together and figure out how to do it. Understood?"

    Yes, a little rough sounding, but you need to deliver it in a way that is *you* and she knows is *serious* as well.

    Finally, if you are upset about something, you MUST bring it up right away. You should never wait a day to bring it up. If she does something that annoys you, tell her ASAP. Don't embarass her, of course, but the first chance you get, you tell her.

    I'm going to quote this again:
    This is the magic you are missing. You are not being a man which is causing these problems. But when you are, you get results. Do you see what I am pointing out here? When you stand up for yourself, no matter WHAT she says she respects you for being the father figure, the man of the house, the MAN she loves.

    If you love her as much as you say you do, let me point you to some good advice - www.DocLove.com - spend the $100 and get his "System" and be prepared to be blown out of the water. I *swear* this is perfect for you because it is an excellent guide on how to be a gentleman, how to understand what she is doing, and how to keep her happy. I bought that a year *after* I got divorced and, man, everything just fell into place. I suddenly understood every single thing I did wrong, and had I read that ... wow, I'd still be married. Fortunately I am now engaged to a perfect woman - far better than I made my last wife out to be.

    Think about what I said and let me know if there are any other instances where you got a good response from her. I'll see if I can shed any more light on the situation.

    Good night!
     
  8. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    Don't calm her down, punish her. If she is acting like a child - and she is - you need to tell her "Hey, you need to stop acting like a big baby. If you cannot control yourself, you need to go into the bedroom and lay down for a while. Don't come out until you're calm" If she complains, follow up with "If you act like a child, I will treat you like a child. I married an adult woman, and I expect you to act like an adult."[/quote]

    Stop taking the blame. You have to learn to tell her "No" at least once a month. If she says something is your fault, and it's not... then you stand your ground at all costs. Again, do not be cruel, rude, mean, yell at her, or any of that other crap. Be like James Bond, like Cary Grant, be in control of yourself - but don't back down.

    I'll tell you, honestly, getting out of my marriage was the best decision I ever did. But it's because I was unhappy due to the fact that I did not know how to be a husband. You can be happy if you step up and take responsibility for becoming a man. It's easy, and it does not take much time.

    Go rent a Cary Grant movie. They are old (50's) and slow, hard to watch. But watch how he acts with women. His character is spot on - he never gets rattled, he never backs down, and he is a perfect gentleman at all times. A great combination. :)
     
  9. johan

    johan Active Member

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    I second that. Rent "Charade" with Audrey Hepburn.

    To those of you misinterpreting and thinking these so-called "Don Juan" threads are about men becoming massive aholes and mistreating women...well I'm sorry, but that is just plain wrong.

    Watch Cary Grant. You'll see a GENTLEMAN at work. He oozes class effortlessly from every pore. And charm. And he NEVER mistreated a woman or acts like an ahole. Never.

    And PS. Charade is a terrific film on its own. Amusing. It's for adults though. Adults who appreciate sophistication.
     
  10. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    Sorry for putting my answers in red above, I didn't know how else to respond to specific parts of the post.
    To the OP, your relationship definetly needs some work. You could listen to any of our advice and it still might not get better. BOTH of you need to be putting effort into your marriage. Marriage IS work.
    Is it possible at all for her to switch jobs so she is home more? Having a spouse away (or not seeing them much) is a huge stress on a marriage.
    Good luck with everything!
     
  11. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    Stop taking the blame. You have to learn to tell her "No" at least once a month. If she says something is your fault, and it's not... then you stand your ground at all costs. Again, do not be cruel, rude, mean, yell at her, or any of that other crap. Be like James Bond, like Cary Grant, be in control of yourself - but don't back down.


    I'll tell you, honestly, getting out of my marriage was the best decision I ever did. But it's because I was unhappy due to the fact that I did not know how to be a husband. You can be happy if you step up and take responsibility for becoming a man. It's easy, and it does not take much time.

    Go rent a Cary Grant movie. They are old (50's) and slow, hard to watch. But watch how he acts with women. His character is spot on - he never gets rattled, he never backs down, and he is a perfect gentleman at all times. A great combination. :)[/quote]

    Wow, I dno't even know how to react to some of these posts in here.
    You need to tell her 'no' once a month? wtf kind of rule is that? What does she need to ask you permission for anyways? ;)

    I agree that getting out of a marriage can be a smart decision, but don't give up on your marriage before it's barely even started!
     
  12. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    She sounds like she needs to see a doctor.
     
  13. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Long story short...

    I really do think you married a girl who was not ready for marriage.

    Emotionally, she does not even sound ready to sustain a real, mature, adult intimate relationship, much less a full-bore committment like marriage.

    She has massive boundary issues, trust issues, and frankly sounds really aggravating.

    Without being too indelicate, tell me, what do YOU see in her? And don't tell me about the sanctity of marriage, or about sticking through a committment, etc. I'm not asking about that.

    I'm asking what YOU receive out of this marriage.

    If it's sex, then don't be shy about saying that the sex is unbelievable.
    I can accept that mindblowing sex is a cardinal virtue. If that's so, great.

