SRS Make sure to answer the phone next time

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Exiled, Aug 17, 2008.

  1. Exiled

    Exiled New Member

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    Yesterday after work I came to my dad and moms house to talk about work and have a beer with them. My GF didn't get off work till 8 and we pretty much do something every Friday.. like a movie or somethin'.. dinner.. whatever..

    And it's about 8:15 and she calls me 2 times, well.. I was sort of in a heated discussion about some kids that are working for us that aren't pulling their weight so I just blew it off because her calling me was my que to rap it up and get to my night with her and be done talking about work for the week.

    Well, I call her and she's pretty much pissed at me for not picking up the phone. So mad, that she pretty much hung up on me and told me to stay home that night. (ok mom.. i'll stay home.. what?).

    So, being pissed off at the whole scenario I call up a buddy, and I go over to his house where it's me, him and his wife and we drank white russians and played the nintendo wii all night.

    She didn't call me that night, didn't call her.. whatever.

    Today, I call her while she's at work, trying to be a nice guy I leave her a voicemail offering to bring her lunch since she works so close to where I live.. I get nothing, then.. at about 7 oclock this evening she calls me and it got worse.


    Her perspective from what I gathered:

    I dont understand her at all
    She's my mommy and takes care of me and she's sick of it.
    When she looks in the mirror she doesnt see herself.


    That's about it.. she said she was going to stop being wierd in the sense of.... "taking care of me".. she said that too by the way "Im going to stop taking care of you!"..

    Can't tell you how irritated that makes me.

    That's her fucking problem.. she buys me these fucking abercrombie shirts and these "hip" jeans with holes in them so I look the way she wants me to look when we go out.. do I mind? No, i'd by the same shit for myself if I went out all the god damn time but typically work and teach jiujitsu.. not much of a "partier". I didn't ask for it and I told her she didnt have to buy me anything.

    Whenever im at her house or whatever she always cooks me food.. I always say "If you are hungry otherwise im ok".. do I mind that she wants to cook me fucking food every night im there? no... why would I? Everytime it's some other odd vietnamese or chinese dish that is pretty cool to eat. And I always offer to pickup something from applebee's or to cook something I like and bring it over.. but she ONLY likes Asian food and.. well.. basically you should know I aint taking advantage of any of this, I try to do what I can to make it easy on her, she just LIKES to cook for me.. I always offer to pickup something for us, or whatever.. if I can cook her something american to try.. she always says no


    What I did.. tonight talking to her is.. gave her directions to the theatre she wanted to see a movie at, told her to have a goodnight and calm down. Told her I do not need her to take care of me or to act like my "mommy" and that I am who I am and she knows that.

    Seriously, one thing after another with this girl. I aint no saint, I have my fuckups but jesus.. I try to make the best of it, especially with someone I care about.. i'll go out of my way to make someone happy, that's my problem.. but for fucks sake.. what the hell.

    I literally, LITERALLY, treat her good. I always try to be a gentlemen, I like to lighten moods and make her comfortable all the time. Since im a grappler I like to make her ass tapout when im feeling a little frisky and I always get her and me to have inside jokes that we laugh about.. things we do..

    I mean, in my eyes we're a fucking amazing couple and then every fucking month something random happens like this..

    a fucking phone call I missed
     
  2. whippet_1

    whippet_1 Active Member

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    sounds very much like my situation.


    Women....get used to it :dunno:
     
  3. energie

    energie I like to place an order.. the name? Situation the

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    ur quote about being an a mazing couple but every month somethin happens sounds like me and the gf


    every couple months we get into a scrap and a half about somethin stupid


    both stubborn and butt heads about it
     
  4. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    One thing about woman is that they don't want a solution, they want you to understand them, i'll give you a golden tip since its nearly impossible to understand a woman.

    If she goes into a tantrum like that ,always simply ask her: What do you want me to do? And if you simply comply to that request that she makes, she will calm down. Why because she's looking for exactly that kind of support, there's nothing more to it.
     
  5. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Just because you missed that phonecall doesn't mean all this bullshit would have never happened or been brought up.

    You already know my opinion :mamoru:
     
  6. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    Any woman who tries to tell me how to dress (aside from the occasional suggestion) is automatically out of consideration for dating.

