SRS Marital Problems (long)

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by belgarion, Sep 6, 2005.

  1. belgarion

    belgarion New Member

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    Bear with me, this is like my first post on this site.

    My wife and I have been together for about 13 years. We have a 3 year old child. My wife is handicapped and stays at home with our daughter because she is unable to work outside the home. Her symptoms fluctuate from day to day and when she is having a bad day, she displaces her anger on to me.

    Recently, I have been having a relapse of my mental illness because I went off my medication for 3 months. In the mean time, she has been comparing me to her Father which is not a flattering comparison. He has the same mental ilness that I have.

    A couple of weeks ago, I got the impression that she was going to leave me. This sent me into a paranoid spiral that I am just now getting out of. I think she deliberately led me to believe she was leaving me as part of an intervention to get me back on meds. It seems that she was really enjoying tormenting me. She even had a waitress suggest that she had walked out on me when she went to the washroom.

    Anyway, although we have been fighting a lot recently, I still love her and dread being alone. I also dread losing my child because even though she is handicapped, she will win custody because she is the mother. What do I do? Do I just forgive and forget? What she did to me was psychological torture.
     
  2. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Eh?
    This is going to sound cliche, but you really should seek professional help on this one, in more than one area. You have a few problems that need to be addressed: your health, your marriage, your child.

    For your health - did you go off medication on the direction of your doctor? If not, your wife might have a valid point. Even if it makes you feel better to be off the meds, get a professional opinion on that - in other words, get a second opinion from an appropriate medical practitioner. You need to sort yourself out before you can sort anything else out.

    For your marriage, get counselling. You need some sort of support network since both of you (you and your wife) are each dealing with challenges; namely, dealing with one's own illness in addition to the spouse's. It might also help you to spend time together without your daughter, to help you remember why you chose to spend the rest of your life together.

    For your daughter, improvements in the first two issues should help dramatically. If you're worried about losing custody of her, retain the advice of a divorce lawyer - that's what they're there for. You can also retain a lawyer in the form of Guardian Ad Litem for your daughter, which basically means you have a lawyer fighting for what is best for the child, independent of the other parties in the case. From what little I know about you, your chances are just as good as those of your wife for having custody, if not better (it would depend partly on her disability, whatever that may be). As a side note to this, not taking meds when you should be taking them is not going to look good in court.
     
  3. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Eh?
    oh, and welcome to OT, by the way! :wavey:
     
  4. johan

    johan Active Member

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    You and she both need professional counselling.
    This is the best advice the Asylum can give you. Seriously.

    And about losing your current life situation. You fear it only because you fear the unknown. You're not happy in your current situation, and it's clear why.

    Your wife lashes out at you due to her own poor situation, and from your words, seems to take some delight in her cruelty and mentally torturing you. She is quite sick, made moreso by the situation no doubt, but regardless of the cause, you are still made to suffer.
     
  5. belgarion

    belgarion New Member

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    Thanks for your replies

    Teo: I went off the medication with my doctor's permission but not on her advice. It is obvious now that it was a mistake but in my defence, they seriously dull my wits.

    My wife says that nothing is wrong but I overheard her bragging about the restaurant incident. However, I absolutely fear being alone with just my thoughts. I really think that I would be in a worse situation.

    Johan: I will try to get professional counselling. As I said above, my wife says nothing is wrong but if she were to get councelling she said that she wants a woman.
     
  6. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Of course your wife says nothing is wrong. Your wife also fears the unknown. (change)
    It would be best if you both received counselling to unravel the tangled mess.

    You might benefit from also seeing someone on your own too. Go by yourself if you have to. Your wife might take a while to open up to couples counselling -- no one is eager to fess up to their own wrongdoing -- so you might benefit most if you went to counselling by yourself. IMMEDIATELY.

    if nothing else, you'll get a massive reality check and some external reassurance that the cruel mindgames are NOT normal, are NOT healthy and should NOT continue.

    This is not a good relationship. You two have a lot of setbacks to overcome -- difficult even within the context of a loving, understanding, mutually supportive relationship. In YOUR relationship....yikes!

    Go to a professional counselor.
     

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