I'm really jonesing. Saturday nights are made for sitting on the deck, watching the boats/water, and chilling with some friends smoking etc. But this time I think I can do it. It's been about a week (well, 4 days but who's counting?!) but this time I really want to do it. Smoker (Parliaments) for the last 12 years here. Between a half pack and a pack a day. I've been thinking of getting on Chantix for about a year, just never did it. Still haven't. I had a really draining business conference call on Tuesday evening and when I was done, I reached for my pack and really needed one. But there were none left and I said fuck it, I am not going to buy another pack, and I've been pretty cool ever since, but right now I could really use one. But I don't want to feel that overwhelming feeling of failure when I light up and know that the last four days went down the drain, and after I take a few puffs I know that A) I'll feel like shit B) I'll feel great because I fucking love to smoke cigs and then I'll be off the wagon, once again. I'm 31, and I never want to smoke another cig. Oh, and I'm chewing some of that CVS quit smoking gum, and it's not helping matters much.