Man im still shy wtf

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by biggie03, Apr 27, 2004.

  1. biggie03

    biggie03 Guest

    :wtc: 22 good looking but i still have insecurities about rejection. big deal, ive heard all the stories, like you have nothing to lose. if she says then move on but im still afraid. :( today i was in a waiting room with this cute young girl, i couldnt spit out a word. we were both bored waiting and watching ricki lake. :wtc: help
     
  2. dustin_r

    dustin_r Guest

    drink profusely before you go out in public!!! lol, j/k man...it just takes that one to get the ball rolling. its not that hard, i used to be uber shy, but now-a-days, i can talk to JUST about anyone... what i do, is get in the mindset that this girl wants me to come over and talk to her...confidence is EVERYTHING!!!!! go out to clubs and shit like that, talk to a girl that you might think is a lil below your standards, and use that as a building block, the next girl you talk to, try to make her be a lil bit more attractive, and just go from there, till you kinda plateau*sp?*. good luck man...:thumb:
     
  3. Godspeed

    Godspeed New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2003
    Messages:
    5,344
    Likes Received:
    0
    :werd: confidence is the key. maybe you need to get rejected a few times to finally realize that it aint a big deal. hell, just yesterday, i got rejected big time after i thought a girl was into me. no biggie though. the hardest part is seeing them all the time and knowing it's a used up source and there's no real possibility anymore.

    buy yourself a pair of nikes and everytime you're in that situation again, just look at your shoes and think, "Just do it." that's all there is too it really. "aint nothing to it but to do it". you'll figure out the finer points of shooting the shit with random girls in time but now the important thing is not to win over every chick that looks at you but to just talk to them
     
  4. HoodRich

    HoodRich Professional Street Nigga OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Feb 2, 2004
    Messages:
    75,578
    Likes Received:
    372
    Get about 3 other friends together, write down 40 of the cheesiest worst pickup lines you can come up with on their own little pieces of paper. I mean the really bad ones, the do you wash your clothes in windex, if i told you you had a nice body, your parents must have been catburglar type lines. Then put them in something that you can take out to a club with you but not look conspicuous. Then you take turns picking a piece of paper and you gotta go up to some random girl and use that line on her. Of course you're gonna get rejected, but who cares you'll be having fun and you guys will get a laugh out of it. If you cant get over your fear of rejection after a night of that you might be hopeless.
     
  5. Trickypants

    Trickypants OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Feb 14, 2003
    Messages:
    83,778
    Likes Received:
    11
    Hey man...I definitely know the feeling. I used to be fat as shit (like talking 350+), well I lost a bunch of weight (down to around 250 - but I'm 6'5" so doesn't look THAT bad), but even after I lost all the weight I still felt like the big fat bastard nobody wanted to talk to. I'd go to clubs and not dance, wouldn't talk to girls or whatever.

    Well, then one night I forced myself to go to an open mic night (some people think I'm funny) and do comedy. I'll tell you, after you do that a couple times talking to girls is NOTHING!!!

    I say do something that sort of forces you to get over the shyness a little bit, then hopefully it will make other things seem much less intimidating.

    (I still don't dance...people say that's cuz I'm shy, I say it's cuz I really suck at dancing)
     
  6. quiet_type

    quiet_type Guest

    I'm 22 and working on just taking the chance rather than doing nothing and crying about it. Yesterday while I was waiting for a bus I saw this hot chick but was scared to approach her since I never approach women. Eventually I got the balls to and she ctrl+alt+deleted me but for the first time I realized rejection doesn't hurt like I expected it would. In fact I feel stupid for passing up all the opportunities I've had in the past. All I can say is to go for it because nothing sucks more than regret.
     
  7. EvilJediJ

    EvilJediJ Guest

    I know this is probably not what you want to hear, but its probably due to genetics. 50% of your personality is genetic so there is only so much of it that you can change.
     
  8. Genghis.Tron

    Genghis.Tron New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 14, 2002
    Messages:
    5,188
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Great White North
    Take any psychology book.
    Here's an example : There are high similarities between twins that weren't raised together, even more that two brothers raised in the same family. Because those twins weren't raised together, the only thing that can cause those similarities is their genetics.
     
