SRS man it's true. guys do fall harder.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by dmac411, Apr 9, 2006.

  1. dmac411

    dmac411 OT Supporter

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    Apologize in advance for the length of this.

    Been with the now ex-gf for the past 3.5 years of my college career. This past friday, she puts it on me that she doesn't think we would work out in the future.

    I kind of agree on what she says. But her reasons are pretty valid, which are listed below:

    1. She'll be investment banking in Houston, TX; while I'm commercial banking in Dallas, TX...meaning I'll only be working 50-60 hours a week, while she works 80-100 hours a week...thus, we'll pretty much have no time for each other....that and there would be 300 miles between us.

    2. For some reason, I can open up to almost anyone else, yet I can't open up with her. Through 3.5 years, I was never able to get over that hump. She just got sick and tired of having to drag shit out of me when I was pissed at her. That was entirely my fault.

    3. These past 3 weeks, school has really been kicking my ass. Because of that, I pretty much shut her and every other one of my friends out of my life to concentrate on getting everything done. Me abandoning her and not letting her help me was also a catalyst in this event.

    Anyway...there are other reasons and stuff that I can't think of off the top of my head. It just sucks because I knew this would happen someday, yet I tried to put it off as long as possible because I enjoyed being around her so much.

    But now that that's gone...I've just been trying to keep busy with the gym, hanging out with friends, driving around, and all that stuff. But when I'm not doing something...my mind just drifts back 3.5 years trying to gradually erase everything that happened.

    It's funny though, fitting those years into a shoebox and putting it away in the closet...kinda weird. But now I'm starting a new phase in my life, gotta stay strong. Gotta pick up the pieces and just chug ahead. Thanks for reading guys. :sad:
     
  2. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    If you want to get to know your gf, you will have to ask her questions. Second don't go for the diamonds in your life, settle for the brass, sounds funny? Ask yourself the question , do i live to work or do i work to live? If you have answered that then you understand that a relationship is a continues investment of love,light but that also time is needed as to preventing neglect which will erode your relationship.

    I have no idea how many years you have to go for school. If its a short period id say go for it, if its not id really would advice you not to go for anything that takes more then 40 hour a week, your choice though of course, but you work all your life then you jump into your grave, if your 80 years old and have only 1 day to live, and you look back on your life , and you say to yourself 'i only worked then i died' , when that time comes make sure you can say to yourself , i lived a life worth living.
     
  3. dmac411

    dmac411 OT Supporter

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    -can you elaborate on the diamonds/brass issue?

    -as for the job, these separate jobs are pretty much our dream jobs. she wanted to do investment banking, while i did not want any part of that career. i would rather do commercial banking, less hectic and better work/life balance.

    -but yea thanks. i'll definitely make this a life worth living. lots of new things to experience now. thanks for your advice.
     
  4. GlassUser

    GlassUser send an email not a pm OT Supporter

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    You're right, guys do fall harder. Well, I'm in Houston, I'll take care of her. For you.

    Seriously though, you can do Austin to Houston in two and a half hours. Carpool with someone and sleep on the trip or something. But that is a lot of time to work. Chances are, and the way girls are, she's just ready to move on and do something new. Sounds like you're doing what you can the right way.
     
  5. Devilish

    Devilish Remind me AGAIN

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    Did the same thing last year. You were heading in different directions and accept that it's time to move on. 3 1/2 years is a lot to invest, but it gets easier as time goes on. At least you've both been mature about it.
     
  6. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    The "having to drag shit out" thing ... for 3.5 years you were like that with her? This is absolutely the most destructive acceptance of a flaw that you could possibly let happen. Thank God my gf got over that. You can't have a relationship where only one person knows the other person, and the other person just bottles shit.
     
  7. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    Yes they do, and guys are also more likely to keep beating a dead horse. It's very common with guys. The girl has already moved on but the guys seem more likely to keep on chasing, hoping that they can change something or do something different that will magically reinvigorate the relationship, when what they should be doing is moving on as well.
     
  8. McFly

    McFly New Member

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    Why is this! Ugh It is frustrating and I am going through this right now. I am trying really hard to forget about the girl but little things bring back her memories. The new girl I have been seeing will do or say something that totally reminds me of the last girl and it freaks me out. It's been a couple months now and I am pretty much over the last girl but its that last 10% I am really struggling with :(
     
  9. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    Quit being a victim of the situation. Take control, realize that it was fun while it lasted but it wasn't meant to be. Accept it, grow up, and focus on creating new meaningful relationships. I understand that it's not easy-I've been there myself!-but that doesn't meant that it's not right. When this happened to me most was when I had low self esteem and self respect. I think this is more common with people who are in a low period, or have low self esteem. The trick is to realizing your worth and realizing that if someone else can't see your worth then you shouldn't want to waste your time with them.
     
  10. ebbnflo

    ebbnflo REAL- LAOT Hermit

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    Please believe me when I say, that the things you, and the people replying after you, are describing are human conditions, and are not specifically a male or female thing.

    If I based my opinion on MY past, I'd have to completely disagree that it's more common in males.

    But, I guess that's not the point of this thread... sorry....

    Getting "over" someone you were REALLY into/in love with, takes TIME, usually LOTS of it.(it seems like forever when you are in the thick of it) A break up doesn't mean you should race to see which one gets over it faster. :)
    Take your time, baby steps. Let yourself grieve your loss, so you can be prepared to create the happiness you deserve.
     
  11. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    I think that guys are more extreme, in both directions. Extreme attachment seems to be more men, but also extreme players are more men. Just my opinion.
     
  12. MudFlap

    MudFlap Guest

    Your title is so right :(
     
  13. dmac411

    dmac411 OT Supporter

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    thanks for the words of wisdom guys. i've been keeping real busy and studying and stuff. just trying to keep it going until i get too tired and fall asleep.

    not bad so far. i just cant wait to get on the golf course and just have at it with a few friends and cases of beer.

    as for the next g/f to be...which probably won't be for awhile...she will look like the lead singer from Pussycat Dolls. SOOOOOOO hot.
     
  14. Pringles

    Pringles New Member

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    females have mood/emotional swings because thats what they do. Males tend not to swing so far with emotions so when they hit something it isn't swinging away.
     
  15. gsxec

    gsxec New Member

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    Thats so crazy, I did the same exact thing after me and my ex of 3.5 yrs ended the relationship. Good call.
     
  16. gsxec

    gsxec New Member

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    One last thing you now have 99 problems, but a girl aint one!

    -Jay Z
     

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