    I know you said it is no big deal, because you'd buy the same clothes anyway...but come on man, she was buying clothes for you. That IS mommy behavior.

    You need to show you were a grown man...since you never did, she slowly stopped seeing you as her bf, and more as her kid.

    I am sure there is more to this, but I can only comment on what you have told us.
     
  7. Exiled

    Exiled New Member

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    Yeah I know, i agree with you but I can't do anything.. im retarded like that.. i'll deal with it forever


    Lastnight I get a text at 12 saying "I got lost but im home now" and then I call her and she asked me why I didnt ask to go with her to the movie. Well, I sort of did, the whole entire day I was asking if she wanted to go to a movie.. then she does this.. good god.

    Then she says she's so tired she just wants to go to bed.. so I figure i'll let this kind've hang for the night and maybe she'll have calmed down tomorrow. Then at 3 in the morning im woken up by a text on my phone that says "What you doing tonight?" from her.

    What do I think? I dont even want to think about it.
     
  8. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    if you have drama like this once a month...i dunno, i'd be thinking about whether it was worth it or not.

    Stop worrying about pleasing/appeasing her for awhile. That's not what the relationship should be about. You need to show that you can exist separately for a few days...she'll either get pissed and probably throw some immature breakup crap your way, or realize she was being silly.

    Either way, the time away from the stress will be good for you.

    And put your phone on low or silent when you go to bed.
     
  9. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    She's not mad at you because you missed a phone call, she's mad at you because you are spineless and do not stand up to her.

    You missed her calls and she reams you out for it (out of line) and what do you do? You call her the next day, apologize, and offer to bring her lunch.

    SHE DOESN'T DESERVE THAT. And the thing is, she KNOWS SHE DOESN'T DESERVE IT. She KNOWS she was being a bitch to you on the phone, and yet you are trying to "win" back her affection by doing nice things for her? How would you feel if she came up to you one day and said:

    "Hey, man, I'm sorry but I fucked some other guy last night. But here, I bought that Nintendo Wii you always wanted!"

    Would you be pissed? Of course you would.

    She's telling you (in her twisted little girl-logic way) that she wants you to stand up to her. When she went off on you about missing those calls you should've said:

    "Look, I was busy doing something important. Call me when you get over yourself."

    And then waited for her to call back and apologize for over-reacting.

    And, dude, she buys you clothes? IS she your mother? For god's sake, get off your ass and go do it yourself.

    You are letting HER define who YOU are because you don't want to make waves.

    I'm saying, MAKE WAVES. She's definately the kind of girl who is going to do off-the-wall, confusing shit just because she wants to know that you'll stand up to her and put her in her place.
     
  10. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    Oh and two other things:

    You don't understand her
    She IS your mommy and takes care of you.
    When she looks in the mirror, she doesn't see herself...BECAUSE she doesn't see YOU in her. A lot of girls define themselves by the guys they are with, and what she just told you was that you have nothing for her to define herself with or for her to relate all her feelings to.

    Pretty deep stuff, but you are not understanding how the female mind works. And the sad thing is, you have to figure this shit out on your own. LIke, you couldn't take what i just said here and ask her if it's true, because she'll likely not believe that it IS true.

    You just have to KNOW how to deal with her, and what you are currently doing isn't working.

    It's up to you to decide if you are willing to start trying different things or if it's time to move on.

    You also need to be more firm in who you are and not cater yourself to the relationship, but, rather, cater the relationship to yourself. If it's not a good fit, then get rid of it. If you are consistently not getting good fits, then something is wrong with YOU and you need to improve or resolve that dating simply isn't worth it and be single.

    This isn't going to work. I know, because I've been there. You can't ask her straight out what's wrong, because:

    1. She wants YOU to figure it out because by YOU figuring it out, it means you get her.

    2. She likely isn't sure herself. She FEELS something wrong, but probably isn't consciously realizing what it is.

    I'm telling you what it is:

    It's the fact that you don't stand up to her. It's the fact that you cater to her. It's the fact that you try to win her affection with "stuff". It's that you don't realize that sometimes women WANT to argue and fight and WANT you to make waves with them because they believe that makes the relationship interesting. When you get along all the time (and you do stuff just to make her happy), she gets bored.
     