  9. MeRcaNtiCo

    MeRcaNtiCo Guest

    dude...why were you watching ricki lake or whatever her name is?

    if you dont know her, you have nothing to lose. if shes your friend its a little different, but whatever. just go for it, its shit to be rejected, but if you have decently good looks you ahve a chance
     
  10. Genghis.Tron

    Genghis.Tron New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 14, 2002
    Messages:
    5,188
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Great White North
    Yeah, I didn't have any numbers since I only have general psychology this session, I didn't want to tell you something that's wrong...
    I dunno if it's 50%, but there's a great part of you personality that is due to genetics.
    I found some numbers though !
    Look on page 10 of this pdf :
    http://mcb.berkeley.edu/courses/mcb41/lecture21.1.pdf
    Twins raised apart have a 0.75 correlation between their IQs, that's pretty high...
    But putting a percentage on the correlation between their personnality is hard... Anyhow, you've probably seen a tv show about twins raised apart, metting each other and discovering how much they look alike even though they weren't raised together...
    So, 50% is wrong in my opinion, you can't really put on a number on that...
     
  11. EvilJediJ

    EvilJediJ Guest

    50% percent is the number given to us in my psychology classes in college.
     
  12. Aspirin

    Aspirin OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Nov 8, 2002
    Messages:
    29,932
    Likes Received:
    0
    I dont know if this helps but...

    I always feel wayyy more outgoing in a room full of people i don't know than a room full of my friends.

    Every person (read:chick) you meet is an opportunity to be whatever you want to be...funny dude who doesnt give a shit...philosophical thinker...sensitive d00d...people are stupid, you can make them think whatever you want to.
     
  13. NoXeN

    NoXeN You can find me up on one

    Joined:
    Oct 21, 2001
    Messages:
    18,840
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    CT
    i conversate so horribly with girls, or else i would talk to them more :hs:

    dunno what to talk about, i just ask dumb questions :wtc:
     
  14. montout

    montout Guest

    so when you guys say just go for it? what the heck are you supposed to say to them? I have a hard time comming up with random stuff to talk about out of the blue with a stranger. soo uhh how's the weather?
     
  15. I'm adopted and so is my younger brother. We both came from different families so no blood/genetic relations at all. He is extremely outgoing, able to talk to anyone about anything. I'm more on the shy side, having difficulty starting and sustaining a conversation. So even though we were raised in the same enviroment ever since we were 3 months old, he became extroverted and I became introverted. Genetics does play a part. However, I'm learning to be more outgoing. I doubt I'll ever be as outgoing as my brother but I can always try. :x:
     
  16. DSAzeppelin

    DSAzeppelin New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 15, 2004
    Messages:
    8,090
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Edmonds, WA
    FYI:

    From my Genetics class we were doing correlations of genes for intelligence and personality(how they act...and different maneurisms)

    In twins, correlation of personalities between IDENTICAL twins was approx 75%

    In normal non-identical twins the number dropped to 30%

    In non-twin siblings it was 13%

    And in other kinship(parents-child) it was around 3, 4%

    ***

    And I dont think I'll give out any suggestions as it would only be regurgitating everything already said :(
     
  17. Genghis.Tron

    Genghis.Tron New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 14, 2002
    Messages:
    5,188
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Great White North
    Well, I've only seen graphs with correlation between IQs, not personality...
     
  18. DSAzeppelin

    DSAzeppelin New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 15, 2004
    Messages:
    8,090
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Edmonds, WA
    My class was actually doing a study on genetic influences on different subjects such as Intelligence, Alzheimers, Sleeping....etc...my job was to find correlations between intelligence quotents.

    While I was searching, the main studies was comparing the IQ...but I also ran across Bell Curve results of personalities(such as how kin react the same/differently...different maneurisms(like different ticks...ex: always tapping fingers...or bouncing leg)

    They did a study of twins taht were separated at birth, then kept track of all the different ways each twin reacted throughout the day...and found surprising maneurisms that correlated between the two siblings, even though they've been separated at birth their entire lives. That proved there was some genes involved atleast...and in the other studies between twins and other kin are basicallly rough correlations between genes and nature, seeing as they are raised in the same enviroment...etc...

    ^I didnt explain well....and I forget what site it is...but I think some of my info is on molwick.com(I think atleast)
     
  19. Genghis.Tron

    Genghis.Tron New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 14, 2002
    Messages:
    5,188
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Great White North
    Well, I think it's possible to compare if someone uses some sort of scale, like the one Jung used to categorize personality.
     