    But I'd like to hear it from you. What benefit do you receive from being married to this girl-child?

    I've heard about the bad. Now, let's hear about the good. If there is any.
     
  14. Hootahz314

    Hootahz314 I have daddy issues

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    Maybe this has been asked before, I only skimmed over the replies. If she feels like she can't trust you then why did she jump into marriage? She seems like she has a severe tendacy to overreact to what can be summed up as human nature. I'm sure you two didn't meet one day and just decide to get married, who in their right mind would?! I feel bad for you. You are a grown man, capable of controlling yourself only to be pegged as something you aren't. If counselling doesn't work for you two (which if I am reading correctly, it most likely won't) then you need to do what is best for you. You deserve to be happy just as much as the next person. Being controlled and accused is mentally and physically exhausting and not worth the long term damage. Good luck and I hope things work out for you.
     
  15. Alter Egoist

    Alter Egoist New Member

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    Actually, I noticed that about myself. It's more like that I do the stupid things to hurt this relationship (which isn't all that bad IMO). The problems that would get to her, I would deflect without much thought. We do see things differently, which is part of the problem.

    I'll make sure to watch one day.

    I do notice that I'm on the defensive side of things alot. Usually it's because of something I've done. Which I don't think is fair... like I said before, she tends to get mad on the lesser things, while it takes a lot for me to get angry. I do agree, it needs to stop.
     
    Last edited: Oct 31, 2005
  16. Alter Egoist

    Alter Egoist New Member

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    What do I see in her? She is independent, free-thinking, she's nowhere near the mold of people who are similar to her. She's a hispanic woman. When I think of hispanic women, I think of women who take a lot of shit from their husbands, have kids, and pretty content on where ever they end up. Not my wife. Amibitious, no kids, takes no shit from anyone. She also works, and holds up her end financially.

    She's also the type of woman who is prettly low maintenance moneywise. She doesn't like extravgant gifts, doesn't like to shop, she can do housework and home improvement when she feels like it.

    She's also a pretty woman who can be absolutely stunning if she did a few things to improve herself, but I really don't care about that. I do worry about her health... and since I work out and exercise, I would like her to do so as well. But she won't do it... and I say nothing about it.

    What do I receive in this marriage? I'm not going to mention love, because that's supposed to be a given. I do receive a sense of financial security because she's able to hold up her own, and she's able to save for the future. Whereas I cannot, I do take up as much slack as possible to make things easier on both of us as a whole. Sex is decent. I do receive satisfaction where she does not need me (change the oil, do errands "men" are supposed to do, etc, etc.) to perform certain tasks in life.
     
  17. AshLee

    AshLee New Member

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    even though i am only 20 years old and have never been married...it has never really bothered me when boyfriends have checked out other girls or looked at porn. i dont really know why..but i figure as long as he is honest with me and is always coming back to me..what is the issue? maybe i am just extremely laid back because honestly i think it is rediculous to think that just because you are in a relationship means you are never going to look at another person of the opposite sex again. its human nature.
     
  18. Alter Egoist

    Alter Egoist New Member

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    She wound up coming home Friday night. She was still pissed when she walked in the door, but I told her that I was only sorry for not calling you, not going to the game. She seems to accept it and I finished up what I was doing. All in all, she seems to accept things and the way they turned out...

    But I do not. I tend to keep a stack of Maxim mags in the bedroom. Their main purpose is to be bathroom reading material while in the shitter. On Saturday, well, I noticed that she wrote on them. Things like "Reading these mags do nothing for you in bed" and "ASSHOLE AND DICK" and "Why are these magazines in the bedroom"? Mind you, that didn't go over too well with me. I am not certain when she wrote them (I estimate a little after she caught the porn links). I also noticed that she's still going through my PC and checking up on my web history, as well as going through my bags and junk.

    EDIT: I am nowhere near in the same level in my trust for her. She can make comments on guys, and says things, and I don't really care. It's because I do trust her, even though she's gone 55% of the time.

    The trust still isn't there. I'm not feeling good about it. It also feels like I'm always having to be on some sort of a watch. My own mother isn't even like this! She's gone again out of town - I almost feel helpless as she still doesn't have any trust in me.

    Things are going to have to change... I'm sure of it. I didn't tell her what was really on my mind over the weekend because I want to compose myself and actually think about what I have to say.
     
    Last edited: Oct 31, 2005
  19. johan

    johan Active Member

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    It's a given, is it? Then why does it seem to be so desperately lacking in your marriage? Sorry for being blunt, but what EMOTIONAL benefits do you receive from her?

    Other than the polite standoff you two seem to have achieved, where has the love gone? Where is the intimacy?

    Detente is good if you're facing off with nuclear arms, not so good in a supposedly satisfying intimate loving supportive conjugal relationship.

    And trust me when I say I know with exquisite precision the situation you find yourself in.
     
  20. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Excellent! You must have grown up with good parents.

    As an aside:

    Petty jealousy and a sense of insufficiency of the self usually comes from some kind of chaos or turmoil in the home during the early years.