  11. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    I would try asking anyway, i know for certain that at least some woman are more then happy to point out what you're doing wrong, and what you can do to make them feel happy. If they don't tell, you'll always have the option to still figure it out for yourself.
     
  12. Exiled

    Exiled New Member

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    Your posts are good.. I just kind've want to get along all the time so I do exactly what you're saying. Though I FIRMLY disagree with this whole "mommy" thing everything else however... is right on, I guess I need to be more stand-off-ish in the sense of saying kiss my ass I was busy get over yourself.

    I am the kind of guy that I will do whatever I can possibly think of to make a girl I pissed off (no matter if it's my fault or not) happy again because I dont like arguments. Maybe it's because growing up my mom and dad beat the shit out of eachother and kept me up till 5 in the morning yelling at eachother... Maybe I just dont want to deal with that in a relationship and I try to do anything I can do.. stop it..

    Hmm, fucked up..

    At this point I guess i'll just kind've play it more real, test the waters and make some waves when I know she's overreacted or is intentionally trying to be a bitch to me.

    hm

    Wish I would've read this before I went out shopping for shit because I called her and left her a message that.. was...

    damnit
     
  13. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    Yeah Viper is totally right on this. She has no respect for you because you kiss her ass all the time. You don't need to be pussywhipped to avoid arguments. You guys just need to learn to communicate like adults. If she tries to fight with you then tell her that you refuse to talk to her until she calms down. Leave the room/house or one of you go for a walk/drive or something to calm down and sort out your feelings.

    Out of curiousity, how is your sex life? I'm guessing that you guys don't do it that often.
     
  14. djshotglass

    djshotglass New Member

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    she has some serious problems and you sound like the bitch in this relationship
     
  15. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    .

    I've been telling him that for months. He doesn't even give a shit about himself, all he cares about is having a gf that is good looking, no matter how much of a bitch she is to him and how unhappy he is half the time. Sad sad sad.
     
  16. GlassUser

    GlassUser send an email not a pm OT Supporter

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    Don't tell the guy to fuck up his relationship. Get your shit out of here.
     
  17. Exiled

    Exiled New Member

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    every day almost

    And yes beer, I know.
     
  18. GlassUser

    GlassUser send an email not a pm OT Supporter

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    She sees you as a problem to solve. You let her fix you. Now she's making bigger problems to solve. Most women don't want a solution, they want a problem to work on.

    You know what pulls endless poon? Being a fucking man. Do your guy things, come home dirty, ditch her for fishing every few weeks, drive a big smelly truck, and dress the way you want. And tell her no. She'll be occupied by trying to "fix" you, and you'll be a hell of a lot happier in life.
     
  19. Exiled

    Exiled New Member

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    Done and done


    Just did step 1: called her and told her to call me when she gets over herself.

    I expect she'll call me in a couple weeks.
     
  20. GlassUser

    GlassUser send an email not a pm OT Supporter

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    Probably sooner, unless she it takes her longer to realize that you ditched her.

    Honestly, you'll probably be better off with a better woman. But you didn't come here asking to find one.
     
  21. Arkaybee

    Arkaybee New Member

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    Viper, damnit, where were you when I needed advice hehe

    And I doubt it will take a couple weeks. Most people's anger drops off exponentially after the first day. When they are mad they vow not to talk to the person that made them mad for weeks/months... But after a day it gets old and they start to realize it's childish. I give it a couple days.

    When stuff like this would happen and my woman was mad at me I would let her deal with it on her own terms. During her angry phase I would let her know that I was doing fine and still wanted to talk about it all, but only if she could talk like an adult. I would tell her goodnight (like an adult), ask if she wanted to watch a movie with me (like an adult), make dinner (like an adult), and just, well, be an adult. You can live life normaly and she will eventually realize who the child is.
     
  22. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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  23. Mideel25

    Mideel25 OT Supporter

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    I really like viper's advice. I could have used it myself with my girlfriend who I am now on the fritz with...I don't know if we will be getting back together. The whole standing up for yourself is invaluable information for relationships. I was like a doormat and would apologize for things that I didn't even think were out of line and just be like "You are right, I'm sorry". I just did not want to argue, I just fucking hate it.

    She ends up feeling bad about it because she thinks she is making me feel like shit and being a horrendous bitch...It's taken a toll and is probably one of the reasons we are not talking right now.
     

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