Marriage or not ...???

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by hk29, Dec 8, 2006.

  1. hk29

    hk29 New Member

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    My girlfriend wants to get married, but I'm not ready. I really do love her. We have lots of fun together and she makes me feel like I can be myself and that's okay. She great to be around. But I'm just not ready to settle down...

    Any advise would be appreciated ...
     
  2. giapia

    giapia Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you re

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    i think talking to her about this would be a good start
     
  3. Two toys

    Two toys New Member

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    sounds like he already has fucktard.
     
  4. Two toys

    Two toys New Member

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    don't go into something you aren't ready for.. you definately don't want to be regretting it down the line or even thinking about cheating.

    any particular reason you aren't ready to get married?

    you said you don't want to settle down, but does that mean you want to experience more women first or what?
     
  5. hk29

    hk29 New Member

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    thx

    I've talked to her. Her rationale is that she's not the one.

    I honestly don't know. I thought about other women, but most of the time I always come back to her. i guess I like the freedom of doing the things I want to do... and i feel like once I get married i won't ... this is hard ...
     
  6. Two toys

    Two toys New Member

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    its ultimately up to you, but i know what you mean about not wanting to feel tied down.

    you have to get your feelings straight man. definately don't jump into marriage if you have those feelings of wanting freedom.

    its really hard to call here man.
     
  7. Whew

    Whew New Member

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    youre not comfortable with marriage? then wait...its that simple. you cannot proceed with something so dedicating unless youre 100% sure....Just make sure youre still not worried about playing the field or seeing if you still got it tho.
     
  8. giapia

    giapia Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you re

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    there was nothing in his original post to insinuate that he already did faggot. :ugh:

    but anyway, my advice, for just about anything, don't settle. that doesn't mean don't settle down, but just know what you want before doing anything. btw, how old are you and your SO? how long have you been together?
     
  9. Ninjarider

    Ninjarider New Member

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    How old are you? How long have you been with her?

    I felt the same way for a few years before I finally committed and asked the question. Not sure why, not really sure what changed but all of a sudden, I was no longer afraid to think about the commitment of marriage. When you're ready, you'll know it just make sure you're not pressured into something you don't want.

    As for freedom... I can honnestly say that I have lost no freedom by getting married. I was in a committed relationship before we got married so the wedding was only a change in legal format, nothing to me personally.
     
  10. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    If you're not ready to get married, the worst thing you could do is get married. The answer is very simple and I think you realize that.
     
  11. Toda Party

    Toda Party .....

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    Don't do it. If your relationship is good then theres absolutely no reason why you should have to get married right now. Being together should be all you need.
     
  12. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    Maybe she isn't :dunno: Is it possible she said this to make you feel bad and manipulate you into giving her what she wants?
     
  13. ArthurPewty

    ArthurPewty New Member

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    What things do you think you won't be able to do when married? When you discuss marriage with your girlfriend, do you talk about "marriage" like it's a big monolithic thing that each person assumes they know, or do you talk about specifics, such as what each expects from the other, where you'll live, who's job would take precedence, kids, etc.?
     
  14. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    Don't take this the wrong way, but your post doesnt even sound like you are that serious into the relationship. Sounds like you're just having fun (which is fine), but that it's nothing you see as being long-term.
     
  15. Phantom Empress

    Phantom Empress mmmmmm tasty!!!

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    if you aren't ready, then don't get married. pretty simple.

    Don't get pressured into making a mistake that will hurt you both.
     
  16. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    :werd:

    I would also add to that: "Never let yourself be pressured into doing ANYTHING you aren't certain about"
     
  17. [DWI]

    [DWI] Master of Nothing

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    I'm still in school and in the past I have made it clear that if we ever got to the point where we were thinking of getting married I will not do it until at the very least I have my undergrad and I would really prefer to out on my own completely independent and stable before making a decision like that.

    Since your profile says you were born in 75, I'm going to say that the only real thing you can do is talk to her. Telling her not now will not be seen as its coming in a few years it will be seen as rejection or at least that is what it will feel like and that is how she will act. You will need to show her and tell her that you love her and this is not a rejection. She will need to understand that if she really love you then you two need to wait until both of you are ready to get married or it will not work and you will lose it all.
     
  18. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    I'm the same way..Well, I'm done with school now, but yeah, I wouldn't consider getting married or moving in with someone until I was financially independent. The nice thing is, I'm getting to that point...recently started a new job, and I'm now working on saving up for a few months so I can move out.
     
  19. hk29

    hk29 New Member

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    Thanks for all the advise. I appreciate it.

    Yeah, I'm bit older ;) We've been seeing each other for four years. We lived apart for two of them. I am very serious with her. I've supported her. We feel completely comfortable around each other. We lived together for a year while we're in graduate school. Everytime I think about breaking up I get really feel heart broken.

    I guess I need to go deeper to understand why I'm not ready. I agree that I shouldn't feel pressured and that I should feel ready. Again many thanks ...
     
  20. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    When and why are you thinking about breaking up?
     
  21. [DWI]

    [DWI] Master of Nothing

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    my understand from this seems to be that is where the girl is steering it since he isn't ready for marriage either she is giving an ultimatium or is just feeling rejected and that this relationship might not be going anywhere. i don't think it is him that is doing the dumping, but her that has the threat of it he is living under. i could be wrong though.
     
  22. hk29

    hk29 New Member

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    Yup ... she wants to get married because all her friends are married ... and she wants to move on from being single... so I feel like she'll either dump me or I have to let her go ...
     
  23. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    and this would be a great thing to sit down and talk with her about.
     
  24. [DWI]

    [DWI] Master of Nothing

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    oh god the all my friends are doing it reason, I wonder if this will apply to divorce as well. j/k in all seriousness that feeling is probably one you should discuss with her.
     
  25. Phantom Empress

    Phantom Empress mmmmmm tasty!!!

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    Talk to her about this. She needs to REALLY REALLY evaluate what it is to be MARRIED. BOUND by law and sometimes religious conviction to one person for life (i'm not a fan of divorce so marriage needs to be done is seriousness witht hought fo the future consequences). MArriage is a promise not to be taken like a drunk pinky swear to a sorority sister.
     

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