  20. DSAzeppelin

    DSAzeppelin New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 15, 2004
    Messages:
    8,090
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Edmonds, WA
    of course the %'s I gave above are not exact numbers, seeing that there are many enviromental factors that play a roll, basically a guideline giving evidence of how much genes contribute to certain aspects...

    but you obviously can tell that your current personality is MAJORLY enviromentally affected, it depends on what happens around you and how you decide to alter your own personalitiy...

    so dont worry about genetics playing a big role...not like 50% of yourself is going to be JUST like your parents or anything...

    :)
     
  21. biggie03

    biggie03 Guest

  22. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2004
    Messages:
    23,006
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Manhattan
    50% is over. It's more like 25-40 but it is still a very significant portion. Identical twins separated at birth rate a lot more similarly in various personality tests than do brothers and sisters raised together. Weird stuff, too. Like they both have this nervous laugh they use whenever they meet someone, or they get angry at little things, and also larger things like being shy or being very bubbly.

    There's also these two systems in your brain whose levels affect your approach-avoidance instinct. I can't remember the exact names but let's say they are BIS and BAS. People with high BAS levels need entertainment, have much dislike for sitting still and do something for a long time, also have more positive outlooks in general and tend to be more comfortable in situations that are overall somewhat more intense.
    Opposite for BIS who tend to be negative, worrying, don't mind low levels of entertainment, etc.
    Example of a difference btwn people with different levels of BIS/BAS: BIS comfortable sitting still on bed by herself thinking. BAS uncomfortable. BAS comfortable talking to an unknown person of opposite sex with no one else around (they actually tested for that one).
     
  23. BiffHenderson

    BiffHenderson New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2004
    Messages:
    1,755
    Likes Received:
    0
    Well, arguing ove genetics won't help this guy out. :)

    You can overcome being shy, it just takes time and practice. I find that it helps if you have a job that involves dealing with the public. If you deal with customers in a retail or sales environment, you're technically interacting with strangers on a daily basis.

    Just start talking to girls at random. Like that other guy mentioned, he talked to some girl at the bus stop. Yeah, she kinda blew him off, but he gave it a shot. :bigthumb:
     
  24. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2004
    Messages:
    4,413
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NOVA
    The thing you have to realize is that women generally will NOT talk to you. However, there is a good chance - usually 1-in-5 to 1-in-10, that a chick wants to talk to YOU.

    Confidence is NOTHING but lying to yourself saying "I'm going to go do this."

    So, all you have to do to test the waters is to say "Hi." If you get a response, then just treat her like an old friend you've known for years but have not seen for a while. Ask things like "So what's been going on? What do you do for a living? Do you go to school? Into sports? Have you seen such-and-such movie? What did you think?" The goal is (1) never to ask personal questions (like where do you live/work, anything sex related, or about personal issues) and (2) get her to start talking to YOU. Let the woman do the talking and you'll learn about her and don't have to say as much.

    If you talk non-stop, you'll turn off most every woman, so learn to ask questions. Follow them up with "Why?" ;)

    Example:
    You: So what do you do for a living?
    Her: I work at a vetinary hospital.
    You: Why?
    Her: Oh, because I love animals.
    You: Why, did you grow up with pets?
    etc.

    What you have to realize is that most people are just like you and me and all your friends. They are far more social than you think they are. Just strike up a casual conversation and see where it goes.

    If you don't strike up conversation after looking at a girl twice, stop staring - it's freaky.

    Find out how many women DON'T want to talk and you'll quickly find out how many DO. Heck, walking to work this morning, at 5:45 am mind you, I came across some girl walking home from work. I said "Hi, heading home from work?" jokingly. She looked over at me for a second, and said "Yeah, actually." So I said "What, do you work at a bar or something?" [Note - I did not say WHICH bar.] She said "Yeah, I had to close last night and I admit I stayed late and had some beers." So I said "Oh, I bet you played drunk darts and put someone in the emergency room, right?" She laughed and said "No, just pool, but it was fun." Then I had to catch my bus, but I made contact. Good practice.

    Go practice. Tell us how many successes vs. how many failures you get.

    Worst case scenario: Go get a puppy. ;)
     
  25. KGB

    KGB Guest

    Alcohol... its KY for your soul
     

Share This Page