Lusteeluva's Ten Ways to Keep a Man Happy

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by lusteeluva, Oct 23, 2005.

  1. lusteeluva

    lusteeluva New Member

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    Made this a while back. . . Tape it to your fridge ! :)

    I know they may not apply to all people, but they've kept my man VERY happy for almost 5 years now. :x:



    1. COOK, COOK, COOK!! If you don't know how, LEARN. Nothing better than a full course, home-cooked meal. There is a thing called recipes, it's not that hard. You only need to learn how to read and follow directions.

    2. Surprise your man with a cold six pack of beer on the way home from work. THE MAN IS THIRSTY!

    3. Stop nagging the fuck out him. Don't ask, "Will you love me forever". If you shut up, maybe he will love you forever.

    4. DEEP THROAT DEEP THROAT DEEP THROAT! Ladies, if you can't do it, here's a tip. Tell him to skullfuck you. That way, you can't say no to the deepthroat.

    5. Don't talk about past relationships. Like he really wants to know who's slimy cock was inside your vagina before his was. :nono:

    6. Have anal sex AT LEAST once a month. Stop being such a pussy and take it. Gays do it on a daily basis, you can too. Its so warm and cozy for his Johnson, its a necessity in a long-lasting relationship. Some tips on taking anal sex like a champ:
    ~ Have him pull your hair really hard while he's throwing it in you, it takes away the pain from the other area. Also some good lube is a must, if you are not a squirter ;) I don't need that stuff anymore :mamoru:

    ~ Do it in the shower first. Little bit of mild soap works as a great lube too. Bend over and lock your knees bitch! I also have a "how to get your girlfriend to have anal" video for all you guys that are missing out.

    7. Give him a full body massage. Make sure you lube him up with massage oil, its sensual and it's cool how his penis gets hard while he's lying on his stomach while you're straddling him.

    8. Have words with your man not paragraphs. Do you really think he's listening to it all? Save your breath and shut the hell up.

    9. Be aggressive! Play bloody knuckles with his friends, drink as much as he does when you go out, slap him around in bed and tell him to choke you.

    10. Get his dick wet and jack him off while his balls are in your mouth.

    :p

    I made a ten ways to keep your woman happy but i lost it!! time to make a new one!
     
  2. islanderman7

    islanderman7 New Member

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    sigh...:nuts:

    satire
     
  3. alex__

    alex__ New Member

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    you sound like ur a guy writing this...
     
  4. purplebeast

    purplebeast The depths of hell and endless torture await all h

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    A+, good shit

    Edit;

    Minus the 1st half of number 9. A whore in the bedroom and a lady on the street, always.
     
    Last edited: Oct 23, 2005
  5. Girder_Shade

    Girder_Shade OT Supporter

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    QFT!

    Any bitch who follows this list sounds like a slut. :greddy:
     
  6. purplebeast

    purplebeast The depths of hell and endless torture await all h

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    Only if she does it with every guy that she goes on a date with. But if its a marriage or long term relationship, I see nothing wrong with it. i actually hope my future SO is like that.
     
  7. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

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    Huh? A necessity for who? I certainly don't want to stick anything into a hole that shit normally comes out of...... :hsugh:
     
  8. Coco Monkey

    Coco Monkey OT Supporter

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    hahahaha, i thought this was hilarious. good advice tho, my gf needs to start a few of those, like... the anal.
     
  9. purplebeast

    purplebeast The depths of hell and endless torture await all h

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    no namecalling please :)
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 24, 2005
  10. BlindSyde

    BlindSyde New Member

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    Nice post.
     
  11. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

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    let's be nice... guys :)
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 24, 2005
  12. purplebeast

    purplebeast The depths of hell and endless torture await all h

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    :nono: play nice, or no playing at all :nono:
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 24, 2005
  13. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

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    :nono: play nice, or no playing at all... :nono:
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 24, 2005
  14. Homeless

    Homeless New Member

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    If I said any of that to my gf I wouldn't have one anymore :\
     
  15. RockChick

    RockChick New Member

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    well, if i have to crawl into my mans ass to keep him happy... then something is going the total wrong way in my relationship... just my opinion tho.
     
  16. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    qft, goes both ways of course!
    Goes w/ cooking, although not all of us like the taste of beer. ;)
    Being clingy ftl. On the other hand, I personally like a girl who's extremely, unashamedly honest and who asks 100% direct questions. A girl who never speaks FTL. I want a partner, not a dumb little fuck-doll! As in somebody whose verbal intelligence is at least equal. I am an eloquent guy and I don't want to marry someone who I'm better than, who I can step on. If I wanted to ignore them, wtf would I be with them?
    This I disagree w/ completely. I'm not some juvenile teenager who thinks his penis is in constant competition, who thinks OMG girls have sex!, etc. Goes w/ being bluntly honest.

    Again, some guys don't like anal sex. Poo-hole and all that, or for other reasons.

    :werd:

    Agreed - partially. With things like "skullfuck," depends on whether or not the guy thinks that sex is aggressive/nasty. Some guys like to keep the anger separate from the sex, some don't. Also be gentle. Variation's the best thing.
     
  17. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    If it's any consolation to you guys, I think you're both fags.
     
  18. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

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    :cjerk:
     
  19. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    :rofl:
     
  20. [DWI]

    [DWI] Master of Nothing

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    is that video for anal sex the "its warmer, its tighter, and its more degrading to women" video

    where the dude gets an intructional withthe oops it slipped method and the brick?
    If so I'd love to get ahold of the video
     
  21. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    btw if u guys didn't get it, those are 10 ways to please a mild mysoginist
     
  22. Triple-C

    Triple-C New Member

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    I agree with you LUVAAAAAAAAAAAA! :wiggle:

    of course, like someone said before, you obviously are like this with your man of FIVE years so it makes a difference... and you kick ASSSSSSSSSS

    sexy ass at that ;) :naughty:
     
  23. lusteeluva

    lusteeluva New Member

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    :x: You are the sexxxy ass!

    Maybe I will make a more serious one for all the sensitive people here. Can't have any fun! JEESH. :ugh:
     
  24. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    This was all a big joke!?

    :o

    I guess I misunderstood when purplebest & co. started agreeing with you.
     
  25. purplebeast

    purplebeast The depths of hell and endless torture await all h

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    i didnt think it was ajoke. i think everything was dead on.
     

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