SRS Marriage issues.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Thorne-wrx, Jul 10, 2007.

  1. Thorne-wrx

    Thorne-wrx New Member

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    I'm at a loss where to start, But my wife everything i suggest something, she thinks I'm trying to control her. Example. I've lost allot of weight and shes diabetic and has finally decided (3rdtime) she wants to lose weight. I asked her if she wanted my help.

    She said yes and when I start helping her she says she can do it herself. But everytime she does it herself she fails. She at a unhealthy level. I don't want to watch her die in front of me. I told her this. I mean examples are not keeping candy/ice cream around the house as I will eat it when I'm depressed. But I've just kept it out of the house to lose weight.

    Every time I say something to her it gets twisted around, Then the next day she comes up apologizing but its hurting me. I told her to get the fuck out of my house the other night because she started to yell at me when i tried to talk to her about finances. (She's reckless money wise). She always tells me shes going to change all the things I've wtalked to her about. She does a great job at the start and just don't follow threw as with everything major in her life. She has a college degree butw on't work in her field because she thinks shes no good. She went to dental school and dropped out a week before the end.

    She is on antidepressants before them things where way worse.

    I'm just so frustrated, It had me the point 3 months ago I had my gun in my mouth. I hate the feeling of such helpless I can't do anything else but give up. We just fight so much lately but we used to get along so well.


    This is my second marriage, My first marriage went pretty south. Long story there.
     
  2. GregFarz78

    GregFarz78 New Member

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    Money problems can ruin a marriage I don't think I would sit back and say nothing about her reckless spending habits
     
  3. YourMomOnRyeBun

    YourMomOnRyeBun New Member

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    ^^^ I agree with most of that...

    Instead of offering advice, say something like "Sweetie, is there anything I can do to help"? That shows you are caring, concerned and willing to offer assistance if she wants it. However, allows her to just vent and feel protected if that is all she wants.

    My $0.02

    ps...married to a Pilipino woman...definition of fiesty control freak that doesn't want to be "bossed around". I know ALL ABOUT your situation. Other issues (not weight) but same general root cause.
     
  4. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    Ok dude...there are things you can do and you don't have to "give up" or put a gun in your mouth. However, it will require you to focus on yourself for awhile.

    IMO you both need therapy and you need it now. Not marriage counseling but that wouldn't hurt either. You need individual counseling.....yes YOU, not your wife. Is your wife healthy or "fixed"? NO but you can only help her when you help yourself.....and you may not even be able to help her at that point.

    So why this insistence on you, because this is your second marriage and it's not working out well. You also sound like you are blaming your wife for the current state of your relationship. You have a HUGE part to play in this.

    Acceptance is the key to all your problems. You need to accept yourself and your wife....just as she is NOW, not how she'll be if/when she decides to change. This is why you need therapy....to help you work through your issues so you can simply accept yourself and your wife.
     
  5. Thorne-wrx

    Thorne-wrx New Member

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    We both see therapy. I accept me. I'm not convery my thoughts well enough apparently. What I'm saying Is my wife is wreckless with money I cant not say something about that.

    My first marriage had issues from the start. My wife had a attraction to my best friend which lead her to fucking him.

    I am doing everything in my power. The state of my relationship is simple. She blocks out what I say and does not think about my feelings. She has become very selfish. Allot of her actions are self centered. I control finances because she had our money so fucked up. She just don't think about things before she does them.

    Also She is diabetic I refuse to sit back and watch her kill herself. She orginally begged me to help her. When i stated we can't have candy in shit in the house she tripped out on me. Shes already seeing major health issues from her weight gains. how can someone claim they love someone if they won't tell them that there is a issue. She is well beyond a little heavy she went from 200ish to 260ish.
     
    Last edited: Jul 11, 2007
  6. Thorne-wrx

    Thorne-wrx New Member

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    the weight thing was a small example.

    another exmaple.

    I tell her we are very broke at one point because we had just moved and a few other major things. Well what did she do spend 200$ on material to make blankets she never made. When i said something about it she went off on me.

    for 2 months she paid 0 attention to me. She was damn near ice cold.
     
  7. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Are you sure this marriage is something you can continue on with?
    And if you can, is this something you feel you should continue on with?
     
  8. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    If your wife can't manage the finances, then YOU have to be in charge of the money. I've seen these type of woman with holes in their hands. Money loss can destroy a marriage. You should say: you only get 200 dollars household money a month. And if she complains about being controllive , then say im not controllive , you can go do whatever you want but i have to protect our financial situation because you've been spending way too much money. She can't handle the money so you do it.
     
  9. GregFarz78

    GregFarz78 New Member

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    I know you probably love her but that sounds like a bad situation I would abandon ship if I were you she sounds like a lost cause, she'll never be responsible with money and her weight and health will just keep getting worse.
     
  10. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    Ok...looks like I misunderstood. I apologize.
    I agree that you shouldn't hold that in. Money issues are one of the big contributors to failed marriages.
    That sux man...I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you have either worked through the pain of that situation with our therapist or are working on it. It might be one reason why you are in your current relationship but without additional details, I can't say for sure.
    This does not sound good at all. Has she always been like this? If not, when did she start to change? If she has always been like that, why did you marry her??
    Many people throw the word love around like any other word. It's very possible to love someone but be unable to change. Sometimes we need help to change things in our lives for a variety of reasons. Failing to change doesn't mean that she doesn't love you.

    If been told, when dealing with a sick loved one, that I can love the person but hate the behavior. When I was able to make that distinction, it helped me tremendously. We are not what we do and sick people can do very strange things indeed.

    So I'm curious about my previous questions....has she always been like this??
     
  11. Thorne-wrx

    Thorne-wrx New Member

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    She has not always been like this. It slowly emerged. The bad part is its been over a year ago it started. We've been married for 2 years. Together almost 4.

    You say things I think but don't want to admit honestly. It tears me up inside to think the things about is it time to give up. It's got me in tears now. I ask myself this sometimes I mean I have to admit it since i was at the point I was ready to end my own life to get away from it. I don't want to hurt her and i do care for her allot she means allot to me. She brought out a side in me I never know existed. a Side that did not just think about myself. A side that made me enjoy animals my dogs are my dudes now.

    I dunno its driving me nuts I will say that.
     

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