Ok. So just to put this out on the table, I'm scared shitless right now. I already know that is part of my problem, but I really need some help. My hubby, who most of you know as Sociopath, told me to ask here because everyone in this section is supportive and such. I suppose I am officially coming out of the OT closet here, because I have been a member here for a long time and now I'm telling everyone 1. I'm female and 2. married to another member. Ok, I will stop with the rambling and get to the damned point. So, I am the older of both me and the hubby. I have experienced a bit more than him, I think. There have been experiences I have had in the past such as: being with another girl (which I very much enjoyed), having 3-ways (both with two guys, and with two girls) and did not have good experiences in either situation, and being with a guy for almost a year where every other day he wanted nothing more than to stick his dick in my ass (that got old really fast I will tell you). Now I have this issue with not knowing what I want in the bedroom. I don't know how to ask for things that I do want. When he tells me to ask for what I want everything suddenly flies out of my head and I get embarrassed. There are things that he does already that really make me tingle and I find myself only wanting those things. I have this very defined comfort zone, and I'm afraid to step out of it. He wants me to be a bit more dominant, if for nothing more than to give him some sort of variety. I already control most of the things in the house, because he is the one that works and is in the military. I feel bad when I try to control things in the bedroom after controlling everything else all day. Then when I do control things, it seems like I either do everything wrong or take it too far. I start to get angry and see other people that have treated me badly in the past and I feel like I am taking all of that out on him. I become afraid that I will hurt him, and that it will be on purpose. I will feel sorry afterward, but won't really mean it. There is something inside me that wants to ask for more, but I don't know how to put the words together when I get the thought in my head. I want to be more dominant, but it scares me. I feel like I would just be walking down the same road I've already walked so many times before, and all those other roads led to disaster. Yes, I know that he is not those people. Yes, I know that he is different. We got married after all, and he has actually stayed around even through all of my crazy phases. He has been my biggest support in anything that I have ever wanted to do, and I love him immensely; more and more every day. He scares me to be quite honest. He wants me to ask him for what I want, when all I want is him, any way I can get him. I can't believe I am telling everyone this. I must sound like a complete idiot. So, here are my questions, I spose. 1. How does one start becoming a bit more dominant in baby steps? 2. How do I get my brain to stop freezing up and just tell him what I want? Should I just jump him one day and strap him down to the bed and have my way? It's not like we don't have all these toys laying around that aren't being used because I'm a big chicken shit. Hell, I can't even get him to take out the trash, why would I expect him to follow orders in bed? (Sorry babe, you told me to be truthful. ) Any advice for the blubbering, rambling lurker would be much appreciated. Sorry for the very long post.