    You become hyper-vigilant for signs of "trouble" looming and feel less secure, sometimes on a very deep level, so as an adult, you can't really put your finger on why (without help from a therapist).

    So you tend to overreact at minor and harmless episodes like your man's eyes inadvertently being distracted by stunning woman in a red dress.

    Many women will bristle if you suggest insecurity as the root cause, because most of these women are otherwise very strong, very independent, very capable, very educated, very determined, very solid women.

    But even within the strongest, most powerful, most intelligent, most resourceful, most determined person....is the 4 year old child they used to be.

    The child who cringed when mommy and daddy would start their daily screaming matches with dishes breaking, dirty looks across the dinner table, non-stop subtle putdowns during car trips...

    Sure mommy and daddy don't scream anymore, because they're almost 60 by now.

    But long ago, mommy was 25, strong, beautiful and proud and wanted to choke the living shit out of daddy because he clicked on some porn links on his computer.

    And the 4 year old saw the hate in mommy's eyes....

    Remember that next time you have a conflict with your spouse.

    Thanks for listening.
     
  21. Shadygirl

    Shadygirl Love is Life and Happiness

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    This thread is very insighful. I'm not married yet but this is good reading material for any type of a commited relationship expecially one that may lead to marriage. Thank you. And good luck to the thread starter, your woman sounds like the "man" of the house. She comes and goes and treats you like a child when she sees you. I think you can learn alot from the MEN that posted here.
     
  22. Alter Egoist

    Alter Egoist New Member

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    Emotional benefits? Lately, none. In happier times, I'd get a lot of benefits - joy, happiness, love. Now that I've fully realized that she overdoes things, it's all a turnoff. But I'm sure the love is still there; it's just set aside due to her insecurities.

    Right now, I am not a happy person. I'm going through a bit of financial instability ATM, this situation with my wife, and other things make for a gloomy day.

    I do appreciate all the advice out on this thread... I'm glad there are people out there that know of a similar situation It's a real wake-up call, and I do plan to use some of the elements mentioned here. It's time to step up, and become a MAN.
     
  23. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    I would bet to say that she doesn't have any trust in you either (like you said).
    I'll be honest and say that my husband and I had the whole porn issue in our marriage also. I was close to leaving my husband because of it.
    You need to be completely honest with her about everything. DO NOT!! clear your history! That will only makes things more suspicious and worse.
    Also, how is this affecting your sex life? If that is pretty much nonexistant, it is going to seem to her as if you are substituting porn for sex. Now I realize that 'you're a man' and 'you have needs' not to mention the fact that she seems to be gone most of the time, but you need to make a choice. Which is more important to you? Is porn really enough to ruin your marriage (yes I realize that sounds a bit hypocritical considering my first sentence in this paragraph)?
    Marriage isn't going to be all happy times. You promised to be with her through all of your ups and downs (basicaly) and she made you that same promise. But it takes work. A good marriage isn't going to just happen without effort from both sides. You knew she was a little bit instable (unstable?) when you met her and still married her, didn't you?
    Everybody says to stop blaming yourself, and to some extent you really do need to stop blaming yourself. But IMO it takes two people to make a marriage work. Are you willing to give it what it's worth?

    edit: I guess what my blabbering is trying to say is that it really isn't about porn. It's about trust. That is just how she manifests her anger/frustration/jealousy about either not being able to trust you or you not trusting her.
     
  24. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Eh?
    Johan is spot-on with this one. It sounds like she's a raging bundle of insecurity. She has to want to change to fix this kind of problem because it takes a lot of energy and focus and a sacrifice of ego (seems like an oxymoron, but the ego built up is a facade for the underdeveloped sense of self worth cowering in the corner).

    I bet she holds herself to impossibly high standards from a mental output perspective - that is, she expects herself to be perfect and when she screws up (or just doesn't do well enough) she beats herself up. I also bet that while she takes care of her physical appearance, it's not the main focus for her.
     
  25. Alter Egoist

    Alter Egoist New Member

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    I miswrote that. I meant to say that my level of trust far exceeds her trust in me. I don't flinch when she comments about a guy or anything like that. I'm laid back, and just laugh. It does bother me from time to time when she presses the issue, and I do let her have it when I'm tired of it.

    I don't clear my history - I have nothing to hide. Besides, what I do on my computer should be my own business. But as I've said before, I'm no porn hound. I don't actively collect it at all. I tend to do other things when she's not here - play video games or watch sports. Our sex life is affected somewhat - like I said, she's gone quite a bit, doesn't have a routine and tends to sleep alot when she's here. Me, on the other hand, I do have a routine. I get up earlier than she does, and I go to sleep at about the same time (midnight or 1am). It almost seems inconvenient...

    but 03 white zx3, I do work hard in this marriage. I do everything around the house when she's not around, including taking care of her animals, and other stuff... and when she's around, I try to be very accomodating to her as I know she works hard. I cook, clean, and be a good husband. And not to toot my own horn, I am a good husband.

    The point here is that she overreacts to everything, she's insecure, and she's treating me like a child. And the trust thing. But that stems back to the overreacting.
     

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